Innocent Sins Ch. 09

Was Jake serious?

Heather trembled slightly as she thought about what he had said - or she tried to, with Kurt Waltham doing everything he could to distract her from it. In truth, she was a little upset by the handsome actor's nearness, and unnerved by Jake's new proposition. She could probably give in...would probably give in if Jake really wanted her to. God knows she'd done far worse. She just wanted it to be clear that she didn't want it this way.

Or would she upset Jake if she admitted that?

Her body was very aware of the man by her side. She squirmed slightly under Kurt Waltham's hand on her thigh. She felt her nipples stiffen against the material of her dress as his other hand lifted to the back of her neck and then began to rub it, messaging her stiff muscles.

"Sweetheart, you are so tense. Just relax," he urged softly and slid closer to her. Rubbing up and down, he would occassionally bury his fingers in the nape of her hair. Heather couldn't help it; she sighed and began to relax, even as she tried to focus on Jake and determine his reaction. She told herself she would feel this way at a massage parlor too, that she wouldn't get aroused from just anyone. But her breathing was getting heavier as Kurt's big, warm hand stroked her neck and stirred up deep longings in her belly that she could not suppress.

Moving his head closer still, Kurt put his mouth next to her ear and whispered, "Ah yeah, baby, I know what you need. Just relax and enjoy the moment."

She found it hard to look at Jake while another man was touching her like this, so she tried to block Jake from her mind by looking away. She closed her eyes and tried to pretend it was Jake touching her, doing these things to her, but it wasn't that easy. Kurt's hot breath caressed the delicate skin of her ear and caused her to shiver in reaction. Gently he brushed the strands of her long, dark hair away from Heather's face, her skin flushed in the dim light. He turned her face to his and looked at the startled doe eyes staring at him, a strange mixture of fear, shame and excitement reflected in her pupils. Her full lips were slightly parted and glistening.

"Jake?" She breathed out, trying to turn her head toward her ex, but Kurt wouldn't let her. His body leaned forward bringing her face closer to his. His hand at the back of her neck kept a gentle but firm pressure on her, encouraging her to submit.

Her eyes fluttered shut, she tilted her face up and with a tiny, soft whimper, she swayed toward him. The shock of her damp lips touching his gave Heather the feeling that she needed to stop this soon or she would be forever lost. Kurt put both hands on her shoulders and turned her body toward him, pulling her deeper into the kiss. Her body yielded. His lips tasted her at leisure, hinting at all of the experience he must have gained in pleasuring women. She heard herself moan softly and he took advantage and let his tongue tease her closed lips. They parted slightly and his tongue slid inside, claiming her, searching for more.

His other hand drifted up toward her lap where her hands were still folded demurely. Clasping one, he held it and pulled her further over to him. The shock of another man kissing her in front of Jake was overcome by the desire to know more of this tantalizing sensation. Her nipples felt achy and distended and she subconsciously rubbed herself against him.

Kurt tangled his hands in Heather's long thick hair and pulled her head back to expose the long curve of her neck. He began to kiss and nip at the tender flesh earning sighs and moans from the woman at his side. He watched the emotions of confusion, desire and shame flit across her face as he began to push her dress down to expose her breasts to his gaze. Lifting her gently, he reached behind her, trying to lower the zipper for easier access. Leaning over he sucked one pointed nipple into his mouth, rolling it with his tongue and biting it gently.

Heather whimpered as he continued the onslaught against her breasts, alternating kisses and bites on her neck and lips, while his other hand began to bunch her skirt up around her waist. His hand began to stroke the outside of her legs and then moved to the tender flesh of her inner thigh. Up and down he massaged her, ignoring the one place she most wanted him to put his hand. Her moaning grew more frenzied and her hips began to move and thrust. Oh, god, she thought, she had to stop this now. It wasn't right. She wasn't supposed to let this happen, not with another man. Not while the man she loved sat a few feet away, watching.

"Yeah, you like being touched by another man, don't you, baby?" Kurt observed softly as he let his fingers slowly drift upwards toward the V of her legs. She tried to shake her head, No, but then Kurt allowed one finger to graze the outer edges of Heather's panties, skimming along the bare skin of her outer labia. Heather felt his fingers exploring her private area and knew it was do or die time. The desire mixed with terror at her actions filled her with a high that was more of an aphrodisiac than any kind of drug.

But she still knew it wasn't right.

Heather would have to be dead not to feel aroused when a man she had once been wildly attracted to began fingering her pussy, but that didn't mean she had to like it. She was tempted...god, she was tempted...but Heather realized with sudden clarity that she had a healthy level of self-control still in her veins. People were tempted everyday. The trick was maintaining self-control and remembering that actions had real, unforgiving consequences. She'd already learned that the hard way once. Right now, she had a choice. Her life was going to go one of two ways. Did she give in, embrace the whore within and find meaningless gratification for an hour or two at a time, never again knowing what it was like to love and be loved only by one man? Or did she walk away, her remaining integrity and values still attached, with the hope of someday again finding long and lasting happiness with a man she loved?

And what about Jake? Had he really meant what he'd said about giving her permission to sleep around? She didn't think so. Quite frankly she hoped not. She didn't want him to be that kind of man, and if he had become that type, she didn't think they stood a chance after all. A tear rolled down her cheek as she realized that she probably had lost her husband forever.

Silently, she made her choice.

Oddly, she could only smile in relief when she realized she'd had the courage to face her demons and slay them. She managed to turn her head, opened her eyes and looked at Jake. She didn't see the man she'd fallen in love with anymore; she only saw a cold, bitter stranger who looked like him. And she could tell by that look in his eyes - even though he was trying hard to mask it - that he didn't like what was happening here one bit.

