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Two hours later, the girls all came back out with bags and bags full of things. I didn't even ask, hell I was completely out! I didn't wake up until we were almost back to the house, my head resting in Jade's lap, her fingers lovingly running through my hair. I opened my eyes and found her looking down at me lovingly. She bent down and placed a kiss on my forehead.
"I put you to bed when we get home. You need sleep." She said. Gina looked down at me from over the seat.
"Yeah. You look like you really need some sleep." She said. I gave her a weak smile.
"Put me in coach, I can do it." I said before drifting back to sleep. Last thing I heard was Gina and Jade laughing. Jade continued to run her fingers through my hair until we pulled up in front of the house. Even then, I didn't want to wake up. Jade just held my head in her lap, calmingly running her fingers through my hair.
When everything was off the bus and Jade and I were the last ones left, she roused me gently.
- COMMENTS
toolman4243about 13 years agoGeeez the guys pumpin out a damn good story here, for free and all you can do is complain about grammar and spelling? If it's that important to you get off your fat ass and contact him and ask to edit for him then. I would rather have a few grammar and spelling mistakes to get these chapters faster than wait for a edit. Keep up the good work!!!!!
Scifiantabout 13 years agoI really like the story and want to read more, however there are some grammar and spelling issues that are like fingernails on a chalkboard.
"You're" is a contraction of you are - as in "you're writing a very good story. "Your" is the possessive of "you" - ie This is your story.
Also, don't mix up "then" and "than" - ie It is not " more then" it is more THAN, or less THAN; or it is IF this THEN that.
LustinTranslationabout 13 years agoAuthorThanks for all your comments throughout these chapters. I have been toying with a few ideas as for the direction of the story. I've got one more chapter that's ready for upload and then I need to start writing again.
The pregnancy is a possibility and there definitely will be something about retribution for Darrel, but as of yet, just ideas, nothing solid.
Thanks again! And I will be looking into getting an editor for this, I know my mistakes are getting on some of your nerves. Sorry, I'm a work in progress as are my stories.
Anonymousabout 13 years agoI like the story, flow. Keep in mind that having that many women, spending money in one place, will attract attention. Also, you never mentioned security.
