Jessica Goes Wild

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curious2c
curious2c
2,504 Followers

She was crying hard now. I got out my handkerchief and gave it to her. She took it and as she did her hand lingered on mine. It was just a light touch, but it was like an electric current passed through us both. The next thing I knew I was hugging her tightly to me. I didn't say anything, I just held her to me.

A kid ran up and started to talk to me.

"Hey mister, watch out, she is a crazy old lady. She talks to herself and acts really strange. You better just leave her alone and let her go away. She might kill you or something."

I just held her.

"Go away you little shit. I know her and she is upset. She is not crazy, as you put it, so just go away."

He ran off. I knew he must have thought that I was just as crazy as her. Jess was sobbing and now holding me tightly. Her body was so thin. I could feel bones and ribs instead of muscle and flesh. She had lost a lot of weight. Way too much weight to be good or healthy. She noticed me feeling her.

"I have lost a little weight Tony. I weigh about ninety-three pounds now. I haven't been able to eat since that night you left me in the club. I can only eat a little bit at a time, too much and I throw it up."

"Jess, you need to take better care of yourself. You are starving yourself to death."

"Life without you is death Tony. I can't live by myself and without you in my life there is nothing to live for anyway."

"I won't promise anything Jess. We can talk, you can tell me what you want or need to. I am in town for a few more days yet. I just have to be honest with you. I have a lot of anger towards you and the whole thing. Please bear that in mind. I may not be the best listener at times, but I promise to at least listen to you."

We talked for several hours. Later we had dinner together. I wished that I could say Jess ate well, but she was down to a point where a very little filled her up. I found out that her work had suffered, and she had been passed over for several promotions. She felt that they were about to fire her, but so far they had been pretty good to her. Her health was poor and her attitude had suffered greatly. She needed rest and caring for.

"After I got home and you kicked me out, I went to a friends place. She let me stay there up until she found out what I had done to you, to us. I then had to get my own place. She still isn't talking to me and I thought she was a true friend."

"Maybe she was afraid that if you were around she would get sucked into your lifestyle Jess. You have to admit, most women wouldn't do what you had done with so many men."

"Yeah, I guess so. One day, about a month after you kicked me out, he came into town. He said that I was going to be the entertainment at a party for him. I refused and kicked him in the nuts. I told him I had no reason to do what he wanted now, so he could go be the 'entertainment' himself. He hasn't bothered me since."

'You kicked him in the nuts? What about your boss? What did he say when the jerk pulled his contracts?"

"They didn't. He was fired after he got back. I told my boss why I had done what I had done, and he called up the company the bastard worked for and got him fired. They still do business with us."

"How have you been doing since? I see you haven't been eating right, and don't look too well."

"Oh Tony, I have been so depressed. I just go through the motions of work and life. I go to the park and 'talk' to you, trying to get over it, but I can't escape the damage done. People have started to stay away from me, except for a few of your friends. They talk to me and keep an eye on me. They don't try anything sexual; they think that someday you will come back for me. I just can't bring myself to tell them why you left me. They know that I cheated on you, not that it was with a large group of men in one long night."

"Jess, I am in town for work only. My seeing you was a coincidence. I am not going to lead you on and say anything about 'us'. I am not sure there can ever be an 'us' again. Sorry."

Jess had tears in her eyes. I felt like shit for being so, well, mean to her. I was still angry. The images of her being gang-fucked in that club that night was still fresh in my mind. I still got that lost feeling of betrayal every once in a while. It upset me to know that Jess had been drugged and forced to go along with the whole thing, but I hadn't found this out until right now.

We parted that day talking and had a 'date' of sorts to meet the next day after she got off work. It was to be a dinner date to talk and just see what was going on in each other's lives. I had no intentions of trying to get back with her, and she knew that. It was more like old friends having lunch than lovers on a date.

After our 'date' I took Jess to her place. It was in a dumpy neighborhood, and it wasn't a great home either. She kept it clean, but there was no 'home' touch. It was very impersonal and almost cold feeling. Jess showed me in and made up some coffee as I sat on her couch. We talked for about four hours that night, sitting in her apartment. I didn't try to touch her, and she didn't ask or make any gestures to encourage me.

I had two meetings the next day and after they were done I went to Jess's work. We went for a walk and talked about things in general. She was curious how I was doing in Oregon. She couldn't believe that I had moved so far away just because of her. I think she was sad because my being so far away meant that there would be little chance of us seeing each other as much as she wanted.

As I flew home the following day I had feelings running through me that hadn't been around for quite some time. I knew that deep down I still loved Jessica and that I wanted to be with her again. I just couldn't get past the visions of that night. I threw myself into my work for the next month and got fortunate with getting new clients doing business with us. My boss, who also owned the company, gave me two weeks off and as a bonus, tickets to anywhere I wanted to fly to. Hotel room and food included.

After some thought, I decided to go back and visit Jess and my old friends again. My boss knew that something was on my mind and the night before I left he had me over to dinner with his wife and kids. They were a nice family, and he was justifiably proud of them. After dinner he took me out to his woodshop and we had a 'talk'.

