Island Fever 3: Matrimony Ch. 05

Chapter 5: "Prelude"

Considering the fact that I actually spent 16 years on a tropical island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean with little to no contact from the outside world whatsoever, I thought of myself as somewhat of a quasi-expert when it came to the subject of mental health and depression. I certainly had been to my fair share of psychiatrists and similar medical professionals throughout the years. If anything, I was an absolute authority on what it was like to feel lonely and hopeless, with no light at the end of the tunnel.

Because of what I had been through in the past, I had a much better grasp and understanding of Pamela's bout of Postpartum Depression than most - if not all - of the other ladies. Postpartum Depression is just that - depression. It is a clinical, acute mental health disorder.

Most women tend to experience a dip in their mood following the birth of a child. It may be a mild mood swing that is barely noticed, or a huge, emotional crash that can take months or even years to recover from. The high of giving birth wears off and anxiety may start to set in, and the mother's normal routine is quickly disrupted as the round-the-clock demands of a newborn are intense and require considerable stamina and patience. Breastfeeding can present a serious challenge, or the new mother may feel discomfort or pain from healing, or other health issues.

What can result from these drastic changes is a wide range of social and psychological factors associated with having a baby which may create an increased risk of depression. Such changes can have a direct influence on feelings of fatigue and hopelessness. All body systems contribute to how our brains function, and how we, in turn, perceive the world.

Simply put, having a newborn is a very challenging and exhausting ordeal. In some cases, unrealistic expectations of what a new baby will be like can create a profound sense of failure, robbing a mother of her self-confidence before it even has a chance to develop. She may wonder, why is it so difficult for me? She may perceive motherhood as being so easy for everyone else, yet incredibly difficult for her.

Pamela had already explained to us how she felt so happy and on top of the world while actually pregnant, and then how those feelings all but vanished almost the very instant she gave birth. It certainly did not help that I left her alone in the hospital that first night; I should have stayed instead of opting to go home to be with the other ladies. Apparently, Pamela had a very rough time that evening trying to get Piper to settle down and eventually fall asleep. She actually felt frantic and overwhelmed, and was in tears. I am still quite angry at myself for not opting to stay and spend the night with her - a better husband would have (I hate to admit that).

Pamela was also very insecure about her current weight. She had been a trim and physically fit 120 pounds from the moment I met her, but went up to 161 at the height of her pregnancy. Now, some three weeks later, she was holding steady at 145 pounds. And it was driving her insane.

Again, being around the other ladies on a daily basis probably did not do her any favors in regards to her weight and the image she had of herself as a result of it. Really, it was a non-issue to everyone but her. None of us looked at her any differently in a physical sense because she was carrying some excess weight following the birth of our daughter. It happens to every new mother, after all.

Some of the other ladies, though, were either the epitome of diet and physical fitness (Kristanna and Trish) or simply so small and frail that they did not have an extra ounce on them (Devon and Lindsay). Was Pamela suddenly comparing herself to them, and feeling inadequate as a result? Did she consider herself to be unattractive compared to the collection of models and centerfolds that were a part of our daily lives?

Of course, what Pamela failed to realize that all of us still looked at her as a supermodel in her own right. She was a beautiful, new mother, and had an equally beautiful daughter to raise. What can be more attractive than that?

Pamela would understand that in due time, and I had the sneaking suspicion that once she felt better, those excess pounds would quickly become a distant memory. I do not like to be reminded of this - but Pamela was an exotic dancer for 12 years. It was her job to stay in tip-top shape; the club where she worked had such high demands and standards that if she (or any other performer) was even one pound over a certain weight, they would send her home, or even fire her. Pamela had always embraced the idea of physical fitness, and I knew that soon the only comparing with the other ladies she would be doing would be in a strictly positive sense.

Compounding her current issues, Pamela missed Piper horribly as we were in the middle of our vacation in the United States. It was tearing her up inside that her newborn baby was some 4,000 miles away from us right now in Norway (the same could be said for Kristanna and her infant son, Kaden). We were here, of course, for Trish and Lindsay's wedding, and could not have safely brought Piper on such a long airline flight. Pamela (or Kristanna, for that matter) did not regret the decision to leave her child behind; she understood that this trip was for Trish and Lindsay. Still, Pamela missed Piper. And Kristanna missed Kaden. Badly.

