It Didn't Work Out Ch. 11

After getting the pillows bunched up just right, the two of them cuddled together as Don picked up the remote. She had long ago given up on breaking him of that quintessential male role. Even his just misplacing the remotes led to him jokingly accusing her of stealing them. Still it felt comfortable which is what she needed. She rested her head on his chest as they started watching the show.

It was still early and they were able to watch several episodes. Part way through the third episode, Bridget felt Don's hand begin to stroke her. For a while she let him, although she had a sinking feeling that despite her signals he wanted to be amorous. They had kissed some during the evening but she had kept them all very low key. When he leaned over and kissed her again, she was sure. He tried to extend the kiss and she felt his tongue stroking her lips. She didn't part hers and pulled back to look again at the show.

After a few minutes more, Don's fingers were starting to stroke the sides of Bridget's breasts. She slowly reached up and took his hand in hers and linked fingers, moving it away from her breasts. She felt him look at her but she didn't look back, nor did she say anything. Her grip was tight, perhaps more than she realized but she kept it, not wanting to free up his hand. He seemed to settle down after that and didn't try anything more.

The normalcy of the night was what she needed. She didn't cry any more, although a feeling of sadness never left her for a moment. But at least there was a peaceful feeling and other than Don's desire, there were no demands being placed on her. Even that didn't require a lot to handle it. She wasn't sure he really got the message but at least he stopped. She liked the show but the emotional energy she had spent over the last day started to get to her. She felt her eyelids getting heavy. Struggling to keep from falling asleep, Bridget tried to at least finish the episode they were watching. It was a losing battle.

Don heard the change in breathing patterns and looked at Bridget. Her eyes were closed. He noticed that they were a little puffy from all the crying over the last day. Reaching over, he lightly brushed a few stray hairs out of her face. She muttered in her sleep. He turned the sound down a little more and continued watching until the episode ended. He wouldn't mind watching it again with Bridget but it seemed like a good idea to let her get a little deeper in sleep before he started moving in the bed. Plus he wanted to pull out a couple of pillows from under her head so that she would be comfortable.

Still he was only watching with half of his attention. The rest of it was thinking about things. Part of it was wanting to figure out how to help Bridget get through the breakup with Sian. He hated watching it and there was little that he could really do. At the same time, he couldn't help but feel relieved. It was a feeling that he was trying to hide from Bridget but in the almost dark room with Bridget sleeping beside him, Don couldn't help but smile. At least now it was just the two of them. He knew that his marriage had been weakened over the last few months. But as long as Sian was around, it had been difficult to try and repair it. Without her, he had a clear shot to work on fixing things.

Over the next few weeks, their life seemed to be slowly returning to normal. Of course not everything could be the same as before. After the third day of finding a reason not to go to the gym, Bridget faced reality and admitted that she couldn't go back to her old gym. There was no way that she wouldn't see Sian there. It would hurt too much. And it would make Sian uncomfortable. That was her job and the last thing that Bridget wanted to do was make things any harder for her. She told Don that she was going to go in and sign up at the other local gym. Don didn't say anything beyond okay.

Bridget found herself crying less over time, as was to be expected. The raw nature of the wound couldn't stay like that forever. But there was a depression that didn't seem to be lifting. And even weeks later, little things could start her crying. It became noticeable at work and her boss had to talk with her.

He called Bridget into his office late one afternoon. As she sat in the chair next to his desk, he looked at her with obvious concern. She had been working there a couple of years and all of it for him. She had always been one of his best employees.

"Bridget, you know me. I would never want to pry into your personal life so please don't think that is what I am doing. But ever since you got back from vacation, your work here hasn't been up to your normal standard. You're distracted and well, I can tell things aren't good with you," he said in a compassionate voice. "You know that I think you are great and am very happy that you are working for me. That hasn't changed. I know how good you can be. I just need you to start to get back there."

