JJ and Ashley Ch. 09

A small, satisfied grin curled JJs lips, her hands sweeping over Ashley's back in a soft caress. "Bedtime, baby. Alarm set?" JJ asked, kneeling back to gather up the covers bunched at the foot of the bed. She got a quiet affirmative sound from Ashley before she flicked off the light and laid down with the sleeping blonde.

****

Wednesday came before JJ was ready for it. It dawned bright, and early, started off with breakfast and a quick goodbye kiss from Ashley as they both left the Turner house that morning. Ashley drove off to work and JJ drove home.

Once she was home, JJ didn't know what to do. She had hours before the arranged talk. Bored, she wandered outside to smoke. Three cigarettes later JJ's phone dinged with two new texts. Reading them, she choked on the smoke she was inhaling.

Veronica: "Mind if we start earlier?"

Margaret: "Answer your door bitch."

Flicking her cigarette into the butt can JJ bolted back through the house, skipping to a rushed halt to avoid smacking the front door. A peek into the peephole showed both women gracing her front porch. Fuck. JJ scrubbed her hands over her face. This was exactly what she didn't want. A loud knock had her taking a deep fortifying breath before she opened the door.

"Ladies. This is a bit of a surprise." JJ didn't immediately step aside to let them in.

Margaret, tall, thin, and striking as always, scoffed. "Is it though? You gave me your address. Of course I'm going to fly out to bang your door." she flipped glossy brown hair over a bony shoulder. "You should have known better, JJ."

"Point taken." JJ conceded. She looked over to Veronica, the statuesque redhead silent from her place a step behind Margaret. "This was another one of your schemes, right? To force my hand and have this talk in person."

Veronica looked taken aback at JJs direct question, but didn't deny it. "It was too good an opportunity to pass up. You've become gullible, dear."

JJ frowned at the endearment but stepped aside to let the women inside. She didn't want them in her house but this wasn't a conversation she was comfortable having in public.

They swept inside with that confident walk they used on runways, both taking in every detail instantly. Margaret sauntered to the couch and draped herself across it while Veronica took the armchair. Seeing the redhead in Ashley's favorite chair rubbed JJ the wrong way, but she did her best to ignore it for the present.

"Can I get you ladies something to drink? Water? Coffee? Tea?" JJ offered, turning away from her locked door.

"No liquor? Pooh. Coffee then for me, please." Margaret stretched a long arm across the back of the couch, looking right at home. And like she was posing for a magazine cover.

"Nothing for me, JJ." Veronica looked up at JJ while she spoke, those huge green eyes hungry for things JJ wasn't offering.

"Great. Kitchen's this way." JJ went straight to the coffee machine, mechanically preparing a pot of coffee. While the water began to boil she pulled her phone out and sent Ashley a quick message. The blonde wouldn't get it until her break, but JJ didn't need this escalating if Ashley came over after work. There was no telling how long this was going to take now.

Heels clacking harshly on the wood flooring got JJ's attention. She turned to see Veronica checking out the kitchen, eyes bouncing from the new appliances to the cabinets and granite countertops before landing on her.

"Try not to hold this against me, JJ. I wanted to see you again. Hear your voice in person, not muted through a computer. Can you blame me for taking advantage?" Veronica drifted manicured fingers along the back of a kitchen table chair, giving JJ a practiced pout.

"No, I can't blame you. I wish you'd listened though. We're done, over, there's nothing to try to bring back to life between us. I have moved on, Veronica." JJ crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the counter. "I'm not trying to rub that in your face. It's a fact, and the sooner you accept it, the better we'll both be."

The way Ronnie's face fell, JJ knew that was what the other woman had been trying to do, sweep JJ off her feet and rekindle a relationship.

They stood quietly there, the coffee brewing merrily behind JJ. Veronica finally looked up from studying the stainless steel fridge. "Why did you promise to return, if you knew you'd just run back to her?"

JJ couldn't stop an indignant scoff. "Because I never had any intentions to 'run back' to anyone. Originally Id hoped to never see Ashley again. You know the way I left, that I'd never talked to her again. I didn't want to add unnecessary drama to an already shitty situation." JJ pushed away from the counter to retrieve mugs from an upper cabinet. "Every encounter with Ashley once I was back was awkward and uncomfortable. Neither of us knew what to say. How do you leap a ten year communication gap without a springboard of some sort?"

"It would seem you managed to find a springboard." Veronica observed.

