Innocence

As we towelled off and I dried her hair, she now looked like the innocent young girl I first saw her to be. How I had come to see her as an object of my passion and darker lust, was beyond me. Perhaps it was the whole sexually charged atmosphere of this vacation. Perhaps meeting Sarah and all the sex she had provided for me, both masculine and feminine, had led me to go where I never would have gone otherwise.

Even as I tried to rationalize my behaviour, I knew I was only fooling myself. I was the only one how had seduced Isabella. Even if she had, in her own way, seduced me, I was the adult. She was the child. When her hair was dry, she casually got on her clothes as I got on mine and we went out into the room. There was uneaten pizza and Isabella just looked at me with her eyes asking the question. "Yes, Honey, finish it off." She did, all the while chatting as if we had just come back from a long walk, instead of having had woman-girl sex. I tried to keep up with her little girl chat but my heart was no longer in it. I felt ashamed of the feeling, but all I wanted to do was see Isabella walk away.

We held hands on the way back to the market. When we were close, Isabella said, "Please, Kathy, please don't tell auntie. Please!"

Feeling like a criminal conspiring to hide my guilt, I said, "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. And you must not tell anyone either. Not even Maria....or Hector."

She smiled and said, "I won't," and she was off. I watched her happily walking along and felt a wave of remorse. I walked back to the resort feeling like I had betrayed my very soul.

Back at my room, I removed all of the evidence. The room service tray got put outside a door down the hall. I cleaned and put away my vibrator, wondering if I would ever want to use it again. I called housekeeping and they came with fresh towels and straightened out the bed and made up the room. It was seven and Kurt would be back any minute. I thought about my life, how I had let work consume me to the point my marriage had failed, two boyfriends had walked and I was so emotionally burned out I had allowed myself to get lost in this sexually charged holiday resort. I took stock of my behaviour, starting with Mr. Disappointment, Sarah, the beach shop girl and through to the group sex and most of all Isabella. The only sexual connection I was really happy with was Kurt. The phone rang.

It was Kurt. "Kathy, I'm sorry but this joint research proposal meeting is going into overtime. We have to finish a draft proposal tonight as a few key players are gone tomorrow. I doubt I'll be back before about ten or so. I really do apologize but it can't be helped. There are budget and inter country political issues that I wasn't really expecting."

I was actually relieved to have more time before he got back, but managed to sound just a little disappointed. "Well, as long as you don't make a habit of it, I'll accept it this time."

He laughed. "Don't worry. If there is another meeting like this, I'll bring along an accountant, a lawyer and an expert in Foreign Affairs. Better yet, I'll let someone else handle it."

"You do that, Kurt, and we'll both be happy."

"Okay, I get the message. And I'll give you a call as soon as I get back."

I wasn't hungry, didn't want to drink anything alcoholic and didn't want to meet up with Sarah, so I went for a walk on the beach. The tropical evening breeze felt like it was washing away my many sins. What had happened during this vacation was a wake up call. My life was completely out of balance. My job was not important to me any more. The money didn't make up for the cost it was taking out of my happiness. I knew I was going to quit. I also knew that if Kurt would have me, I would move to Boulder in a heartbeat. Even if it didn't work out between us, living in a place like that was far better than carrying on in L.A.

I began to realize that deep down, I hated my job. The thrill of success had long since vanished and all that was left was the constant struggle to perform, make money for the company and put up with the ever present glass ceiling. I knew that if I stayed with the company I would make senior management but only at the lowest levels, and I would stay there. I was sure I would rather move to Boulder, live with Kurt and do something else, as long as it didn't consume my life. I wanted Kurt to do that.

I walked along, deep in my thoughts and almost stepped on Mr. Disappointment. He was lying on the beach, catching the last of the evening sun. He looked up at me and his face was a mix of anticipation and scorn. "Still by yourself, Kathy? Tired of sleeping alone?"

Inwardly, I laughed, thinking of the deluge of orgasms I had experienced since his pathetic efforts. Outwardly, I smiled wistfully. "Yes, Phil, I'm tired of sleeping alone. If I don't hook up with someone at the nightclub tonight, I can always remember your Casanova skills and let the memory of them keep me company all night long."

Phil may have been a hopelessly incompetent lover but he recognized sarcasm when he heard it. "You miserable.." I cut him off with a deft kick of sand into his face. With several couples nearby, I felt safe enough doing it.

