tagInterracial LoveIt Couldn't Be Helped Ch. 02

It Couldn't Be Helped Ch. 02

byDavidJ©

I met our friends at the bar but as the night wore on the bravado I felt regarding the Crystal situation began evaporating. I went through the motions of having a good time at the bar when inside I was consumed with nothing but thoughts of her.

I began feeling genuine remorse for what I had done and felt ashamed that I wasn't able to emotionally rise above it. And when I factored in the older woman and ebony pussy elements on top of it, I hit rock bottom and hated myself. Needless to say, I got hammered that night.

The next day was a day of recovery for me both in terms of how I felt physically and emotionally. I felt bad for duping her like that but I also recognized that it was her status as a close friend that I cared for and admired that made the pain she inflicted on me so damaging.

Most of all, however, she had unlocked a part of me that I thought would be quarantined forever. Suddenly, it didn't seem so far fetched for her and me to get together and once those walls came tumbling down, I was at the mercy of how I really felt for her. She had allowed me to taste my dream and then snatched it away smacking around my ego in the process. Any other girl I would have shrugged off the bullshit and hit the pussy regardless because the pussy was always the objective. But with Crystal, I couldn't. Everything had to be in line before I would even consider it. And honestly, that freaked me out.

All I wanted was an apology and the respect that came with that gesture. But not once at work or in the parking lot the night before had she said she was sorry. Instead, she tried to justify it and then threw her pussy at me which made my decision for vengeance that much easier.

I resolved to stand my ground and when the opportunity presented itself, if ever, I would put my cards on the table and let it roll. It's funny how enlightened you become when dealing with a four alarm hangover.

When I went to work that night I wasn't worried about any drama breaking out there. Crystal was way too classy and dignified to pull some shit like that. Instead, she walked right up to me and, with our unknowing coworkers and customers two deep at the bar, we engaged in our own meaningful conversation within a seemingly routine one.

"So Sean, I heard you had a pretty good time at the bar last night" Crystal asked me nonchalantly while also shooting me a cold glare which told me she had gotten the lowdown and didn't like the answer as to my whereabouts last night.

"Yea, it kind of got out of control if you know what I mean, but like someone once told me" I said before pausing and grinning for effect "it couldn't be helped"

Crystal recognized the phrase and smirked before resuming her fuck you glare.

"What about you, girl? What did you do last night?" I asked smugly while making her drink order.

"Wasted my damn time, that's what I did" She shot back coldly.

I didn't ask her to elaborate but she did anyway.

"I was supposed to get with this guy" she fumed "who I thought was pretty special but as it turns out he ain't shit. A punk ass wannabee man playing stupid ass games, that's all he is"

"Damn girl" I said grinning as I noticed others listening in "Tell me how you really feel!"

"I'm sorry" she said smiling to the crowd around us before resuming her glare at me and continuing "But this guy had me where it hurts and it's just frustrating. But, trust me; I won't make that mistake again"

"I feel you, girl" I said seriously "I hate games too. Been there and done that." I said while staring and pausing again for effect. "But I always say ‘do unto others' you know what I mean?"

Crystal came out of character and immediately shot back

"Two wrongs don't make a right Sean!" which, to both our horrors, was a bit too out of character and presumed I had knowledge that I shouldn't have.

We both scrambled to repair the damage while inquiring eyes and ears still looked on.

"Well I don't know what wrong you did to make him treat you like that" I said while she nodded and said "I know, I know" before I continued

"But maybe he still thinks you never righted your wrong. Maybe if you talked to him about it you guys can work it out?"

"Please" she said disgustingly as she pulled her drink filled tray off the bar and our brown eyes collided head on "I will never forgive him for the shit he pulled."

"Not Ever" She said emphatically as she walked away.

A week went by and we continued this little game until Crystal noticed that a girl I had met at a bar was coming in frequently to see me. I was moving in her direction hard and that seemed to make Crystal jealous because after she saw that she acted like I wasn't even alive. I didn't get one look or one word.

