It's Complicated

It was too late for recriminations now. I had made my choice and now I would live with it for good or evil. I pushed the guilt from my mind with an effort and let myself in the doorway. I slipped off my dress and then peeled off the sticky panties. I wadded them up and buried them in the trash. I made as little noise as possible while cleaning myself up and performing my bedtime preparations. I hoped Ben was still solidly asleep as I pulled on a loose shirt and slipped into bed next to him.

Ben rolled over and wrapped his arm around my waist. He stirred a bit and I saw him peek at the clock. "Wow, it's two o'clock. You and Jennifer must have had a good time." He said.

"We did, I drank one or two too many of those fruity drinks." I told him.

Ben was apparently in the mood. I cringed inside as he pushed me down gently and rolled on top of me between my legs. I briefly considered telling him I was too tired for sex, but he slipped himself into me before I could say anything. I was surprised that my arousal was not done after the string of orgasm I'd had. Ben's hardness felt good as he started to rub his body between my legs, thrusting his cock deeper into me.

"God! Are you ever wet!" Ben exclaimed, feeling the sloppy wetness of my just-fucked pussy. It was like a dagger, spearing me with my own guilt.

"I'm ovulating today." I whispered to him. "I want to feel you come." I urged him. Then I closed my eyes and just let Ben fuck my body. After a while he stiffened and started to come. I rubbed my hands up and down his torso as I felt his cock throb and pump his load into my vagina. When he finished we held each other in the dark until we both fell asleep.

A couple weeks after we got home from Hawaii I pulled out my personal calendar and checked the dates to be sure. I was three days overdue for my period even if I was running my longest typical cycle. I stopped by the drug store on the way home from work and bought a double pregnancy test. My hands were shaking as I peed on the first stick. In only 40 seconds a double line appeared. The second tester gave the same positive result.

I kept the news to myself for another month. I was sure that I was going to miscarry. I felt that God was going to punish me for what I had done and he would make me lose the baby. I tossed and turned with terrible dreams of visiting the bathroom and finding my panties soaked in blood. I was thrilled to finally be pregnant, but I was chased by the guilt of how I had gotten that way.

Finally when I started to get sick most days and I couldn't tolerate the smell of a lot of foods Ben asked me what the hell was going on. It almost came out of me like a confession. "I think I'm pregnant." I told him.

Ben was overjoyed. I'd have died from guilt to see him so pleased by my deception but for one thing. In it all, I could tell that what made Ben happiest was that he knew how badly I wanted this baby. His joy was really because he was happy for me. "I told you that if we just kept trying it would happen, didn't I?" Ben observed with a smirk. "It must have happened in Hawaii." He continued. I almost hated him for his smug 'I told you so' attitude at that moment, but I knew it was better than him knowing the truth. And his obvious pleasure at just seeing my own desperate need to be pregnant finally get fulfilled finally helped me get past the worst of the guilt.

Our Hawaiian vacation was six months ago as I write this. My belly is swelling bigger every day now. At twenty weeks I had an ultrasound and learned that I was carrying a baby boy. At nights when I sleep I dream of my blond haired, blue eyed son smiling as he runs towards me. I cannot wait to meet him.