In Defense of Love

Wow, this is difficult. I wanted to say the right thing to do was to be upfront before there was any sex at all, but I so liked some of these women, and the sex was terrific – especially the first few times. And most of the time I didn't realize it was hopeless until after the first few times. Maybe what I have to apologize for is not that we had a fling; it's that I didn't end it nobly, after she had the right to expect something more than a fling.

Beth waited tables on the afternoon shift at the Cross-Eyed Moose bar. I was home from college for the summer and a friend and I would have a few cold beers there two or three times a week. She was a pretty, petite golden blonde with the cutest, sexiest teardrop bottom I'd ever seen. I tried to flirt with her, but she didn't get it. She was quiet and shy, so instead of being subtle, I tried being bold.

"So is your boyfriend taking you out after work," I asked while she was setting down our beers.

"No," was her only reply.

"No? What's wrong with him?" I asked with incredulity.

"He doesn't exist," she said shyly.

"Oh, so that's his problem," I said. I could tell she was nervous, but she didn't turn to leave. I had to think fast. I raised my arm towards my friend.

"Hey Luke, pinch my arm."

He did.

"Ouch!" I exclaimed. Then I looked at Beth. "He does too exist."

She blushed and walked away.

I apologized to her latter for embarrassing her.

"I'm such a jerk," I said truthfully, and then I asked if I could make it up to her by treating her to a pizza and a bottle of wine after work

I learned on our first date that Beth was a horribly uninteresting person and a terrible conversationalist. Worst of all, she didn't get my jokes. I almost want to say that I banged her on the floor of her apartment that night because I couldn't take talking to her any longer.

You see? This is what happens – you don't love somebody, and all of a sudden it's okay to be mean. Beth was also one of the kindest, gentlest creatures I have ever met. And over time I learned that she was willing to do anything for me – I mean anything, to a fault.

I could tolerate the lack of interesting conversation; I was okay with the fact she had no hobbies or interests, no grand plans for the future, no unrealistic dreams – it was fine by me. It was her inability to say no to me, her refusal to stand up for herself, that I couldn't tolerate.

For example, she would give me a blowjob or hand job anywhere. All I had to do was unzip. Now as a man reading this, you might be thinking, "What's wrong with that?" I'll tell you.

I never got any sense from her that she thought giving me a blowjob in guest bedroom during a party or in the dual-gender restroom of a club was in any way fun or daring or naughty. She just did it. She never once smiled or laughed about the hand job in the airport limo, or the one on the train to Chicago with the ladies-who-lunch chatting non-stop in the seats in front of us.

And it was never her idea – ever. I was standing in front of her buck-naked once, dick at half-staff, on a hotel room phone with someone who had called while I was in the shower, and the thought didn't occur to her.

Don't make me have to point at it, I thought to myself. The idea never crossed her mind.

Just once I wanted it to be her idea. Maybe even more so, just once I wanted her to roll her eyes in that go-to-hell way and say, "I'm reading a magazine," or, "You can't be serious."

When I would cautiously complain about her malleability in this regard and say something like, "Why don't you just tell me to go to hell?" or, "Tell me what YOU want," she would stare at me with puppy dog eyes and say something ridiculously trite like, "I just want you to be happy."

She was for me an open vessel for sex, and I kept coming back for more. She pretended that I loved her. She would speak about the future as if we were together in it. I should have disabused her. I should have told her the truth. I shouldn't have let her get "complicated" on me when there was nothing complicated about my feelings for her.

It was very difficult, though, and her sexually adventurous, "bi" Asian roommate didn't help matters.

Yaa-Yee had perfect, near-hairless amber skin, long sleek legs, silky jet-black hair, and delicate-as-porcelain features. She was attending community college and working as a cosmetics girl at the mall. I believe there was some money in her family, but to her credit she was intent on making it on her own (at least for the time being).

"Man, she's sexy," I said to Beth one night.

"She's very liberal," Beth replied.

"Meaning…?"

"She likes men and women," Beth explained in a whisper.

"Really. Have you two ever…?"

Beth's face scrunched up in a you-can't-be-serious look. "No. We're just friends. She's very nice."

I'm a guy; I couldn't help it. "Have you ever thought about what it would be like?"

"No. And I'm going out with you now anyway."

"I wouldn't mind, you know, if I were there," I half-joked.

There was a disappointed look in her eyes, and I could almost hear her thinking with resignation, "Is that something you'd want me to do?"

I held up my hands and let it go.

