Island Fever 3: Matrimony Ch. 02

"When I was pregnant with Piper - all the way up until the time I gave birth - it felt as if I was on top of the world," Pamela explained to not only me, but Kristanna and Scarlett as well, as we flew somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean at a cruising altitude of 38,000 feet in our private, family jet.

Laying down in one of the three bedrooms that the luxury airliner offered, Pamela had two blankets pulled up to her neck and tears in her eyes as she continued, "I was SO proud of myself. I had that big baby bump, and I felt so wonderful. I... had never felt that way before. It... it was awesome. I was looking forward so much to Piper being born, and me being a mother. But then... then Piper... actually WAS born."

Pamela sniffed her nose and tried to hold back a new batch of tears as Kristanna reached out and touched her face in a sympathetic manner. It took some doing on our part, but we were able to finally convince Pamela to open up and share with us exactly what had been bothering her - and causing her to act all sullen and withdrawn - over the past few weeks.

"I started feeling different the very first day," Pamela continued. "After everyone went home that night, I was alone in the hospital room with Piper in my arms. No matter what I tried, whether it was skin-to-skin coddling, cooing at her or whatever else, Piper would not stop crying. I began to feel really scared, and overwhelmed. And I felt really alone."

"Why haven't you told me this until now?" I asked Pamela, my voice laced with concern. "You're never alone..."

Instead of answering my question, Pamela carried on with her story. "I gained a LOT of weight. When I went home, I looked in the big, wall-length mirror, and felt MORTIFIED. Absolutely mortified. I was 25 pounds heavier than normal, even following the birth of Piper. I... I... I did not feel attractive at all. I felt... hideous."

"Pamela!" Kristanna screeched, obviously upset with what she was hearing. "You're one of the sexiest and most desirable women in the world to me. Women gain weight when they are pregnant; it is unavoidable! But even with that extra weight, I still think you are just as attractive now as you were a year-and-a-half ago when I first met you."

Pamela dabbed her eyes with one of the blankets and began crying harder. "You're ly-lying..."

Quickly becoming exasperated, Kristanna responded, "Why don't you and I talk to Trish if you so self-conscious about your weight? I needed to drop 18 pounds to get back to my routine weight after Kaden was born. Trish was a certified fitness instructor and personal trainer in Canada for many years before she met us on the island. Trish put me on a diet and daily exercise program, and within two months, I was back to my regular weight of 115 pounds."

"You barely gained any weight during your pregnancy!" Pamela erupted, her voice loud and forceful. "Then, in the blink of an eye, what weight you did gain was suddenly gone! Look around you, Krissy! Lindsay isn't even 100 pounds. Devon is just a few pounds over 100. Both of them are as frail and compact as any woman can possibly be. They are ATTRACTIVE! Trish is all feminine muscle, and does not have a single ounce of unwanted weight on her body. Amy is five weeks pregnant now, but she has never had any issues with weight. YOU'RE as fit as can be, Krissy. You give birth and it does not even phase you. Two months later, no one would ever guess that you were ever pregnant to begin with. Scarlett is fit, with a great, sexy body. Then, there is ME."

"I am 25 pounds overweight right now. I feel unattractive, ESPECIALLY when I compare myself to the other girls. I feel like an absolute train wreck! Why would anyone want to look at me, when these other girls - all of whom are in perfect, tip-top shape - are around?" With tears now streaming down her face, Pamela glanced my way and ended, "Why would Jeremy want to look at me? I'm a BLOB!"

"Jeremy wants to look at you because he loves you with all of his heart and finds you wildly attractive," Kristanna shot back. "Get a grip of yourself here, Pamela! NO ONE gave us more reassurance while we were pregnant than Jeremy did. NO ONE! Every single day, Jeremy was always there for us - he kept saying how beautiful you and I were, about how proud he was of us. Do you not remember that?"

"Hold up a minute here," Scarlett finally chimed in.

One may wonder why Scarlett - a definite newcomer to our relationship, with no solid commitment toward us yet - would be present for such a private and delicate conversation, while the other ladies were not. The reason? Scarlett was employed as a registered nurse at the pregnancy center of a hospital in downtown Oslo. I asked her to be present for this discussion, in hopes she may lend some help and insight. She dealt with new mothers and their roller coaster rides of emotions on a daily basis.

