I'm Not Dead Yet

"Alright, son, I've got go. Remember what I told you," I warned him before hanging up.

"Well, that was interesting," I said to myself as I considered my next move and wrote one last email to Sandy.

"Well, I guess you weren't screwing anyone up at the cabin. It turns out it was our shit head son. That however still doesn't explain your actions with Rick and whomever else. I guess I was still in love with you up to that night, but no more. I think you still love me, but you haven't been 'in love' with me for a very long time, I'm sorry to say. And I can't live like that anymore. Life is way too short. I found out in a very painful way."

That's how I ended it.

I was to blame as much as Sandy. We knew we were drifting apart and never did anything to stop it. Between her work, the kids, and her social calendar, there was no time left for "us". And with me trying to conquer the business world all by myself, I was no better. The only difference was that Sandy looked as good as when I first met her, and I looked like someone out of 'Slobs Are Us' magazine, but no more.

I spent the next three months doing nothing but exercising and eating right. The first thirty-five pounds dropped off fast, but then I hit the first on many plateaus. I never let up though. I was now driven to regain what I'd lost years ago ... my waist and most of all my life.

Sandy and I e-mailed each other every week, to keep one another updated on what was going on in our lives, but we never saw one another. After six months I half expected to get divorce papers, but none ever came. Our e-mails mostly dealt with how we felt about one another and our breakup. The problems each one of us saw in our marriage and why we did nothing to resolve them. As I said earlier, we were both at fault.

Thanksgiving sucked. The kids split their time between the two of us ... her dinner and my dessert. John announced that Cindy was pregnant, and Tina said she'd finally gotten her degree or would have it by the end of the semester. I laughed and said I'd believe it when I see it.

They tried to pump me for information, but I told them it was none of their business. Tina got a little huffy, but backed off when I told her "enough is enough!"

Our e-mail during the holidays took on a new direction, but I still can't tell you how it happened. They became more intimate and emotional. One night Sandy asked if I remembered the first night we ever did it. How her roommate and parents walked in on us. I corrected her, telling her that time didn't count because we never had a chance to actually finish. It wasn't until two weeks later did we finally did the deed, and so on. We walked down memory lane for almost a month.

For Christmas I sent her a pair of emerald earrings. I know that she didn't have a pair, because she had given hers to Tina on her twenty-first birthday. I just put in a little note, "To replace the ones you gave up," is all it said. Sandy never sent me anything for Christmas, but I guess I really didn't expect anything.

As New Years approached, Ken hit me up with a problem he had.

"Steve, my wife's sister is coming into town, and Carry wants to take her with us to the New Years Eve party at the country club. Her sister won't go stag, and Carry refuses to leave her at home by herself. Can you be a buddy and be her date New Years Eve? Come on Steve, I'll owe you big time."

He must have begged for a week before I finally relented.

"What the hell, I was just going to sit in front of the boob tube anyway."

I then realized, it was formal, and I no longer had a tux. It took me three stores and a huge bribe to get a tux and have it tailored in less than a week.

"Wait until Ken sees my expense report for December," I said with a laugh.

John and his wife invited me over for New Years Eve, but I told them I was going out.

"You've got a date?" he asked.

"Not a date, I'm chaperoning my boss's wife's sister," I told him.

"You don't have to lie to me. I won't tell mom," he replied.

"I'm not lying, and your mom's probably already has a date for New Years Eve herself, so why don't we just drop it," I said getting a little annoyed.

That was the one thing neither one of us had mentioned over the last nine months ... if either one of us was dating. I'd gone a few business lunches, but that was about it. I wasn't sure about Sandy though. A good-looking woman like her probably has had a full dance card. We were still married but basically in name only.

"I guess after the first of the year, we should probably address that issue," I said to myself.

I was at Ken's house by 7:00. He let me in and I met Sue, Carry's sister. She was about forty-five and very nice on the eyes. I suggested that we go in one car, but Ken insisted that we take two cars.

