Jamie - The Journey Begins Ch. 12 - Under the Stars...

"Exactly," Mom replied, "hands down a boy's pants, in public."

"Mom, they were both clearly enjoying themselves. Look at that smile. So what if it was in public? It's not like it was in front of the Opera House or Federation Square."

I could tell the exasperation Steph was feeling was creeping into her tone/demeanor. "It was in someone's front yard. When was the last time you saw Jamie smile like that? And the guy - well he looked like he was just having as much fun, Mom."

Steph was starting to get a bit wound up - this might turn bad real soon.

"Jamie! I know you're listening. Turn the mute off!" Steph barked.

Both Lucas and I sat bolt upright and quickly turned the mute off. Jeez, does that sister of mine have an ARV flying overhead! "Oh, hi Steph," I managed to croak out.

"Hey little bro, so who's the hottie that you had your hands all over? And hi Lucas. I can see you smirking away there!"

"Hey Steph," Lucas smiled an uneasy smile, waving half-heartedly.

Seeing my Mom and sister going at it was like watching two lions fighting, this time I think a draw. With both feeling a little battle weary and looking for the next victim to refocus their frustration on, Mom shot Steph a look of disdain - "Hottie really?"

Lucas chimed in again. "Hi Aunt Kate." Lucas looked at me as he smiled an uneasy smile, signalling with his hand for me to speak. Nope! my mouth was on strike. To fill the void he dove in again. "He was a nice guy too, Auntie Kate."

Lucas sat back, signalling with his hands for me to go on, do something - like he was pushing some invisible thing at me.

"Josh-Joshua was his-his name - the hottie - his name." My god, I sounded like a bumbling idiot, plunging my face into my hand in despair.

Apparently, the look on their faces was priceless, according to Lucas - he told me later. Both Mom and Steph started to laugh. "Well, clearly he's had an effect on your ability to speak, form sentences in a coherent state, James," Mom replied still laughing.

"And Auntie Kate," Lucas leaned in closer to the screen, "it wasn't Jamie's fault about the photos. I took them and sent them to the guys back in OZ for a bit of fun. I didn't mean to cause any upset or get the clumsy ninja here into trouble."

"He's not in trouble," Steph replied, with a stern look on her face directed at Mom, I think based on the direction she was looking now.

"Jamie?"

"Yeah, Steph."

"You took precautions, didn't you Jamie? We don't want you getting pregnant."

My face burnt red instantly. Lucas, on the other hand, started to laugh so much that he fell over. Pity he didn't fall off the truck - now that would have been funny!

"Oh, my Stephanie, that is not something to joke about, really," Mom sparked up again - oops.

"Mom you've got to stop treating him like he's ten-years-old. He's a grown man. He goes to work like dad did, cuts people out of car wrecks or runs straight into fires without a second thought other than to help. Going by what we hear from his co-workers, he's bloody good at it."

Some uneasy looks where being exchanged between Mom and Steph. Poor Dad - he's gonna live this uneasy peace for a few weeks, I think. Steph was okay with her having a joke at my expense about getting pregnant, obviously medically impossible, else I'd be a very rich man, right?

But Steph was helping me cut the apron strings with the folks like I'd asked her to at the BBQ before I left. I started to feel very uneasy about where this was going. Mom looked at Steph for a moment, then looked back to me, grabbing the cell and angling it towards her some.

"I'm sorry, Jamie. I'm your Mom, I just want you to be safe. I know you will be, but I almost lost you once and-"

"I know Mom, I know. I'll be careful, I promise. Anyway, who's at your place? I can hear noise in the background."

"Oh, all your friends are here. Ty has just ducked out to pick Sam up from work. The boys are having dinner here before they go home." Mom sounded like she was re-enforcing that point to people off screen. I felt the pangs of guilt, sadness, and relief all at once. Hearing his name again filled my mind.

"How is Sam, Mom? Has he been ok?"

"Yes, he's fine now. Gav and Jack were keeping him busy and looking after him for a few days since you left. Your friends have a roster almost, to pick him up from work, or to invite him around so he feels included. He's fitting well into their-your little group."

"That's good, Mom." I was feeling so conflicted. Sam was having fun and I had been too with Josh and the guys here.

Lucas had picked up on my mood change, recovering from his laughing fit and sat back up against me, wrapping his arm around me, and giving me a reassuring smile.

"Oh, look," Mom looked up off screen, "Ty and Sam are here now. Hold on a second, honey, and I'll grab them for you."

Gav jumped back on the cell while mom disappeared. I could hear her talking in the distance. "Jamie, Sam saw the photos."

"Oh, fuck, really?" I dropped my tablet in shock. Lucas, thankfully, caught it before it hit the deck. I clasped both hands over my face and started to feel sick in the stomach. Gav had obviously realized that I was freaking out and was now talking to Lucas. I could hear the sounds of them speaking but the words weren't registering.

Looking sideways at Lucas, I implored, "What the fuck am I going to say, Luc? What do I say to Sam?"

Before he could answer, Sam appeared on the screen, smiling and looking happy.

Lucas pressed the mute for second placing his finger over the camera. "Hey buddy, it will be okay, pf Sam is the guy you talked about. You want me to stay or do you want some privacy?"

I looked at Lucas. His face was full of concern. "No, I'm okay." I took a deep breath. "I need to talk to him."

Lucas removed his finger and pressed the mute again, yelling into the tablet, "Hey guys, I'm going back to the fire. Chat to y'all a bit later. Love, Auntie Kate, Steph," he called out, acting like he didn't even know that Sam was there. Nice level of disconnect there Lucas, NOT!

