I'll Be Home for Christmas

"I was mad too!" I said loudly.

"I didn't mean to hurt you." He let his hand slide gently into my hair, touching the back of my neck. "I'm not a good guy, Kenzie. I was and am ashamed of being such a bad big brother to you. Why do you think I haven't talked to you since then? What type of role model am I? Drinking and smoking pot and fucking every girl I could, I wasn't the type of guy you should have had to look up to." I could smell his breath, sweet like wine or some kind of mixer.

"Why didn't you ever apologize? Explain this to me before it was too late and we hated each other?"

"I never hated you. I dreaded coming home to see you look at the way you're looking at me now. And then I got home and you answered the door and you're all grown up and fucking beautiful and I felt like a dick." His hand slid from the back of my neck to the top of my shoulder that peeked out the top of the blanket. "I get out of control. I have a bad temper. And it's no excuse for any of the things I've said to you." He sighed.

"You're just saying this shit because you're drunk." I'd never had a guy this close to me while I was naked except Jordan and it was confusing the hell out of my body. Everything in me physically wanted to respond to his closeness, but he was my brother and that was ridiculous! Just because he had a great body and was good looking didn't mean my body should be responding to him in a sexual way. Right?

"I might be really drunk, but I mean it. I wouldn't say this shit when I'm sober, because I'm on too much of a high horse to admit that you're a much better person than I am."

I didn't know what to say. I was shocked and overwhelmed and most of all, so confused.

"Thanks." I whispered.

"I'm sorry I grabbed you and I'm sorry I called you a mistake. I'm sorry I said all those mean things." He tugged my hair gently, "And I'm sorry for last time. I hate that I hurt you. It's just so hard for me. It's been easier to stay away. Especially when I heard you were seeing someone. You know how I feel about someone being with you like that. I can't stand thinking about it."

"I know it doesn't mean I'm all grown up, but I'm an adult now and I can take care of myself."

"But I still want to take care of you." He leaned in and I thought he might try to hug me so I turned my face to tell him not to touch me when his lips bumped mine. His lips were soft and slightly wet from his tongue, his mouth parted slightly. An electric shock ran through my body at the touch. My hips rolled towards him under the covers on their own accord.

"Fuck!" I blurted out at the same time as he exclaimed,

"Shit! I was trying to kiss your cheek!" He stood up, shoving his hands in my pockets. "I'm such an idiot! I shouldn't have come!" he pushed his hair off his forehead in distress. "I'm so sorry, Kenz. I didn't mean to kiss you like that." I wanted to hug him and tell him it was okay. I wanted to thank him for relieving so much stress between us and telling me everything he had. I wanted to show him that I appreciated him being so honest with me. And I couldn't.

"I'm naked." I suddenly blurted out. "I mean, I want to hug you or something and I can't and I feel really awkward." The words kept coming and it was like I couldn't stop them. I put my hand over my mouth. I hoped he couldn't smell my cum on me and wasn't thinking the thoughts I was.

"I should just leave."

"Please don't! Just close your eyes? I'll put something on." I don't know why, but I really didn't want to let him leave after all of that without acknowledging what he'd said. He nodded and shut his eyes, putting his hands over his eyes as I got out from under the covers, quickly tiptoeing to the closet and pulling on a t-shirt and a pair of shorts, not bothering to find panties. I sat down on the bed next to him and hugged him tightly, the tears starting to flow. "Thank you, Ry. Thank you for saying all of those things. You have no idea how much it means to me after fighting for so long." He hugged me back, one of his hands rubbing up and down my back like he used to when I was younger before we started fighting, and would crawl into his lap and he'd rock me back and forth. He'd stopped letting me do that when I was thirteen or fourteen, which was about the time the arguing had started.

"I can't promise that I'm going to be perfect, but I'm going to try, at least for the rest of this break."

"I don't expect anything besides the normal once you're sober." I said honestly, as much as I truly had appreciated his confession. I could feel him tense and he pulled away from me.

"It's not my fault I have to distance myself from you so I stop thinking about how pretty my little sister has become." He grumbled and my eyes widened. "Fuck, I need to go before I say more stupid shit." He got up and ran his hand through his hair again. "Have a good night, kitten." He turned and left, shutting my door behind him. Moments later, I could hear him enter his room next door and the muted sounds of Adrian and Ryder talking.