"Look, after the dance, you can head home and I'll take the two women back with me; that is, unless you plan on trying to get lucky with Sue," he said elbowing me in the side as Carry told him to act his age, not his I.Q.

The place was packed and there wasn't an open seat to be had. I knew most of the people at our table, as they marveled at how good I looked.

"Wow Steve, how much weights have you lost?"

"Somewhere in the area of eighty pounds," I told them.

"Hell if I didn't know you so well, I never would have recognized you," one told me.

Dinner was decent with a choice of steak or chicken and along with the vegetables and rice, it was palatable. I ate about half. There was no use blowing my diet tonight. I had one glass of wine and nursed my second as I reacquainted myself with people I hadn't seen in the last nine months. After dessert the lights dimed and the band started.

Sue said she wasn't much of a dancer, and I sure as hell wasn't, so after a few songs I excused myself and started walking the room. That's when I saw her. She was smoking hot, about 5'8" tall, brown hair and a body to die for. She was wearing a blue strapless dress that hugged every curve of her body. I watched her for the next half hour as she danced a few semi-fast songs with three older gentlemen. Every time a slow dance started, she went back to her table and sat down. Even though she was asked, she never danced a slow dance with anyone.

I slipped one of the members of the band a hundred dollar bill and asked him to play two slow songs back to back, with the first one being 'You Look Lovely Tonight'; and I didn't care what the second one was, as long as it was slow. Just as the band started to play, I walked behind this angel and asked her to dance.

"I'm sorry. I only dance slow songs with my husband," she started to say without looking at me.

"Well then, I guess there'll be no problem," I said reaching in and grabbing her hand.

She turned around and started to say something when she yelled out, "Steve!"

"In the flesh. Now about that dance," I said as I pulled Sandy to the floor.

"Steve I...," is all I let her get out of her mouth.

"Don't talk, just dance with me," I told Sandy as I held her tight moving across the floor.

I never released her as the second song started. I was feeling her back and waist, and as the band played 'Nights In White Satin' I pulled her in even tighter. My body responded with the largest erection I'd had in the last year. This time, however, rolls of flab didn't hide it.

"Looks like someone missed me," Sandy whispered into my ear.

She was right, I had missed her, but I wasn't about to go back to the life I'd left behind. When the song ended, I didn't want to let her go, and I didn't.

"I guess we should talk one of these days," I started to say still holding onto her hand.

"Why not now?"

"Don't you think your date might get a little jealous?" I replied.

"What date? I came with John and Cindy," she said motioning to them on the dance floor as John smiled back at me.

"I'll be back in a second," I told her as I went back to my table. "You set me up, didn't you?" I asked Ken.

"No, John, Tina and I set both you and Sandy up," he said with a smile. "Hell, Sue didn't even want to go. I had to bribe her to even come, so why don't you be a good little boy and get the hell out of here, and I'll see you sometime next week."

John and Cindy were already back at the table by the time I returned.

"Think you two are pretty smart don't you?" I asked as Cindy and John smiled at Sandy and me.

"I had no idea what they were planning," Sandy said, as her eyes begged me to believe her.

"Dad, I didn't say where we'd be ... just if you'd like to spend New Years Eve with us."

Cindy interrupted the three of us. "Look, you two need to talk, and John and I need to leave. I can't drink, I've eaten my fill and I'm waddling like a duck on the dance floor in my condition," she said rubbing her belly. "So if you two don't mind, we're out of here."

There were a million things I wanted to say, but Sandy started talking a mile a minute.

"You look so good Steve, how much weight have you lost? Where are you living? I lost track of you when you moved out of the rehab center? Are you dating? Are you seeing anyone in particular?" And on, and on and on she continued.

It was like she was trying to get all her questions answered in the first five minutes, because I guess she was afraid there wasn't going to be another chance.