A week or so later I was picking Beth up at her apartment to go to a club downtown. Yaa-Yee was there and the three of us shared some wine. Beth and I were about to head out when I learned that Yaa-Yee's date had stood her up. I invited her to come along with us. I looked at Beth for her approval; she didn't have a strong opinion, of course.

It was a Ska band, very raucous, and I danced with each of them over the course of the evening. Towards the end of the show the whole club was shaking, and I slyly tried to encourage the two of them to dance together. Yaa-Yee was all for it, but Beth hesitated. I wasn't going to make her do it, so I got up and the three of us danced together. At one point Yaa-Yee was straddling my leg and rubbing her thigh into my crotch. Our eyes locked, and she ran her hand over my turgid groin. Yaa-Yee motioned with her eyes for me to pay attention to Beth, not her, so I pulled Beth close and kissed her while Yaa-Yee stealthily rubbed me.

We got back to the apartment and I smelled of smoke and sweat and announced that I was going take a quick shower (I had spent the night on numerous occasions, so I was comfortable there). After the shower I was shaving over the sink with a towel wrapped around me. Beth asked to come in. She slipped off her terry robe and started the water for a shower. She was bent over naked trying to adjust the heat of the water, and the view was enticing. I started to get an erection.

There was a light knock at the door. It opened slightly. Yaa-Yee was in a short silky cream robe. It was tied loosely, suggestively open to her waist.

"Do you want to take a shower too," I asked wishfully. This was getting interesting.

"I wanted to know if you want wine or a beer."

"Damn, because if you wanted to take a shower…" I opened my hand invitingly towards the shower.

"Leave her be," she said to me with knowing eyes.

I picked beer, and Yaa-Yee was gone. My erection was not, however. I considered hopping in the shower with Beth for a quick poke. I decided to let the night take its course.

I kept a gym bag in Beth's room with some clothes and toiletries in it, and I pulled on a pair of gym shorts. The windows were open and there was a breeze, but it was muggy so I went shirtless. Yaa-Yee was sitting on the couch in the living room with her shiny smooth legs curled under her. Music was playing. Candles were lit. My beer was on the coffee table at the other end of the couch. I sat down there and looked at Yaa-Yee.

"Feel better?" She asked.

I coughed a laugh. "Actually, I am feeling slightly worked up at the moment."

"She likes you very much you know," Yaa-Yee replied, deflating more than my hope.

"Yes, I know."

We were quiet for a while, and then some small talk. Beth appeared in the entryway in her white terry robe and she was drying the ends of her hair with a towel.

"Bring the wine from the fridge and come join us," Yaa-Yee said patting the space on the couch between us.

We chatted about our evening and Yaa-Yee laughed at some of my jokes. A bottle of wine and two beers later, and the subject seemed to circle around Yaa-Yee's social life in such a way that I felt comfortable broaching the subject.

"So Beth tells me you like women, too."

"Charlie!" Beth blurted out, but Yaa-Yee was unfazed.

"I think they're beautiful, don't you?" Yaa-Yee said with sly eyes.

"Absolutely. I think the two of you are particularly beautiful."

"Thank you, Charlie," Yaa-Yee said throwing back her hair. Beth smiled and sipped her wine.

"Have you ever thought about Beth like that?" I asked feeling emboldened.

Beth closed her eyes. Yaa-Yee said, "Yes, of course."

I touched Beth's shoulder. "How about you?"

Beth looked at me first with exasperation, then she smiled a giggly, drunken smile and I could sense her welling titillation. I was proud of her.

"I love to kiss a woman," Yaa-Yee said breathily. "They taste better than men."

She leaned toward Beth and her robe opened and I could see a taught nipple on her exquisitely shaped breast. Beth was holding her breath and looking straight ahead. Yaa-Yee kissed Beth's neck and then her ear. "Don't you think?" Yaa-Yee whispered at me.

You coy, sexy girl, I thought. I leaned toward Beth and kissed her cheek. I put my lips to her ear and whispered, "Relax. This is for you, not me." I hoped she understood. I knew now that Yaa-Yee and I were conspiring to seduce Beth, and I wanted her to enjoy it.

As I nuzzled into Beth's neck I ran my hand up from her knee over her thigh. Yaa-Yee nibbled Beth's earlobe and ran her fingers over the top of Beth's chest, purposefully parting Beth's robe and exposing her perfect teacup breasts.

Beth cooed. Yaa-Yee and I took our time. The music hummed around us. We were perfectly, dizzily inebriated. In time, Yaa-Yee and I each had a nipple between our lips. My hand slithered between Beth's legs. Yaa-Yee was stroking Beth's tummy. Beth, God bless her, had seemingly given in. Her head was back. She had parted her legs and pulled open her robe. She was reaching for my lap.

