It's Complicated

Leaning down my head a little, I half bury my face in River's damp blonde hair. Her natural scent is hidden under chlorine from the pool. My arms settle around her, her skin cool under my fingers. I feel the ties of her bikini under my hands.

"I'm so glad you came," she says into my chest.

"Happy Birthday, River."

"Thank you." She smiles up at me.

I have to fight the urge to kiss her. It's almost more than I can stand. As she steps back from me, I reach into my pocket and pull out a small silver box. I hold it out to her.

"You didn't have to do that," she scolds me but smiles non-the-less.

"Open it later. It's private." I look up hearing footsteps coming towards us.

As Jeff steps into the room, I see his eyes go wide. It's the first time I've seen him since I helped Mom move out. He looks the same if a bit tired. New fiancée must be keeping him awake at night. I brush that thought out my head. Stepping forward without think about it too much I catch him in a hard hug.

"Hey, Dad."

I hear a catch of his breath by my ear. Slowly he hugs me back his hand digging into my shoulder.

"Hey. How you been?"

Stepping back I nod. Looking over at River, I see her eyes are alive with tears. I smile at her. She smiles back.

He looks at the cake.

"Well, you got here a little late, but we did leave you some cake."

"I'll get you a piece," says River moving towards the table.

"Not just yet. Maybe in a bit." I tell her holding out a hand to stop her. My eyes take in her beautiful body. The bikini isn't by any means tiny, but it still shows a lot of her. Just a little towards chubby she has all the curves to fill one out well. I smile when she looks back at me.

"You sure? Not even a little piece?" she asks almost pleadingly.

"In a bit I will, but not just yet." I turn toward Jeff. He's looking at me with an almost shamefaced expression. I know the question even before he asks it.

"How's your Mom?"

I let the tide of anger wash past me without letting it show on my face. "She's good. Getting settled in."

He nods.

"Well, I was headed out to go get some more soda and chips. I'll be back." He goes toward the kitchen.

"You're blocked in," I tell him reaching into my pocket. I shake my keys and toss them to him. "It's down at the bottom of the hill."

"Thanks." He watches me shrug. "Glad you came."

River looks at my face after her brother goes through the door.

"Are you alright?" she asks me softly.

"As right as I get these days. I ...." Someone calling her name interrupts me.

I see a young man walk into the room and River turns to him. He steps up and encircles her waist in a protective hug. He eyes me with a curiosity that is a touch hostile.

"Mike, I want you to meet ... well he was my nephew ... it's complicated." River turns to look at me. I hold out my hand towards Mike.

"Nice to meet you, Mike," I say as he takes my hand. His fingers are cold and clammy from the pool.

"Good to meet you." He dismisses me as soon as his hand leaves mine. "River ... Sandra and Lesley are wanting to know something I can't remember. They told me to go find you. Come on." He gives her a tug toward the kitchen.

"But ...." She look towards me again. I smile.

"Go on, I'll see you in a bit." I look up into Mike's eyes for a second. He looks back into mine for just a second then looks away.

I watch the curve of River's ass in the black cloth bikini as she walks away holding Mike's hand. My blood boils for several minutes.

Walking to the living room, I see all the older relatives are here. Several get up and come over to give me a hug. Several don't.

Jeff's fiancée pretends I don't exist long enough for her to get up and leave through the dining room.

I look up when the door to Jack's private study opens. While River's mom has always been Granny to me her dad has always been Jack. He smiles when he sees me and walks over to me. He holds out his hand and catches my shoulder when I take his.

"Glad you came. Hoped you would." He smiles at me. A teacher before he retired he has an easy way with people, but it always feels like he's about to deliver a lecture. He almost always speaks in polished sentences.

"Glad I came too," I lie to him. My mind is a bitterly rolling on thoughts I can't process.

"Have you seen your Granny?" he asks me after a few second of silence by me.

"She was going out to the pool with Lemonade last I saw her," I tell him turning lose his hand.

"Well, if I hurry maybe I can get some of it before they drink it all up. Glad you're here." He turns and walks toward the dining room.

"Yeah, me too." I say it so softly only I can hear the bitterness in my tone. I turn away from the relatives I'm no longer related to and walk through the side door out onto the large screened in sun porch. The half dozen rocking chairs are as empty I feel right now. I walk past them to the door and look out towards the little hedge and all the dozens of bird feeders that line it. For a second, I want to escape through this door and sneak back to my car. But then remember I don't have my keys.

I look down at the large urn by the door that holds umbrellas and walking sticks.

I see the white head of a porcelain dog looking up at me.

With shaking hands, I touch it. Then, picking it up almost like I think it might bite, I pull it out the urn. I bring it up level to my face.

"That was my Dad's." I hear from behind me. I turn to see Granny standing a few feet away from me. "Wish you could have met him. He would have loved you." She gives a small laugh. "He had the most infuriating habit of asking two questions before you could answer one. Drove people crazy." She comes over and pats my arm. "Have you see Jack?'

"He's looking for you. I sent him towards the pool. He said something about getting him some of the lemonade." I smile at the fact they could be missing each other in a house with only one way from front to back.

