In Fidelity Ch. 02

I had worried this morning about how I would feel coming back to my flat tonight, but it turns out that after getting sucked and fucked by thirty beautiful women, I'm feeling pretty great, and the overall sense of well-being I had this morning is still with me.

And anyway, it won't always be like this, coming home to a house full of all the non-sexy items she owned. I'll hire someone to clear it all out tomorrow, and the sense of absence around the place like there's things everywhere for two people but one's missing, will vanish. The underwear she's left behind makes me feel disappointment further, as they're not the small or colourful or sexy ones; but the huge white ones that are a let down the instant you realise they exist and that most women wear them, most of the time. They only save their best pairs for the nights they know they're going to sleep with somebody. My childhood dreams of growing old with a beautiful woman and being surrounded by her small skimpy under-garments were dashed and crumbled to dust a long time ago.

I clear away the evidence of last night's events, the spare duvet on the sofa, the empty beer and premix cans, and I put on a jazz record for some background music, then pour myself a large scotch before looking for something to watch in the sports channels before settling on World Series of Poker.

In the same way that female roommates end up having their period at the same time, my best mate always end up calling me while I have a scotch in my hand.

"Hey bro."

"Sup?"

"You right man? I heard that Lust walked out on you."

"Yeah, it's okay."

"You sure? You don't want me to come round and bring some girls for a few drinks?"

"When I got to work this morning I fucked all thirty of the girls on shift. I'm alright."

"Shiiiiiit man, good for you! So business is going alright?"

"Yeah, it's tough with this recession, but people need escapes. I have a few ideas on how to boost numbers and get more regulars."

"Do you think Lust is going to be okay? She's still got her job right?"

"Marcus, I don't really give a fuck right now."

"True, true." I can tell by the tone of his voice he's still concerned.

"Rob, I know you. Are you going to be okay just screwing around with your hookers? What's next? Don't you think you'll need a girlfriend or partner or something?"

That's the great thing about close mates. You watch out for people who watch out for you. Anything that happens to one of your friends that you can do something about, it's like they disrespected you personally and you have to make them pay. Then when things are restored, if someone comes for you, the roles switch and your mate comes to your side.

Having said this, I've probably needed his help a whole lot more in our friendship history than he's needed mine.

"I'm alright if that's what's concerning you bro. This is just how I have to handle things for now, you know?"

"So what are you going to do Rob?"

"I'm going to drink the rest of a bottle of scotch in front of the tv, get some food delivered, go to sleep then get up and go to work tomorrow."

"And after that?"

"Meet a girl who makes me happy and marry her?"

"Rob..."

I like that he's concerned, but I'm still in the carnage of the ruins of my last relationship, I'm not in any place to be making big long term change plans.

"Marcus, I get your concerned, and I do understand. But Lust wasn't right. If she were, she wouldn't have left me. I'll marry the right girl sometime later if the time is right, but I'm not going to go jumping into things that aren't set to last, and just lose a shitload of time, sanity and money."

"I hear you man, believe me, I do. You've just had a long run of girls like this and I'm worried it's a habit you're going to have trouble when you try to shake it.

Are you going to lose many shared friends?"

That's when it strikes me a little deeper how much this has changed things. You go to someone's house, you meet people, become reasonably close and then your lives veer in alarmingly alternate directions. Weird, eh? You spend at somebody's house, you worry about their operations and family, you give them hugs and kisses and flowers and alcohol, you see them in their dressing gown.... and then bang, that's it. Gone forever. And sooner or later there will be a new girl with new friends, another Christmas, another illness. They're all the same. Only the addresses, and the colour of the dressing gowns change.