In Her Eyes

"I wanted a woman who would be my partner. Someone smart, and funny, and beautiful. I wanted a woman who would make me want to be a better person. And I stopped looking the day that I met you. I knew from the very first moment I saw you that you were the one. I had never felt that way about anyone before you, and certainly no one since I met you."

"Suze, you are perfect for me. I adore absolutely everything about you."

I stopped briefly for one gentle kiss on the back of her hand.

"I know it has to be a bit unnerving for you to see the way that some women act around me. And I won't belittle you and tell you that I don't get propositioned on a daily basis, because I do. But maybe it would help you to know how I what I am thinking about as I go through each day."

"I would really like to know, David."

"Every day I wake up and look to make sure that you are still beside me. And when I have seen your face for the first time each day, I say a prayer thanking God for bringing you into my life and I ask him guide me in making sure that every day of your life is better than the last. And then I go out into the real world following my most important and only ironclad rule: to be completely devoted to you. Every action I take, every decision I make has to meet one simple threshold. Will this make Susan proud of me?"

"I am not a saint, Suze. And I am definitely not a monk. I appreciate beautiful women as much as the next horny bastard. But I know this, no woman has ever turned me on the way that you do. Every conscious thought I have, that isn't distracted by the mundane tasks of day to day living, is about you, about your body, and my need to possess you. It is an act of will that allows me to break away from you each morning and another to not ravish you when I come home. I won't ever get enough of you, Suze, and I don't want, nor will I ever need, anyone else."

"As my dad used to say, 'I think this goes without saying for you, but it never hurts to make sure.' Suze, I can make you this promise on my parent's graves: I will never cheat on you and I will never do anything that would embarrass you or make you feel ashamed of me. Ever. And someday when you honor me with children I promise to treat them with the same love, devotion and respect that I have for you. It's the only way I know how to live, Suze."

"It goes without saying, David."

Her eyes were on fire now. I had been watching them throughout my little speech. Her sparkling blue eyes had gone from concerned, to touched, to loving, to red hot, a sure sign I was about to get lucky. This fire in her eyes was a look I had never seen, but I liked it.

The look stayed with her as she moved around the table and crossed the distance between us. She left her skirt and panties on the ground about half way through her journey. As she leapt into my lap and plastered her body to mine, she caught me off guard and almost sent us crashing to the ground. I could hear her begging. She had urgency in her voice that she let out between heart stopping kisses.

"Give me your baby, David. Love me and make our child. Fuck me and take what's yours. Breed me, David. Use me. Please. Please, David. Give me what I need."

I am not sure if it took that very first time or if our first child was conceived during one of the other dozen times we coupled that weekend. But, those 48 hours were filled with love and purpose, and some of the hottest fucking sex I have ever experienced.

***

Maggie was the one who called me. She was in her first year of practice, back in Chicago.

"David, you need to come home."

"I miss you too, Maggie, but I wasn't planning on coming home until Christmas. It has been almost seven years, Mags. It will hold for a few more months."

"Today, David. You need to come home. Today."

It sounded like she was on the verge of tears.

"Maggie, what's wrong?"

"Oh, David! I'm so sorry!" She was crying for sure now.

"Whatever it is Maggie. I'll take care of it. You tell me what's wrong and I will fix it for you. Anything at all. No secrets, no worries, Maggie."

"Oh, David. I love you. So much. But it is not my problem, honey." She stopped talking for a long time. "David, your mom and dad were killed in a car accident last night."

"What? Mags, I think I misunderstood."

"They're gone, David. I am so sorry."

I was a zombie from that moment on. Susan told me later that I hadn't said a word for almost two hours. And then I only mumbled, "Going home."

In a panic, she dialed the number on the caller ID and had spoken to Maggie, whom she had never met. Then, she helped me pack and drove me two the airport. She said she didn't think I would make it to the gate on my own so she waited at the security check point for an hour after my plane was scheduled to depart just to make sure I didn't wander back out of the terminal.

I don't remember much from that day. But I do remember seeing Maggie for the first time in seven years. She was still a gorgeous woman. I was sad that this was how we had to be reunited and relieved that I wasn't alone. Our initial hug near baggage claim lasted several minutes. Maggie told me later she held me until I stopped crying.