Back in my room, I called room service and ordered some dinner, wanting to be alone for a while. I turned on the TV and went to the selection of regular movies, chose what looked to be an upbeat comedy and watched it. By the time my dinner arrived, the movie seemed boring and I called Sarah.

"Hi nympho, I've missed you," she said. "What you got going tonight?" I told her that Kurt was held up and wouldn't be back for another hour or two.

"Things working out between you two?" she asked.

"So far, yes. I really have a good feeling about this one."

She laughed. "Well, don't forget you are both on vacation. Lots of guys seem great on vacation. Doesn't mean they will want to talk to you next week, though."

I smiled. Sarah likely had been ignored next week a lot. But for a reason I couldn't quite pin down, I thought that Kurt and I might have a chance. "Well, Sarah, if he doesn't call in an hour or so, you might find me knocking on your door."

Sarah laughed again. "If I'm there," she said. "If I'm there."

"I hear you, nympho," I replied. "I hear you." We said goodbye and I ate some dinner and waited for Kurt. I hadn't waited for a guy for a long time. They were always waiting for me. Now I knew how they had felt. The boring movie was better than pacing and I forced myself to watch.

It was almost midnight when Kurt called. "Sorry, Kathy, I tried to get the meeting wrapped up but there were just too many unexpected problems. I almost wish I hadn't agreed to attend in the first place. Hold it. If I wasn't here, I wouldn't be talking to you right now."

I giggled. "Kurt, stop talking and pour me a drink. I'll be right there." And yes, he said, 'Works for me.'

I added a few condoms to my clutch, touched up my make up and brushed my hair. A small bit of my Chanel and I was walking to Kurt's room. I felt I had to open up to him, be honest and tell him of how deeply I had fallen into the free and casual sex that the resort offered. Not right now, I decided. Tomorrow maybe.

Kurt had a glass of white wine ready for me. He looked beat. He had a shot of bourbon on the go and he looked at me and said, " Honest to God, I couldn't wait to get out of there and back to you. Research and discovery are great but a woman like you isn't something I come across every day."

He looked sincere and I gave him my best wicked smile. "I'd rather you come in me than across me."

He shook his head in amazement. Without a word, he got up, took my hand and we went to his bed.

"Promise me one thing," I said. "Don't leave without saying goodbye."

He looked at me and in a sure and certain voice said, " I think it's going to be au revoir, until we meet again." My heart felt like it was living again. He took me in his arms and we gently fell onto the bed. "I'm tired," he said. "So take it easy on me." I did.

We kissed and fondled, slowly rolling around and then I went to remove his pants. His penis was semi-erect and I slipped off his shorts and settled down to give him a reason to get fully erect. Still in all of my clothes, I took his penis in my mouth and started to work my tongue around him and gently cupped his balls. Kurt sighed deeply and relaxed into the bed, happy to have his manhood in my mouth and hands. As he got fuller, I just kept up the slow pace. "This is all for you, Kurt. Just go with it and enjoy."

I gave him slow, sensuous deep throats and as I pulled back, my mouth tight around him, he started to moan in the exquisite pleasure. He was now fully erect and his cock felt hard and thick in my mouth. Gently moving his balls around, I licked his shaft up and down, then settled over his head and slowly lowered until I was close to gagging. I could feel his cock twitching as he groaned and took my head in his hands. He didn't force me in any way, just held me gently and moved his fingers through my hair.

I backed up to get some deep breathes then descended, hoping to go all the way over him. I almost baulked, but my throat accepted his cock head and I was down to his body. He just sighed and said, "You are incredible."

I was able to do that several times and he was close to coming. His hips were rolling and his moans became short gasps. I took a deep breathe and took him in all the way, trying to swallow him. The reaction was perfect. He started to jerk and then he stiffened. I felt pulses in his cock and then spurts of cum shot down my throat. I swallowed and he gasped again. I was able to stay there until the spurts ended and then came up for air.

Still swallowing I inhaled deeply and looked at Kurt. He was staring at me and slowly moving his head side to side. 'Incredible' was the message. I gave his still thick cock one last slow, deep suck and moved up and onto him. I settled on his chest and lay still.

He was still panting and recovering from his orgasm. After a minute he said, "I don't know what I can do for you. All I want to do is hold you."

