Introspection

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Jimmy's tale of finding himself.
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Editor's note: this story contains scenes of incest or incest content.

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*All characters are 18+ years old

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Jimmy was born into a small family in Colorado. His mother was a beautiful woman named Dianne, and his father was a gruff working man named Thomas. If only kids could have been given a choice to be born, Jimmy would have chosen otherwise. He loved his mother, but his father was always hard on him. His father wanted Jimmy to be the sporty, funny jock that he was in school, but Jimmy took after his mom much more with a slim figure and softer features that looked too delicate for a football field. His beachy blonde hair grew fast and often got to the point of looking feminine, and his small stature couldn't help his odds on the court. But that didn't stop Thomas from trying to get Jimmy to play sports, and that didn't stop Jimmy's parents from fighting about it. Up to around the seventh grade, that's about the best way to sum up Jimmy's home life.

Jimmy was glad to go to school, not for the learning or the people but because he got to escape his dad. As he came of age and began to understand his parents more, he wondered why his mother ever married his father. The answer eluded him, and he dared not ever ask. He had to assume it was some incredible romance, or sex, when they were younger that blinded his mother into such a stupid decision. But it was besides the point now. Because now all that mattered was the violence. The screaming and shouting that Jimmy escaped as he stepped onto campus, and returned to as he walked back into his home. The hard nights to fall asleep as he heard screaming coming from his parents room. Or worse, when the screaming would abruptly stop.

But Jimmy turned a blind eye and kept about his life. He loved his mom, but he didn't think it was his place to get involved with anything. And so he put up with the screaming and fighting. Day in and day out, leaving it only to once again return to it. It was regular to him now. It's what he expected. Which is why when he came home one day, he was surprised to see both of his parents sitting in the living room waiting for him, silently. They invited him to sit down, and he was immediately put off by his father's tone. It was something he had never heard out of his fathers mouth. It sounded almost like sadness, or fear. That day was the day that Jimmy began to understand life a little bit more. He had never grasped his parents fighting until that day. He had thought they hated each other, figured his mother was somehow tricked into signing her life away to an abuser. But he learned that day that his father actually loved her. Though they had their issues, when it came down to the line they loved each other. And that's why his father was so sad, because that was the day they learned about Dianne's stage 4 terminal cancer.

The fighting stopped after that day. The violence and anger in the house was replaced with a depressed sadness. It hung over all of them like a thick blanket. For Jimmy, life tried to go on as usual. He still attended school, still talked to his friends, and still attended his classes unaware of the legal dealings and other issues that his parents were sorting through for the impending day. Jimmy noticed the extra work his parents seemed to be putting in, but never quite understood. He heard them talking about budgeting, discussing things like how things will work financially, but it never struck home with Jimmy exactly what they meant. And like the silver lining in every grey cloud, Jimmy almost enjoyed these times. The times when his parents didn't fight, and his father showed his soft side. But all clouds fade, sadly there was only the storm coming.

It was only a few months for the day to come. Jimmy watched in disgusted terror and sadness as they lowered the coffin into the grave. He gripped his fathers hand tightly and tried to fight the tears. His father's reaction was much more concealed, and his expression laid dead. Jimmy couldn't see what his father was thinking, nor what he planned to do. But that was where Jimmy saw his dad shed a tear for the first and last time. Though it's meaning was diminished later, as Jimmy could heard his dad bawling in the kitchen next to an empty whiskey bottle while Jimmy tried to sleep. But of course, neither of them got any sleep that night. And it would only be the first of many.

Jimmy helped his dad pack all of his mothers things into boxes and stored them in the garage. The loving softness of his father seemed to shell over into a dead, unfeeling exterior. The feeling of family that tied the house together was cut. Jimmy's routine felt soulless as he drudged to and from school. He left his father in a mess, and returned to empty bottles and stern sadness. This is when Jimmy began to figure out his next lesson of life, life is merciless and everyone has misfortune. Everyone had to deal with that misfortune, and some dealt with it better than others. While Jimmy struggled to figure out how he would, his father found solace in the bottom of a bottle. More and more nights for his father were spent drunk, and slowly the sadness began to be replaced with more anger.