The next four days were a blur. It seemed as though I signed a thousand documents. I met with the funeral home, cemetery, insurance agents, hospital personnel, police and lawyers. Oh, the lawyers. I was never so certain that Maggie had chosen the right career and I was grateful that I had chosen a different path.

Maggie was fierce in her protection of my interests. Apparently, my interests had expanded a great deal.

I always knew my mom and dad had money. We never spoke about it though. I never asked for much.

I never needed my own car. I was too busy with activities to ever need much spending money but my parents always covered the occasional movie or concert. I cleaned the offices of my father's accounting firm Sunday morning after church to earn some extra cash, even though I never used it. During the summer, I stuffed envelopes, made copies and ran various errands for his firm. My spring break was the same time as my father's busiest time at the office. I always had plenty of work. By the time I finished high school I had worked for my father part-time for almost six years and never spent a penny. I never needed it. But it did come in handy during my four years at Harvard. Along with my summer internships, I always had enough spending money to keep any college student happy. And I was.

My other clue should have been my parent's spending habits. We took two fantastic family vacations each and every year. One during Christmas beak and one the week before school started. The Great Barrier Reef, almost every country in Europe, New York, Los Angeles, and Disney World when I was a kid, of course. I traveled the world with my parents, but had never considered the cost.

Finally, we never wanted for anything. If the family decided we had a need, we discussed our options, researched the best available solution and made a purchase. My family life was simple and predictable, so major purchases were few and far between.

I just never knew.

But it was clear to me now. My father owned his firm and was apparently a very good accountant. And my parents were rich. Unfortunately, that meant now I was loaded beyond my dreams. I asked God if I gave it all back would he let my parents come home. He never answered.

My parents were buried on a Thursday. There is not much more I can say about that.

After the funeral, I was mentally and physically spent. I needed a break.

"Maggie, can you take care of the rest of this for me?"

"I can and I will, David. Umm, one last question though. Are you planning on getting married any time soon?"

"Yeah, Mags. I think I am. Is that important?"

"Good for you, David. I hope she is as special as you. And, yes, it's important."

"Thanks, Maggie. Have I told you lately that you are my best friend?"

"At least once a week since we were eight, honey."

"Well, it doesn't seem like enough. I love you, Mags."

"I love you, too, David."

***

The house seemed cold. It was completely quiet again for perhaps only the third or fourth time since we had moved in. I loved this house. It was the only home I had ever really known. But it was almost eerie walking in the door. Almost the same as the day I knew my parents were dead, only worse.

The main floor looked like it hadn't been used in days. It was dark and felt empty. I almost missed her as was starting up the stairs. Susan was sitting quietly on the coach staring at our family portrait that was hanging above the fireplace. The picture was taken two years earlier, and if I can brag for just a minute: we looked good. My son took after me, and the twins looked just like their mother. It was such a fun day. Taking pictures in the park.

"Hello, Susan."

"Hi, honey."

"Where are the kids?"

"Still with my parents, David."

Susan looked like death warmed over. She had huge bags under her eyes. Her cheeks were puffy and red. It looked like her hair hadn't been combed in days, and make up was forgotten long ago. She was dressed in my Harvard sweatshirt and my MIT pajama pants. They almost swallowed her whole.

"Are you ready to talk to me now, Susan?"

"I think I am."

"OK, then. You have one shot Susan. The truth. All of it. No secrets. No excuses."

"I know, David. I don't have any excuses anyway. David, I....uh....I cheated on you."

It was seemingly emotionless for her. She barely moved. Her facial expression didn't change. She just looked sorrowful. A deep sorrow. I guess all cried out wasn't just expression. At least she wasn't sugarcoating it. Maybe, just maybe, there was hope.

"How long?"

"It's been two weeks, David. You were in Las Vegas for the convention. The steering committee was finishing the final plans for the new shelter ground breaking. We finished late one night and stopped for dinner at Great Street. I knew I shouldn't be drinking wine, but it didn't stop me. I knew when everyone else left, I should have gotten myself a cab. I made every wrong decision."

"Did you bring him to the house, Susan?"

