Into the Depths of Madness

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"I love you." They both murmured at the same time.

After a tall pancake breakfast in a near small-town diner, Carter and Eleanor walked back to the motel, full and happy. They had decided that they would take a nice shower together and then spend the afternoon in bed, surfing the TV channels. But as they stepped into the motel room, Carter's heart instantly sank.

Carter's jacket was out on the bed with his sword was on the floor. The cleaning lady had found his sword; he was exposed. The second Eleanor closed the door, the sounds of police sirens could be heard outside, the cops had set up an ambush.

"Damn it, the cleaning lady found my sword and alerted the police, they knew it was me the second the weapon was mentioned. They must have set themselves up in hiding while we were gone." Carter swore as he spun around wildly, trying to think of a way to escape. Eleanor was shaking with fear as she glanced under the window shades and saw all the cops. They had shone up and gotten into position so quickly that it was as if they had teleported.

"Release the hostage!" The police chief shouted on a bullhorn. Carter quickly grabbed his sword and locked the door.

"What do we do?" Eleanor asked as they crouched down beneath the window.

"I don't know, there aren't any windows in the bathroom. I can't think of a way out." Carter replied. Eleanor yelped as a teargas canister broke through the window above them, quickly filling the room with burning smoke. With tears streaming from her face (but not caused by the gas), Eleanor clutched Carter's hands.

"Carter, I don't want to lose you. If you're locked up, then I'll die without you. I can't survive without you in my life." She cried. Carter wrapped his arm around her, holding her as tightly as possible.

"I know, I don't want to lose you either. I've finally found something to live for, something that will give me a reason to exist beyond just punishing everyone around me and myself." He swore. They were suddenly shaken from their conversation by a loud crash that shook the door. The police were trying to break it down with a battering ram.

"There is a way out, come on." Eleanor said, rushing through the smoke to the bathroom. Carter followed her and locked the door behind him. This would only buy them a minute at least.

"What is your plan?" He asked, turning to the woman he loved. Eleanor was leaning over the sink, crying in fear.

"Eleanor..." He said softly, putting his hand on her shoulder. The second he touched her, she turned around with hollow determination in her eyes.

"There is only one way to escape being separated, but we will not escape with our lives." She said softly. Carter looked away, having known what she was going to suggest but hoping that it wouldn't come to that. Eleanor stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Take both of our lives, do it now." She whispered in his ear.

"I can't. How can you possibly ask me to do something like that?! How can you ask me to hurt you?!" He demanded angrily.

"There is no escape for us now, the only way we can be together is in the next world. Please, let me die in your arms." She begged. Outside, the door of the motel room was broken down and cops were streaming inside.

"Ok..." Carter finally said.

"Open the bathroom door now, we have you surrounded!" One of the officers demanded.

"My name is Carter Locke. I am the one that has killed all the people at those college parties." He replied with a shaky voice. He slowly held out his sword behind Eleanor, with the tip just barely touching her back.

"Release the hostage!" The cop demanded.

"My name Is Eleanor Rose, and I am not an accomplice or a hostage. I love Carter, and I am with him by my own consent!" Eleanor shouted with tears running down her face.

"Open the door, we can talk this through!" The cop said with a much gentler tone, but still as a command.

"When you bury us, make sure we are together." Carter said as he took a deep breath and gripped the handle of his sword with both hands, gathering his strength for the plunge.

There was a loud crash as the police slammed the battering ram against the bathroom door. Huge cracks riddled the door, and it was obvious it would break with just one more impact.

"Set us free." Eleanor tearfully whispered

"I love you." Carter replied.

The police slammed the door again, breaking it off its hinges. At the same time, Carter plunged his sword into Eleanor's back, piercing her through and then stabbing him in the chest. With the sword having pierced them both, the two lovers coughed up blood and feel to their knees, holding each other as tightly as possible with their dying strength.

EMT responders were called in while the police tried to remove the blade and separate the two star-crossed lovers, but with all of the strength in their dying bodies, they held onto each other and refused to be separated. At last, they shared one last kiss, and each whispered,

"I love you."

With those last words spoken, they ended their kiss, closed their eyes, and passed on, leaving the world behind and choosing instead to spend eternity together, where nothing could hurt them and their love.

The End

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5 Comments
tazz317tazz317over 12 years ago
2 WILLING TO DIE WITH AND FOR

all 3 were successful. TK U MLJ LV NV

AnonymousAnonymousover 12 years ago
not clear.

The meaning of this is not clear to me: "She considered herself lucky that alcohol didn't run through her family, or abuse would have occupied most of her life; physical, psychological, and even sexual."

Prolonged_Debut10Prolonged_Debut10over 12 years ago
Dumb as a post!

1. No one in his right, or deluded mind, could read this story and find any cause to find it reasonable.

2. Follow the advice given by a previous responder and get an editor. You need one, desperately!

3. Write about something you either know about, or have some degree of passion for. Taking a crowbar and fashioning it into a sword, over a trash can fire, would be a real trick.

Better luck on your next attempt.

LoneStarRiderLoneStarRiderover 12 years ago
well done, but.....

[You need an editor. Start with "your" vs "you're" and "to" vs "too". And a number of pronoun errors.]

That said, it's still a five-star. Very dark, and I was hoping for a NOT "Romeo and Juliet" ending. But it's dark in the same vein as "Straw Dogs" and "The English Patient".

Do work on the editing, but do keep writing.

AnonymousAnonymousover 12 years ago
it is

in the wrong category

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