"Let's get out of here and go somewhere where we can talk," I told Sandy grabbing her wrap and leading her out to my car.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see," I replied.

We drove in silence for the first five minutes, both of us almost afraid to say something that would break the mood.

"I haven't been dating, and haven't been to bed with anyone, if you're wondering," Sandy said without looking at me. "And I never went to bed with Rick or anyone else either, no matter what anyone told you."

"I know," I replied keeping my eyes on the road.

"What do you mean, you know? You were the one who accused me of cheating on you."

"I know that, and if I had proof that you were sleeping around, we wouldn't be in this car together right now," I told her.

She was now quiet and deep in thought.

It was just before midnight when I pulled into the driveway of our lake house. I left the lights on as I unlocked the door and came back to the car to get Sandy. Once inside, I started the gas fireplace and opened up a bottle of our favorite wine and poured us a glass.

"This is the way it started and ended nine months ago," I said handing her a glass.

"No it didn't, it started a lot earlier than that. It just came to a head that night," she told me. "You can't imagine how many nights I lay awake, wondering how you must hate me for what I said and did to you. And that if you ever gave me another chance, how I'd make it up to you," Sandy said starting to tear up.

I reached over and pulled her to me, covering her now salty lips. Our glasses of wine weren't drunk for quite a while after that.

Our clothes were scattered on the living room floor, on the kitchen table and the rest lying in a pile on the bedroom floor, as we got naked and fell into bed. It had been a long time for the both of us. I was erect almost from the first kiss.

Our tongues played tag with each other as our hands explored every fold and every square inch of each other's bodies. The first thing I noticed tonight, was that Sandy was wearing a red thong and had come braless to the dance. My next surprise came as I felt for her wet pussy. It was smooth and hairless except for a small patch at the top. She'd always sported a full bush, and told me that only the young girls waxed their privates. When I felt her smooth lips, I looked up at her.

"You can thank Tina for that," she said smiling. She talked me into it about three months ago. She said it would make me feel a bit naughty, without anyone knowing. You like?"

"I think I just came," I said laughing. "Let's see if it still works with the new modifications," I said moving down between her legs.

With a hand under each cheek, I raised her pussy up to my lips. First I kissed and licked her outer lips, and then I separated them with the tip of my tongue. My tongue slid up to the area where her clit had been before.

"Yes, still there," I said as I started licking and sucking at her little nub.

"Oh God yes," Sandy cried out as she used her own hands to spread her outer lips to give me better access. "Oh shit," she yelled. I felt her hands on the side of my head as she guided it over her pussy, and then she climaxed.

Sandy wasn't a squirter but usually got very wet when she climaxed and this time was no exception. I continued working on her clit as I easily slipped two fingers deep inside her wet pussy. Her movements under my touch became rapid again, and I knew that another orgasm was building.

Grabbing my head she pulled me up to her lips. She kissed and licked my lips and around my chin before driving her tongue down my throat and rolling me back onto my back.

"I owe you this," she whispered as she moved south. Her lips weren't warm ... they were hot as she consumed my hard dick. She was licking and sucking, like a woman possessed, but I had to stop her.

"I want the first time to be inside you," I said kissing Sandy as I positioned her over my dick. With my back against the headboard, Sandy straddled me as I feasted on her beautiful breasts and nipples as she started to ride me.

Damn, it felt so wonderful as she ground her pussy onto my dick. I reached down and placed my thumb at the base of my dick, so I could rub her clit with each and every stroke. Hand jobs were a good release mechanism, but nothing, I mean nothing, could take the place of a warm, wet pussy.

Three strokes later I started cumming. I thought my first spurt would blow the top of her head off as I let go. The next two weren't quite as massive but nonetheless, I must have filled her cunt.

There was no doubt Sandy could tell I was climaxing. She ground her pussy onto my dick and thumb and climaxed for the second time ... this time with me. She fell forward onto my chest as we started to come down, and we held each other tight, almost afraid of letting go.

