Is This It?

"Are you kidding? I know something was up when you weren't there for three weeks in a row, but this?" he asked when he managed to gather himself.

"I met someone. And I think I love her."

"You think? He queried

"I've been trying to sort out my feelings. All I know is I respect and adore her and I can't live to see anything happen to her. I know I will love to stare into her eyes as I go to sleep every night and wake up in the morning lying in her arms." I said. I am sure that Richard was as surprised as I am at that.

I am starting to scare myself with what is coming out of my mouth. I've never been the romantic type; have never even paid anybody a real compliment in my life unless in sarcasm.

"Dr. Brown..." Richard started

"Nadia." I said cutting him off

He took and huge breath and sighed loudly, then tried again.

"Nadia, if you are really sure about this, then I wish you luck. You don't have to feel guilty for me, we had an arrangement. It's not like we were dating. I just appreciate you respecting me enough to tell me. I wish you luck in your love life, God knows you need it."

"Thank you." I said as I stood to hug him.

I stayed at Richard's for hours and we talked about everything. He is quite sharp and funny, and has an interesting view to all the topics. I wonder why I never discussed anything with him before. I know he will make some lady very happy one day. Around midnight, I got up to leave; Richard walked me all the way back to my house to make sure I was safe.

Now, I have just few things to do. First I called the hospital and found out that Bette is off on Sunday. So, I guess I have to return her car and keys and then try to convince her that I've decided on what is best, hopefully, she may not have changed her mind. After that, I went to bed and for the first time since, I was at peace with myself and slept all through the night without the help of a pill.

On Saturday, I did some cleaning. I felt so light and chipper. I even caught myself humming a tone twice. It really spooked me out. I just can't wait for Sunday to tell Bette how I feel about her and things between us. At noon, I got a call from the hospital and went in hoping I might run into Bette but not. I even entered the doctor's lounge and waited around, but she didn't appear. Finally around 8: 30 pm, feeling a little disappointed, I left.

I fiddled with my door in an attempt to open it before I noticed that the door was open—nothing unusual there, I used to forget to lock up sometimes. I pushed open the door and entered, shrugging off my coat. It landed on the floor along with my bag. I thought I smelt Bette's perfume but I guess it must be because I want her so much that my subconscious is playing tricks on me. I hurried over and flip on the light. I thought I heard a moan but I ignored it. As I turned back to the couch, I screamed.

"Fuck! What the...? What the hell are you doing here giving me a heart attack?" I screamed

"I just came to..." Bette began

"How the hell do you enter anyway?" I asked cutting her off, breathing hard to control myself.

"The door was unlocked." She looked at me.

"I'm sorry if I scared you. It's just that I need my car and I can't keep waiting for you to return it, knowing that you can't." she continued.

"I was meaning to return it tomorrow." I replied in a small voice

"It's okay. I can take it now. Keys?

I flipped my head to one side and she followed my gaze to see the key on the dining table. I couldn't move from the spot I am standing. I could feel my body trembling. I just hope it doesn't mature into a full blown attack. Bette must have noticed it too because instead of going to take her keys, she came and stood in front of me.

"It's ok. I understand you don't want to see me, but I really need the car. I'll just take it and get out of your face. I just hope we could be friends if not anything else."

I watched Bette and I know she is hurting. I wanted to tell her all the things I planned on saying, but somehow, the words couldn't come out. At last I managed to choke out something.

"No." I was mortified to hear me say this.

Is that all I could do? And obviously she understood it as what it meant. She silently leaned up and gave me a soft wet peck on the cheek. I stood watching as she walked past me to retrieve her keys and then starts making her way to the door. I can't believe she is leaving, our relationship ended long before it had a chance to start. I felt my attack coming. I can't lose her, not after all I have been through; to find the one person I think I love and let her leave like that because of my stupidity and cowardice.

As her hand touched the door knob, I shut my eyes tightly and whispered her name in farewell. It must have carried because she turned and face me with such an expectant look on her face. Her face is wet with tears and I could feel my eyes misting up too. I swallowed the sob in my throat and looked up at her.

"Bette, please don't go."