What did he mean, stop thinking about how pretty I'd become? Surely he wasn't implying any attraction to me. He must have been explaining why he was so overprotective and tried to keep me away from guys. But the way he'd said it was so strange. The whole night was strange. I just wanted to go to sleep! I got out of bed and turned the light out, rolling on my side and closing my eyes. I could hear Adrian and my brother laughing. And that would be the lullaby that eventually put me to sleep.

***

Sunday went by in a blur that mostly consisted of shopping, wrapping, and my brother and I completely avoiding and ignoring each other. It was like my entire my family didn't notice or acknowledge the fact that not only weren't talking, we weren't fighting either. I guess they probably wanted to focus on the upcoming holiday and the lack of our bickering voices was a blessing. With Monday being both Christmas Eve and the event at the mall where Ryder and I were filling in, I knew we had to be on our best behavior. The only way to do that would be to continue to avoid him and let the chips fall where they may. The worst thing about the entire silence between us is that Adrian had told me that he'd confessed walking in on me to Ryder and Ryder had totally blown up on him. I suspected that as soon as Ryder and I were alone, he'd be having a talk with me about that and finding some way to make it my fault.

Monday morning rolled around and my mom called upstairs to tell us that I would need to be at the mall by noon. She was stressing out and when I asked her why, she confessed that she hadn't been able to find a burly man to play Santa. Rhonda had waited till the last minute to tell my mom that her husband had indeed become sick. And of course, my brother would offer himself to be Santa for the part. It wasn't as though we needed anything else to build tension between us! In fact, I briefly considered quitting, but that would just make our parents very suspicious of me, as usual.

I had exactly two hours to get dolled up and they would give us our suits once we arrived at the mall. I hopped into the shower before Adrian or Ryder could beat me to it and took a quick one, washing my hair and body as fast as I could, while still being thorough. The sound of my brother banging on the door interrupted what was already a rushed shower, ticking me off. "Calm down! I'm almost done!" I called out, rolling my eyes. It was like he wanted us to start fighting again. I turned off the water and got out of the shower, reaching for my towel. It wasn't there. I looked around the bathroom and there wasn't a towel in sight. I opened the door a crack and peered out. "There are no towels in here."

Ryder grinned at me, "Oops. Better make a run for it."

"Close your eyes!" He closed his eyes and leaned against the hallway wall, chuckling. I put one arm over my breasts and the other hand over my nether regions as an attempt to cover myself as I ran across the hall, slamming the door behind me.

"Nice booty, sis!" Ryder teased as he headed into the bathroom to get ready. I shook my head and plugged in my blow dryer. What a freaking tool. I had managed to avoid him for all of one day successfully and he was back to his old ways. Once my hair was blow dried, I put a red sundress on so that I would easily be able to get out of it without messing up my hair and makeup. Under that I wore leggings and threw a sweater on top. Warm and sexy could be synonymous in an outfit, thanks to California's winter weather. I sat at my mirror and curled my hair carefully, enjoying the fact that my short shower had left me with plenty of time for everything else. Once I'd sprayed my hair lightly to keep it looking perfectly curled, I started on my makeup. I wanted to look sexy as hell, considering I'd be stuffed in some who-knows-how-ugly Mrs. Clause costume.

"Time to go, Mrs. Clause." My brother said, standing at the doorway as I was finishing up the final touches. I stood up and twirled.

"What do you think?"

"Holy shit." He ran a hand through his hair, "What are you trying to do? Participate in sexiest Mrs. Clause contest?"

"Oh, shut up. Stop making fun of me. I'm not even going to be wearing this once we get there." I looked him up and down. His hair looked great and he'd shaved, which was funny considering he'd be wearing a Santa suit, complete with hat and beard. "You look good." I smiled, trying to keep the peace.

"Thanks, kitten." He said softly, with a hand on the back of my neck for a moment, squeezing lightly and letting go. I hugged my mom goodbye and she made us promise to be back by dinner, as she was preparing her normal Christmas feast. The photo booth was supposed to be over by six pm, so we assured her we would have no problem being back in time. I wondered if she and my dad suspected anything going on between Ryder and I. Ever since the orgasm I had thinking about being walked in on and then the accidental kiss, I'd been on edge about someone finding out about it.