"God, no, David. He got a room at the hotel."

"Where were the kids?"

"With my parents. I called and asked if they could stay when I realized shouldn't be driving."

"Well that's one good thing."

"Yeah, I know." She sighed.

"So, was he better than me?"

She finally moved, wincing at my question.

"Did he have a big cock?"

Another wince. This was taking too long. It was time to hear all of the details.

"Did you blow him? Did you lick his ass? Did you ask him to spank you? Did he fuck your ass?"

"OK, David, OK! Enough. I get it. Yes, I gave him a blow job. No his dick wasn't bigger than yours. I sucked him until came, and sucked him until he was hard again. And then he fucked me, missionary until he came again. A stupid, boring missionary fuck. My life is ruined because I let Mike Thomas give me the worst fuck of my life!"

I stared at her for awhile. She was emotional now, flustered. Even beautiful, now that some of color had returned to her face. But I had my answer. Maybe she deserved one more chance.

"Is that it, Susan?"

"Yes, David. I am so sorry."

Maybe there was no hope.

"OK, Susan."

"OK?"

"Yep, OK. Nothing left but the details."

"David, I am so sorry. It will never happen again. I will do anything to make this up to you."

She was starting to ramble.

"Don't worry about it."

"Wait..what?"

"I said don't worry about it Susan. I'll am going to stay out of the house for the rest of the week. I'll let the kids know where I am in case they need anything. I'll be back on Saturday."

I stood to take another look at that portrait and smiled. It was such a good day.

"Oh, David. That's great honey. It will be so nice to have you home. I've missed you."

"Yeah. Say Susan, did you use a condom?"

Her eyes flashed with surprise. I didn't think it was that strange of a question.

"N..n...no, David."

"OK, well I am going to get tested for STDs. You should probably decide about that, too. 'Big' Mike being a man-whore and all."

"Jesus, David. I am really, really sorry. I wasn't thinking."

I was making my way to the door when I remembered some other things she would need to know. Oh, well. I have always been more of a big picture guy. Those damn details always get in the way.

"Yeah, Susan. I know. Anyway, Maggie will be in touch. The accounts are frozen but she'll make sure you have enough to get wherever you are going."

"What do you mean going? Where am I going?"

"Well, I don't really know Susan. I just know that Maggie said she'll have you out of the house by Friday. Where you go is probably one of those decisions you are so good at making."

"No...NO...NO....NO!!! Noooo!!!"

"Susan."

I really wasn't sure if she was listening to me anymore. But she did stop her screaming long enough to look at me.

"If you are going to have Mike help you move, you should have him bring Jason Smith by to help. Since you don't remember, you should probably have him fill you in on what he was doing while 'Big' Mike was giving you your terrible fuck."

"No, David, no. Please wait. It wasn't my fault. Please!! Oh, God!! I am going to be sick."

I don't really know if she ended up puking. I didn't stick around to find out. But it didn't look good as I closed the door.

***

The restaurant was a pretty romantic setting. It was much quieter than it had been on our first date. But then again, there weren't 60 drunken wedding guests in the middle of a celebration. The DJ lights and sound system had been replaced with candles and a jazz pianist. Susan was the same though, radiating beauty and grace wherever she went.

Dinner was a quiet affair, but hey, I was really nervous. I couldn't find an easy way to start, so I just jumped right in.

"Suze, I think I should take over my father's business. I've been giving it a lot of thought, and even though it is an accounting firm now, I think it can be transformed in to the company I have been dreaming about. The current clientele will provide a steady stream of income while we diversify. And we can use our current relationships with clients to add a new line of services."

I was having a hard time seeing what I had done wrong. I always wanted Susan's opinion about the big decisions that would affect our lives. Granted, we had only been together for six months and there hadn't been many big decisions. But I had declined the hospital's offer of a full time position in favor of starting a new position at the bank after speaking with her. I had let my lease expire and moved in with Susan after another one of our talks. But she looked devastated.

"David, I thought we were getting along so well. I can work on whatever it is that is bothering you. I can change, I promise."

"Suze, what are you talking about?"

"Please, David. Don't leave me. I love you."

"Wow, honey. Where did that come from? Why would you think I was leaving you?"

