I'm Still in Love - First Steps

You know the song "no one is to blame?" I never understood how no one could be responsible for keeping to people who truly love each other apart. Now I find myself in that very place.

We were in love. What am I saying I still love her? I don't know how she feels but I assume she does feel the same way. I love her and I can't have her. It is killing me a little more every day. People say it will fade and I know it will but I also know that when I turn 50 or 60 if I was to see her I would crumble. I would fall as madly in love as I am right now. I love you.

We were just friends. Our kids plaid together and we would sit outside with all the neighbors for hours on end just having fun drinking and talking. The guys would act the fool for the group and the women would just roll their eyes.

She was just sitting there with her legs crossed talking to one of our friends. Then she through her head back in a great laugh and I noticed "Wow! She is so pretty." It was not her looks (which were very nice) but her spirit. She had an amazing spirit. One of those people that just made everyone feel comfortable and happy to be around them. She had a mischievous side too. She would tell me I was a bad influence on her. Well that was true. I am a very bad influence on a lot of people, but she was just waiting for someone to bring it out. The "it" was a pixie spirit. She was, is, and always will be my pixie.

We started talking on line. Just getting to know each other and talking about our lives. It was all completely innocent but , again, I am a bad influence and we started to get a little deeper than we should have been. We started talking about what we liked and didn't like when it came to love. Then we move on to talking about sex.

It was just two adults having inappropriate conversations about things we could not talk about with anyone else. Was it wrong? Yes, but we are adults and we can do small wrongs and have no one get hurt. Were we went wrong (or where we went so right) was a nice little lunch by a bridge.

I showed up to the lunch and she was sitting there with two lawn chairs. The sun was hitting her just right and she looked amazing. I took a seat and we talked. I was in the middle of saying something and she ran her foot over the back of my leg and, "slam" my mind went blank. I need to touch her! I needed to touch her right now! I fumbled through the next few minutes knowing that I WAS going to touch her.

I asked her if she wanted to walk around a bit and she said yes. We stood and started walking to the bridge. I reached out and grabbed her hand and she interlaced her fingers in mine. It was amazing. We walked and talked, but we could not make complete thoughts, as we were only thinking about our hands touching and the electricity that was running through them. I leaned in for a kiss and she stopped me. All I could think was she didn't want to kiss and I paniced that I would never be able to kiss those amazing lips.

She whispered, "There is someone behind us watching."

I was dizzy with anticipation and longing. We walked to the end of the bridge and waited for the man to pass. He did not make it ten steps passed us and she kissed me.

I don't want to say that time stopped and the earth moved, but when we stopped kissing we both looked like we had just had 4 hours of sex. We both needed this. We both were in desperate need of loving contact and we had just felt the love we both had been craving for years and we didn't know what to do about it. We parted ways and knew we were not done with each other.

Needless to say there were many more encounters and thing became very heated between us. We fit together better than any person I had ever met. We were lovers and "in love" within the month.

In a short time we wanted to run off together but we were in relationships that had children and we could not destroy our children to fill our own needs. We decided to part ways.

It ended up turning very bad when the spouses found out what was going on and we have not been able to contact each other for some time now, but I still think about her all the time every day and think about someday seeing her again. I could not imagine living the rest of my life never getting to be with her alone. Both of us sitting in the sun holding hands and just being us.

I just can't see how you could ever be anything but mine.

Always yours