I got into the passenger seat of Ryder's car, pulling my sweater tight around me. It was colder than I expected and Ryder chuckled lowly when he saw me. "I'll put the heat on, sweetie." Sweetie? What was with the nice guy act all of a sudden?

"You're not drunk, are you?" I questioned, as he got in the driver's seat.

"Of course not. I'm trying to be civil so we don't try to kill each other in public." He smirked. "Unless you were hoping to beat me up?"

"Don't be silly. I'm a classy lady." I looked down at my nails as he pulled off the curb and drove towards the mall, turning on the radio as he did. He chose a local indie station and we sat in silence until we had pulled into a parking spot at the mall. "So, mom said to meet Karen at the customer service desk near the Santa booth and she'd show us where to get changed." Ryder shrugged and followed me into the sliding glass doors of the mall, which were decorated with fake snowflakes.

We met up with Karen to get our outfits and she was blushing profusely. "Okay, we have a bit of an issue." She said, holding up the Mrs. Clause outfit. It looked like something out of a Christmas Burlesque show or a risqué fashion magazine. My assistant thought that when I asked her to pick up a new Mrs. Clause suit in a size small for you that I meant... well, that I meant it was for me to wear at home. We don't have time to go buy a more appropriate one. Can you make this work?" I looked down at it. It didn't expose too much skin, but it certainly wasn't a modest outfit and it would probably be skintight.

"We don't have another choice!" I said with a wry smile. My brother took his Santa suit with a laugh.

"We'll be fine."

"Great. Kenzie, you and your boyfriend can get changed over there." She pointed to a small Gingerbread house behind the picture taking "stage" and Santa's sleigh set-up and scurried off before we could respond. Boyfriend? Mom must have just told her that she'd found a replacement and not told Karen that it was her son, my brother. Ryder was all smiles as he wrapped his hand around my lower back, leading me toward the little changing room.

"Guess we're going to have to play up the part."

"We can just tell her we're siblings." I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, because that's an appropriate thing to bring up after we've changed in this little room." He pushed me inside and shut the wood door behind us. "We have like five minutes before we're supposed to be out there. This fucking room is so tiny, it was obviously meant for one person." He flipped the light switch on and pulled his shirt off. He obviously had no shame. And he was right. The room was so small, we were practically pressed up against each other while trying to change. I couldn't help but peek at him as he started to unbutton his jeans. "You going to watch me get undressed or are you going to get yourself into that thing?"

"Oh, right. Sorry." I tore my eyes from his seemingly perfect body and turned away, pulling the dress and leggings off, leaving me in just a pair of red panties and a red lace bra. I could feel his eyes on me even with my back to him, as I tried not to rub my body into his while I started working the red outfit up my body. I wasn't a big girl, but this thing really was tiny. When I'd finally gotten it up and over my breasts, I pulled the small sleeves into place and reached into the bag for the matching stockings. I slid them up my legs and turned around to find myself right up against Ryder, who was in just his boxers, sliding into the Santa suit. He pushed me back a few inches, separating our bodies. "You look ridiculous." I said as he put the hat on his head and worked the beard into place. I slipped my feet back into my red heels.

"You feel fucking ridiculous." He said, shaking his head. "This was a horrible idea." I looked at him, perplexed. "We should have asked for separate changing rooms."

"Oh, so I was right?" I teased, poking him in the chest. The Santa suit came complete with a fake fat belly, which looked quite funny on my fit brother.

"Yes, you were fucking right. Is that what you want to hear? This is completely inappropriate being pushed up against my baby sister who was just half naked a few moments ago." My eyes widened as he stared at me. "You look like you belong on a stage somewhere."

"Great, thanks, Ryder."

"And what's worse is that I can't get the thought of you naked out of my head ever since Adrian admitted walking in on you. And it's so fucking wrong, the more I try not to think about it, the more the thought won't go away. Like how fucking sick do you have to be to accidentally kiss your sister, find out your friend accidentally saw her naked, and then think about it?! I thought yelling at Adrian would get it out of my mind, because the only reason I'm thinking about it is obviously my anger! And of course, there is too much going on at home to go out and fuck someone to stop thinking about it." I blushed bright red, but before I could respond, there was a knock on the door.