I adjusted myself so that my shorts were pulled down, exposing my hardened shaft. Beth let out sigh of relief as she fond it and stroked it. Yaa-Yee and I continued to work on her nipples. I began to sense an unfamiliar urgency in Beth and I kissed my way up to her ear.

"What do you want?" I whispered.

"I don't know," she said.

I close my eyes. Please let her tell me what she wants, I begged silently. I don't know if that kind of prayer ever gets heard, but I think this one was answered.

"I want you to fuck me…"

Yes! But she seemed to have more to say.

"…and I …" She hesitated

"…want us to stay on your nipples?" I finished her thought for her excitedly.

"Yes," she sighed, closing her eyes tightly.

I looked at Yaa-Yee and she nodded her head.

I got on my knees on the floor between Beth's legs. She seemed impatient, so I didn't dally. I slipped into her and she was wetter and hotter than I ever remembered. I pushed into her firmly while Yaa-Yee and I suckled her nipples. Beth had a hand on each of our heads, and I don't know about Yaa-Yee, but she was tugging at my hair rather firmly. She spread her legs almost in a split, encouraging me to buck harder, and she purred and moaned.

Finally my thrusting was too much for either Yaa-Yee or me to maintain contact with Beth's nipples. Yaa-Yee sat back on her heels and watched as I reached my crescendo.

"Let us watch you come," Yaa-Yee said breathily.

I pulled out of Beth just as I was about to come, and I spurted in ropes and dollops on Beth's belly. Yaa-Yee clapped politely in approval.

"Bravo," Yaa-Yee said still clapping, and Beth giggled. A breakthrough?

Yaa-Yee took tissues from a box she had apparently placed on the table next to the couch, and she kissed Beth on the cheek and chest as she dabbed up my cum. I sat back on my heels and watched. Yaa-Yee tossed the tissues aside and kissed Beth on the mouth. She motioned for me to join them.

I leaned over Beth and Yaa-Yee pulled away. I kissed Beth – and then Yaa-Yee kissed Beth – and then Yaa-Yee and I kissed each other.

I detected a pleading in Yaa-Yee's lips. She tore out of her robe as we kissed. My penis was flaccid, but there was an unfamiliar sexual hunger in my heart. I pushed her back against the couch and kissed her neck and her chest. I was now kneeling between her legs and she stroked my head and pushed me down. Soon I was lapping at her pussy. She had her feet on the edge of the couch, and she was writhing against my face.

Beth, in the meantime, adjusted her robe. I saw out of the corner of my eye some confusion in Beth's eyes. I could sense that Yaa-Yee was nearing an orgasm, and I concentrated on her, and when I looked back, Beth was gone.

I didn't know where she was at that moment. I had a full-bore erection again, and I swept a momentarily sated Yaa-Yee off the couch and carried her toward her bed.

Yaa-Yee chewed on my neck as I engineered the living room doorway. Just as we were about to enter Yaa-Yee's bedroom, Beth appeared in the hallway. She looked at us briefly and ducked back into her bedroom. Yaa-Yee and I looked at each other.

"Maybe you should go to her," Yaa-Yee whispered.

Bullshit, I thought. Yaa-Yee sensed my lust-fueled anger.

"Just wait. Trust me. Set me down and have a beer or something."

I watched Yaa-Yee go into Beth's room. I had lost my erection. I needed to clear my mind. Why was I so angry?

I went to the kitchen and got a beer. I drank it voraciously, thinking it could quench my thirst and still my mind. I was frustrated with Beth. We had gone from what I thought was a breakthrough to her slinking around like a mouse, acting jealous or weird or both. I closed my eyes and tried to relax. Yaa-Yee's voice startled me.

"Beth and I have reached an agreement," she said sexily.

She was standing behind me. I turned. She was naked.

"You have?"

She ran her hand over my chest and leaned into me, pushing me against the kitchen wall. I set the beer down on the counter.

"It's going to be all about you for the rest of the night," she rasped, turning my mood. Now her lips were near my ear. "Just one thing."

"What?"

"You can't make love to me."

She leaned back and looked in my eyes in a way that suggested I leave it at that. Then she gently took my reviving penis in her hand and squeezed as she kissed me hard on the mouth. I wasn't fond of the restriction, but maybe this was a sign that Beth was taking charge, setting the rules. I liked that thought.