The two ladies would gather at the laptop computer at various points throughout the day and night, and watch live images via web-cam of their respective child that Kristanna's mother, Rande, was providing for us. Rande and her husband, Kristof, were watching the babies for us. Oftentimes, Pamela would become so incredibly emotional that she would just break down and start crying. She desperately wanted to cradle Piper in her arms and be able to love, coddle and care for her.

But what of the panic attacks Pamela had experienced since giving birth to Piper? The stress and anxiety? The loss of appetite, the extreme fatigue, her decreased libido and the feelings of sadness and emptiness? Did the fact that Pamela was actually ashamed of herself for not feeling more happy make her a bad mother, or a bad wife? A bad person?

The answer, of course, was a resounding NO.

Her body simply did not react very well to the process of giving birth and the recovery from it afterward. Her body's chemicals and hormones were in complete and utter chaos, and it would need plenty of time (and support) to properly heal and return to normal.

I sat next to Pamela and held her hand in the office of the psychiatrist in a suburb of Cincinnati on Friday morning for 90 minutes and listened to her pour her heart and soul out to him. There were certain things that had been affecting her that I did not even know about, yet they added to her overall list of problems and the challenges she faced on the path to wellness. I prefer to keep them private - between her and me, and the rest of our little family - so will not expound.

However, I will say that everything - at least in my mind - could be easily dealt with and taken care of in due time. And yes, indeed, the psychiatrist diagnosed Pamela with a moderate form of Postpartum Depression - just as Scarlett (who was a registered nurse back home in Norway) predicted he would.

The psychiatrist prescribed Pamela with a 10mg dosage of an anti-depressant called Celexa, and wanted it increased to 20mg after seven days. The doctor explained to us that while Celexa would not be an end-all, be-all cure for Pamela and the troubles that ailed her, it would help regulate and stabilize her neurological system and everyday mood while her body naturally healed on its own. He did not believe that Pamela's Postpartum Depression was all that severe and, as a result, she would not have to stay on the medication for long. The only real cure for her would be a lot of emotional love and support and, most of all, time. Just time.

Both of us felt comfortable around this psychiatrist and at ease; it was a shame that this would be Pamela's only visit to him. We would be back home in Norway next week, of course, and I already had a follow-up appointment scheduled for her with Amy's personal psychiatrist, Dr. Johansson. I had faith that Pamela would feel equally at ease with him.

Originally after taking Pamela to the psychiatrist, I was going to drop her off at the hotel and pick up Kristanna, then go and have Christmas with my family at my sister's house in [City Name]. I pulled some strings with my family, though, and got that party postponed until tomorrow. I simply told them that something came up, and Kristanna and I could not make it today (of course, they did not know about all of the other ladies in my life). I wanted to spend the day out with Pamela and show her a good time.

What better place to start than a Barnes and Noble bookstore? An avid reader, Pamela had over 8,000 (!) books in her personal library at the mansion back home in Norway. The woman had simply never come across a book or magazine that she did not enjoy reading. Pamela was in her element here; I could tell that she was happy and attentive, and full of curiosity as she browsed through the selection of reading material. Thus, we spent two hours in the Barnes and Noble, and left with three heavy bags of books and magazines.

Needless to say, I allowed Pamela to pick our next destination. She reminded me that I had descendants buried in a cemetery about 40 miles away in Rising Sun, Indiana, and there was also a riverboat casino located in the town as well (the Rising Star Casino Resort). It sounded like a good idea to me. The drive along the Ohio River throughout snow-doused rural Indiana was particularly breathtaking.

After spending a few moments with my long-deceased grandparents, aunt and uncle at the cemetery (all from my father's side of the family), Pamela and I went to the riverboat casino and had a late lunch at its all-you-can-eat buffet. Then, it was off to the gaming room itself.

I was not a gambler in any sense of the imagination; most of my time at the casino would be spent at the penny and nickel video poker machines. I got amusement and fun out of just playing and trying to conquer the various machines without actually risking (or winning) any money.