"Tony, you have had something on your mind for a quite awhile. I have noticed that ever since you came back from back east you have been nose to the grindstone. I appreciate the extra effort, but I don't want you to work yourself to death or into the hospital for this company or me. What's up? What is it that is driving you so hard?"

"James, you are a great boss and a good friend. I have some issues with a person back east, and I don't think that it is really any of your business. I appreciate your concern, but I can't tell you."

"Hey man, I love you like a brother. You have been the best negotiator I have ever had, and you get contracts signed without problems later on. I need to know only because I see you headed for a burnout and I can't let that happen. In this case your personal life is my business."

I knew that James was serious. I could see that I was going to have to tell him something, so I began with my story. He looked shocked for a moment when I finished. He was lost in thought for a bit then started asking me questions.

"Do you still love her?"

"Yes, I think so. I think I also hate her at the same time too."

"Understandable. She broke your trust in a very public and hurtful way. I can't imagine how that would feel. To see your love taken in such a way. The hate part is also a normal feeling. That you are having this feeling so long after the fact is not good though. Are you going back east to see her? To talk to her and try to work it out or what?"

"I don't know James. I honestly do not know why I am going back to see her. I am worried about her health. I guess I also want to talk to her. She was my best friend back then, there were no secrets from her on my part. I told her everything. I don't know what I want now."

"Tony, think about it. In your heart, deep down, in that place that you let nobody see, do you still love her as much as you did before it all happened?"

I thought about it for a few minutes. James let me think and just looked off at something hanging on the wall. I had fleeting thoughts of just making up some cock and bull story and leaving, but I knew that James was worried about me as a person as much as an employee. I had to tell him the truth. I guess I had to admit it to myself too. I had been running away from my own truth for the last two years or more.

"Yeah, I guess I do still love her like that James. It's so fucked up though. She still loves me; anyway that is what she says. She looks like hell. Her weight loss is borderline suicidal. I just don't know what I can do, or want to do. I can't get over that night in the club. It was raw and the memories of her laying there, they still run a hot sword through my heart."

"Tony, you need to forgive her, and while you are at it forgive yourself. You are feeling guilt now because you kicked her out without hearing her side of the story. She had a plausible reason for her acts and she evidently had no way out until it was too late. She didn't do it on purpose or to hurt you. She was drugged then forced to 'perform' for that asshole. She had no choice in what happened to her. For all practical purposes she was raped that night."

I broke down and started to cry. I had known this all along. I had known that Jess wouldn't have done something like that for fun or pleasure. I had always known that she must have been drugged or something. It hurt for me to admit this now. I had kept it inside for too long.

"Tony, just take it easy, I'll get a washcloth for you bud.

As James left to get the cloth I realized that I was crying like a baby. I had broken down in front of my boss over something that had happened in my life so long ago. He came back in and handed me the warm, wet cloth. I dabbed my eyes and face with it and regained control of myself.

"Sorry James. Don't know what came over me there."

"Don't be sorry Tony. I think you need to get to that Jessica and start over with her as soon as possible. You have let this run your life for too long. You need to take your life back and run it your way now. I also think that Jessica is part of that life. A big part of that life. I may be wrong, but you two should be together as man and wife. You two are a type of rare people, you should be together, not apart. You were meant to be together."

"I don't know, I just don't know. There has been so much happen since then."

"Tony, I have been married for twenty years, not all of it real good. Most of it has been great. I still wouldn't trade even the bad times for someone else. I love my wife, and I think that you still love Jessica. You kids had a real bad experience happen to you, and it is time to put it behind you and get back together. You need her as much as she needs you."

"OK, I will go and talk to her. I can't promise anything James."

"Tony, don't go there for me. You need to go there for you, and her. I am not going to stand by and watch my best salesman run himself into the ground when I could have done something to prevent it. I have watched you with your dates in the past. Your heart is still with your ex-wife buddy. You are still in love with her, even after all of this, you still love her. Those other women never had a rats chance in hell of getting into your heart because Jessica is still there."

As soon as he said that I knew it to be true. I had deep down wanted Jess to try harder to keep me; it was as though she had given up without a fight. I had left thinking she wanted it this way that I wasn't worth fighting for. I knew that James had brought it to my attention in such a way the conclusion was inescapable. I still loved my ex-wife. No matter what, that one fact was never going to change.

I was now prepared to fight for her. I was going to try and put this all behind me and go get my wife back. I loved Jess and I knew now, what had been eluding me all this time, I still deeply loved my wife.

The next morning found me on the plane headed for an unknown, possibly painful time. Would Jess still love me? Would she be willing to give up her job and move west with me? Would she even believe me when I told her I still loved her?

My only hope was that James had seen in me the total truth of my beliefs and needs. That he had wisely steered me onto the proper course for Jess and myself.

I waited for Jess at her place. I stood and squatted be her door for three hours, until she came into the building and came upstairs. As she walked down the hall she saw me standing there.

"Tony! What are you doing here? Is something wrong?"

"Jessica, the only thing wrong is my stubbornness and stupidity. I still love you and I have discovered that I can't live without you anymore. We used to love each other so much and I have had it pointed out to me just lately that I still do love you as much as I did before. That same person told me I was a total idiot if I let you go."