Bridget couldn't help it. It was one of those times when the tears just started to flow. She fished into her purse to find one of the hankies that she kept with her at all times now. "I'm sorry, Bill. I will try to do better," she said as she tried to hold back her tears.

Her boss looked uncomfortable as he watched her. Bridget thought it was from seeing her cry but she was wrong. "I want to tell you something that I haven't told anyone else at work. About a year ago, my wife and I went through a rough patch. I didn't get that promotion I expected. You probably remember that. Anyhow I got down and it put a lot of strain on our marriage. My wife got me to see that I could use some help," he said. Picking up a couple of business cards, he put them down on the desk right in front of Bridget.

Bridget looked at them and then looked at him. He gave her a sympathetic smile. "I'm not saying you need help or that I know what is going on with you. But I just thought I would pass these on. One is for a marriage counsellor that we found pretty helpful. The other is for a therapist. I liked her a lot and she helped me with my issues. It's up to you whether one or both of them would help you."

After hesitating for a moment, Bridget picked up both cards. "Thanks Bill. I don't know either, but I appreciate it."

"Don't worry too much about work. I know how good you are. You will bounce back," he told her. She smiled at him as she wiped the last tears away. "Let's be crazy and call it a day fifteen minutes early," he said as he returned the smile.

After that things at least got better at work. Bridget found it easier to push her sorrows out of her mind there and just focus on doing a good job. It was at least one part of her life that was completely within her control.

Home life was a different matter. Bridget was finding it hard to reconnect with Don. While they were getting along, she was most comfortable with him when they were acting more like friends than being married. Their life was settling into a routine where they would spend time together but Bridget rarely felt like doing anything intimate. Don was trying not to push too hard, but after three weeks his frustration was starting to show through. Without someone else to divert her attention, he felt like things should be getting back to normal.

It wasn't that simple, Bridget thought to herself as she waited for Don to get home one night. She recognized that he was trying to be more sensitive and romantic. But his attitude towards Sian and her relationship continually got in the way of any improvements. As far as Bridget could tell, he seemed to be regarding it like a casual love affair. The importance Sian had in her life was completely dismissed as a friend and partner. And she resented him treating it like it was just a sexual relationship.

It was having Sian in her life that she missed the most. Even now, weeks later, Bridget still found herself starting to text or picking up the phone without thinking because there was something she wanted to share with Sian. Sometimes she just wanted to talk with someone who understood her.

Unfortunately Don was only showing how much he didn't understand her with how he was treating her feelings toward Sian. And there was no one else to fill the gap. Not having shared what was going on with Sian and her marriage before the break up, Bridget felt uncomfortable with talking to any of her friends about it. Beyond the same sex aspect, Bridget wasn't sure whether they could accept what had been going on in her marriage. It would be hard to tell part of it without the whole sordid details coming out.

Of all the friends she had made through Sian, one surprised her by keeping in touch. Viola, the larger woman that Bridget met when she and Sian went out dancing, had given her a phone call a week after Sian broke up with her. Viola had just wanted to let her know that she was still Bridget's friend.

"If you ever want to talk, don't hesitate to call me," Viola had told her. Although she felt a little awkward about it, Bridget actually had done that. It turned out that Viola didn't work too far from Bridget and they had met for lunch a couple of times. While she could talk to Viola about her relationship with Sian and how she was doing, Bridget found it much harder to talk about her relationship with Don. Viola was one of a very small number who knew the whole story but it didn't make a difference. Bridget just didn't want to talk about that with her.

Just like her boss, Viola encouraged her to see a therapist. She could tell that Bridget was holding a lot in and Viola worried that it would be too overwhelming. It would be easy for Bridget to get in a really bad place. Viola had been there herself once and she could see a few of the same warning signs. Her urging was similar to how Bridget's boss had handled it and after their second lunch, Bridget had agreed to start seeing one.

Even though it meant keeping a secret from Don, Bridget didn't tell him when she started to see the therapist. She wasn't dealing with the issues in their marriage so much as her own feelings about herself. Bridget hoped that the therapist could help her find a path back into happiness. She was taking a long lunch and going once or twice a week. Her boss was understanding and had no issues with it, especially since she was making up the time.

