- BDSM
- Jane's Leash Pt. 03
- Page 2
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Click here"I'm glad. So do you want that massage I've been promising you?" Bruce asks, already straddling Jane's body. Jane just grunts into the pillow, exhausted from the long day. "Hah, I'll take that as a yes" Bruce laughs as he puts his hands on her shoulders, massaging her sore neck. He kisses her on the back as he works his way down her body, massaging every inch of her back, legs, and neck. He looks down at Jane's face to see that she's peacefully asleep. So Bruce rolls off of her and pulls the blanket up over her shoulders and lays down next to her. Eventually he falls asleep listening to her slow, rhythmic breathing.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousabout 5 years agoAfter reading all 3 chapters to date just wanted to add my thoughts.
You have a lot of great ideas, and they’re very sexy ideas when they’re in your head. When you want to share them you need to add in several factors; realism, safety, some logic - for the backstory and very importantly aftercare.
Realism - basic bodily needs, don’t know about you but I always need to pee not long after waking up that didn’t crop up in your story because they never ate or drank anything. Lube, there is ALWAYS time for lube. The bondage whilst very erotic was highly impractical, dangerous and uncomfortable - bless her the woman’s a contortionist. 30 minutes of extreme orgasms not likely that left the realms of pleasure after the first few. Dialogue and sensations paint very impressive pictures.
Safety - safe words are big and clever even if you never need them. There was huge potential for bodily harm, but that’s already been covered a lot by others. Hygiene is a massive part of safety - some people like the ass to mouth thing but probably more don’t. Aftercare should crop up under the safety aspect too.
Logic for the backstory- you covered this pretty well overall. The situation was one she’d been interested in and he was carrying it out. There was no explanation as to how they both have a week free to do nothing but have sex though. There were a lot of convenient hooks, chains and rope around the house? He isn’t coming across as an experienced Dom a nice touch would have been him telling her he went for training so that he would know what to do/ more importantly not do.
I know that’s a lot and that others posted similar but I really hope you come back to writing you’ve got some great ideas.
gentleone58almost 8 years agoThis story is good to a degree, but there are things that happen that could not happen the way they are portrayed. He wakes her by licking her clit, nice. He offers to give her a massage. If you can tell me how he flips her when he has her chained to the head of the bed and her feet spread and locked on the bottom spread eagle as it is described I would really like to be enlightened. I also agree with both the other comments. One could not endure the process of forced orgasms for thirty minutes I don't think without passing out at some point. Also she is bound too long and he leaves although not for long it is dangerous as she was leery of where he was and what he was doing and could have hurt herself by trying to move to or try to free herself. Leaving her all night with the vibrators on the edge and him sleeping is also dangerous as she was bound completely, no way to let him know if she was in trouble physically either. When going forward with the story it might be a good thing to keep more consistency and show or tell how he keeps Jane safe. By the way he came of her face and her ass but when he took her to shower and after he came on the face it sort of indicated he came on her breasts. The comment abut going from her ass to having her clean him is one you should keep in mind as well.
shyintxalmost 8 years agoI agree totally with what the other poster said except I want to add to the care part. I really liked the scene of the ass fucking until the end. When he went straight from her ass with lube to her mouth without cleanup you lost me, let's just say yuck yuck yuck and very unhealthy.
Anonymousalmost 8 years agoHe is leaving her bound in the positions too long. Not physically healthy to do. A massage wouldn't be just about comfort, but restoring circulation. Over stimulation reaches a point of not sexy. The nervous system can only handle so much then the ability to process shuts down. Pleasure is lost to non-sexy pain and discomfort. Vibrators on for hours? Orgasming for 30 minutes continously? You're being generally realistic, so it derails things when you use such excess.
Consistency between chapters; is he doing this because she said she wanted him to or because she was flirty with others? Yes, the flirting may only be the faux excuse for the domming she wanted, but him giving different reasons is disruptive.
His character. Mostly you've done great showing him to be both loving and diabolical. You have to be careful when showing him enjoying himself that he doesn't come across as an asshole. He internally expresses his appreciation of her kinkiness and sexiness. We get to know he values her without him interrupting his tough dom routine, okay. If he does too much laughing, smiling or smirky commenting he risks coming across as a jerk.
You show him doing some care, but back to the long periods of restraint and stimulation, he ought to be doing more to check that she's okay during things. Lack of a safeword or signal?
You said she's been wanting him to dominate her, implying they haven't done this before. She even comments that she didn't expect him to be so good. Will you explain how he suddenly has all this gear and skill? Will Jane being his sex toy continue to be only the extremes of denial or forced cumming? Grown men should understand taking care of their toys so they don't wear out or break.
Overall, it's a good story. What makes a great story are the details and delicate balances. You're close.