Mom and Steph yelled out their goodbyes. Sam was just smiling into the cell but seemed to be a bit distracted. He was getting instructions off screen, I guessed. Next moment we were on the move. Sam was walking across to the home office - I could tell from the background.

Lucas climbed down off the truck. "If you need me, just holla, okay?"

"Yep sure, thanks brother." And I smiled back at him.

..o0o..

"Hey Jamie, how are you, how's the holiday going?" Sam's face was all smiles - he sounded happy too.

"Hi Sam," I was trying not to sound dejected, but I was. "Yeah its good, thanks. How are you going?"

There was the elephant in the room, but I didn't know how to start the conversation off. I wanted to explain what happened about the photos - I wanted to tell Sam about Josh. I can be an idiot at times, yes, but I'm not a cruel person or would set out to hurt anyone - well with the exception of Mason, and that's more brotherly revenge.

But Sam - to see those pictures and have him find out like that, it was shitty, and he deserved more, better than that.

"What's up, Jamie? You look like someone kicked your puppy."

I took a deep breath, looking straight into the camera. "I'm sorry, Sam, I really am." I swiped my hand down my face. "I didn't mean to find someone else at all really or so soon," my voice faded away, "or even at all. It just happened-I'm so sorry Sam."

I could feel tears pricking my eyes. His expression changed to a sober, concerned look.

"Hey Jamie, I know you didn't. We said that it just wasn't our time, remember?" He took a deep breath and continued. "Look, I know it was going to hurt when I saw you with someone else one day in the future, as I'm sure it's going to for you if it happens to me, right?"

The emotion on display with Sam, his voice almost raw, honest and heartfelt, the look on his face, said so much more than a thousand words could. "I'm not going to say that it didn't hurt, Jamie, when I saw the photos of you."

Holding back the tears by some miracle, I replied, "Yeah, you're right again, Sam. It would ... I just didn't want you to find out like this. I wanted to tell you. Not that you see some pictures of me or hear people talking. It's just... I'm sorry Sam, I really am."

"We'll Gav, Jack, Dave, and Ty were all extremely sorry that someone slipped and posted the photos to the chat group they'd set up. It just shows the importance of setting your phone upright so messages aren't displayed on the lock screen. , hey that I happened to walk past and see. They were all very sorry and couldn't stop apologizing for hours."

His face dropped, and I opened my mouth to say something to soothe the pain I'd caused. "Fuck it, I'm such an idiot at times, Sam. You didn't...don't deserve this... no one does. I can't say I'm sorry enough, Sam, I just can't. I know we said that it was not our time and that we'd see if the world brings us back together, but I've been a bastard to you from the start - even that morning at Mom's the first night we met."

Sam nodded. His face was a mirror of the pain I'd caused him. "And you just deserve so much better than I...well...can...did...oh fuck. I'm just so sorry, Sam. It's-this is all my fault. I could blame others for helping me do this stupid stuff, but at the end of the day, I can't blame my choices on their actions. I get it - I need to stop being such a jerk and grow up."

Sam took what I was saying to heart. His face softened as a few tears drifted down my face and landed on the tablet screen.

"Jamie, I'm not the only one you've upset with this either," he said with a dark quiet voice.

I looked little stunned at the screen, trying to work out who else I'd hurt. I knew it wasn't my Mom or sister, even my so-called friends, because we'd talked already and they were happy enough to rib me.

Sam had caught the look on my face. "Your truck Jamie...you're two-timing your red F-series. Remember - the one you wanted to marry?" he said, smiling for a second.

His joke about me two-timing my truck wasn't lost on me either. It was hurting Sam. It was a simple off-the-cuff-pause to release the tension between us, but it hurt and I was pissed that Lucas had sent the photos, more than the guys were so fucking stupid to let Sam see them without even checking with me or just asking the question first! Like I would have if the positions were reversed.

"It's okay Jamie," I could see the tears in his eyes now. "So tell me what's happened so far."

Clearing my voice, I wiped some unshed tears from my eyes, taking a sip of water from my drink bottle next to me.

"Well..." I paused for a second to gather myself, trying to push some of the emotion to the back for a moment "...all the fun started at the airport, after clearing customs." I continued to relay the story from LAX to the night on the truck. We both were laughing at times while I was reliving the past 72 hours.

After apologizing to Sam again, I think for at least the twentieth time, then saying bye to everyone else, I put the tablet back in the cabin of the truck and stopped for a moment, in the quiet, looking up at the stars. "Jamie-James Spence, you need to grow the fuck up, what you did and your friends did to Sam letting him see those photos was childish and stupid. You're thirty, not thirteen."

I let the feeling wash over me some more. A text from Gav then Dave, popped up on my cell. Dave, told me 'it was pretty much their fault and they would fix it with Sam but was worried about how I was taking it. Sam had relayed how upset I was and the number of times I'd apologized.'

'Gav was saying pretty much the same, expect that Steph had caught wind of the pics and their impact on Sam. She'd proceeded to rip all the guys a new one, all the time Sam was saying it wasn't necessary.' Steph and Sam went into the spare room and chatted for a while. When they returned Sam was okay - clearly whatever they'd been talking about had done the trick. Got to say it for my big sister, she's always had my back, and I've had hers too where I could.

So heading back to the fire, I felt like I'd been kicked a few times, but it wasn't something that I didn't deserve. I'm going to try my level best to learn from this, and just grow up. It's time Jamie, it's time.