"We did. And we pushed through a few awkward moments and miscommunications. We didn't just pick up where we'd left off, she wasn't waiting around for me to show up. We've had to relearn each other, make a new relationship. To be rather blunt, I'm extremely happy here. I love this town, the house, my girlfriend. I don't want to go back to San Francisco, to the life I had. I never made you any promises and I really don't appreciate you stirring shit up." JJ poured fragrant black coffee into the mugs, steam rising to curl around her wrist as she poured.

Veronica shook back her hair, an indignant look on her famously bold face. "I resent that. I never intentionally stirred anything. How was i to know you'd found her again? That you were making more progress with her than your house project? I was simply reaching out after a long silence from you."

JJ shook her head, recognizing the bait. Veronica was trying to probe, figure out the timeline of events involving Ashley. "It should be obvious I spent more of my time and energy on the house. It's finished and we've just hit the halfway point of the original deadline. Margaret, coffee!" JJ called, not about to start serving beverages. These two wanted to ambush her, they could damn well fix their own drinks.

"And you've done a lovely job on the place. You never did send pictures." Veronica pulled a chair away from the small kitchen table and sat, one long leg crossed over the other.

JJ picked up her mug, moving so Margaret could doctor up her coffee. "Sorry. You could have reminded me."

"I thought I did. I called you not too long ago." Ronnie brushed imaginary lint from the designer Bermuda shorts she wore.

JJ sipped her coffee, counting to five in her head. "You called, but you ended up talking more shit about me and Ashley than asking about the house. And I lashed back at you. It wasn't a great conversation, Veronica."

The redhead sighed, but JJ continued. "Owen called me the next morning. He was worried about you and he turned to me. Did you know that?"

Veronica glanced from JJ to Margaret, the latter whipping her head around to shoot a dirty look towards the redhead. "No, I hadn't been aware he called."

JJ shook her head. "You need to get over this. I'm not yours, Veronica. We ended our romantic relationship because we aren't compatible. You want things that I'm not comfortable with. I want things you didn't want. Of all the girls I've been with, I'd thought you would be the one I could stay friends with. Maybe I was wrong and we need to go our separate ways."

"That would devastate Owen! He asks about you all the time!" Veronica looked truly horrified, a delicate hand on her heaving chest.

JJ rolled her eyes, not falling for the dramatic act. She glanced at Margaret for a second opinion and met a similarly skeptical expression.

"Veronica, listen. We can be friends, keep in touch with occasional updates about our separate lives. We can send Christmas cards, birthday presents, shit like that. I'll talk to Owen anytime. Fuck, I'll video chat with him if he wants. Maybe, listen, maybe we can get together once in awhile and go out as a group. All of this," JJ circled her hands in the air, "is what friends do, and this is all I ever want from you." She looked sharply at Margaret who was watching, sipping at her coffee. "You're a witness to this and I expect you to help me enforce this boundary."

Margaret crossed her heart and held her right hand up in promise, her striking features unusually serious.

Veronica fidgeted in her chair, not used to being handled like this. "But I wanted more, JJ. You know I still love you. How can you ignore that, ignore me? What can this Ashley give you that I can't, first love or not?"

Frustrated, JJ set her cup down and ran a hand through her hair. "What you and she could or couldn't give me isn't the important part, Veronica. It's not about who is a better lay, who is more famous, who can offer me more luxury and comfort. None of that matters, and I know - i hope you know- that about me."

There was a momentary silence as Ronnie absorbed this, her eyes downcast. Margaret excused herself to wander back into the living room.

Finally, Ronnie lifted her head. Her eyes were glossy with unshed tears. "So, I never stood a chance anyways. You never could have loved me for who I am because I have too much to offer. I'm not the simple, down to earth, small town girl you fell in love with as a young girl. This was a doomed endeavor from the beginning."

JJ sighed and sat down across from Veronica. "That's not what I said. No, you're not a small town girl with nothing to offer but love. That's not what Ashley is either." JJ set her hands on the table top, looking from her own beaten up hands to Veronica's smooth and delicate manicured fingers. How could she put this into words? This elemental importance that Ashley held over every other woman on the planet?

"Is this just because she was the first to stand up for you and accept you? Did you latch onto her for the acceptance you didn't receive at home and among your peers?" Veronica asked, no bitterness in her tone. She sounded curious, like she actually wanted to understand. Maybe this was progress.