Yaa-Yee asked me to open the last bottle of cold white wine and bring it to her room. The two of them were and sitting cross-legged on the king-sized bed. Yaa-Yee was naked. Beth was in her robe. Beth smiled meekly at me. I crawled across the bed and kissed her and pulled her robe off.

Yaa-Yee was reading from the book "The Joy of Sex" and persuaded us to sit in a triangle facing each other in the center of the bed. We sipped our wine as she read passages and showed drawings from the book, and we talked about what we liked and didn't like. It was interesting, and strangely liberating, and yes, I couldn't believe my luck.

They had me lie on my back and took turns giving me a blowjob. Yaa-Yee had me close my eyes and try to guess which one of them had my dick in her mouth. I could always tell when it was Yaa-Yee because she expertly cupped her tongue along the bottom of my penis. Beth pretended to be frustrated by this and actually laughed, and I thought, "That's the spirit, girl."

Yaa-Yee asked me what I wanted. So many things came to mind I didn't know what to say. She nuzzled my ear and whispered, "Do you want me to ready her for you."

"That would be cool," I said truthfully.

Yaa-Yee guided Beth on her back and descended on her. I crawled next to Beth and petted her tits and kissed her and whispered, "Let yourself go," in her ear.

Beth closed her eyes and stroked my boner while Yaa-Yee looked nuzzled away in Beth's feathery, strawberry blond bush. Yaa- Yee was looking in my eyes as she worked. I winked, and Yaa-Yee winked back.

In time, Yaa-Yee motioned for me to take her place between Beth's legs. Yaa-Yee positioned herself with her head on Beth's stomach, lying perpendicular to Beth.

"I like to watch," she explained, taking hold of my penis and angling it into Beth's sopping wet hole. Yaa-Yee alternated between squeezing my testicles and rubbing Beth's clit as I slowly worked in and out.

Then Yaa-Yee surprised me. As I was pulling back one time, Yaa-Yee took hold of my penis and guided it out of Beth's pussy and in to her mouth. I came up off my heels to give her better access. After a minute or two, she pushed me away and I reentered Beth. A few moments later I pulled out and offered myself to Yaa-Yee, and she took me in her mouth again. I kept switching back and forth, and I closed my eyes in reverence of my good fortune.

When it seemed right, I motioned for Yaa-Yee to move, I put the back of Beth's knees over my shoulders, and I leaned forward and started hard-fucking her. Yaa-Yee jumped to lie beside Beth and started whispering wetly in her ear. I worked hard, and I was sweating and short of breath. When Beth finally cried out, I exploded.

It was three in the morning. We were drunk and exhausted. We slept deeply, three abreast, me in the middle, and I had heavenly dreams.

When I woke up the alarm clock said 10:15. It was bright and the cooler night air had already given way to the heat of day. I was alone in bed. I closed my eyes and stretched luxuriantly. I heard the door open.

"Thought you were going to sleep all day."

It was Yaa-Yee in her skimpy, silky cream robe. She held up a steaming mug of coffee.

"Yes, please," I said gratefully.

She came over and set the mug on the nightstand. I pulled myself up and sat on the edge of the bed, naked, and took a long sip.

"Where's Beth?" I asked

"She had a doctor's appointment." Yaa-Yee had her hands on her hips and a coy smile on her face.

"What?"

"Did you have fun last night?" she said slyly.

"Oh, man." I shook my head in disbelief. "But hey, can I ask you something?"

"Sure," she replied.

"What did you say to Beth last night?"

She thought about it for a moment. "Beth thought you were mad at her."

"Well I was, but it was only because she slinked away like that."

"That's what I told her, that you wanted her there. She was just confused."

"Sheesh." I shook my head.

"Give her a break, Charlie. So she's not a ménage a trois kind of girl," she said sternly. "So that's when we decided to make it all about you," she said more kindly.

"So Beth said she'd rejoin us on the condition that you and I not…?"

"She didn't ask for that; I just promised her that we wouldn't."

I screwed up my face in disappointment and bowed my head.

"What's wrong?" Yaa-Yee asked as she stepped closer to me and put a hand on my head.

"I just wish to God she had an opinion about something."

"She's very smart, and she loves you." Yaa-Yee was petting my head to comfort me.

"It's like there's nothing there, she's just not…" I struggled and couldn't come up with a word. Yaa-Yee spoke sharply.

"Maybe she's just nice, you know Charlie? Maybe people like you and me – we don't GET that."

I looked up at Yaa-Yee. She smiled devilishly.

"People like you and me?" I started, feeling a change in the conversation's direction. "Complicated people, people with ambition, desires …"

Yaa-Yee smirked. I stood up naked in front of her.