I couldn't think of anything else to say. We stood looking at each other, she was openly sobbing now. I hated myself for hurting her. Gingerly, I took a step towards her and she did the same, then we completed the rest in a run and fell into each other's arms. I held her tightly as she kissed me all over the face crying.

"I love you. I love you. I love you..." she kept repeating as she kissed me.

I tried my best to return all her kisses and I guessed I passed. After a while, I just held her until she cooled down, then I led her to the sofa and let her sit on my legs as I cradled her head in my arms. I stroked her hair and face, all the while watching her as she tried to control herself. She finally succeeded. I watched her silently like a hawk till she felt self- conscious.

"What? You don't think I cry?" she asked

"No. you are so beautiful. I'm sorry for being so pig—headed, and hurting you in the process."

"I don't mind as long as you come back to your senses." She responded and smiled at me.

"Can I kiss you?" I asked as I ran a finger over her lower lip.

"I will be glad." She whispered already leaning towards me.

The kiss began. At first; she just offered her lips and let me do all the work. I've picked up a few tricks since I started kissing Bette. I let my lips ran across hers lightly, and then I kissed her left cheek like I'm kissing a mouth -- with tongue and all. Then I slid up and kissed her lips again and pulled over to her right cheek before she could open her mouth and proceeded to suck it thoroughly like I did the other. I raised again to her lips, and this time, I allowed my tongue to pry apart her lips timidly and met hers. Bette moaned loudly in her throat.

"Yes baby, you are driving me crazy." She said as she took control of the kiss.

She kissed me with such ferocity that it practically took my breath away. I had no doubt that she loves me and I think I love her too, but I never imagined that a kiss can convey so much. She leaned back and stared at me seriously. I could feel her shaking and I know she feels me too. She has a question in her eyes as she looks at me. There is no ambiguity about the question, neither is there any about the answer. I leaned over and kissed her softly and I guess that answered her question because she moaned and start undressing me hurriedly.

In seconds, my chest was bare and my pants opened and pulled a little down than its normal position on my waist. Then without breaking the kiss, she made to start removing her own clothes.

"Let me," I told her steadying her hand with mine.

I got up and pulled her with me towards my bedroom. When we got there, I pushed her into my bed and slid on top of her. Our mouths immediately sought each others in an explosive kiss. Our tongues sought and caressed each others. I love the way she tastes—like hot chocolate. I've never kissed anybody that tastes half as good as she does."I could kiss you forever.'' I told her breaking away from her."Then all my worries are gone." She answered smiling up at me.

I could feel unfamiliar muscles stretching and contracting on my face.

"You look so beautiful when you smile; so soft, almost like a baby." She said touching my face.

"How do you know?" I asked puzzled.

"Because I am looking at you do it right now. The first I've seen since I've known you." She replied.

I could still feel my lips stretching and I know my teeth are showing, but I still couldn't stop. The next thing, I laughed: I mean really laughed. It felt wonderful the way the sound passes through your heart and bursts out your mouth. I decided to try it again. I've forgotten how it feels to laugh, to be happy. So, I lay on top of Bette and learned to laugh again. At a stage, I stopped laughing and looked down at her in adoration.

"Thank you," I said as my eyes clouded over with tears of joy.

"Nope, you did it all yourself and you are adorable. Now come down here and start working towards forever". She said

I reached down and pulled her t—shirt over her head as she lifted up to give me access. Then, I slid down and pulled down her black denim and her black lace panties. I paused for a few minutes and stare at her clean shaved pussy, and then I kissed my way up to her mouth again. As we kissed, I opened my bed side drawer and pulled out my pair of scissors. I sat up on her waist and reached up and quickly cut the hands off her bra. I did it so fast; she didn't know what was happening.

"My God! What did you just do? You are so paying for this," she squealed as she reached for me, but I am faster.

I quickly put the scissor on the cleft between her breasts and cut the bra into two. She gave a little cry and try to overturn me from her body, I held on. We wrestled around for domination. Her strength surprised me, but I know I can easily over-power her. But, notwithstanding, I let her pin me down and slid down fast to pull off my pants. She used her fingers to tear my lace panties from my body.

"Jesus!" I screamed

"You want to play rough, right?