"Kristanna, you need to lower your voice," Scarlett told her. "We are here to help Pamela, not berate her." When Kristanna frowned and nodded her head in agreement, Scarlett turned her attention toward Pamela. "Let me ask you something, sweetheart, and please do not take it the wrong way. You mentioned that you felt overwhelmed and whatnot when Piper was born. Do you still feel this way?"

"Sometimes."

Scarlett hesitated before asking, "Do you feel as if becoming pregnant and having Piper was a mistake?" Pamela's eyes narrowed and she got visibly angry at those words as Scarlett added, "Do you wish that Piper was never born?"

"OF COURSE NOT!" Pamela shot back. "I love my daughter!"

"I did not think you felt that way, but wanted to be sure," Scarlett explained to her. "There are more women who feel that way - or at least THINK they feel that way - than you would imagine. A woman's body goes through a drastic series of changes after giving birth. Changes in hormones, blood volume and pressure, cardiovascular, immune system and metabolic function can all contribute to a new mother feeling emotional stress and mental instability. In the more extreme cases, some new mothers question why they had their baby in the first place, and even wish the baby was never conceived. What you have to realize, though, that it is not actually the mother talking - it is her sickness."

"Her sickness?" Pamela timidly asked.

"I am not a doctor by any means, but I have seen enough of this at the pregnancy center where I work to safely assume you have Postpartum Depression," Scarlett commented. "You are not alone, Pamela. Millions of women go through this each and every year. Postpartum Depression is not rare, nor does it make you a bad wife or mother. Caring for Piper can feel overwhelming and exhaustive to you at times. You fear that your husband - and the other girls - are losing interest in you. You no longer feel attractive or wanted. I imagine you get panic attacks and feel unusually anxious from time to time as well. You have no appetite whatsoever - you have barely eaten anything since Piper was born - and you have trouble with insomnia. You simply do not feel normal."

"I felt dirty last night," Pamela admitted, openly sobbing now, first glancing at me, then Kristanna.

"Why?" Scarlett asked.

"Th-That three-some I h-h-had with Jeremy and K-Krissy," she cried, her emotions now starting to spiral. "That was the f-first t-time I had sex since Piper was born. I felt really strange afterward. I felt... dirty!"

"Why?" Kristanna insisted.

"I DON'T KNOW!" Pamela screamed, and I immediately pulled her into my embrace and shielded her face upon my chest. My gaze, though, was on Scarlett.

"What can be done to help, and make Pamela feel better?"

Scarlett motioned toward me with her head. "Love. Support. Exactly what you are doing now. I also think she needs to see a psychiatrist and get some counseling, and some medication. The medication will really help. It will not cure her ailment, but it will control and regulate it."

"A... psychiatrist?" Obviously, Pamela did not enjoy the prospects of that.

"Postpartum Depression is just that - depression," Scarlett advised her. "It is a clinical disorder, and can be treated like other depressions."

"I... I don't want... to see a... psychiatrist."

"There is no harm in it," Scarlett offered.

"Amy has been seeing a whole list of psychiatrists since last year when we were originally on the island," Kristanna reminded her. "Look at all the good it has done for Amy. Jeremy has went to see psychiatrists in the past, too. Don't you want to feel better, Pamela, and get back to your normal self?" Kristanna looked my way and continued, "I think we should not even wait. We should get Pamela an appointment at a psychiatrist in Cincinnati. At least he can get her started on some medicine before we return home to Norway next week."

"Listen to me," I said to Pamela, still holding her in my arms, but positioning her head so I could look her straight in the eyes. "Listen. You're my wife, and I love you. You are one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I feel incredibly blessed and fortunate to have you in my life. I know you feel terrible right now, but we want to get you some help. I do not enjoy seeing you like this. Krissy does not enjoy seeing you this way either. Nor does Scarlett, nor do any of the other girls. We all want you to get the proper help. Will you see a psychiatrist for me?"

"Okay..." she relented, again sniffing her nose.

"I do not care if you are 25 pounds overweight, or 250 pounds," I added, my tone ardent, and emphatic. "You are Pamela Annabeth [Last Name]; you are my wife, and I love you. You are desirable - both emotionally AND physically - to me because of WHO you are. I will always look at you as one of the seven most beautiful women in the world to me. I have seven women in my life. But I do not compare you to the others. I do not compare them to you."