Pamela was much the same way; she and I were inseparable as we made our rounds among the penny and nickel machines. We were simply there to relax and have a good time.

At 5:00pm, I received an interesting telephone call from Kristanna. She informed me that a certain surprise was awaiting Pamela upon our return to the hotel in Cincinnati. Instead of telling her that, I explained to Pamela that I was tired, and wanted to go back to the hotel and get some much-needed rest before Trish's birthday party later tonight.

It was good to be able to spend the majority of the day out and about with Pamela in a one-on-one setting, especially with the emotional issues that she was currently battling. Pamela really seemed to enjoy herself as well, and even said so during our drive back to Cincinnati.

Oh, and that surprise? Pamela screeched and began crying tears of joy once she stepped foot in the hotel suite and found her younger sister from Maryland, Candice, waiting for her. The two shared an emotional, heartfelt embrace.

Apparently, Kristanna had pulled some strings of her own today. She got in touch with Candice, who lived in suburban Baltimore, and told her of some of the issues that her sister, Pamela, was experiencing. Kristanna asked Candice if she could make it to the airport and fly to Cincinnati for a surprise visit; the airfare and any expenses would be taken care of. Candice said she could get off of work early, but would have to go back home in the morning because she had a 1:00pm to 9:00pm shift on Saturday night (tomorrow).

Pamela was overjoyed to have this surprise reunion with her sister. She was closer with Candice than anyone else in her family, and had not seen her since our wedding in late August. It only added to what had already been, after the trip to the doctor, a fun day for her. Now, this was a truly memorable day for Pamela. Leave it to the centerpiece of happiness itself, Kristanna, to make things like this happen. She never failed to amaze me.

--

Candice stayed with us that evening and everyone had a blast as we celebrated Trish's 32nd birthday (although a day late) with a fun and wild party. We kept the sexual innuendo to a bare minimum in an effort not to embarrass or make Candice feel uncomfortable; she was not bi-sexual like her sister, and had zero interest in exploring the lifestyle. Still, Candice supported Pamela and the decisions that she had made, and knew that her sister was around a great collection of people who loved and cared for her to no end.

Candice also said that she was going to talk to her boss, and try and get some vacation time in the next two to three weeks so she could go to Norway and finally meet her niece, Piper. Candice theorized that she could probably spend 10 to 12 days with us in Norway if we had room for her at our estate. That made me chuckle; I explained to Candice that the mansion itself had 20 fully-furnished bedrooms, and she was welcome to stay with us as long as she wanted.

Perhaps my favorite moment of the evening was the look on Candice's face when Kristanna and Pamela showed her live video of Piper on the computer laptop. "She's so adorable!" was one of the many comments that Candice made. Candice was gushing and fawning over Piper - and for good reason.

Pamela and I took Candice to the airport on Saturday morning for her 7:30am return flight to Baltimore. This time, I had arranged for Candice to travel in the lap of luxury - my private jet would take her home. I told the crew to treat her like absolute royalty.

After returning to the hotel, now it was time to pick up Kristanna and take her to my sister's house for the Christmas party. Not only was my own sister and her family there, but so was my oldest brother, his wife and daughter, and my mother as well, and a group of various aunts, uncles and cousins.

As could be expected, Kristanna and her very outgoing, gregarious nature quickly took center stage, and she became the life of the party. Kristanna had everyone laughing in stitches once she began sharing some of her more humorous stories concerning me (not all of which were true, mind you). This same, exact scenario played out at all of the previous reunions with my family whenever Kristanna was involved.

Of course, everyone was disappointed that Kaden did not make the trip to Cincinnati with us. Kristanna and I explained that we felt it was better for him at such an early age to stay home in Norway instead of traveling overseas on such a long and strenuous flight. We assured everyone that Kaden was in the best of care with Kristanna's parents.

After the party concluded much later that evening around 10:00pm, we got into the rental car in my sister's driveway, and the quirky, playful demeanor that Kristanna had put forth all day suddenly vanished in a heartbeat. Kristanna was highly irritated with me, and I understood why immediately.

