Imperfect Beauty

On our soft bed, in our yet new home, we made love as only two women can. Our hands did what our more receptive body parts could not- which to the uninitiated is far less than you might think. It was not the first time that we had made love in this house, but it was the first time since we moved in that Zoë seemed completely comfortable that my postpartum body was not a fragile vessel simply waiting to shatter or break.

She brought me up to the heavens, beyond the clouds, beyond the sky, beyond the sun and stars. Like Lois Lane flying through space with Superman, I clung to her filled with pure unrestrained joy. Up so high and unafraid, waiting for the awesome free fall that was to come. And then there it was, we were falling toward earth, feeling so free and wild and unrestrained, holding on to one another as if we were parachutes. And indeed, I felt that Zoë was my lifeline, and likewise sensed that she felt the same about me.

At last we hit the mattress, hard and soft all at the same time, hair and skin damp from our lovemaking, arms and legs entwined. We landed safely in each others arms, home in our bed secure in our love for one another. I had never felt better in my life.

We fell asleep in each others arms. The baby mercifully slept through the night as well. We made love to each other every night that week, and every day we spent time watching our darling daughter grow. I should have known that something was going to creep up on us, to spoil our domestic tranquility, and sure enough, the following week, something did.

The phone rang.

It was my mother.

"How's the baby?"

"She's doing good. So am I, thanks for asking."

"Still shakin' up with that lesbian?"

"Mom!"

"All right, all right. Are you still together with that girl? What's her name- Chloe?"

"It's Zoe and yes, we are still together."

"Ok, well, listen- I was thinking. If she's going to be a big part of your life from now on, I should probably meet her. And I want to see my grand-daughter. So I'm coming for a visit."

I didn't know what to feel. Joy that she was finally excepting my ‘way of life' or terror that she was coming for a visit. Long term visits with mom are one of the most anxiety producing events in my life. I love her and all- but I try to avoid her at all cost.

"Um, er- I'm glad you've decided to accept Zoe as part of my life mom, that's good to hear. When were you planning on coming?"

"Oh not for a week or two," she said breezily as I panicked. Only two weeks maximum to prepare. I had no idea what I meant to do in preparation, but I felt I needed more of a time buffer between then and now. "Don't worry about fixing me a room or anything, I'm going to get a room at the Holiday Inn. You can all come see me and we can use the pool. Plus I have a discount there." Well, one relief anyway. "And I thought we might do some shopping together- but I hope you won't be upset that I don't plan to spend the whole time with you. I've got some plans of my own too."

Relief, mixed with apprehension. "How long do you plan on staying?" I asked, trying to sound calm and non stressed about it.

:"Oh just 4 days. I'd love to stay a whole week, but I've got some appointments and I don't want to put off this visit." Well thank god for small favors, I thought to myself. Four days was more than enough, it sure was a minor miracle that she didn't want to put it off. A week and I'd go insane. There was nothing more too it.

"Well, great mom. I can't wait to see you. Let me know when you're firm on a date ok?"

"I'll call you in a couple days. I should know for sure by then. Listen, I got to go, your aunt Stephani is on her way over. I gotta go- I love you."

"Ok, ma. Talk to you later bye. Love you too."

I hung up the phone and turned to Zoe. "Uh-oh!"

She motioned me over to her, and I came and sat down next to her on the couch. She wrapped her arms around me, kissed me on the forehead and said in a very reassuring voice, "Don't worry. We can handle it." And I knew that we could.