"No. I loved her before that. And maybe it was initially driven by her unspoken acceptance, but I've loved her for years before she finally spoke up about not caring that I was gay. Think about it, if in ten years I couldn't remove her memory, her importance and my own feelings from my heart and soul, then it's not a simple Hollywood, love at first sight, deal. You know I did my best to put her behind me. I slept with women of every shape, color, and sexuality. I dated a few, before you. Nothing ever lasted, despite my best efforts. You and I didn't last! We broke up for reasons completely unrelated to Ashley."

"True." Veronica conceded, nodding her head regally. "I can't help but wonder if you measured me against her though. If you did, clearly I feel short of the mark."

"Veronica! Jesus, I didn't measure you against her. I never thought about her when we were together. I loved you, did my best to show that anytime I could. I've never ignored the fact that you still have feelings for me. I have asked that you find a way to let those feelings evolve into friendship, to let me move on without this outpouring of jealousy and...and...territorial behavior. I'm sorry that children aren't something I want in my life. I don't want to be a parent, to be responsible for another human being. It's not in my skillset, not in my genetic make-up." JJ realized she was raising her voice and struggled to calm down. Veronica looked like she was about to turn on the water works, which was beginning to freak JJ out. Crying women weren't in her skillset either.

"Seriously, Ronnie, let me go. We're done. Channel this energy into finding a partner who loves you and wants kids. Raise Owen to be a good man, like his father. The world needs more good people, male and female. Your son is already on the path to becoming one, but he needs your guidance and nurturing. Shit, he's only...ten?" JJ asked, unsure.

Ronnie nodded, glossy red hair falling to hide her face for a moment.

"See? He's about to start growing into a man. You've gotta be there for him, help mold him into the good person he's so capable of being. Quit wasting your time and energy on getting me back when that isn't going to happen. Find a partner who loves you both and wants to grow a family, one who will be a good example for Owen and any other kids you have." JJ stood, pushing her chair back in. She paced the kitchen, emotions high and energy levels racing. She wanted to actually slap some sense into Veronica. All of this felt like common sense to her. Sure, a failed relationship can hurt for a while but you heal and move on.

"JJ?" Veronica's voice was quiet, but even.

JJ spun to face her, braced for anything.

"You're right. I've been holding on for too long and I need to let go before I hurt anyone. I'm sorry I took unfair advantage of today, ambushed you at home. I haven't been thinking with my head, my heart has been doing most of the decision-making." Veronica stood and gestured with open hands to JJ. "This talk was a good idea. I've never heard you speak so bluntly, and so wisely about us, or what is best for both of us. Everything you've said is true, especially about Owen. I've been on autopilot and he needs a better mother than that." She paused and crossed one arm across her front to clutch the other, an uncharacteristically awkward pose.

At first JJ had no idea what to say or how to react. This was not how she was used to Veronica behaving. In a slight daze she stepped close enough to touch Veronica's hand. "This is amazing progress, Ronnie. I'm relieved we see eye to eye finally."

The redhead gave her a nervous smile. "This isn't going to be easy for me, JJ, but I see why it's necessary. I'm sorry I refused to accept things as they are. I'm terrible at letting go, and it's time I became better about endings and new beginnings. Can you forgive me?"

JJ hesitated, wary this was some sort of trick, but the sincerity on Veronica's face and in her voice was plain. "I can, but please know this isn't easy for me either. I'm trusting this is the real deal and not one of your old games. Clean slate for us both, a new page of friendship going forward. Yes?"

"Yes." Veronica graced JJ with that familiar smile and opened her arms for a hug. JJ gave her a quick hug, being sure to keep it brief.

"Now that you've made up, how about those pictures I promised?" Margaret asked from the doorway.

"Seriously? I thought that was just an excuse to get my address." JJ downed the rest of her coffee.

"No, the pictures are here. David told me to make sure they were shipped directly to you. This isn't quite what he meant, but whatever." the brunette waved a hand to show she wasn't worried about it.

"Sweet. Go get 'em!" JJ urged, excited to see the finished product. She'd never actually seen any of the shoots except for what made it into ads.

A couple hours later they took a break from studying the photos. JJ excused herself to use the bathroom while the other women refreshed beverages. Both of them whirled to face the front door when a key scraped into the lock, the deadbolt slid back and the door opened.

Ashley stopped short in the doorway, one foot in the house, one still on the porch. She definitely wasn't prepared to see two stunningly beautiful and very tall strangers in JJs kitchen. She certainly didn't know what to make of their interested perusal of herself.