"Don't you think it's wrong, Jeremy, that your OWN MOTHER does not even have a clue that in addition to Kaden, she also has a granddaughter in Piper, and another grandchild on the way once Amy's baby is born?" Kristanna frowned and shook her head at me. "When are you FINALLY going to break down and tell your family the truth about our relationship?"

"If anything," she added, "they deserve to know about the children. You owe that to them. You owe it to your mother. You're LYING to them by not telling them about our life."

It was not an enjoyable ride back to the hotel. Kristanna and I were not necessarily angry at each other; we simply did not talk. Yes, I was quite stubborn when it came to this particular subject. I simply did not know how my family would react to being told that I had three wives, would add a fourth in just eight days in Lindsay, and had plans of eventually being married to seven. Not to mention, of course, that my first three children would be delivered by three different women. What would my mother, who was as old-school as any person could possibly be, say in response to such news? The possibilities, unfortunately, scared me.

Again, we were not angry at each other, and all of this would most likely be forgotten in the morning, but Kristanna and I kept our distance once returning to the hotel suite. I opted to spend the night with Pamela and Amy in one bedroom, while Kristanna stayed with Devon and Scarlett in the other. As usual, Trish and Lindsay snuggled and fell asleep on the pull-out sofa bed in the front room.

Amy tried to initiate a three-some, but Pamela declined, saying that she was tired and not quite in the mood. Pamela offered to leave the bedroom so Amy and I could have some quality one-on-one time of our own, but we both shot that idea down quickly. Amy and I at least wanted to hug and cuddle with Pamela throughout the night.

With Trish and Lindsay's wedding a mere two days away, everyone awoke on Sunday morning with the idea that it was time to really hunker down, and start to make the final preparations for the ceremony. I had different ideas, though. I suddenly wanted to take Amy out and spend the day with her. She had taken sort of a backseat since we arrived here in Cincinnati last Wednesday, and let everything happen around her. Today, I was going to devote myself to Amy.

While the other ladies began to make last-minute plans and alterations for the wedding, Amy and I told them that we would be back later (and yes, I received my customary hug and kiss from Kristanna - like nothing bad had happened the previous night (her irritation with me for not being totally upfront with my family)). It was quite chilly outside, with a light snow falling, so Amy and I bundled up and headed out.

I should also point out as a reminder that just like Lindsay and yours truly, Amy also had family in the area - her own parents. The three of us had all been born in the Cincinnati area and had our roots here. Unfortunately, Amy had never really seen eye-to-eye with her father and mother. The few times that I had gotten together with them (Robert and Kathleen) ... let me just say that the atmosphere was not friendly; it was tense.

Robert and Kathleen seemed totally disinterested in me from the very first moment that I had met them. Nor did they seem to care that their only child - Amy - had finally met someone (me) who treated her right. In fact, I got the impression from my prior dealings with them that Robert and Kathleen simply did not care about their daughter at all.

They had no reaction when Amy and I informed them last year that we were officially engaged. They even refused to come to the wedding. It took place overseas in Norway, of course, but I offered to pay for airfare and other expenses they would incur. I just wanted my wife-to-be to have her parents at our wedding. Was that too much to ask? Perhaps so, because Robert and Kathleen declined the offer. They did not even give us any words of congratulations.

Just a few weeks ago, Amy called her mother on the telephone and told her that she was pregnant. Again, there was little to no reaction. It really upset Amy, naturally, and sent her into a crying fit. Amy had never been close with her parents to begin with, but she just did not understand why they had such a lack of interest in such monumental and happy life-changing events for her.

Lindsay had a theory, though.

Lindsay had noticed that Amy's mother, Kathleen, was very involved with social media on the Internet. Before I was able to (ahem, forcefully) convince her to take them down and permanently delete her accounts, Amy had posted hundreds upon hundreds of photographs on Facebook and Instagram of not only her and me, but all of the other ladies in our lives as well. She basically outlined our open-ended, loving lifestyle, and gave status updates on various milestones concerning it (my engagement with Kristanna, Trish and Lindsay getting back together, et cetera).