"I guess that's what you call starting the New Year off with a bang," I told her.

I went back to the kitchen and grabbed our glasses of wine and the bottle.

"This conversation is going to take a while," I said flopping back on the bed.

Glasses in hand, we toasted the new and hopefully better year.

"I know we have a lot to discuss, but I just want to tell you again how sorry I am and that..."

I stopped her right there.

"You're sorry. I'm sorry. The kids are sorry. Everyone is sorry, but that changes nothing. We need to change. You and I both need to change the way we look at what's left of our marriage. I won't go back to what I left, I'd rather get a divorce and start over," I told her.

"I don't want a divorce," Sandy said as she started to cry.

"Listen to what I'm saying, I don't want a divorce either, but I won't go back to the life I was living, before all this shit happened," I explained to her. "The house has to go, and you can move into the condo I'm renting for now. We can figure out later where we want to live. It's just that that house has too many bad memories for me."

"But that's our home!"

"And I'm your husband. It should be a no brainer for you which to choose. We'll sell the house, take what furniture we want and either donate the rest or give it to the kids. I don't want the expense, upkeep or responsibility of a big house any longer. A two-bedroom condo is all we really need. I want to travel and see all the things I've put off all these years. I've been given a second chance and I'm not going to squander it," I told her.

"But you and I both have commitments and responsibilities."

"Screw them all!" I told her. "I'll work, and give them a hundred percent when I'm there, but that's it. No more weekends, business traveling or damn golf outings any more. I want my life back. I want to have fun, and I want to feel excited about doing some thing new. And if I want to make love, morning noon and night, I don't want a wife telling me she's not in the mood. Not any more."

"Steve, I don't know if I can do all that," Sandy replied.

"Well then you have a choice to make, but make it quick, the train is leaving the station and you're either on it or not."

*****************

The wind on my face was warm as we road the bike towards our third leg of the trip. I'd never seen the wine country and decided to take a week and visit a few vineyards staying a night in each. We had left shortly after breakfast and figured that even with a little sight seeing, we'd still arrive early afternoon and have more than enough time for a tour.

It had been a million years since I'd been on a bike, and it had been only a 250cc Honda. The Harley we'd rented was about 1350cc and weighed over 1200 pounds. What a difference! But it handled like a dream, and for the first time in a long time, I felt happy and free as I felt her arms around me. We arrived, checked in and made our way towards our cottage.

"I'm glad I came," she said kissing me in the doorway.

"I'm glad you did too. I think we have just enough time to put our stuff away before the tour starts," I said throwing our bags on one of the beds.

Taking off her jacket and then pealing off her shirt, she stood there with her hands on her hips.

"You have a choice. We can take the tour, or I can give you a tour of my own," she said with a wicked look on her face.

I shut and locked the door.

Her tour was a lot more fun and rewarding. We showered and while getting dressed for dinner I pulled her into my arms and kissed her.

"Any regrets?" I asked.

"None," Carol replied. "So let's get moving. I'm starved."

That's right, Carol. You see ... Sandy missed the train.

"Steve, we're not kids any longer, we just can't throw everything away and start again," Sandy said that night at the cabin as she tried to convince me. "Let's give it six months and talk about it again. Ok?"

The divorce only took three months. Even though everyone thought I had lost my mind, I moved on. The kids took her side, figures, and Sandy decided to keep the house. We split up 'almost' everything down the center as Ken gave the court my annual salary. I haven't spoken or seen Sandy since the divorce. I hope she's doing ok.

You see I met Carol at a 5K run one Saturday morning. We both took first, in our respective age groups, and after that we started jogging together after work. After a long run one Sunday morning we took a shower together and had wild monkey sex for the next two hours. That was eight months ago. She's six years younger than I am, but she calls me her 'Wild Child'.

Her only question is, "Are you ever going to grow up?"

"God, I hope not."