Interlude: After Grace

Ryan watched as Lily gunned her little Toyota and sped off in a spray of moist dirt. A cool drizzle had started and he could see that many of the mourners shivered and cursed under their breaths and wished they had the audacity to break the sacrosanct mourning mob. Ryan dug his hands deeper in the pockets of his woollen overcoat and raised his face to the drizzle – he loved that Lily had Grace's impulsiveness, but he also wished she did not share her mother's impatience. But his own patience waned as the group broke into little clicks, each sharing a moment about the impact Grace had on their lives. Soon, Ryan stood alone over her grave and looked down at the empty hole that was to be her final resting place. Off to the side the burial crew waited patiently till the last farewell was given.

"Well, Grace," Ryan started as the drizzle slowly shifted to full blown rain. "This is quite a predicament you've put me in. I've been on back order for you for the past 15 years ... waiting for you to say you loved me and you pull this stunt? That was a wake up call." Ryan laughed to himself, sure that Grace was looking down at him from wherever she was and flipping him the bird with a smile that could charm the wings off an angel – he realized that would be the only way she would ever get her wings anyway.

"Wat was it you sang to me ... 'You got too much future/I got too much past/We'll never be together/It was never meant to last'. I guess you were right about that. But hat didn't matter to me, really. I'll never regret the 15 years I waited. Those were some of the best years of my life ... even if we never got together. But that was then; I have a long road ahead of me." He let the white rose he had been holding fall onto Grace's coffin. "And don't worry, I'll take care of Lily. She's taken this harder than she lets on ... I hope I can be there for her the way she needs me." Ryan turned around and walked to his Honda, put the car in gear and pulled away without glancing in his mirror while the burial crew dropped the first shovel full of dirt on his past.

Thirty rain soaked minutes later he was pulling in to the driveway of the house Lily had shared with Grace and that was now hers alone. Using the key Grace had given him when she and Lily had moved in five years prior, Ryan found the house to be a shambles of boxes and covered furniture. Each light he flicked on as he went from one room to the next displayed the efforts Lily had put in to bury Grace's ghost. He wondered what Lily was trying to do – suppress her memories of Grace to disguise the emptiness or just put them away to better get on with her own life? He thought he would have the answer soon when he heard stumbling and a muted curse from upstairs. His hands still in his pockets, Ryan took the stairs 2 at a time till he stood before Grace's bedroom. He opened the door and the first thing he noticed were the piles of pictures strewn across the bed haphazardly – he peered over them; they were all of Grace and him and Lily at different times of their relationships.

As he looked at the photographs, he consciously noticed, for the first time, the uncanny resemblance between Grace and Lily. Each was the mirror of the other with the only difference being their ages. He also noticed the glances they cast his way in the photographs where he appeared to pay attention to one woman over the other. Ryan removed his overcoat and cast it on the bed and picked up a picture of all 3 of them together: he was in the middle while Lily was at his right and Grace at his left. Only 15 years separated them in age – when Ryan had met them, Grace was 30, Lily was 15 and he was 20. A young mother trying to make her way and cope with a rebellious teenager, and an infatuated male tethering on the edge of boyhood and adulthood, unsure what defined either stage of life.

"Quite a family, weren't we," Lily said as she stood in the doorway. She was wearing the short blue silk robe Grace often wore. Lily was holding a glass of red wine and her face was flushed with drunkenness. Ryan scanned the floor and found an empty wine bottle by the bed – he also noticed another opened bottle on the dresser. Ryan noted that Lily's legs were bare – and he glimpsed for the first time how tone they were. He remembered how she had been a dance teacher until she tore ligaments in her knee in a biking accident. Lily moved slowly to the bed to join him. As she walked, the robe sometimes opened, offering Ryan flashes of her bare breasts and erect nipples that poked against the sheer material.

"You look so much like her," Ryan said as his cock stirred. He suddenly dug his nails into his palms – this was not the time to get all horny around the daughter of the first woman he ever loved!

