It's Either Break Up Or Make Up

I spoke, "Thank you my conscious has delivered me to the turning point in my life when I had to embrace the truth in me. To day many people who secretly prefer same-gender sexual activities and relationships, have engaged in long-term heterosexual dating, up to and including marriage. Well known examples include Sir Elton John and Oscar Wilde."

During my speech some one cued the music director and music started to play to get me off the stage. There was no reason to waste time on some nobody in prime time.

I didn't stop talking and spoke louder, "When there publicly projected "heterosexual" behavior was created for the sake of maintaining commercial mainstream acceptance by an anti gay public."

I could see the plain clothes security getting ready to make its move and usher me off the stage. I had timed it right for dramatic effect and continued talking, "Today I admit to the world that I am one of those people. I am no longer ashamed of who I am, I Rickie Cox am gay and finally proud of it!"

The security guards stopped and were waved off the stage as the collective gasp raced around the auditorium and the music stop playing to make sure they had heard right.

"I am Rickie Cox and I know I look a lot different but I have finally found my true self. Many of us if we could speak freely consider ourselves gay have been regarded as "in the closet" creating an illusion for the sake of acceptance by heterosexuals. The truth is the public is afraid of the truth and looks for any little illusion of heterosexuality so they can by our music."

The television network finally cut back in from the commercial and the auditorium was buzzing.

"Girl, I love Luther Vandross so much that I modeled part of my act after him but is there any one who deep down didn't know that he was not into women. When Johnny Mathis is singing 'Chances are' we all knew he isn't singing to anyone with out a dick. Don't let me get started on all the other mega celebrities that I know who are still in the closet.

Our self imposed illusion of heterosexuality is what distinguishes us from being out other wise known as being in "in the closet". Most of us have no sexual heterosexual contact and when we do we fake it. That is because we want to protect ourselves from discrimination or rejection by not revealing our sexual orientation or attractions. Some have use the phrase "down-low" or "DL" in order to describe this state of being.

I have been doing some reading deciding if I was going to take the big step out of my comfortable closet. I was surprised to learn that the idea of coming out was introduced in 1869 by a German homosexual rights advocate, Karl Heinrich Ulrich's as a means of emancipation. He had courage to kick the closed door open and say world here I am, gay and proud. He claimed that invisibility was a major obstacle toward changing public opinion, he urged homosexuals to come out and be free.

Several theories have been put forth to describe the coming out process in discrete stages that gays who have successfully came out have gone through. It starts with identity confusion, identity comparison, identity tolerance, identity acceptance, identity pride, and identity synthesis.

For most of us not burdened with celebrity, who come out it is a gradual process and a journey, though some like my self are yanked out of the closet. It is common to come out first to a trusted friend or family member, and wait to come out to others.

I have found that the only one true step that matters is coming out to yourself," acknowledge to yourself that you are gay lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered and have struggled all your life to hide it. This is the very first and most important step in your coming out process, it often involves soul-searching.

My therapist told me that gay, people go through a period prior to coming out when we believe our sexual orientation or behavior, or our cross-gender feelings to be "a phase", to be malleable, or when we reject our own feelings for what ever reasons. Coming out to myself was one way to end that period of ambiguity and thus begin the process of self-acceptance.

I am pleased to say that I am out of the closet and that I am transgender and loving it. It is still difficult for we transgendered, people to come out and decide to live according to the gender role with which our minds not our bodies closely identify. Having the courage to step into a pair of outrageous pumps and free our transgendered souls to the world. It is different from coming out about one's sexual orientation because it is necessary to come with my desire to dress as another sex. I also know that many gays and lesbians disapprove along with the straight making it more difficult for us transgendered. This is most distressing because if any one should be tolerant to someone being different it should be them.

Today, more of us transgender people are out than ever before, and many believe that being in the closet is unhealthy for the individual. A common saying is, "Closets are for clothes".

I have found a wonderful compassionate Doctor who has provided me council and therapy. Her name is Dr. Judy Collins and she is setting up and office in town. In addition I will be funding the start up of her clinic for the transgendered in need of professional guidance which Doctor Collins will manage she will also be handling special cases that are brought to her attention from outside sources.

I thank you for this Grammy, and I thank my fans for supporting me by buying my CD's even the ones who will leave me after this speech.

As it turned out I sauntered up on stage 7 more times to collect my Grammies, the last with James at my side to announce that we were getting married. He whisper in my ear that he was so proud of me and that when we got home he was going to fuck my brains out he had got his hands on so Viagra tablets and would be hard all night. I had the biggest smile on my face as we walked off the stage I dragged him pass our seats and anxiously headed home.

The End