"I understand Pamela's concern and worry about the added weight," Kristanna said. "Look at her history. She was an exotic dancer for 11 years. You've heard her stories before, Jeremy. If she was one pound over a certain weight, that strip club would send her home and not allow her to work until she lost it. She has always been very conscious about her weight. It was ingrained into her because of her job. Now, all of a sudden, she has 25 pounds to lose."

Kristanna focused on Pamela and continued, "That's where Trish can help, baby. Trish can help you just like she helped me. We can talk to her about diet and exercise. She is our expert on it." Kristanna patted Pamela on the hand and stressed, "I love you too, baby. I love you just like Jeremy loves you. I don't enjoy seeing you feel all miserable like this." When I released her from my arms, Pamela immediately went to Kristanna for a tearful, emotional embrace.

"We need to get some food into you, Pamela," Kristanna added, trying her best to keep her composure and not become all choked up. "Scarlett is right. You've barely eaten anything in three weeks. Starving yourself is not going to make you lose that weight; it is only going to make you sick, and feel even worse. Let me call the stewardess for you, baby. They will fix whatever meal you want."

"You need to eat something," I agreed.

"I'll try..."

"Perfect," Kristanna nodded.

Pamela was crying again. "I am... I am ashamed th-that I do not feel happy and overcome with j-joy with the b-birth of Piper. Why can't I be happy like Krissy is with Kaden?"

"Down deep you ARE happy, even if you do not realize it," Kristanna insisted. "You're sick, Pamela. All of the changes your body has gone through; it has not reacted well, and your judgment is clouded because of it."

"I will do whatever I can to help you get through this," I promised Pamela. "You're going to feel better eventually and all will be fine, and back to normal. I do not want you to feel ashamed about anything, honey. You can talk to me about anything that is on your mind - any troubles, any concerns. I will be there for you every step of the way."

"What's wrong with Pamela?" came a quiet, depressed voice from behind us. When I turned toward its source, I found a frowning Lindsay standing at the entranceway to the bedroom with the remaining ladies - Devon, Trish and Amy - all looking on behind her with expressions full of concern. I do not know how long the ladies had been standing there, but they clearly knew that something was amiss and not right with Pamela.

"Can we do anything to help?" Amy wondered, to which Pamela's sobbing fit went completely out of control.

-

"I do not know about you, Jeremy, but I am sick and tired of commercial airline travel," I recall Kristanna mentioning to me during one of our overseas outings about a year ago. "They charge a small fortune for a ticket, but still have the nerve to nickel and dime people to death with baggage fees and other nonsense. Then, you get to the airport two hours before your flight so you can spend one-and-a-half hours waiting at the security checkpoint, where you have to take off your shoes and belt before they make you walk through that embarrassing Nude-o-matic 5000 X-ray machine. All of this for the privilege of being herded into an overcrowded plane like cattle and served a tiny bag of pretzels with a complimentary four-ounce soft drink. A SOFT DRINK?"

With all of the airline travel we had done prior to that discussion - as well as the many more trips we would embark on in the future - Kristanna eventually convinced me to buy a private jet and use it for our family vacations.

I have never been one to gloat and/or brag, but being a wealthy individual has its advantages. Following a very extensive amount of research, I purchased a Airbus A319 ACJ jetliner from its manufacturer in France back in July and had its interior completely re-done and customized. Devon aptly referred to it as a "flying hotel"; it had 1,000 interior square feet, and featured three bedrooms, an entertainment center, a reading area and even a prayer room.

With the help of a leasing company that specialized in private flight crews, I was able to interview and hire two qualified pilots and two stewardesses. All four of them would be paid handsomely for escorting us and making sure we were comfortable en route to our various destinations throughout the world from this point forward.

Their first assignment was on December 17; they flew our entire clan (all seven of the ladies and yours truly) from Oslo Gardermoen Airport here in Norway across the Atlantic Ocean to the Toronto International Pearson Airport in Canada. Once there, we picked up Trish's family - her parents (John and Alice), both sisters (Christie and Melissa) and all four grandparents. Then, our motley crew made the short jaunt (90 minutes) to the Greater Cincinnati International Airport in Covington, Kentucky.

