Jed's BBQ


A quiet day it was for me and the misses was out of sorts again, bitchin' about most and anything that came to mind assuming she had one. I done called Bobby Ray as the sun was apt to set over the bayou and we jumped into the old International for some crawdadin'.

The skeeters were particularly nasty and the heat was sweltering even after the quiet set in, but the two sixes kept us buzzin' while we was swattin' and diggin' in the muck. It weren't 'till we popped open our last brews that Bobby seen a light flickering in old Jed's homestead which weren't that weird except for his unfortunate death some months back. We just figured it was some old poacher until we seen several more glows coming from the all around inside the place. Since most poachers done stay kind of hid so as not to arouse the local green shirts that be always looking for that sort of thing, we done decided to have like a sneaky look around.

We snuck up nice an quiet and peeked through the window in back and there were the two most stunning baby makers we done ever laid eyes on. They was chantin' and swayin' and mumblin' like billy bullfrog in the heat of mating season. One of the wenches got sort of stiff and stared right at where we be crouchin' an Bobby Ray went white and knee knockin' while I done bolted headlong into the stickle berries. My heart was banging so hard I thought it would bust but it didn't.

Next thing I know, this knockout wench was in front of where I was laying with eyes that glowed green like Aunt Ida's rotten fried green tomatoes in mustard sauce. She had these little horn like things coming out of her head and a tail with a little shovel like thing at the end. She was smilin' like my old lady when she gets one up on me and her ta-ta's were too good to be true. They stuck out straight and firm with the little knobbies juttin out like a baby's dick. She was hot and I was sweating like a pig and kinda smelled like one too.

Then like magic or something, Bobby Ray and I was in Jed's place laying in the middle of a bunch of candles in a circle and we was stark naked as jay birds. The two wenches were standing over us, gloating and salivating like two vultures with these weird glowing green eyes. Bobby Ray was mumbling all kinds of nonsensical gibberish and I could see where he done peed himself but I couldn't move none. I just watched the tail on the wench close to me as it twitched back and forth like it had a mind of it's own and wondered why all the hair was gone from her snatch.

She seen me lookin' at her and stopped mumbling long enough to grab my meat and start rubbing it up and down in a way that made it load up really fast. She had skill with them meat mashers that had these long nails that weren't polished very good. She swung one of her endless legs over me and ever so slowly lowered herself down, guiding my one-eyed penetrator into her hole until it was completely swallowed to the hilt. Gawd was she tight and had the moves and muscles to get me goin'! She started moanin' and pantin' and droolin' like some sort of depraved nympho; clutchin' and tuggin' at my meat liken to rip it out from its roots.

It kinda hurt but it done felt real good, so I clenched my teeth and let her go to town. Seems like she wasn't all that keen into my feelin's about the whole thing, but most looneys aren't. I glanced over at Bobby Ray, and he was going through much the same thing, but he wasn't too happy. His eyes were squished shut and his teeth were clenched like he was plugged up with a beer keg. Guess many guys would want to be where we were, but now that we were there, we didn't want it no more – if you know what I mean. She started hunkerin' down faster and harder now and I could tell she was getting' ready to do the rod rumba by the ways she was panting and snorting. With the way my nuts were boiling and getting slammed into the dirt, I knew they wouldn't be holding their load much longer neither.

As my bag squeezed the seed from my nuts, I done got this weird feeling like something was getting stuck down my pee hole and slidin' down the inside of my meat. So far things had gone OK but I weren't liking the feelin' of something going in where I knows it should be coming out. My seed didn't pay no mind though, and just kept on a coming, tearing through my pee shooter like a freight train with the throttle stuck wide open. She shrieked liked my misses when she done bore LeRoy, and started shaking and rutting and salivating all over the place, while I kept pumping her hole like no tomorrow but nothing was coming out! The damn thing inside my meat must have been sucking everything out, and it kept suckin' and suckin until I felt my nuts a quivering and my strength just done getting sucked away.

Again I looked over at Bobby and he was shaking and quaking and I knowed that he was getting drained like me. I tried to get scared but I was too damn tired and kinda like just gave up knowing that I was in some kind of cum heaven - worse ways to go, if you know what I mean. At about that time, the beans and cabbage that the misses had served up was done fermented and decided to part company; so with a thunder roll that burnt like a fresh lit ladyfinger, it blowed out my butt and KABLAM – we be talking fireworks like Uncle's gas station when it done blowed up last year. I guess there was one of them lit candles too close to my butt!

I looked up at the nympho wench and she was swatting at her flaming hair like she got her head caught in a hornets nest. My arms and legs were free, and I throwed her off a me and followed Bobby out the door, screaming like banshees as we power dove into the swamp. Jed's place was like a roaring BBQ, so we grabbed our crawdads and lit out for home never looking back. The misses weren't too happy to see me nekkid but I told her we ditched our rags on account of all the stinky mud and she calmed down and gave me a brew. Guess it went OK for Bobby too because he wasn't sleeping on the couch when I staggered out of the rack the next morning.

Bobby and me don't talk about what happened at Jed's place. Methinks the wenches went back from where they came. The green shirts did stop by and asked us about what happened but we said we don't know nothing so the left. I hear they busted the moon shiners over by the old mill the other night. It's a shame because they made some wicked brew and never minded giving us a sample when we'd go check them out. The misses still bitches a lot but my weed is budding now so I don't really give a rat's ass anyway. She takes good care of little LeRoy and give good head whenever she's feels like it.

I do think about the green eyed wench ever once in awhile. She was like the second best lay I ever had outside of my cousin Ginny who done lost her cherry to me. Ginny didn't have horns and a tail that wagged but she weren't very cute, especially with her buck teeth gone. I'll tell you about that some other time if you want to hear about it – nobody else does.

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