"Time to go! All decent?"

"Ah, yeah." I said, straightening the stockings and opening the door, stepping out.

"Okay, great. So what we're doing is each parent brings a toy for the toy drive, and we'll take a picture of Mrs. Clause by the sleigh as the toy is being put inside. Then the kid or kids will sit with Santa and Mrs. Clause for another photo. Each person should only take about a minute, one take for each photo, because of the long lines we are expecting. We'll have a special line which will have priority for those who made donations." She led us out of the changing area and around to the stage. There was already a line of little kids and some bigger kids, along with their parents.

I squeezed past Ryder and stood in front of the sleigh with a big smile on my face. Lucky my mom had made me take acting classes when I was younger. I could easily fake a smile now! And I definitely needed it. Ryder sat down in the big wooden chair and the first little kid came and sat down in his lap.

Two hours later, we'd taken dozens of photos and my legs were starting to get tired. Karen must have noticed me trying to stretch them, because she came over and whispered to me, "Maybe it would be better for the line and your legs if you just sat on one leg while the kids sat on the other leg for the photos."

"Oh! No, that's okay."

"Really, I insist. You'll be much more comfortable and taking a picture of you by the sleigh is wasting time with such a long line. The only way we'll get everyone in line in by the time we close up is if we do two-in-one. Santa and Mrs. Clause. Okay?" she smiled and ran off behind the stage.

"Hey, Santa." I said, whispering into his ear before the next kid came up for his photo. "She wants us to do a two-in-one deal and scratch the sleigh photo. I have to sit on your lap now."

"You're fucking kidding me." He groaned under his breath. "How much more awkward can we make this day?" but he didn't argue further and straightened his legs out so I'd have room to sit down. I sat gingerly on his right leg and faked a smile, waving at the next kid in line to come sit for his photo. His right hand curled around my hip to give me extra stability and as much as I hated the fact that he was touching me, it felt really nice to be touched so tenderly.

We posed for picture after picture with little kids, with me attempting not to slide off his knee practically the entire time. Finally, he ended up pulling me up so that I was sitting with my ass against his hip and his arm fully around me. The little kids seemed to enjoy the closeness between Santa and Mrs. Clause and surprisingly none of the parents had given me dirty looks or complained. Maybe I was pulling off the outfit in a classier fashion than I had thought. As it got closer and closer to six, I was feeling more and more nervous about how long I'd been sitting on his lap. When Karen came by to tell her that we had a half hour left and we could take a five minute break, Ryder practically threw me off his lap. He stood up and walked behind the stage so he could stretch his legs. I followed, leaning up against the back of the gingerbread house. "I'm sorry we got stuck sitting like that."

"Yeah, so am I." he cleared his throat. "I'm glad that I'm wearing this suit, though." He laughed and walked around to the side of the cottage where Karen had placed some water and fruit for us. He grabbed a couple of bottles of water and brought me one. I took a long sip. The lights on the stage were so bright; I'd started to sweat a little bit, especially with being on Ryder's lap. "You really do look pretty in that, though. Sorry about the comment I made earlier."

"No, it was appropriate. I do look like I should be putting on a different kind of show." I giggled and took another sip of the water. "We should get back out there. We can talk more about stuff later." To be honest, despite those little weird things that had been happening that were obviously due to the fact that we were both undersexed, I was relieved and happy that we had found a happy medium. It wasn't perfect, but he wasn't hateful and I wasn't hurt by his every word.

An hour later, we were finally done and trudged back to the changing room. "'Do you want to go in alone?" I offered quietly, happy to be standing after sitting on his lap for so long with all those little kids, half of which cried during the pictures.

"Don't be silly. I want to get the fuck out of here." We both shoved into the house and shut the door, trying to give each other as much space as possible. I turned my back to him as I peeled off the stockings and the tight dress, sighing in relief. I hadn't had my full breathing capacity all day and it felt great to be free. I was a little sweaty, but was thankful that it wasn't too bad and that I didn't stink. My brother, however, looked like a sticky mess as I turned around to put on the clothes I came in. He had gotten out of the Santa suit and hat. I looked down at him with raised eyebrows. His hair was a mess and he looked like he'd gone for a long run, except for the fact that he was in just a pair of black boxer briefs. "What? Do I stink?"