Sipping on a glass of mineral water, Bridget thought about Don. Her feelings were becoming more mixed about him. He was a good person and he had avoided talking negatively about Sian. Although he never came right out and said it, he seemed to accept his responsibility for creating the situation. At least he never seemed to be blaming Bridget for falling in love with Sian. But sometimes he tried too hard. When they went out, he constantly tried to touch her. Whether it was holding her hand, touching her back or putting is arm around her, he didn't give her any space. It felt cloying.

Worse was his jealousy. It didn't really matter whether it was a man or woman; it seemed to bother Don whenever Bridget paid any attention to someone else. Bridget had never given him cause to suspect that she might be interested in an affair before Sian. And as far as Bridget was concerned Sian didn't count. Maybe Don saw it differently but she had entered into the relationship with his full knowledge and consent. In fact it was more than that; it was with him pushing Bridget every step of the way. And she had been completely faithful to both him and Sian. It wasn't her nature, which was why it was bothering her so much now. Just when he wanted to fix the problems in their marriage, he was treating her like she couldn't be trusted.

It wasn't like she had much in the way of desire anyway, Bridget thought bitterly. The last time she really felt much in the way of desire was driving over to Sian's. It didn't seem to have anything to do with Don, as far as Bridget could tell. It was just missing from her right now. Even the couple of times she tried on her own, Bridget hadn't been able to find much of a spark of excitement. After trying to arouse herself for a few moments, she had just given up. It had taken her several visits to her therapist to mention it and they had only started to discuss it.

It made Don's jealousy all the more irrational. He had no reason to be jealous, and she had told him that. On the few times that she had been willing to talk with him about how she was feeling, she tried to get across to him that she just wasn't feeling sexy or interested.

Don didn't seem to get it. Bridget had always had a very healthy sex drive. It was too easy for him to mix up her lack of interest in him with the troubles in their marriage. It was never too far from the surface with him that Bridget hadn't left Sian. If Sian hadn't decided to end it, Bridget would still be with her. Now things were even worse than before and somehow Don had gotten it into his head that she might try and find the happiness she had lost with someone else.

It had gotten bad enough, that Bridget's therapist had encouraged Bridget to let Don know that she was in therapy. They had spent the whole session today on that idea. In the end Bridget agreed that she would. She had always been honest with Don before. She just hoped that it would help relieve his mind if Don knew that she was taking steps to deal with how she was feeling. Maybe he would get that it was deeper than he recognized.

Bridget took the last drink out of her glass of water. Her therapist had suggested that while she was dealing with these problems, that she might want to avoid drinking. She explained that it wasn't that she thought Bridget had any sort of issue with alcohol. From what Bridget had told her, she assured Bridget that it sounded like she was pretty responsible with how she drank. Still when someone is depressed, it made sense to avoid depressants. Bridget was mostly a social drinker but she hadn't had a drink in a couple of weeks. She wasn't sure if it had made a difference, but she hadn't been crying nearly as much. Maybe not drinking had something to do with it.

Just as she started to pour herself another glass of mineral water, Bridget heard Don pull up. Dinner was fairly simple tonight. She had made a green salad to go with pasta. She had also picked up a loaf of fresh bread from a bakery. An uncomplicated meal was all she had the energy for today. Looking over at the dining room table, she thought about lighting the candles that were standing there. After reflecting a moment, she turned away. She wasn't trying for a romantic mood. Don might even misunderstand.

The door opened and Don came inside. He was carrying a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Clearly he had stopped somewhere on the way home. Walking over Bridget, he handed them to her with a shy little smile on his face.

"Thank you, Sweetie! They are very beautiful," Bridget said. They were vibrant colors that brightened up the room. She felt her spirits lift a little just looking at them. The fragrance from them quickly began to fill the room. Going to one of the cabinets, she got out a vase and put the flowers in it after filling it with water. As she put it down on the dining room table, she removed the candlesticks. There wasn't really room for both.

