It Is What It Is, My New Age Adage

"It is what it is."

Did what happen when my friends shunned me cause me to be a lesser friend? No, unable to change who I am, me being a lesser friend would go against who I am as a person. I just need to understand that some people are born with an ocean full of caring and others are born with a thimble full of understanding. The insensitivity of some people is just as baffling as it is upsetting.

What I had to do to survive is to lower my expectation of others. What I had to do to get through all the shit that I had to deal with is to acknowledge that it was all up to me. And if I had someone there to help me through something, a true friend, then I was lucky. That one moment, my personal epiphany has helped me immensely and immeasurably. None of this could have been possible had I not learned that one simple phrase that has help to heal many of my wounds.

"It is what it is."

By chalking it up in that way, I'm better able to accept 'It is what it is.' It takes a lot of practice to give in to 'It is what it is,' just it takes a lot of patience and internal control to put The Serenity poem into one's daily life. One doesn't have to be dependent on alcohol and/or drugs to employ some of the life lessons and helpful knowledge being given at AA meetings. Even for those who don't believe in God, taking what you can use in your life and rejecting what you can't use in your life, the message is not only about God.

Anyone can have better control of their lives if they want to find some relief from problems and from people in their lives. The warning here is that your feelings about each situation must be felt, realized, and dealt with, before you get the pay-off and before chalking it up to 'It is what it is.' Not for the faint of heart, it's worth all that one must go through in order to achieve some measure of peace. It doesn't work if you just throw up your hands and say, "Fuck it!" It doesn't work if you run to the bottle, take a mind altering drug, or become so depressed that you're physically and emotionally incapacitated as I was.

Ask the tough questions of yourself about each scenario and then accept the reality of the situation. Don't try and sugarcoat things by seeing them as you wish they were instead of what is honest and true. Be kind to yourself while you figure out the truth because many times the truth will hurt you. I trust that you'll be fine eventually and will have a better understanding of life because sometimes, it's just...

"It is what it is."

Only, it was difficult for me to reconcile it is what it is when my creative writing teacher slipped in her mantra of reciting The Serenity Prayer morning and night and died of a heroin overdose. Unable to say it is what it is to that, her tragic and untimely departure made me wish she had called me. I would have been there for her.

Yet, maybe with her so ingrained with the thought that it is what it is, perhaps she thought that she was alone. Perhaps she thought she didn't have the control to change her destiny. Perhaps she put too much credence into 'It is what it is.'

The End

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