"I do, don't I," she said as she sat on the bed, tucking her knees under her but not bothering to close her robe. She took a deep sip of the wine and handed Ryan the glass. Lily rummaged through the pictures till she found one showing Grace in a bikini taken while they were on vacation. Lily touched the picture with her thumb. "The same brown eyes. Same shoulder length blond hair. We both have freckles across a button nose. She was a bit taller but my tits are a cup bigger – but you know that, don't you?" Lily put the photo down and took the wine glass from Ryan's hand her fingers lingered on his for a moment. "Twins out of time, that's what we were."

She then got up and walked to the dresser and opened a drawer. Lily put the glass on the dresser surface and undid her robe. Ryan stared at her transfixed as the robe fell – his lower lip trembled as he watched her naked reflection stare back. He witnessed her heavy breasts heave as she exposed herself to him-- from her reflection he knew she had planned for his eyes to drink in every inch of her toned back, rounded hips and bulbous ass. She took out a floral print summer dress that she languidly slipped over her head and across her sumptuous figure. She then tilted her head to the left, lifted her mane from her neck, and sprayed Grace's favourite perfume in the crook.

"Do you like the way I look?" she slurred while bracing herself on the dresser. "Am I everything you remember about her?"

Ryan swallowed hard as his mind flashed to the first time he ever met Grace Harper. She had worn the same dress Lily was wearing now. Grace had knocked on his door, eyes full of tears, a small trail of blood and a bruised cheek desecrating her luminous face. Her boyfriend at the time had taken offence that dinner was not ready and that Lily was out beyond her curfew. Holden – the boyfriend -- had pursued Grace down the hall of the apartment building till Grace stopped at the first door where she heard music. Ryan was in college and was a fan of Twisted Sister. When he had seen Grace show up at his door in distress but also glowing with strength that required an anchor, he pledged his heart to her defence. The next few minutes were filled with harsh words and violence that left Holden pinned to the ground in an arm lock applied by Ryan till the police Grace had called picked him up.

Holden never returned and Grace was finally strong enough to give her rebellious daughter the attention she needed while acknowledging but never returning Ryan's unrequited love. But Lily always remained rebellious and headstrong, often migrating from one messed up relationship to another. But all that rebellion was melting away as Ryan witnessed the raw sexuality he had always tried to deny in her.

"Lily, why are you doing this?" he asked as he closed his eyes and fought the rising desire before it clouded his judgement completely.

"I can be the Grace you deserved. You always stood by and gave her the kind of pure love she kept for me." Lily's eyes began to puff and water. "As long as I was there, she never allowed herself to be who she wanted to be, with you."

"She told me about how important you were to her ... how she loved watching you move. She called you an example of graceful violence – we got drunk together once and she told me about a time when you two almost fucked. She said you were beautifully toned because of your swimming and she told me your cock was a piece of art. She said you'd been gentle when she was desperate to be touched. But she said she chickened out because she wanted to let you in but she wasn't ready yet."

Lily finished her glass of wine and poured another one; Ryan traced an imaginary line from the base of the glass while she drank, down her neck to the excessive cleavage of her compressed tits. "I found her so selfish when she told me that," Lily continued after she emptied the crystal and let it drop on the dresser. "I realized then that I wanted you. But you'd never really seen me other than as Grace's daughter. Messed up Lily who needed your protection but was too stubborn to accept it.

"If I would have had you in my bed, I would've milked every once of come from your balls. My cunt, my mouth, even my ass would have been yours to fill." Lily had stumbled her way back to the bed and was now standing shakily before Ryan. "I can be Grace the virgin, Grace the slut, Grace the whore ... I can be any Grace you want..."

Ryan's mind was totally filled with the conjured image of Grace standing before him, offering herself to him the way she never did before. It was her fingers that were gripping his wavy brown hair and pulling him close. He was sliding his hands up Grace's legs and thighs, exposing the dark blond triangle of her pussy. It was her musk that was filling his nostrils as he pushed his nose into her pussy. He heard Grace's sigh when he ran his fingers across her moist slit and up to her ass and back. It was her leg that was on his shoulder, allowing freer access to her cunt. He felt Grace quiver and heard her moan when his tongue lathered itself in her tangy juices and when it found her electrified clit.