I just slowly moved on him, resettling and said, "It was your turn to be pampered. In a minute we'll get ready for bed." We lay like that and when I heard his breathing slow and he was almost asleep, I said, "Bed time," and got up.

He slowly got up and I removed the rest of his clothes. With his help, I got undressed and we went to the bathroom. Teeth were brushed, bladders emptied and we were ready. We got into bed and cuddled up close. In a minute he was fast asleep. I soon followed and apart from a few dreams about Sarah, I passed the night peacefully.

One dream had me almost awake. She was giving me oral and I was coming. Then I felt Kurt's hands holding my head. He was murmuring something in my ear. I couldn't make out the words. Sarah was finishing me off and then I could hear Kurt saying, 'My wife would never do that.' I wondered if he meant his late wife would never do that, or was he telling me that we would never marry. I was about to ask him when I partially woke up. Kurt was lying on his back and my hand went to his tummy. Half wanting to stroke his penis, I settled back and drifted off.

When I woke up, Kurt was snoring softly. I quietly crept out of bed and looked at him. 'Could I live with this man?' I asked myself. Would I come to love him and want to marry him? Or was this all just a wonderful but soon to be over holiday fling? I knew that if I asked Kurt if he wanted to continue after we both went back home, he would give me an honest answer. I just wasn't sure I wanted to hear it. I went to the bathroom, did my morning thing and took a robe from a hook. I put on some coffee and settled in a chair to talk to myself. It was a long conversation.

Kurt had said he wasn't going to ask me about my past. I wondered if he deserved to know about my very immediate past. I felt he did but I knew I couldn't tell him about Isabella. Why I had gone with my out of character desire to seduce or be seduced by her was something I didn't understand. It was taboo and it was about the only thing I had ever done sexually that definitely crossed a line. The group sex, the coming contest with Sarah and all the rest was all adult participation. Why I had those urges to have sex with a young girl was something I felt deeply disturbed about. While I felt that Isabella had enjoyed it just as much as me and had already been doing some very sexually advanced things with Maria and especially Hector, I knew that it was wrong for me to take advantage of a girl who was that young and even younger emotionally.

I decided to put it aside and never tell a soul about my transgressions. It would be my secret and my shame. I knew I could tell Kurt about Sarah and Dan, the sexual sandwich and even the beach shop bimbo. Whether he ran from me in fright or accepted my holiday sexual extravaganza, was his choice. But he did deserve the opportunity to make that choice. I poured a cup of coffee and felt at peace.

I was leaving the resort in one more day. That gave me time to have a serious talk with Kurt. I looked at him sleeping and felt the warmth of closeness, a wonderful feeling of intimacy and a longing to keep it going. I had had my sexual blow-out and unless Kurt turned out to have some deep and unfulfilled desires to have the same, I was ready to settle for his sexual attention alone. He started to stir.

I was sitting with my feet under me and my robe closed. With a wicked grin, I opened the robe and moved my legs to have one knee up and resting against the armrest, giving Kurt the opportunity to awake to the sight of me, completely exposed. "Wake up, sleepy head. The coffee is on and it's time to greet the new day."

He blinked a few times and then turned to look at me. I gave him my innocent and pure smile and his eyes froze on me. He stared at me, his eyes taking in my breasts and vulva. Then he just sighed and said, "A guy could get used to this, coffee and sugar to start the day."

I grinned and looked down at my self, and patted my pussy. "This kind of sugar is good for you." He sat up and just smiled. Then he stood up and stretched, gave his semi-erect penis a slight squeeze and said, "Tell me about it. I haven't had any kind of morning erections for a long time. You're good for me all over. Now I have to pee before it gets impossible." I grinned again and felt very happy.

He came out of the bathroom and went to the closet to get the other robe. I handed him his coffee and he smiled. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." He sat down in a chair and sipped.

"I'm not a morning person," he said. "Let me wake up some more." We sat in silence, a comfortable silence and Kurt finished his cup. I took it, refilled it and handed it to him. He smiled appreciatively and sighed. He looked like he had something to say but wasn't sure where to start.

"How about if we talk after breakfast," I suggested. He just nodded 'yes' and looked at me, then got up.

"Shower time," he said and held out his hand.

"Works for me," I replied, taking it.

We showered together casually with no sexual touching. He was awake now and we talked about small things, avoiding getting into what was on both of our minds. As we towelled off, he said, "Breakfast by the pool?"