"Well, I better go get him before he gets the one with the sugar. Where are you going?" she asks when I put my hand on the screen door latch.

"Was going to take a walk into the garden, it's crowded in here."

She looks around at the empty sun porch then back to me. I just give a shrug and step through the door.

I walk down the moss-covered stepping-stones into the little sloping garden. Build of terraced beds and gravel paths it winds its way down to a Koi pond. About half way down there is a wooden bench that I watched Jack and my dad build when I was just a teen. I sit down on it and look unseeing at the roses for many long minutes. I twiddle my fingers around the knobby wood cane and realize, at that moment, I'm holding the walking stick in my hand. I slowly turn the dog's head till it looks up at me.

"So what the hell do I do now?" I ask it softly. I will till my dying day swear it winked at me.

Hearing flip-flop sandals on gravel, I look up to see River coming down the winding pathway towards me. She has a blue shear wrap around her hips covering her bikini, but my eyes drink in her grace as she steps around the rose thorns that caught at my arm when I walked down. She stops right in front of me. I feel the cane turn in my fingers till the dog's head is looking at her. I set it to the side, leaning it against the roses.

She stands in front of me. I look up at those beautiful eyes.

"I got a lot of strange presents today from people. Some seem to think I'm still a child. Others that I'm someone else, things I would never in my life have a use for. But yours ..." She tilts her head a little. "A dinner invitation? And to this place." She holds up the reservation card I had in the box. At her look I nod. "This place costs a fortune. A meal there is a hundred dollars per person if not more."

"More," I tell her softly.

Her eyes seem to go deep into me then, looking at my face, seeing to the very heart of me.

"Why? Why would you want to take 'me' there? A dinner with your Aunt ..." She backs up a step as I stand up.

"Not a dinner," I tell her looking down into her face. "A date."

I watch her eyes as they run through a whole range of thoughts.

"A date with me? Your Auntie River?" she asks me with a half grin. I called her that to tease her years ago.

I shake my head. "Not my Aunt. With the most beautiful young woman I know."

"Me?" She gives me a rueful quirky smile. "Why?"

I look over to the dog-headed cane. I swear it's grinning at me. I look back at her.

"Because ...." I look into those beautiful blue eyes and seal my fate one way of the other. "Because I'm in love with you, River."

She looks at me. Just looks.

Ever so slowly her hand comes up to take mine. Her fingers slip into mine and mine tighten around hers. She steps into me, her head going at my chest. I feel her start to cry.

"I'm in love with you too," she says to me in a whisper. Her face turns up to me her eyes awash with tears. "I have been for as long as I can remember. But our families? They ...."

My lips find hers I a rush. I pull her up into my arms as I kiss her. At first I feel her startled response, like a little bird caught in strange hands. Then she seems to melt against me. Her lips start to kiss me back with a passion I've never known.

Her body nearly naked in my arms is warm and soft. Her skin silk-like under my fingers. I feel hard muscle from her long days swimming in the pool. Her fingers caress the back of my head as my hands come to rest on her hips. The shear cloth of her bikini under my fingertips slides at my touch.

"Rive...!" I hear a loud call from the top of the hill. Looking up, I see Mike for a second then he is gone.

I look down at her face and see the shocked horror in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," I tell her softly.

She swallows and shakes her head.

"He may have thought it was more, but to me he was just a friend. I never loved him." She looks up at my face again. I drown in her eyes. "I've never loved any of the boys I've dated. There was never any love left to give them. It's always belonged to you." She looks down at my chest for second. "What are we going to do about our families?"

"Follow our hearts." I tell her without thinking.

She chuckles.

"That was grandpa's favorite saying. Mom told he he would tell people to follow their heart, their head, and their nuts."

I look back at the cane.

"I know."

I kiss her again, softly. My lips gentle, her lips soft against mine. I hold her close in protective arms.

As we part from the second kiss, she looks up at my face.

"So which are you going to do?" she asks me grinning.

I smile down at her then kiss the tip of her nose.

"All three, my beautiful River," I tell her softly.

She laughs her eyes twinkling. "Let's see how dinner goes."

Turning me loose, but not letting go of my hand, she starts to pull me up the hill. "Come on. You haven't had a piece of my birthday cake yet and I insist you do."

I follow her through the roses avoiding most of the thorns, but not all. At the top of the path, I remember the cane and look back.

I see the old man in his flat cap sitting on the wooden bench twiddling his cane. He's laughing at me. He flips a silver dollar coin into the air. I see it splash into the Koi pond with ripples that make the fish surface. He tips his flat cap to me ... then isn't there.

As River drags me into through the screen door I see the dog head cane is back in the urn by the door. It's turned to face me.

"River? Mike just stormed out of here. Is something wrong?" asks Granny from the doorway.

River looks up at my face.

"It's complicated," she says softly.

I nod in agreement.

*

(I would like to thank jaycox for his time in helping me get my older stories wrangled into some semblance of order. Thanks buddy. As always any mistakes you see now are all on my own head.)