At that point I resigned myself to having to put Crystal in the ‘what if' column because I wasn't going to apologize for shit and given her state of mind I knew one wasn't coming my way either.

Our Berlin Wall finally came down about a week after that when a bunch of us from work went on a one day ski trip. I was living in house with two friends from high school by then and our house had a huge backyard so we designated my place as being the meeting location where everyone not driving could park their cars. Crystal and I both had committed to going weeks ago and as luck would have it, neither one of us drove but we ended up in the same car along with three other people.

The trip to the resort took two hours and on the way there we engaged in conversation but only in the context of the group talk. As far as one on one communication it was still boycott central.

When we got to the resort and started skiing everybody pretty much separated and did their own thing. It was only the second time Crystal had ever been skiing but she was pretty athletic and adapted well. Like most beginners, however, she got a dose of over confidence and decided she was ready to take the big lift to the top of the mountain.

I had just finished a run from the top when I saw Crystal standing in the lift line. At the top a few friends and I had just burned a fatty before we headed down and consequently I was feeling nothing but love for my fellow man. Thus, I figured this was as good a time as any to get her alone and maybe squash the bullshit. The pussy might be gone but she was still my girl and it sucked having that wedge between us.

I said fuck it and glided over to where she was and asked the stranger she was paired with if he minded that I take the lift with my friend. He happily obliged me and before Crystal could react or object we were being called out to line up by the lift operator. Our lift chair turned a quick U turn and scooped us up and before we knew it we were all alone for the first time since the employee parking lot.

We began ascending and for the first minute of the five minute trip we sat in silence taking in the blue sky, the bright sun, the majesty of the Rocky Mountains, and the tranquility of the soft wind blowing through the snow covered trees.

I looked over at Crystal in her purple bibs, white ear warmers, and sun glasses and she looked good. The way her dark features stood out against the white backdrop and the way her peach lipstick sparkled against the sun made my mouth water. It was do or die now and I knew it.

"Forgive me Sistah for I have sinned" I said rekindling the phrase I used to use with her years ago when we discussed my high school love life.

Crystal's turned her face towards mine and shook her head as if to signify that I wasn't cute but the slight smile on her face betrayed that and told me I was in.

"There was this girl, Sistah" I said beginning my confession "Beautiful, sweet, smart, generous, funny, older, black, AND…" I said before raising my right hand and bellowing loudly towards the sky

"Lord above what an ass on this girl!"

Crystal started laughing and then abruptly stopped herself but she couldn't hide the smile on her face as she continued to shake her head like I still wasn't cute.

"Seriously, Sistah," I continued "There isn't anyone even close to her in my eyes. Even though we never were an item, she has always been my measuring stick for other women. Did they laugh like her? Do their eyes look through me like hers do? Can I talk to them like I do her? Does their smile make me feel the way hers does? Will they look out for me like she does?"

"At first" I admitted "She scared me to death and I never imagined thinking of her like that. She was older, wiser, educated, and yes, black. So I never dared to dream despite what I knew was inside me. But then one night in her apartment changed all that and the possibility that I could have her became real."

"And ever since then everything has been spinning way out of control and I don't know how to stop it." I said sadly "I just want to, no matter what, regain the balance we once had."

"Because we did each other wrong, Sistah" I said solemnly while shaking my head regretfully and looking down at the people skiing below us "and we can't seem to get past it and that bothers me.." I said before turning my head towards her and adding

"Because I never wanted someone so bad in my life."

My confession had an impact on Crystal as she slightly turned her shoulders towards me and then said softly

"What do you think caused the rift between you two?"

"Respect" I answered immediately "or rather lack there of actually."

"Excuse me?" Crystal replied incredulously "You need to elaborate on that!"

"Happily" I smugly replied before beginning.

"I don't think she respects me at all and sees me as the high school boy she met almost three years ago." I said bluntly.