"Yes...yes." I gasped

She pushed 3 fingers roughly into my hot pussy. I screamed and came immediately. She continued pushing her fingers in and out of me, while her thumb massaged my swollen clit. Her other hand tweaked and pinched my nipples hard and roughly. I was gasping in pain mixed with pleasure. Few minutes later, I froze in mid—air for a while before convulsing and shaking with my orgasm. I gasped for breath as I came down from the peak of my orgasm. When I regained my breath, she got up from between my legs and landed hard on top of me, temporary knocking the breath out of my lungs again. When I regained my breath again the second time, she put her fingers into my mouth and I taste my cum on them.

"Are you ok?" she asked, cradling my face in her left hand while I sucked her other hand. I shook my head yes.

"I'm sorry I lost control. I lose control around you. "She said

"It's... I am fine. I wanted it hard." I replied.

She stared down at me for a long while and then leaned down to kiss me lovingly.

"You are driving me crazy." She whispers and claimed my lips again.

"Yeah? You keep saying that."

"Because it's true?" she countered

"Well then my dear, allow me to show you crazy."

I flipped her over and start running my hands all over her body. I kissed her mouth, her chin, and cheeks. Then I burrowed into her neck and took a deep breath, inhaling her in; her sweet scent filled my nostrils, I know immediately, that's where I want my head to be if ever I go to sleep this night. I nuzzled on her neck, and then kissed my way down to her chest. I trailed kisses down the centre of her breasts without touching them. As I started kissing her stomach, I felt her tugging on my arm.

"What?" I asked feigning irritation.

"That kiss would have knocked me out if you'd passed through both sides instead of just from the middle. I believe you missed something." She said breathless.

"Ssshhhs!" I hissed at her and continued kissing her stomach. I slid down a little, then instead of going through the middle like I did on her chest; I go through the side; kissing down one leg and then starting up on the other.

"See? I am taking your advice," I said mockingly

"No, come up and go through the middle. Please, it's throbbing and I can't stand it anymore." She begged.

I slowly kissed up the other leg, then go up her body till I got to her lips again. I started kissing down slowly again, when I got to her chest, I passed through the centre again to her stomach. By now, her whole body is shaking uncontrollably. I kissed back up to her breasts; her pink nipples were so distended and pulsing in arousal. I used my tongue to circle around her nipple before claiming it in my mouth. She moaned loudly and starts pushing up from the bed. Her hand slid between her legs but I slapped it away. I suckled her two breasts for a while, and then I continued my downward journey until I got to her pussy again. This time, I parted her lips and stared at her pussy for a while. I felt the panic rising within me. She must have noticed it too because, she reached out her hand and touch my face lovingly.

"It's ok baby. Just relax, you're doing fine."

"I don't know what I'm doing here." I gushed out scared

"Everything you are doing is wonderful. Baby, you're getting me so hot. Come up here."

She pulled me up her body and kissed me ferociously.

"Touch me and feel how wet I am for you." She gasped as she continued kissing me.

She led my hand between her legs and they parted automatically for me. I touched her pussy timidly and she moaned. She was so wet that my hand becomes drenched in her pussy juice almost immediately.

"You see? Now go down and see how wet you make me." She almost begged

I slid down her body again. I leaned down, closed my eyes and boldly planted my whole tongue on her pussy and pushed down hard, her sweet sour taste hit me at once. She started pushing and bucking hard against my tongue. I withdrew my tongue in order to savor the taste for a while, then I flipped it twice on her clit and she came at once against my face, filling my mouth with her cum. I love the way she tastes. I wanted to get every drop that escaped from her honey pot. As I lapped, she kept getting wetter and wetter. As I struggled to get her dry, she started moaning again.

"Baby, you're driving me insane," she whispered as she ran her hand through my hair.

I plunged my tongue inside her hole and she gasped and started pumping up from the bed. I let my left thumb drift to her clit and start rubbing while I wiggle my tongue inside her. She convulsed again and came. She continued shaking while her whole body kept contracting, so, I guess she is still coming. At a point, she screamed and passed out. I quickly licked the juice as much as I could off her, then I slid up her body and burrowed into her neck and slept off.

