Jack, Twice Up the Beanstalk

She unlocked her ankles and relaxed her legs on the bed. Jack could feel his penis shrinking. His balls and pubic hair felt wet and gooey. He felt a sense of lethargy. He was warm, relaxed, and almost sleepy. Several minutes passed. Their breathing returned to normal. Her eyes were closed.

She jerked suddenly, startling Jack. "You need to go soon," she said with a fresh urgency. She helped roll Jack to the side of the bed and to his feet. She stood and gently shoved him toward the kitchen. "Dress quick and go before he comes home. You can come see me again."

Jack did not want to be there when the giant returned. He speedily dressed. The woman slipped back into her clothing. Jack was buckling his boots and seated in a chair. She stood in front of him and bent down to place a soft kiss on his forehead. It occurred to him that this was the first kiss between them.

"Go now, Little Englishman." She ushered him out the door.

Jack had only taken a few steps toward home when he heard a voice like thunder roared, "Hey! What you do here?"

Jack did not even look back. He broke into a sprint and ran faster that he had ever run! He could hear loud footfalls behind him. The giant was pursuing! Jack ran even faster - perhaps there was a shot of adrenaline. The footfalls continued. Was he gaining? Jack couldn't tell. Then, suddenly, the footsteps stopped and he heard scraping noises. Had the giant fallen? Jack chanced a glance over his shoulder. The giant was down on one knee with his musket trained on the fleeing Englishman. Jack began a zig-zag pattern. "Don't let him shoot me! Don't let him shoot me!" he prayed. A hollow "boom" sounded out along with a simultaneous whizzing sound. He'd missed! Jack straightened his course for the beanstalk. The footfalls behind him resumed but they were farther back now.

Jack's lungs burned. He was afraid they'd burst but still he ran as hard as he could. It seemed like hours that he'd been running and he could no longer hear the steps of the giant. His legs were heavy and numb. Perhaps the giant had given up. Perhaps Jack just couldn't hear the sound for the loudness of his own breathing. He quickly turned his head to see. The giant still pursued but had fallen further behind.

Jack could see the beanstalk. Finally! He kept his pace until he jumped at the beanstalk and wrapped his arms and legs around it. He didn't climb down exactly. He mostly slid down. He knew that he'd have blisters on his hands from the friction but he couldn't let the giant catch him. Down and down he slid. He eventually reached the ground and looked up. No sign of the giant. Jack sprinted to the woodpile and grabbed his axe. He attacked the beanstalk like a madman. His blistered hands were bleeding before the stalk began to fall.

As good luck would have it, Jack's beanstalk did not land on anyone's house or barn. It did, however destroy a fence and two neighbor's hedges. The angry neighbors eventually forgave Jack when they realized that no one in the parish would have to gather firewood for at least two winters.

Jack grew into manhood and, one day, married a fine young lady from the village. They raised a family together and lived a long life. He had many experiences, good and bad, but one thing was consistent over the entire extent of his life, he would often be seen looking up into the clouds and lost in his thoughts - thoughts of a giant, his wife, and a magic beanstalk.