"Lovely," I replied. "Just let me go and change and I'll meet you there. Hit the beach after?"

He grinned. "Only if you wear you know what." I dressed in yesterday's clothes, kissed him and opened his door.

"I haven't got the slightest idea what you're talking about."

Back in my room, I put on what he was talking about and covered it with a summer blouse and sun shorts. A touch of Chanel, my sunglasses and sunscreen and I was out the door. On the pool deck, Kurt was waiting, two glasses of orange juice already there. "I smell something wonderful," he said. "I'm not sure if it is perfume or sugar. Both would be my guess."

I gave him a playful slap on his hand. "You're incorrigible," I said.

"Look who's talking. When a guy my age wakes up to a sight like the one you gave me, I thought I had died and gone to heaven."

I smiled and squeezed his hand. "When a girl my age still wants to do things like that, she has a reason."

Now Kurt smiled. I knew it was coming. "Works for me."

We chatted our way through breakfast, and headed for the beach. Stopping to pick up beach towels and water, I glanced at the beach shop. I blushed a bit at the memories and hoped Kurt didn't notice. Out on the beach we settled the towels and got out of our outer clothes. He glanced at me as the blouse and shorts came off. "Wow. You did understand."

I smiled and felt very good about my self and my bikini. What a difference from my first day at the beach, I thought. We applied the sunscreen to each other and without a thought, I slipped off my top. I lay on my back and Kurt took his time lying down. "You know Kathy, a guy could get used to this."

I gave a gentle laugh. "Lie down Kurt. Someone might think you're staring." He did lie down and his hand took mine. We lay silent and let the warmth of the sun, the sound of the waves and the breeze on our skin take us to a very peaceful place. I was feeling very good about getting into the serious talk. But first, it was time to just chill.

After a while I switched to lying face down and felt myself drifting off. I came back a bit as Kurt was rubbing sunscreen over my back, my legs and my string covered butt. He seemed to like my butt. I said a silent thank you to my personal trainer who had showed me how to keep it firmly muscled. I eased my legs apart slightly and Kurt put two fingers to my easily seen labia. He gave a gentle squeeze and I tried to not react. But a gentle sigh escaped and I said, "Later, big guy, I'm not quite ready for sex on the beach."

He gave me a gentle laugh and one last squeeze. "Let me know when you are. I'm ready right now." I half believed him and as I drifted off again, I had a delicious fantasy of Kurt, on top of me with me face down, slowly stroking in my vagina as I rode wave after wave of soft, sensual orgasms. I could get used to that, I thought and smiled as I fell asleep. Wonderful dreams of Kurt and me, coming with each other endlessly, flowed through my mind. Sarah was there and she smiled at me. 'I'm happy for you,' she said and she watched as Kurt entered me again and took me to a place I had only dreamed about.

I woke and came back to the beach and Kurt. He was sitting, and it looked like he had been gazing at me while talking to himself. I sat up and sipped some water. The bright sun made it difficult to see his face clearly but he looked a bit uncertain. I smiled at him with my reassuring smile and said, "It's time to have a talk, Kurt. I leave tomorrow and I'd like to know if you want to try and make it work between us."

He paused and then started talking. "Kathy, you have been like an angel sent from heaven. Nancy did tell me to go on living and with you, I have lived more in the past few days than I have in the six months since she...left. I know that you are very, very good for me, but I have to ask if I'm going to be good for you. You seem so much more...worldly than I am. Nancy and I were very much in love, right up until...the end, but we had a much....simpler....sex life than what I think you may have had. I feel like I just might not...satisfy you...is this making any sense?"

I took a deep breath and paused. Then another deep breath followed by a large swallow of water. I looked him in his eyes and said, "There's some things you need to know." Then, after a short moment to gather my resolve, I started talking. I told him how my life was burning out before I booked the vacation. I told him I chose this resort because I wanted to let myself go and have a fling or two. I told him about how I had hooked up with Sarah. I watched his expression as I told him about the sex I had shared with her. He didn't even blink. I told him about why I really enjoyed the ocean horseback riding. Without giving too many details I told him about the evening with Sarah and the three guys, and how I slept that night with one of them. Thinking that Kurt now had enough to think about, I didn't mention the beach shop incident and I totally stayed away from Isabella.