*********** ************ ************

I woke to a wet kiss on my brows. I opened my eyes and stared up at Dr. Grandfield confused. Then it dawned on me what had happened. I blinked up at her.

"Bette?" I asked

"I am here, honey," she smiled at me and I smiled back

"I'm sorry I passed out. I figured it's either that or a serious coronary. So, I opted for the lesser," she continued

She reached down and claimed my lips. The kiss this time around, was full of tenderness and love. We continued kissing for a while without hurry. She broke up from me:

"Do you want me in your life?" she asked with an expectant look on her face.

"Very much, but you have to want to be in it." I replied

"I want to, but you have to let me." She countered

"I will, but there are some things you need to understand about me. I had a horrible experience growing up. It's very hard for me to trust. So I'm guessing it's going to be hard at first." I said

"And who told you it's going to be hard? She asked smiling

"You've witnessed some of my bad moments a few times. And I promise you that the worst is still to come." I smiled at her and she smiled back.

"What really happened to you?" she asked shaking her head

"A lot, I'm trying to forget,"

"What is the worst thing that happened to you?" she persisted

I took a deep breath before answering. I really don't want to talk about this, but I know that if I want to build a relationship with her, she has to know about me. Though, I am not in the mood of recounting my horrid past at this precise moment. I feel real scared of the way I'm feeling about Bette.

"The worst thing? Mmm... Let's see. All through my life, everything that happened to me, I felt the pain either physically or emotionally. But when I got raped at 17, I felt the pain physically, emotionally and psychologically. So, I guess I'll have to say that is the worst."

As I finished, Bette had tears in her eyes. I didn't tell her the details because I don't want her to start feeling sorry for me. I didn't tell her of the agonizing pain I felt as the first cock tore through my innocent body. I didn't tell her how I wished they could kill me instead of leaving me alive to feel the pain of their rotten pricks going in and out of my every hole. I didn't tell her of how they took turns raping me one after the other or how after I passed out, how I laid there in the cold for hours before I finally got noticed. How horrible I felt when I woke up in the hospital or the humiliation of watching the doctor probe open all the hole in my body too, looking for God knows what, or of all the pills I had to take. And the worst, how nobody noticed I was even gone at home nor cared enough to look for me. I didn't tell her how even when the hospital called them, it still took them a whole day to make it to the hospital. Or how they believed it was my fault because I go around teasing them because I believe no one is good enough for me, therefore, I wanted them to rape me. No, I didn't tell her all this. I didn't because I don't want to hurt her again. But I guess she knows what I'm not telling her. I am not the first rape victim; she is a doctor and surely, she must have treated at least one. So, I guess she knows and that's why she had tears in her gorgeous eyes as I finished. I didn't want to see her cry, so I smiled to show her that I'm not hurting anymore. But the tears still flooded over and ran down her cheeks to my waiting fingers.

"I am so sorry..." she began

"It's ok, honey. It's not your fault. It's been 20 years since it's happened. So you see?" I smiled at her. I tickled her nose till she laughed.

"Okay. What's the best thing that's happened to you?" she asked me again

I scratched my head thinking hard.

"Let's see...um...well, I managed to pull myself through medical school and then..." I paused and look up at her. She is staring at me in expectation. Her blue eyes still wet, and shinny from her recent tears. I reached up and touched her face tenderly.

"...Then, I met you," I finished

She stared at me for a while, and then she burst into laughter which I joined in eagerly.

"God! You are an ultimate heart breaker," she said

"No, I am not!" I screamed and grabbed for her.

We rolled around on the bed until I had her pinned under me. She clasped my face in both her hands as she stared into my face.

"I love you so much, Nadia. You don't have to be alone anymore, you have me now."

"I love you too, Bette," I replied.

It didn't come as a surprise to me how easily it slipped out, but it sure does surprised Bette.

"You ... um... you don't have to say that to be nice, Nadia." She whispered her voice choking.

I twisted my body to the side and had her on top of me easily.

"Do I look like someone that will joke with such a thing?" I asked and she shook her head.

"Now come down here and let me show you how much you mean to me, my lovely Bette." I said as our lips meet again in a lifelong agreement of two hearts.