The months of neglect and anguish turned into years of sorrow and misery. Jimmy went into high school his freshman year on his first day with a black eye. When he was asked about it, he said that he tripped. Some teachers began to suspect some things as every few months he would show up with some other form of injury. They would interrogate Jimmy, asking him questions about his home life, but he tried not to tell. In his junior year of high school though, it was now too much. Jimmy came home every night to a raging alcoholic. The bills were past due, the fridge was empty, and Jimmy had to lock his door at night to save from the beatings. But one fateful night Jimmy said something out of line. The next thing that he knew, he was being driven to the hospital by his drunk dad after a bottle had been thrown at his face. To make things worse, his dad's drunk driving was so bad they got pulled over on their way. While Jimmy sat in aching pain in the passenger seat barely holding on to consciousness, his father was trying to fight the cop as he was being put into handcuffs. A second car pulled up, and a second cop helped detain Jimmy's father. Soon Jimmy was escorted to the hospital by one of the cops, and finally in the hospital bed did Jimmy admit to his father's abuse.

The next day Jimmy didn't go to school, and his dad didn't go to work. The last time Jimmy ever saw his dad was in court as he was sentenced to prison for child abuse. The rest of that year was a bit of a blur. Jimmy was first looked over and maintained by the cops. He finished the last month of his junior year before he was told where he would be going. His new legal guardian would be his uncle, Alex, who lived about an hour south of them. Jimmy would be moving schools for his last year in high school, which only added insult to injury. But he had no say in the matter, and anything sounded better than the hell he had been through. So he began to pack his things to leave. Of course, with his mother deceased and his father in prison, all of the things in the house were his. The cops explained to Jimmy that he would need to go through and chose what he would be taking with him, while the rest would be disposed of or donated while the house got foreclosed.

Jimmy didn't even go to his parent's room. Everything left in there was his fathers, and for all he cared it could burn in a fire. He also didn't much care for any furniture or kitchenware or the likes. So really the last thing for him to consider was things in the garage. Going through them he found some old photos, letters, and other items to help him remember the good times. But when he found the boxes of his mothers things, he didn't know. He opened one of the boxes and was a little shocked and embaressed to be presented with a whole manner of clothes, lingerie, and silky articles. His face turned red for a moment as he considered closing the box and deciding to leave them. But he found a soft pair of panties and held it up. He liked the fabric, and it's smooth material reminded him of his mother. Despite his intuition telling him not to, he closed the boxes and decided to bring them. He put them with the rest of his things, and finished up packing.

The first time he ever met his uncle was when he was a young baby. His father and uncle didn't talk much, so Jimmy didn't really know Alex. So when Alex came up to get Jimmy, they met for what was essentially the first time. And Jimmy was extremely surprised. The man he met looked like his father, but couldn't be further from it. Their faces and hair were similar, but their body shapes were different. While Jimmy's dad's body had been a little on the larger side, especially after his alcoholism, Alex's was lean and toned. And as Jimmy began to talk to Alex, he began to realize that Alex wasn't some blunt working man like his brother. Alex worked as an attorney and was beyond educated comparatively. The man presented himself in a way that showed he was open and compassionate. He introduced himself softly and was slow to make any rash movements. It was obvious that he'd been briefed by someone on all the shit that Jimmy had been through, and having never really met each other Alex was taking his time.

Alex and Jimmy got to know each other as they loaded all of Jimmy's things into Alex's Range Rover. They played twenty questions and caught up on life around their family as they drove. It was about an hour and a half drive with traffic, and there almost wasn't a single moment where they weren't talking.

"So my dad was always violent?" Jimmy asked.