"She has never stopped talking down to me and even when we were in a sexy situation she toyed with me like I wasn't an equal or even a man. Then she locked me in a room and left me without the dignity of even a single word or explanation" I said coldly

"All I got was a note on the door like a little kid who is suppose to take out the trash too." I said bitterly before continuing

"It's like she wasn't concerned at all about her actions towards me because she didn't respect me or care enough for it to matter to her. She never even apologized, Sistah, can you believe that shit?"

I then said righteously "So the next chance I got I did her wrong so she could walk in my shoes for a while."

"And guess what?" I asked intently

"What?" Crystal said softly

"She didn't like it either" I replied smugly

We sat there in silence for a second as the lift hummed along and I looked forward while Crystal remained turned looking at me. I could see the end of the lift in the distance and was thinking that I wished it was a longer ride when Crystal spoke.

"Maybe Sean" she said softly "She talks to you like that in front of other people because she is afraid that if she didn't, people would see right through her and know how she really feels about you."

I continued looking forward and said nothing.

"Maybe she's scared, Sean" Crystal admitted "Scared of what she feels for you. Scared of the attraction she has always had for you. Scared that she is black and you are white. Scared that she is six years older."

"But most of all" she said "Maybe she's scared of the aftermath. Maybe she knows from the depth of their friendship and their brief physical contact that it could be everything she wants. That it will be so good and feel so right that she will want more and more."

"Maybe Sean" she said continuing "She left you a note because she was so ashamed of locking you up and because it gave her a way out from confronting the fears I just mentioned." She said intensely before elaborating "Maybe her friends showing up highlighted to her the social costs of following her real feelings and being with you."

Crystal was rolling now and only an act of Congress can get her to stop once she gets going.

"Maybe Sean" she continued on "She didn't sleep at all that night. Maybe the realization that she had conformed to fit other people's prejudices while denying her feelings enraged her and made her feel cheated. Maybe that night she decided she would be true to herself and the whole world could go fuck themselves if they didn't like it."

"Maybe the next night she sought you out to convey that" she said "Maybe the words didn't come out right and maybe she chickened out and panicked and offered you her bed instead" Crystal continued before reluctantly admitting

"Maybe she thought sleeping with you would somehow make things right or at least better. Maybe she thought her touch would show you how sorry she was"

"Maybe I am not built like that" I said bluntly as we watched the end of the lift approach to within ten yards of us.

"Especially when it comes to you" I said as our skis touched down and we skied off the lift.

A few of our friends were gathered up at the top so our exchange ended there for the moment. When we broke up to go down I told Crystal to follow me and when we stepped up to the ledge where the easiest run began I swear she turned Caucasian. It looked steeper than it was and it took some prodding to get her to go but she eventually did.

She crashed twice on the way down but neither one was remotely heinous so when she got to the bottom she was pretty jacked and excited. Everybody gathered around and we laughed our asses off, Crystal included, as I mimicked her skiing and crashing.

A couple of the females asked Crystal to go with them on another run while I removed my skies and headed to get some food and brews. As we all started to go our own way I heard Crystal calling.

"Sean" she said smiling "Thank you for watching out for me up there"

"No problem, girl" I said turning to leave

"Sean" Crystal said again as she motioned me to come closer and removed her shades

"What did you mean by ‘especially when it comes to you?" she asked tilting her head slightly and grinning like she knew she was going to like the answer.

I smiled back at her subliminally complimenting her for taking my words and now making me accountable for them. I had no choice so I gave it to her straight and without hesitation.

"It means if I had went to your bed that night, feeling the way I did inside, it would have been just for a piece of ass" I stated flatly before delivering the coup de grace

"And you Crystal" I said softly "could never, ever be just a booty call to me."

"There it is" I concluded as I opened my arms in a ‘that's all I got' gesture while I turned and walked away.

I got to the lodge steps and turned around and Crystal was still standing in the same spot gazing at me hard. She smiled and winked at me before turning around and joining the girls for another run.

TO BE CONTINUED

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