"You said you were going back to Chicago."

"No, honey. I said I was thinking that I should take over my father's company. I wanted your opinion. I would never make a decision this big without hearing your thoughts."

She still looked like I had just kicked her in the stomach. But she was recovering.

"Well, I think I may have done this out of order. I apologize, honey. This is my first time."

This was not going as planned, but then again life never does. It was time to try and save the day. I waved my hand at the maitre de, and he signaled for the pianist to change the song. Slowly the wait staff stopped by our table, each leaving a single red rose for Susan. Finally, I stood reached for the box in my pocket and fell to my knee.

"Suze, I have known from the first moment that we met that you were the one for me. Every day I get to spend with you just confirms what I have always known. I love you with all my heart. I will be a good husband to you, Suze, and I will show you every way I can just how special you are to me. Susan, will you marry me?"

The kicked in the stomach look had been replaced by one of shock. I was beginning to wonder if I had made a giant mistake. But the camera flash saved me.

Susan's eyes blinked trying to re-adjust to the dimly lit room. That was when she glanced in the direction of the flash and saw her family, her dad, mom and sister standing looking over the short partition trying to get a better look. Her mom was smiling and crying, holding her camera waiting to capture the big moment. It didn't take long.

Susan tackled me. Right there in the middle of the restaurant. Now, I am a man and it has always been my contention that I could have held my ground if I wanted to put up a fight. Opinions vary. At least I held on to the ring.

"YES! OH, David!! Yes. Yes, my love!"

My pride would recover. I had my Susan.

***

"Hi, Susan. Hello, Shannon. It is lovely to see you again. I am so sorry it is under these circumstances. May I come in?"

"Please. Come in. Come in." my sister said as she ushered Maggie through the door.

"May I have a moment alone with Susan, please?"

"Of course, of course."

Margaret Peterson was a stunningly beautiful woman even dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. She looked at me with a look that said it all: I am sorry, but there is nothing I can do to help you.

"I am not here as a lawyer, Susan. I am here as your friend. I just came to make sure that you are OK."

I didn't think it was possible for me to feel any worse. But I was starting to realize that there are in fact worse things than being a piece of shit. I had betrayed her very best friend and she had come to my sister's home, to make sure that I would be OK. It was just like her.

I am not sure if she learned that trait from David, or if he had learned it from her. They probably learned it from each other. It was just one of the many things that they shared.

My friend's initially told me that I should be cautious with Maggie, she would eventually try to steal my David. But it is hard to be jealous of someone who always has your best interests at heart. Whenever I needed a friend, Maggie had been solidly in my corner ready to take on the world to defend me. This was no exception, but there would be no fixing this one.

"He doesn't love me anymore."

"Oh, Susan. Of course he loves you. He has loved you with everything he has from the first moment you met. You can't just turn that off."

"Well, he'll never forgive me. Not after the things I have done."

"Oh, you silly woman. Of course he will forgive you. I am almost certain he already has. I am as certain of his forgiveness as I am that you haven't told him everything."

I had to smile at that. She knew him best. She knew me, too. He would forgive me. She was right.

"Susan, he'll forgive you. But he'll never forget."

"I know, Maggie. I know."

She held me as I cried. Long into the night, without judgment.

"It will get better, honey. You'll be OK."

***

My first foray with the sneakiness of women came soon after my proposal. Apparently, behind the scenes, wedding plans had been started about two months into our relationship. Susan, her mom and sister and several friends all had secret assignments and had been in attack mode for quite some time.

Less than two months after my proposal it was time. Maggie came to Boston the week before the wedding to finalize the details of my parent's affairs and our new life in Chicago. I can honestly say that I had no idea what I was signing. I can also say that I trusted Maggie with my life, so I really didn't care. I did care about my hand hurting when we were done.

Maggie and Susan spent an entire day together just two days before our wedding. They both said it was time for my soon to be wife and my best friend to get to know each other. Their day of bonding was very secretive. But at the end of the day, when they arrived back at the apartment, Susan simply kissed me on the lips, grabbed her overnight bag and said, "I love you, David. When you see me in two days, know that I will be yours forever." Then she was off to stay with her parents.