"Sadly yeah. When he was going through high school he had a tendency to be pushy with his girlfriends. We even caught him abusing one his senior year. My parents insisted that we keep it under the rug and we payed the girl off and got her help in order to keep her quiet. I damn near swore out our parents for it, too. I knew that it would teach him no lessons, and he would only go on to keep abusing women. But my parents didn't want to deal with legal issues, or him getting kicked out of school before graduating. After that girl he didn't date again until college. We hoped he would learn a thing or two, but the issue probably got worse while he was away at college and we couldn't monitor him. For all we knew he had gotten better, but according to the next few women he dated he hadn't learned a thing. Of course, he was only in college for two years. When he told us that he would be dropping out and finding a job, we figured that must have been the end of his abusing days. He would hopefully be whipped into shape after some menial labor in a scum bag job, or maybe not even find a girl to date ever again. But that's when he met her, your mother, only a month before he dropped out. For some reason, she persisted with him. He put on his best show of true love, and all the sweet lies he had gotten so good at telling. She fell for it like bugs to a fire, and before long they were married."

"But my mom finished college, she was educated. How could she fall for a man like him?"

"Well, that's probably the worst part. We began to catch wind that he was beginning to fight with her too. We confronted him, but he shut us out. He locked us away from his life and never talked to us except the very rare occasion that he needed something. But soon came our last chance to ever see him, and it began to make sense." Alex's tone became slow as he thought about how to say the next few words. He looked over to Jimmy, "Out of nowhere they invited us to a party to celebrate your birth. While there, I pulled Dianne aside to confront her about Thomas. Just as I had suspected, she was thinking about leaving him before she found out she was pregnant..."

"I'm the reason my mom got stuck with an abusive husband?!" Jimmy nearly screamed in disgusted horror.

"No no no! You can't think of it like that, you did nothing. None of this is your fault, it's all my shit for brains brother's fault. He was the one who stopped using protection, he was the one with the anger problems, and she was the one with a soft spot in her heart that hoped he would change after you were born. Nothing is on you."

But Alex's words meant nothing. Jimmy felt awful, not only had his mom died of cancer but now she had been through hell for him. Lucky for the both of them, it was only a few more minutes before they pulled up to Alex's house or else the depressed silence would have become awkward. They pulled up the driveway into the impressive house. It was dark grey with a lovely lawn in front, a light grey deck, and a white gate around the side that lead to the equally impressive back yard. It was two stories, and the two windows to the master were open. Out those windows popped a women's head. She called out for Alex, then came down stairs. They did introductions then began to move Jimmy's things into the house.

The woman was Sarah, Alex's girlfriend. She was tall, more so than Jimmy and almost as tall as Alex himself. She had jet black long silky hair, sharp brown eyes, and a sharp face. She had white skin, but it was thoroughly tanned and well maintained. Her body was an ideal shape, with a considerable sized bust, thin waist, and ample rear. She was wearing black sweat pants and a white sleeveless T-shirt that revealed the outline of her bra. Jimmy couldn't help but think to himself how pretty a woman she was, but he also got a strange feeling about her. Something familiar that he couldn't quite pin down. But regardless, they introduced themselves and talked for a short moment before she began talking to Alex. Alex and Jimmy were moving things while she walked and talked to Alex about something with the house. Alex showed Jimmy to his room upstairs, only down the hall from the master. Sarah went back to the master bedroom while Jimmy and Alex continued moving things.

After everything was in, Alex left Jimmy alone to begin unpacking. Jimmy filled his clothes into the new drawers he was given, hanging up nicer clothes in the closet. He began to spread his things around the room. It felt strange to him, seeing his belongings in a different room than his old one. It felt like trying to stretch the mask of his old house over a new one and it just wasn't fitting right. But he kept unloading until he was getting down to the last boxes. And that's when he came across the two with his mothers things. It only then struck him how strange it would be to Alex and Sarah if they found Jimmy had taken his mother's clothes and other belongings with him. With his face turning red, he scooted the boxes into the closet and tucked them in the corner with a few other estranged objects placed on top. After that, he finished unloading his boxes and stacked the now empty cardboard containers in a pile by the door. And on queue, Alex called up to Jimmy to announce that their dinner was ready.