Jess stood there in front of me with her mouth wide open. The look of disbelief was undeniably there. She must have been thinking that I was going to do something cruel to her to get even. I could see it in her eyes. She didn't believe me at all.

"Jess, please believe me. I mean every word I am saying to you right now. I have always loved you, with all of my heart. Even after that... even since that night when...Oh GOD JESS. I love you can't you see that? I know that you still must love me. Please say you still love me."

Jess had opened her door and walked in. She turned and looked at me for a moment. Then I saw her make a decision.

"Why don't you come in Tony? We need to talk quite a bit. I can't talk to you in the hallway about this. I need to sit down."

For the first time I saw tears welling up in her eyes. She was on the verge of crying. I was not sure if this was a good sign or not. I hoped that it was, but I just couldn't tell for sure.

She walked in front of me keeping her back to me. She dropped her stuff on the chair by the phone and went into her kitchen. I stood in the short hallway waiting.

I heard her moving around in her kitchen and soon I smelled coffee brewing. She went into her bedroom and closed the door. After a bit she came out. I was still standing by the door, afraid to do anything. I was afraid that she was going to send me away.

"Why don't you take off your coat and come sit in the kitchen Tony? I have coffee ready."

Her quietness had now unnerved me. This wasn't what I had expected for a reaction. I had thought she would jump into my arms and be so happy. Instead she was asking me to sit and drink coffee in her kitchen.

I dropped my coat in the same chair she had dropped her stuff into and went into the kitchen. I sat down and waited. She was keeping her back to me as she poured the coffee into the mug. I looked down at my scuffed up shoes and heard her place the mug down in front of me. I looked up but her back was still to me.

"Why Tony? Why the change of heart? You are saying that you still love me, but why the change?"

"Oh Jess, I have been a fool. I have let stupid pride and my pain get in the way of how I truly felt. James, my boss in Oregon, well, he talked to me and made me realize that I still loved you. He said that we belonged together. We were a pair that was meant to be as one. I believe him Jess. I hope you still love me."

"Tony, is this some kind of plan you cooked up to get even with me? Get me to feel safe and loved just before you dump me? I can't believe that after all this time and the things you said to me, you would still love me like then."

"Jess, please! I do still love you. I really mean it I have never stopped loving you. I want to be with you again. I will do anything to be together with you again."

I began to realize that perhaps this had not been a good idea. I should have waited and been more patient. I should have 'crept' back into her heart. I was afraid that I was going to chase her away now.

"Tony, I acted like a slut. I was drugged, of course, but still I was a slut. You saw me at my worst. Then you kicked me out of your life. I deserved that you know. You say you still love me. Prove it."

How the hell was I supposed to prove that I still loved her? Christ this was not turning out like I had thought it would at all. Why was she being so distant now of all times?

"Jess, I don't know how to prove my love for you. I called you some terrible things years ago. I even got mad at my friend when he started to talk about you the last time I was here. I just don't know how to prove to you that I still love you baby. What will it take? Help me out here please?"

"Tony, two and a half years ago I was in a position that no wife should ever be in. I was drugged, then forced to put out for that man and then his friends. I was used as a cum dump in that club afterwards, where you saw everything. When I tried to explain you kicked me out and left me alone for fend for myself. You never listened to anything I was trying to tell you. Until now. I don't think I can go back to 'us' again. What happened to me was bad enough; I don't want to relive it all over again every time we would have a fight. I couldn't take being back with you and then getting dumped again because of bad memories."

Jess was crying hard now. I felt her wariness and the edge of her fears. It left me cold. I had imagined that she would be so happy and throw herself into my arms. I had never understood her pain. I had never thought how she would feel about the way I cut her out of my life. I had been hard and cold towards her.

I thought for a minute and then I decided that I had nothing to lose, other than the whole game, so I brought out my thoughts and my life for the past two years.

"Jess, I have been living in Oregon, alone. I have dated a few women, but there has never been a spark or even a hint of the type of love we shared as a husband and wife. I have been searching my soul for answers the entire time and I haven't found a replacement for you. I should have listened to you before I so coldly threw you out that night. I should have talked to you and we might have been able to work it out then. Instead I took the supposed moral high ground. I acted like the wronged husband of a cheating wife. In my anger I never thought about you or your feelings on anything."

"You dated some others? Did you have sex with them too?"

"Oh Jess, I wish that I could say I didn't, but I did. Yes I had sex with several of the women I dated. Like I said before though, there was no spark, no fire, and no love. I haven't dated since last June, quite some time ago now."

"You say you still love me. What about those men who had me, what about your memories of that night? I love you still Tony, but I can't go live with you and start all over if every time we have an argument or little tiff you would throw that in my face. What happened to me was wrong and I should have been wise enough to put a stop to it before it went as far as it did. I would never cheat on you again but how would I prove that to you?"

"Are you saying that there is no chance for us now Jess? Are you afraid of me to the point of not even trying to get back together? I can't say I won't act like you are afraid of. I am just a man who is trying to get his life back together. You are a large part of that life. Without you...I...please Jess, give me one chance?"

curious2c
curious2c
2,504 Followers