Jamie's Story Ch. 01

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A young woman is initiated.
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Jamie and her two friends were walking down the street on the warm night of Halloween evening was a toasty eighty degrees and kids were running around ringing neighbors doorbells. Jamie's friends told her that they knew this house that gave out whole candy bars and fifty dollars.

They arrived at the house. It was huge! It had to have at the very least twenty rooms. She had seen the house a few times but had never been this close to it. It had lots of trees around it, they encircled the whole house.

As they walked up the pathway to the house Jamie got a strange feeling. She couldn't quite place it but it wasn't good. She knew that much, and yet she continued to follow her friends. They walked up the front porch and rang the door.

Two very good looking men answered the door. The blonde had soulful blue eyes, and the dark haired boys had liquid gold eyes. Both were eyes that you could get lost in. Jamie and her friends Jaycle and Lisa stood awed. The two men beckoned for the three women to come in. They followed wistfully not thinking about the consequences. The awed women didn't hear the door close.... or lock.

They were showed into a large circular room. Where several other men were scattered. Each of them was beautiful. The women were astounded and a little scared at the sight of all the men. The two guys introduced themselves ad Josh and Jace. They said they were twins and loved to surf at the beach. The other men greeted the women with cat calls and whistles.

They were very scantily clad. Jamie had a flimsy bra covering her 32 A cup breasts, bright pink, a tight white button up shirt and a mid-thigh skirt. Her friend Lisa wore a tight leather corset, covering her 34 B cup breasts, booty shorts, stockings hooked to a garter belt, and spiked heels. Then there was her friend Jaycle who always was the emo chick. She had seven inch Mary Janes on, fishnets, booty shorts, and a black skin tight tank, that squeezed her 36 D cup tits together.

They had graduated in the spring and were finally getting back together for celebration. After all the trips and family get together's. They had dressed up scantily to try the look out.

Jamie felt very nervous being around so many guys dressed up like this. She looked over at Jaycle and Lisa and saw that they looked more relaxed than she was. That was when the two men who had greeted them walked over to the bar looking thing and reached inside. They took out a collar and a leash each and walked back over to the girls. The guy who had introduced himself, he was the dark haired one, as Jace walked over to Lisa and ordered her to strip and kneel with her hands placed behind her head and knees spread wide. The blonde ordered Jaycle to do the same.

The two girls did as told and were soon collared and leashed. Jamie stared in horror gasping for air and trying to get back to the front door, but the other men in the room formed a barrier between her and the door.

One of the men stepped forward. He looked to be in his twenties, he had ash blonde hair and silvery blue eyes. He said his name was Coran. He walked towards her and then past her to a box mounted on the wall. He opened it up and pushed a couple of buttons. The floor started to shift and Jamie squealed and jumped.

She watched as the center of the room changed into a jungle gym of various things. It kinda looked like a torture room. There were several different sets of poles in countless different positions. There was a table that had instruments of what looked like torturous nature. She realized that she was getting a firsthand look at the Bondage lifestyle. She had read a couple of stories on it, but had never really had any interest in it.

There were ball-gags, cock rings, vibrators and several other appliances that she couldn't name, and each one looked scarier than the last. The man named Coran came back to her with a collar and a leash. She cowered away, but was grabbed by the arms and held still. Coran came back to her and clicked the collar tight enough that it was secure around her neck and loose enough that she could still breathe correctly.

She was crying now begging them to let her go. The men didn't let her go they just held on tighter. She was drug to the center of the room, and was tied to a single up right pole. She was sobbing uncontrollably now, and some of the men were laughing and her two friends just giggled. What friends they are, she thought angrily. That was when she started to struggle, but each time she moved the ropes got tighter and tighter.

Her toes barely touched the floor, and her wrists ached. She had to have been up there for like ten minutes sobbing and getting laughed at. Then they all calmed down and a figure approached the center. As it approached it became obvious that it was a man. He had silver hair and brown eyes. He came straight to her, and started to kiss her neck. He reached up her thong and teased her clit. She let out a soft groan in spite of her determination not to.

She was a virgin and was waiting for marriage. It was obvious that it was planned otherwise for her. Then without any mercy he shoved his thick middle finger up her pussy. She cried out in pain as he probed her with his finger. The men groaned at her cry and one by one they started to undress.