Alex came down and sat at the new table for dinner. He felt out of place, and cold to the idea of a real sit down family meal. But lucky for him, it wasn't very reminiscent of his old family meals. There wasn't any fighting, and there wasn't the scolding from his father to try sports. Instead, before him was a very nice meal prepared by Sarah, in a very nice dining room, filled with the cold chatter between his uncle and uncle's girlfriend. Alex sat and tried to enjoy his food, while Sarah slowly touched hers and focused on talk. She moved from topic to topic, gossiping over the people that they knew. She complained about her friends, then about public drama. Every now and again scolding Alex for not listening. Alex would look up, affirm that he was, and try to contribute to the conversation. She would seem cross with him, but keep on going. But Jimmy began to pick up on a few things that might have flown over other people's heads. Firstly, though there was no fighting Sarah would sprinkle in complaints and ideas for Alex to consider through her stories and chatter. They were charged the same way things that Jimmy's father might say, but Alex never took the bait nor got in a fight over them. He only sat and nodded.

Jimmy helped them clean up the plates. It was summer now, and Jimmy had no friends or understanding of the new town he was in. Alex and Sarah announced that they were going to watch a movie down stairs and invited Jimmy to watch with them, but Jimmy decided otherwise. He went up into his room and got on his laptop. He began to surf the web for hours. Aimlessly, exploring new things and watching videos. Eventually Alex knocked on the door and informed Jimmy that he would be going to sleep and Sarah would be going home. Jimmy closed his laptop as if that were the same orders his father would given for Jimmy to go to sleep. But Alex reassured him that he could go to sleep whenever he chose, and left for the master. Jimmy didn't know what to think, usually his dad would come in and tell him to go to sleep, though usually with more slurred swearing and possibly even a few fists to be thrown. He reopened his laptop and continued what he was doing, unsure what to do with his time.

The rest of the night was wasted away accomplishing nothing online. And that began to become a trend for Jimmy. As the days went on for Jimmy that summer, with his new found freedom he wasted more and more time online. The summer days went like the first in a lot of ways. Alex went off to work every morning at seven and came back every night at five. Sarah would usually be there a few minutes before Alex and would only acknowledge Jimmy's presence. She would usually begin dinner while Jimmy stayed in his room on the computer. At dinner time, the same mindless gossip and chatter held true and was mostly upheld by Sarah. After dinner, Alex and Sarah would retreat to the couch or the back to spend time together while Jimmy went back up to his room. Sometimes Jimmy would go downstairs for a drink or snack and he could hear their conversations. Most of the time it was the usual gossip and complaining Sarah had made herself known for to Jimmy. But occasionally they seemed to be quietly arguing. Again, Jimmy had become good at spotting fights. The arguments were almost always one-sided with Sarah interrogating Alex who only ever seemed to want to keep watching the show or movie. Jimmy would grab his drink and quickly leave out the room on those nights.

After Sarah would leave and Alex would say good night, Jimmy got into his late night internet binges. It started off innocent enough, but with that amount of freedom and time on a high school boy's hands it was bound to become more sinister. He decided to begin experimenting with pornography. He had already exposed himself to it before, freshman year of high school, but he was almost instantly caught and punished for it. Since then he hadn't really explored the idea further, but now with some freedom on his hands he decided it was worth the risk. It started pretty standard. Regular, innocent, straight-forward sex. He had found where Alex stored backup tissue boxes, and in his bathroom he found some hand lotion. Needless to say, Jimmy made fair use of both every night.

As the nights went on and Jimmy's curiosity grew, he began to look into more specific fetishes. His interests followed trends that most people's did. Starting with easy things only a step up, like anal or group sex. He discovered more websites and more sources for his growing porn addiction. And with every new site came new opportunities to expand his horizons. Something about porn and masturbation seemed so right to him. It felt so uplifting and free after what had felt like a lifetime of imprisonment. And he found out that he wasn't too picky, and almost anything even remotely sexual or fetishy would interest him. It all seemed so good, the sex was enough but anything on top put him in a world of joy. And so his interests grew while his inhibitions diminished. And like many before him, he was introduced into the fetishes that required a much more refined palette. Starting with rule 34 images online of popular characters, females, although for some reason they head male genitals. At first it disgusted Jimmy, but something about it also seemed enticing. Then it grew to real life transsexual porn. And while something in his head told him it was wrong, that he wasn't gay, it never failed to pitch a tent in his pants.