Jelly Bean and Her Bail Bondsman Ch. 03

Robert was dressed in a black tuxedo as he walked her down the aisle. My brother-in-law Marv still is going to have it out with Robert or I don't know Marv.

Alice was wearing a modest blue dress, her gold cross and a touch of makeup; her dirty blond hair was styled in the same neat blunt cut chin length bob she always wears. It was Hannah's day after all and Alice dressed to almost blend in the background; good for her.

The six flower girls wore identical pale pink frilly dresses with petticoats. They were from the groom's side ranging from five to ten years of age, the older girls carrying the bride's train while the little ones walked ahead of them spreading red, pink and white flower petals down the aisle.

Their hair were obviously bleached to be platinum blonde and then cut short and permed with tight curls hugging their heads....ridiculous. The tramp's dress was another last minute surprise and the same color as the bridesmaids; again ridiculous for a woman of her age and the mother of the groom.

We found out later the tramp wanted the same hairstyle for the bridesmaids as the flower girls and actually made appointments at a salon for them, paying in advance.

The Jones girls held firm, God bless them, keeping their original length and color, conceding to curl it and wear their curls pinned up.

Their mauve dresses were a bit overdone with too many bows and ruffles; a last minute change made in secret by the tramp in collusion with the dress maker, nonetheless my nieces looked beautiful.

I didn't' think much of the groom as first impressions go. Naturally I thought even less of the groom's parents, especially upon closer inspection of that woman as she was seated by the ushers. An aging bleached platinum blonde, thin and stringy. As they say handsome is as handsome does.

Tiberius isn't as tall as Dan. He is shorter than Hannah and rather plain looking despite his expensive white tuxedo with tails and the absurd top hat and silver tipped cane.

Tiberius Marcus Douglas is anything but imperious and regal. His best features are his very blue eyes. He is very fair with white blonde hair....all right I'll come out and say it, he's a scrawny, skinny little runt who is worth a lot of money but not worth his weight in salt in the personality department.

The groomsman including two fraternity brothers from Alpha Beta why in the world did they let Tiberius join despite his father's money were handsome and athletic looking men who outshined Tiberius in every category in their tasteful black tuxedos........................................

My sister Joyce and I gave each other knowing glances and squeezed each other's hand certain what the other sister thought.

It was obvious that Robert and Alice were made the fools; I could see it on Alice's face and I almost felt sorry for her...almost.

The mother of the groom made some last minute changes without telling Alice until it was too late; the flower girls for one and the 30 actors waiting outside of the church dressed like Praetorians, the Elite Force of Roman Legionary Solders assigned as bodyguards to protect their Emperor.

Danny was impressed with them in as much that their costumes and weapons were historically correct and very authentic.

They were standing at attention in columns of two facing ranks. They pounded on their shields with their spears when the bride and groom emerged from the church.

Then raised the spears forming an arch for the bride and groom to pass under before meeting the guests who had already exited the church. I couldn't wait for the reception later that evening to see how much the fool...........................

My cousin Hannah looked beautiful in her wedding dress, even my grumpy bear agreed. I was happy for her even though she left me out. On the drive back to our rooms Mom and Aunt Joyce were quite smug in their quiet way.

Uncle Bart called it an end run around uncle Bob and Aunt Alice and thought it was funny when I hugged and kissed Hannah at the receiving line outside of the church and congratulated her, taking great pride in introducing Danny to them, and you know, after watching the looks on their faces, I forgave Hannah and my Aunt Alice and Uncle Bob...............................

My brother Robert looked miserable behind his smile and it serves him right; I still want to kick his ass up between his shoulder blades. I watched Mrs. Douglas drooling over Dan. No doubt there were lusty, salacious thoughts behind her blue eyes.

Mr. Douglas had to remind his wife there were other guests waiting. Danny seemed to be amused with this woman despite the neutral smile on his face

The woman held Dan's hand far longer than was proper during the introductions. I had to admire his self restraint and I was happy that he forgave the Douglas'; he is the bigger man for it. That didn't mean I wouldn't eventually have it out with Bob.

On the other hand if looks could speak, Alice actually looked a bit contrite and ashamed for leaving Anita out. I know she wanted to say something, but not in front of the Douglas's. The family took the right course of action including Dan.