She was mortified. Here she was innocent little Jamie strung up like the girls in her old western novels that she loved so much. She had never masturbated nor had a guy touch her in anyway naughty, except tonight. Jaycle and Lisa were the loud ones in their little cliche. She was quiet little innocent Jamie. Never had a boyfriend or anything close to it really. Never kissed a guy or anything at all! Granted she had read some naughty stories and novels, but nothing too bad.

Now here she was being fingered roughly and painfully by an older man. Plus she was practically being humiliated in front of a whole bunch of gorgeous men. She sobbed for innocence and the pain. When it finally subsided she was still crying softly. The older man announced that she was indeed a virgin and that they would continue. The panicked feeling came back when he said the word 'continue'. The pain was just finally going away! For Christ's sake! She was getting raped! She started to struggle again that was when she heard his voice.

"I'm going to try and make this as painless as possible." He whispered as he kissed her neck from behind.

"What is going on?" She whispered back.

"You are being initiated." He whispered simply and went back to kissing her neck.

She moaned softly when he kissed a certain place. He started to suck the spot. Causing her to moan louder. He stopped sucking on her neck and walked around to face her. It was the Coran guy. She gasped at his beautiful features. A clean shaven plain of perfectly sculpted features. He started to undo her shirt. She tried to move away, but to no avail. He just kept going.

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spearishspearishalmost 11 years ago
Wow

Your really getting a hard time here considering I've read far far worse scenarios on here .I do agree this should be in non consent but so far its certainly intriguing .I'm sure you planned to expand on the what ,who and why in future chapters and think others should be more patient ...I found nothing wrong with your writing style at all .

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
This is total garbage...

and let me repeat -- total garbage, and you should not continue. Totally awful.

You should just stop now before you embarrass yourself further. There is no amount of analysis to make this storyline acceptable.

Get a new life if you can't come up with something at least a little bit erotic. A big and huge fail.

FA_JFFA_JFalmost 11 years ago
Your basic story idea is interesting.

Redyellowgo is correct about the category. It is currently a nonconsent story. Only if things change and she can make a truly free choice to want this would it be bdsm. You can put further chapters in noncon with an author's note at the beginning that it contains bdsm type activities and that the first chapter is there.

You have given us enough to interest us, but now need to fill out details. Did her 'friends' really set her up? If so, why? Who/what are these men? What significance is it that this is happening on Halloween? Initiated into what?

You do have some difficulty with sentence structure that impacts the enjoyability of the story. An editor does wonders, or just a friend to read and give opinions. If finding some one is a problem, look through the 'How To' category here on Lit. There are many good articles on different parts of writing and they don't sound like text books. Grammar rules, character and story development, writing dialogue nd different types of sex scenes. Lots of very good, very useful advice from other writers.

You have a good imagination. Learn all you can from anywhere you can and most importantly KEEP WRITING. Writing is a skill that must be used to grow stronger. I look forward to future chapters. :)

redyellowgoredyellowgoalmost 11 years ago
Hi welcome to Lit...

sorry your other comments are a bit cutting. Let me start by saying you have a good start as an introduction of the story that is about to unfold. Perhaps ch2 should now be her pov trying to reason out what is happening to her, some dialog now between her and the older man or this Coran. An explanation to what is the "initiation," what is this group, why her? It seemed like her "friends" are in on it too, why? Are this high school grads or college grads? I figured high school. Start to develop the basic overall plot not each detail or major twist, and work on her character to get and keep readers interested in your story. Try to develop other major character by ch3 at lastest and continue to build on them. But I'm sure that you know this and are working it out now if given the chance.

Remember this is BDSM not noncon/relt. Right now you are in the wrong catagory. She is crying, being forced, tired, used and claiming RAPE. That is not BDSM. Unless this Jamie claims that she wanted this, and not b/c she reads stories like it or b/c it feels good, and you work that out in the next chapte, otherwise you should consider moving it to noncon. And if later on she does consent, which she real can't if she is being forced to, then you can but it back in BDSM. I understand that this is your fantasy but the lifestyle choices should still be honored

Please continue there are lots of editors here to help you. Like I said before its a good start, keep it going.

fishingrod48fishingrod48almost 11 years ago
Please Draft and Re-Draft

This is a story with promise but ruined by sloppy writing. Take your time develop the plot and characters. Having completed this read over what you have written ... correct the mistakes ... make changes and then read over the new draft. You may find it necessary to do this many times before arriving at the story that you originally imagined. I want to read your next segment because basically the story has real promise

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