"God, Grace, why do I want you so much?!" he muttered as he flipped her onto the bed and pulled the top of the dress down to expose her breasts. She was starting to struggle with his belt when he noticed the pictures beneath her. Grace waving to the camera; why was Grace undoing his belt? Grace and Lily were laughing together as they played with a puppy; why was Grace naked beneath him? Why was Grace's voice different when she said his name?

"Christ! Lily! No!" he shouted as he tumbled backwards and scurried to the dresser. It was Lily he had been licking; Lily who wanted him with a fire he had never felt; Lily who wanted to be Grace to be wanted by him.

Lily looked at him with stupor and realized her dress was in such a way that she was exposed. "No..." she whispered and reached out for Ryan but she suddenly tucked herself into a ball and yanked the blanket around her, sending the pictures flying across the room. They both looked at the photos as they seemed to float in the air before crashing to the ground soundlessly.

"Go..." Ryan stuttered as he found his coat and fought to put it on. "I gotta ... I gotta go ... Go..." He burst from the room and almost tumbled down the stairs and ran to his car. Before he pulled away from the house he cast an anxious glance at the second story and saw Lily's silhouette. Then he put the Honda in gear and drove away with the same ferocity Lily had demonstrated when she fled the burial.

II

It was 10 o'clock in the morning and Ryan was pouring himself a cup of black coffee when there was the sound of a key in his door – he secretly hoped it was going to be a masked intruder coming to do away with him but he knew only one person currently had the key to his apartment.

Lily poked her nose in the opened door held fast by a chain. "Hey. Can I come in?"

"You gonna stay dressed?" he asked back as he settled his hand on the chain. She nodded and he unhooked it. As she walked past him he smelled her hair. It was Lily, not Grace, who was pouring herself a cup of coffee. Lily was wearing a pair of black jeans and a loose fitting hoodie and tennis shoes.

"Well," he said as he sat down in a deep reclining chair.

"Yeah," she said as she plopped down on his futon.

"I want to apologize for what happened last night," he said. "There was no excuse for what I did."

"No," Lily said as she reached out and took his hand. "You didn't do anything I didn't want you to. I'm the one who should apologize – getting you to sleep with me by dressing like my mother was not one of my brightest ideas." She laughed a bit and sat back into the futon. "But I wanted to fuck you last night. I did."

Ryan rubbed his temples and let out a sigh. "That's... I don't know what to say."

"Just listen then. What I told about finding my mother – before I went all Grace-crazy ... about finding her selfish was true. She always kept you in check by letting you hope the two of you would be together."

"It wasn't like that," Ryan protested, though deep down he knew she was right.

"Don't kid yourself, Ryan. You played into it because you knew it was the easiest relationship you could have: you love her, she never loves you back, you know precisely what to expect so you never get disappointed. You never really get hurt."

Ryan got up and walked to the pantry and poured himself more coffee. "I know. It was – is – pathetic and I knew it was."

"You know what?" Lily asked. "I loved you from the moment you came into our lives. I was just a girl, but I loved you. Tall, handsome, strong, but tender and gentle – you were the man any woman could want. And you wanted the only woman that you could never have. So typical ... I was going to fuck you last night but I was also going to humiliate you. I wanted you to fuck your ideal Grace and get it out of your system and then I was sure you'd want me for me." She laughed again. "I was fucked up, wasn't I?"

"My whole life's been fucked up because I let it," Ryan whispered as he finished the cooling coffee.

"Listen. You're beautiful Lily, make no mistake. And if you still want me – well, just know I want you too. I have for a while, now. But I want Lily – not a rehashed Grace, not some drunken fantasy whore willing to do me because she thinks that's the only way she can reclaim her own identity. I want a whole Lily – 'cause the weird thing about last night was that I realized that ... " Ryan shook his head and wiped something moist from his eyes. " ... That I've become whole since your mother died. Come and see after you've accepted that about yourself."

"I'm going to take a shower," Ryan said as he took off his shirt. He cast a glance over his shoulder and noticed that Lily hung her head low and appeared to be staring into her coffee cup.

"Shit," Ryan murmured under his breath as the steaming water stuck him with searing clarity. He stayed like that for a few minutes, not caring about the water, simply hoping it would wash away the guilt he felt about what he said to Lily. Under the water, he remembered the first time he noticed Lily as a young woman – she had always been cute when she was a teenager but at age 19 was when she became a beautiful young woman. Dancing had taught how to truly use the power her body possessed; she had not started teaching but was the solo star of her college dance troupe.