Of course, all of this was leading up to the monumental day of December 23 - when Trish and Lindsay would get married in a Cincinnati church and officially become wife and wife. Trish wanted those specific family members of hers to be present for the ceremony. Lindsay, who was born in Ohio and had all of her roots there, would have a much larger contingent of family members (and select friends) at the wedding.

Lindsay's mother (Leslie) and all three of her sisters (Jennifer, Gina and Alison) were there to greet us at the airport in Covington once we disembarked from the plane. Needless to say, it was a joyous, happy reunion - Lindsay had not seen her family since the summer.

This also marked the first time that Trish's parents actually got to meet and talk with Lindsay's mother. Everyone was friendly and cordial; they agreed to get together and meet tomorrow for lunch at The Montgomery Inn, which was undoubtedly Cincinnati's most prestigious and well-known restaurant. The whole crew would be there - not only were Trish and Lindsay going to accompany their respective parent(s), all five of the sisters and Trish's grandparents were invited as well. It promised to be fun.

I must also take a moment here to admit that Lindsay's baby sister, Alison, had finally turned 18 a mere three months ago. Alison reminded me more and more of Lindsay every single time that I saw her (and one could easily make the case that no woman alive tempted me physically more than Lindsay). So, I would no longer have to feel guilty when I had lustful thoughts about Alison. She was of legal age now.

"I'd fuck that little girl so hard that she wouldn't be able to walk for an entire week," Kristanna whispered to me at the airport, when she caught me eyeing and ogling Alison.

With the big lunch party scheduled for tomorrow, Lindsay's mother and three sisters decided to return to their home some 20 miles north of Cincinnati. As for us, we made our way to the historic Cincinnatian Hotel in the downtown heart of the city, and checked in. I had previously made reservations for the two best suites that the hotel had to offer - the Emery Presidential Suite for the ladies and yours truly, and the Hannaford Suite for Trish's family.

It may have only been 9:00pm once we checked in and got settled into our respective rooms, but it was 3:00am Norway time - and that was what my body was accustomed to. Though exhausted, I perked up once Kristanna hooked up her laptop computer and was able to establish a video chat connection with her own mother, Rande, back home in Norway.

Though it was the middle of the night there, Rande wanted us to contact her once we were in our hotel. Rande turned the web-cam toward Kaden and Piper, both of whom were sleeping peacefully in side-by-side cribs. Kristanna and Pamela openly wept at the images of their respective babies, some 4,100 miles away, but Rande assured them that both little ones seemed happy, content and relaxed today. There had been no issues caring for either of them since we left.

"It's okay for you to cry too," Devon told me, obviously noticing that tear streaking down my face. I was fighting it, though. I did not want to break down in front of the ladies, even though all of them - even Scarlett - were family to me.

-

"I just do not understand!" Lindsay fretted a bit later that evening, as she was seated at the kitchen bar in our hotel suite along with Kristanna, Devon, Trish, Amy, Scarlett and yours truly. Basically, everyone was present except for Pamela. She was already fast asleep in bed.

"I do not understand how Pamela can feel sad and depressed after having her baby," Lindsay went on. "Pamela wanted to have a baby SO MUCH. She seemed so incredibly excited when she was pregnant. Now... now, it's the exact opposite. A woman is supposed to be happy when she becomes a mommy!"

"The birth of a baby," Scarlett explained, "can trigger a jumble of powerful emotions for a woman from excitement and joy, to fear and anxiety. It can also result in something that people generally do not expect - depression."

"It's a possible complication of giving birth," Devon told Lindsay. "A bad side effect."

"Being depressed does not make Pamela a bad person, or a bad mother," Amy claimed. "It's a sickness, honey. She needs to see a doctor and get the proper medication." Amy glanced at me momentarily and added, "I know ALL about that, thanks to Jeremy. He made me get professional help last year for my mental issues, and it CHANGED MY LIFE. The medicine made a new person out of me."

"We do not want Pamela to be a new person, per se," Trish commented. "We just want Pamela back to her old self. Medication will help stabilize and regulate her mood, and push those feelings of depression to the background."

Lindsay was frowning. "Will she have to stay on the medicine for the rest of her life like Amy has to?"

"No," Scarlett answered. "As Devon said, this is nothing more than a complication of giving birth - a side effect. Eventually, it will go away."