She smiled at him, a sad, although triumphant little smile.

Then Heather reached down and removed Kurt's hand from between her thighs as she slowly slid away and out from under him. Standing, straightening her clothes, she looked down at him apologetically and said calmly, "I'm sorry, Mr. Waltham, but I'm not interested in having this kind of relationship with you or anyone else outside of my husband. If you'll please excuse me..."

"What the--!" he protested, then glanced angrily towards Jake. "I paid five grand for this!"

She turned just as Jake was moving to his feet.

His eyes were wary, a little bit confused, a little bit relieved. Heather could only hope that he was finally seeing things clearly again and recognized her decision for what it was. She stepped over to him, planted a soft, lingering kiss on his cheek and whispered, "Goodbye, Jake. May you find the peace you deserve. Please remember that I'll always love you."

Before the tears could start falling in earnest, she gathered her purse and made a hasty retreat. As she was walking out the door, she heard her ex-husband saying to the other man, "Here's your five thousand back, plus interest. We apologize for any inconvenience we might have caused you tonight. ..."

Somehow she made it back to Jake's condo without being hassled, and although she half-expected, half-hoped he'd follow her, she saw no signs of Jake during the hour it took her to call the airport, pack the few personal items she considered her own and hail a cab. This time when she left, she didn't bother with a note.

Jake knew where to find her if he still wanted her. The ball was in his court now.

****

From across the street, Jake watched Heather pack her suitcase into the cab and, with one last lingering glance in the direction of the condo, get inside and drive away. When he was certain she was out of view, he turned on the headlights of his car and pulled into his parking spot.

The condo felt cold and empty without her there. That was his first thought. His second was that she'd left most of the things he'd bought her since she'd moved in with him. Not that he was surprised. They were clothes only a real slut would want to hang onto. Despite what he'd been telling himself since the divorce, Heather wasn't a slut, or a whore, or anything but a wife who'd made a mistake. She'd made a mistake and paid for it, threefold.

Reaching into his closet he pulled out a lockbox and carried it with him into the living room. Pouring himself a drink, Jake thought better of the idea and just grabbed the entire bottle of Jack Daniels instead. Grabbing the TV remote control, he turned on the big-screen plasma TV and began flipping through channels...anything to take his mind off what he'd allowed to happen to himself...and to his relationship with Heather.

She'd passed his test, and yet he hadn't stopped her from leaving. Why? Hell if he knew.

He fell back onto the sofa, downing a gulp of whiskey before reaching for the lockbox. Inside were photos - photos from his wedding, photos of him and Heather back when they'd both been young and naive and so in love with each other it had hurt. Beneath the photos he found his wedding ring tucked into the envelope she'd mailed back to him after their divorce with a short note that said simply, "I gave this to you on our wedding day as a symbol of my undying love. It's still yours, Heather." Beneath that letter he found some of his old military papers - accomodations - along with a handgun he'd bought for protection when he and Heather had lived on a rough side of town, back when they were first starting out. Half the time he forgot the thing even existed. The accomodations made him smile in self-disgust. He hadn't done anything worth being accomodated for in a long, long time.

Jake was down to the last few sips of whiskey in the bottle when he decided to check and see if the gun was still loaded. Yep. Sitting it on his lap, he thought about everything that had happened today, about Heather's fractured words when they'd been making love, about how he'd probably misinterpreted them at the time, and finally, of how she'd almost allowed herself to be seduced by another man but had stopped things because, deep down, he knew she wasn't the type of woman who could intentionally sleep around with abandon. And because she really did love Jake too much to intentionally hurt him.

Oh yeah, she'd passed the test he'd secretly dealt her, but he'd lost her in the process. Remembering back on the good times didn't help any. In fact, he felt like shit. He didn't see how he and Heather could ever get past any of this now. He didn't think he could live with himself remembering any of the things he'd done since he'd left her...and that included the ruthless way he'd handled his business, firing men who needed jobs to support their families simply because he'd been in a bad mood that day; how he'd cut his family off from all emotional ties; how he'd carelessly discarded Jenny's feelings and then Heather's.

Draining the bottle of the last of its contents, Jake took a deep breath and lifted the gun from his lap, took it off safety and was trying to decide where he wanted the bullet when something caught his attention.

A voice from the television suddenly asked, "Have you ever loved someone so much that loving them nearly destroyed you?" Jake had pretty much tuned out the program that was on, but those simple words broke through his fog and captured his attention like nothing else could have. Yes, he silently answered, oh, yes, I have.

He lifted his head and saw a rough-looking, older-than-her-years young woman on the screen. It was one of those reality, forensics shows where they interviewed the actual people involved in criminal cases while actors reenacted the events.

The woman said that she'd loved her boyfriend so much that when she'd caught him cheating, she'd acted on passion and shot him and his lover six times before realizing what she was doing was wrong.

With a shock, Jake realized he held a gun in his hand and had been deciding whether he wanted to aim for his head or his heart. Tossing the gun aside, he raked back his hair with a trembling hand and felt a sob rip through his chest. What had he become? And was he too far lost to be saved now?

A picture of Heather caught his attention. Picking it up, he felt pain, love, shame, anger. And he knew the best thing he could do...for either of them...was to finally let her go, once and for all.

That thought in mind, he took the picture, ripped it and tossed it aside. She wasn't worth ending his life over. Nothing was.

Thank God he had realized that in time.