While Don went into the bedroom to change into some more comfortable clothes, Bridget put the food on the table.

"What do you want to drink, Sweetie?" Bridget called out to Don.

She heard him shout back. "Could you pour me a little scotch? It was a long day."

Walking slowly to the liquor cabinet, Bridget hoped that didn't mean he was going to be in a bad mood. That would make it all the harder to talk to him. She thought about not doing it tonight but she wasn't sure how easy it would be to get her nerve back up if she lost it tonight. She picked up a bottle and poured about a shot and a half into a tumbler. She was so distracted by her thoughts that Bridget didn't even notice it was the bottle that Sian had given Don for Christmas.

When Don came out, he was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Coming to the table he reached down and picked up his scotch and took a drink. For a moment he enjoyed the flavor, and then he recognized it. He took another sip, hoping that it would hide the little frown that crossed his face. Being reminded of Sian was not something that he liked. For a moment, he wondered whether or not Bridget had picked that one on purpose for some sort of dig. He looked over at her but she was occupied with the final few things for dinner. She wasn't paying the slightest attention to his drink. Shaking his head, he dismissed the thought from his head.

The two of them sat down at the same time. As they started eating, Bridget led the conversation by asking Don about his day. It turned out he was asked to do a bunch of additional reports and they were all super high priority. He needed to have them done by Friday. He almost stayed late tonight but he was hoping that he could get them done without the extra hours. Bridget gave him the appropriate sympathy.

Slowly Don started to feel better. The dinner was tasty and the scotch mellowed him out. It was good and it wasn't too hard to forget how he had got it. It took a while but eventually he remembered to ask how her day was.

Picking up her water, Bridget swirled it around in her glass. Her silence made Don a little nervous. She gave him a little smile. "It was an okay day, almost typical I guess," she said. Her eyes dropped and then looked into his. "I haven't told you this but I've been seeing a therapist; for a few weeks, now. I wasn't sure how it was going to go, and I thought you might worry so I didn't tell you. But I'm going to keep going so I wanted to make sure you knew. I don't want to keep secrets from you, Don."

It was an understatement to say Don was surprised. He couldn't remember Bridget ever talking about wanting to see a therapist. He took another drink from his scotch. He wondered how much she had told her therapist. He felt a flush of embarrassment. Don didn't view his actions over the last six months with a lot of pride.

"It's been helping me some," Bridget said without elaborating beyond that.

"That's good, I guess," Don said. He wanted to ask more but Bridget didn't seem forthcoming. He wondered what helping meant. He hadn't noticed much difference over the last couple of weeks. It made him nervous to think that she needed professional help. Did that mean things were worse between them than he realized?

"I haven't been doing well, Sweetie. I was struggling at work, more than I let you know. Bill suggested that it might help me," Bridget said quietly. "I thought about it for a while and decided he was right. I called the name he gave me and I liked her. I've seen her 5 times so far."

As Bridget spoke, Don thought about whether she was going to want them to go to marriage counselling. The idea made him squirm. Yes they had issues, but going to counselling would mean exposing everything. He wanted to just forget about Sian and pushing Bridget into having another relationship. It had been a bad idea. And he especially didn't want to admit it was his to someone else. Anyway if they just worked on it, their relationship would get better. They didn't need help.

Bridget ate the last couple of bites on her plate. As she put her fork down, she gave Don a look. Finally she said, "I just don't want to feel sad all the time."

"I don't want that either," Don said. "I'm trying to make you feel better."

"Don, I know. But this isn't about you. It's about me. I need to figure out how to be happy on my own," Bridget told him. She took a drink and watched Don. She could tell he was nervous although she wasn't quite sure why. "It isn't like I'm asking anything of him," she thought to herself. She sighed audibly. Once again a moment seemed to be lost where they could have made a connection. She wasn't sure why it kept happening. Something more to talk to her therapist about, she thought.