To Ryan she had sustained the same transformation as a butterfly: a crude and somewhat awkward and almost vulgar teenager changed into an elegant, graceful and powerful woman. Her every extension was pure precision; her every jump seemed powerful enough to take her to the stars; her every gesture was perfectly synchronized to the crescendos and valleys of the music. For the first time since he had met Grace and Lily, Grace was not the focus of his desire. It dawned on him that he was only a few years older than Lily. In different circumstances, and from the way Lily sometimes acted around him, freely laughing and touching him under the sometimes resentful eye of Grace, Lily would be the one he would have been with. But the love he'd felt for Grace buried that desire.

He felt his erection return at the thought of Lily dancing and bouncing, her erect nipples pushing against her tight costume, her every curve highlighted by the stage lamps. Then the image shifted to last night: her large, firm breasts peeking from the robe, the curve of her back as she stood before the mirror ... he wished he had an unclouded memory of her pussy.

He started to lather up when he noticed a silhouette standing in front of the shower curtain. It slowly opened and revealed a naked Lily. Through the steam of the shower she seemed almost like an immaterial ghost – an echo of who she was and who she could be. "What are you doing, Lily?"

"No names," she whispered as she pressed an elegant finger to his lips. "Right now, I'm nobody. A mystery with no answer. You're a paradox hidden to the naked eye. But we see each other right now and we do the only thing we can do together ..."

She stepped into the shower, her 5'5 inch frame dwarfed by his 6'1 body, and wrapped her arms around him. His erect cock pressed against her belly while her nipples seemed hard enough to pierce his skin. The steam from the shower mixed with the steam of their desire when he lowered his lips to hers – the velvety surfaces of their lips parted and came together, echoing the contact of their bodies. The heat of the shower made their skin extremely sensitive so they trembled and shook as they were rocked by the electrified kiss they shared. And even before they consumed their passion they both felt the inebriating joy of orgasm invade them.

After that first bliss, he reached behind his back and closed the water. He then stepped out of the shower and opened his arms to her – in one sweeping gesture he scooped her up and led their dripping forms to his bed room. He gently deposited her voluptuous body on the bed – she laid down on her back and raised her knees, allowing him a clear view of her wetness. But his tongue had another destination as it was his desire to lick her dry.

She let out a giggle and then a small sigh as he ran his tongue around her toes and across her foot; behind his tongue his fingers followed and he pressed into the flesh of her foot, making small circles while his tongue slipped between her toes, which in turn he gently nibbled and sucked on. She sighed more loudly when he applied the same ministrations to her other foot and she then shivered as he pushed her knees up and kissed and licked his way to her wanton pussy. He climbed to his knees and locked his eyes with hers while his cock aligned itself with her moist slit.

She closed her eyes when he rested the head of his cock against her warm folds – she gyrated her hips to get more of him into her but he always managed to stay just at her entrance, triggering an ever growing tide of wetness to spread from her canal. She snapped her eyes open and pouted as he smirked – but she closed them again as he leaned forward and slid into her in one smooth motion.

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and her legs around his thighs and he slid in and out of her tightness. He dug in face into the crook of her neck as he savoured the intensity of having her surround him and consuming him. He felt the connections that should have been formed years ago fuse and link with his every thrust and each pulse of her cunt. She dug her nails in his back and nibbled on his ear when he moved higher relative to her body, concentrating his strokes so they could rub longer against her sensitive clit. He found her lips and they kissed, desperately hoping their tongues could fuck the way they were now.

She suddenly gasped as her body was rocked by an uproarious orgasm – she almost crushed him with the intensity of her bliss. After she came down from her orgasm, she pushed his sweaty body off hers and flipped him around so that he was now on his back. She positioned herself between his thighs and rested on her knees and started to stroke his long, thick cock. He rested his hands behind his back and admired her. She was voluptuous, with large tits and truly curvaceous hips. Her hair was of a dark blond hue and her eyes were the colour of mahogany. Her nipples were unique as they seemed paler than her skin – but they were long and think when erect. He wondered if he had ever truly seen her before.