I suppose Mrs. Douglas was a pretty woman in her day despite her layered and over bleached ultra short pixie haircut.

In my opinion that hairstyle did little to compliment her damaged, wrinkled skin ruined from years in the tanning booth; what foolishness. The woman is far too thin, leathery and stringy looking for my tastes, and although ten years younger than Joyce looks much older.

My wife Mary is far more beautiful with her still smooth peaches and cream skin. Even though she is in her early sixties my Mary turns heads. Mary has more class and refinement in her little finger than this disingenuous woman has in her whole body.

Interestingly enough everything seemed to go wrong almost immediately after the nuptials in church. All three of the wedding party's rented limos broke down in one manner or another as they pulled away from the curb.

The Douglas's Mercedes was towed away by mistake, repossessed and impounded. They had to call the police and file a report and it was too late on Sunday to retrieve it from the impound lot. What are the odds of that? What you sow you also shall reap..................................................

The ladies let us men in the room one at a time to see their formal dresses. Anita looked as beautiful as an earth bound mermaid princess in her green dress, diamond-ruby necklace and earrings. Anita's hair was up in an elegant style of french twist I had not seen before.

My heart skipped a beat when I saw Anita standing between her mother and aunt. It is my privilege to be her escort at the wedding reception.............. ................................

As beautiful as the bride is and as mediocre the groom, my beautiful daughter Anita and Dan ruled the dance floor the entire evening, dancing together or dancing apart. I certainly enjoyed dancing with Dan....................................

The groom can hardly dance, even with Hannah taking the lead. My husband Bart is a wonderful dancer and a man's man. He took me dancing on our first date. We danced every dance and Bart wouldn't let any man cut in. There was one jerk in particular who kept trying though....Bart simply knocked him out........................

The regal Tiberius....hardly. That young man can barely keep from stumbling across the dance floor; talk about two left feet as well as having a bit too much to drink this early in the evening. I commented about this to my wife Mary.

The parent's of the bride and groom were in a panic when the live band didn't show up after an excellent dinner of prime rib.

Bob made sure there was plenty to eat and overall the meal and presentation was excellent and I told him so. He was upset about the band not showing and just nodded. Fortunately one of the waiters had a cousin who was a Deejay................................

The Deejay arrived within an hours' time of being called and quickly set up with most every kind of music available on CD or prerecorded by category for weddings and such on his computer.

Talk about bad luck followed by good until it was time for the first dance, the special one for the newly married couple to dance alone, all eyes on them.

Bad luck following the good, the computer malfunctioned during the first dance. It started off playing a nice waltz.

While Hannah and Tiberius were dancing the computer abruptly switched over to a child's nursery rhyme, "Pop Goes the Weasel" put to music and sung as a silly song one might hear at a small child's birthday party.

Ashley and Amber ran over to Danny singing the words to the music and insisted he dance with them. He gently explained that the bride and groom must dance first; assuring them the next two dances would be theirs.

My sister Joyce had her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing out loud while the poor Deejay shut everything down, disconnecting the computer and rerouting his sound equipment to feed the CD's one at a time.

I leaned over to my husband and whispered, "There is no way everything that has happened thus far is a coincidence, sweetheart," and I kissed his cheek, "I suspect somebody's hand in this," we both looked at Danny.

Danny had both girls on his lap now and whatever he was telling them the twins were laughing and giggling. They hugged and kissed him when he put them down. Anita was looking at them beaming, and I was thinking, 'I can't say it enough; they are perfect for each other. I want grandchildren, now!'

"You're right honey, there is a hand in this and not the divine hand of God," he slid over and kissed my lips, "You look beautiful this evening, Mary my love, if I haven't told you already."

"You have, but tell me again sweetheart," and I kissed him back looking forward to what else the hand had in mind and I was certain it was Danny...........................................

Talk about childish behavior. Tiberius went back to his table and would only return after much coaxing from his mother. He danced the one dance with Hannah before returning to his table again.

My husband Bart thought the groom's behavior was downright infantile and wondered why the little punk's father didn't step in and straighten out his son.

Dan danced with the twins as he promised until their Dad hustled them off the dance floor to their rooms. It was bedtime for the little ones; their two grandmas would take turns and watch them until the reception was over.

