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Click hereDan jerked out a huge stream of warm silky cum which landed on her ass. It dripped down towards her pussy. Xia licked all of it clean and swallowed it.
James sat on his knees in front of Michelle who was sucking his dick till it blew. So much came out that her little mouth could barely contain it and spilled some out. She then swallowed it all in one gulp.
The whole group laid satisfied and tired on the ground and on the couch. Resting their heads against each other. This was something they were going to do a lot more.
First, it is tongue, not tong. There was a typo where it should read 'pink' but you had pick. It interrupts the flow of the story.
The action is hot but does not balance with the innocence you describe in your characters.
Keeping writing, but get a more qualified proof-reader.