Although Hannah and Tiberius did mingle with their guests as is proper; he did so only after his tramp mother got on his case. What a lump.

Those Jones girls who were paired off with the fraternity fatheads were pretty much ignored and they mingled finding other dance partners including Dan.

We all agreed that Anita and Dan ruled the dance floor. I danced with Dan twice, enjoying myself and showing him off. We have a secret understanding that I'll share with no one; not my sister, not my niece.

It was well into the evening when the Deejay announced we must clear it for the ceremony to follow, the cutting of the cake.

I should mention that at the beginning of the festivities and with practiced pomp and fanfare, the Elite Praetorian Bodyguards escorted the wedding party to their table after all the guests were seated. They marched in two columns with the wedding party in between them.

Once the party was seated the Centurion ordered the soldiers to draw their swords to salute the bride and groom. They then stood at attention behind them along the wall the whole time as if they were guarding them.

At the call of the cake ceremony, half left and marched in formation into the main kitchen as soon as the dance floor was empty.......................................................

It is obvious to me that my grumpy bear is behind all the glitches occurring at Hannah's wedding. I knew the best was yet to come when they brought out the wedding cake.

Talk about an orchestration of pomp and fanfare for a cake. Four men wearing white togas and sandals and each holding one of the poles of the ornate gold colored palanquin were escorted by the Praetorian Bodyguards. Inside of the palanquin was the five foot tall wedding cake.

The Douglas's had the cake flown in from New York City. It was created by a well known bakery of the rich and famous. This exceptional bakery has its own television show on cable.

The cake was a scaled down reproduction of a delicious vanilla confection representing the column of Marcus Aurelius also known to some as the Aurelian Column.

The original stone monument was built between 180 AD and 196 AD as a gift from the Senate and the Roman people to Emperor Marcus Aurelius in celebration of his successful military campaigns against the Germanic tribes who lived near the Black Sea.

I counted the seconds for disaster.... 1...2...3...any time now...one of the men in the togas was none other than Tom O'Neil.

I wasn't disappointed; Tom accidentally on purpose tripped sending the monument to Tiberius Marcus Douglas toppling to the dance floor onto its side....wow!

I looked at Mom; Mom looked at Aunt Joyce who had her hand over her mouth to hide her grin. We all looked at Danny.

He looked back at us an angelic look on his handsome face, "Oops," he said, taking a sip of champagne.

In all the ensuing confusion Tom managed to slip out of the room and disappeared. Mrs. Douglas was swearing up a storm at the remaining toga wearers, the waiters, the hotel manager.

Uncle Bob was consoling Hannah, she was sobbing and her father was hugging her trying to calm her down. Tiberius was arguing along with his father with the wedding planner demanding to know who tripped and what was she going to do about it. Alice was staring at the cake on the floor as if in shock and looking as if she was about to cry at any moment.

Mom stood up with a resolute look on her face and we knew better than to argue with her, "Anita, Joyce, follow me."

We followed. Mom snagged a couple of waiters, "You and you, what are your names..... Yes, thank you gentlemen. Mark, please bring me a couple of push carts and some large trays or cookie sheets; as many as you can find. Arthur, please bring me two large knives and two spatulas. Oh yes, aluminum foil. When you both return with them be available for further instructions."

We then walked over to Aunt Alice and hugged her one at a time, mom last. "It's not like you to just stand there honey, not our efficient Alice," Mom said, hugging her, "Let us help you save the cake and serve to your guests. We don't need the wedding planner, the caterer, the waiters or anyone else who is not family." Aunt Alice wiped her eyes and nodded gratefully and that is exactly what the four of us did...................................

"Well, rubber ducky, is anything else going to happen today?"

"Not that I'm aware of, pops."

"What about earthquakes, volcanoes; floods or tornadoes?"

"Those things are beyond my reach and knowledge much like the stars are in the sky."

"Good, you and I are going to have a long talk when we go fishing next Sunday. Somebody has to take over for John Anderson......."

Danny received a telephone call on the way home and pulled over getting out of the van.

"Anita, please," he motioned me to get out, "get the note pad and write down what I dictate," I did.

"Thank you very much," I heard him tell the caller, "it's good to hear from you. I'll see you in two days with the love of my life and my future bride.

Danny picked me up and spun me around, "Pack your bags, baby. We are going to Florida on official business....."