tagHumor & SatireJoey Becomes a Man

Joey Becomes a Man


Finally, Joey was going to get some action. He had a huge smile on his face as Jessica lead him to her hotel room. The two of them met downstairs in the casino’s lobby. Joey was there with his mom and dad, and decided to get away for a while. He was eighteen, and all of his friends in the Robotics club told him that this trip to Las Vegas would be his last chance to get laid before graduation. Listening to them, he felt as if this were his destiny; out of the thirty senior males in the club, he would be the first one to lose his virginity. Joey was sitting on top of the world.

He was a tall, wiry guy, with pale white skin and glasses. Your average nerd. Although quite a few people knew him in school, he couldn’t get a date, let alone a girlfriend. So when he noticed the beautiful blonde standing next to him at the wet bar, he thanked his lucky stars, and to show his maturity, ordered a drink from the bartender. When he got his drink, he looked toward the young woman seated beside him and made his move. Seductively (or so he thought) he sipped his Shirley Temple, and asked the woman for her name.

She turned to him, and it was as if at that moment all of the bright lights illuminating the casino were shining on her. Every detail of her lovely frame as she was seated upon the stool was outlined in a beautiful red glow. The alternating blues, reds, and greens that shined from a nearby slot machine highlighted her hair. She was beautiful. Joey took in her more than ample breasts with his eyes, and quickly pinched himself as his gaze slowly traveled up to her face. Her creamy skin was covered with little makeup, allowing her natural beauty to shine. She had the perfect set of lips, and beautiful hazel eyes, all inset upon a small oval face. Joey was in love.

“Hi there.” She smiled at him as she extended her hand; “My name is Jessica.”

Joey cleared his throat and sought for his voice. “I-I’m Jo-ey.” When he said his name, his voice cracked. Embarrassed, he looked away.

She brought her hand to his face, and turned him back towards her. “I think that Joey is a wonderful name.” Giggling, she kissed him on the forehead. Joey could have died a happy man right there. Instead, he grew hard underneath his jeans. He turned his entire body completely toward the bar. Noticing the large bulge in between Joey's legs, Jessica decided to take action. “I think that you might need a stronger drink Joey.” Jessica turned toward the bartender and ordered 2 strawberry daiquiris. Turning towards him, she said, “ I absolutely love strawberries Joey…how about you?” Regaining SOME composure he stammered out a polite, “I do too ma’am.” She smiled, this was going to be a fun night.

3 hours and a Long Island Iced tea later, Jessica had completely stripped young Joey of his shyness. She thought that she would have no problem stripping him of other things when the time…came. She smiled as he talked to her about robotics and math, then interrupted him in mid-sentence. “You know what I would like to do Joey?” While asking him this, she playfully punched his arms, “Let’s go upstairs to my room.” Thanks to all of the alcohol, Joey didn’t have to be asked twice. Nodding his head in agreement, he stood up and took her hand. When she got out of her seat, he attempted to lead the way. “Joey, you don’t know where my room is.” Jessica smiled at Joey as this realization slowly crept into his brain. “Heeeeeeey, I sure don’t.” For some reason this struck him as funny, and he laughed as if he had just told a real knee slapper. Jessica guided Joey out of the casino, and to the elevators.

Once in her hotel room, Jessica gently pushed Joey onto the bed and climbed on top of him. When she was seated on his stomach, she slowly brought her dress about her hips and pulled the skimpy red garment over her head. Joey’s bulge in his pants returned, as he thought about his situation. There was a beautiful woman sitting on him, buck naky. She removed his glasses from his face, and brought his hands to her firm 38DD chest. They were fake, but he didn’t care. They were titties. Joey Linus Carrington was touching a pair of beautiful, soft, titties. In his mind, he couldn’t stop saying the word ‘titties’, and he started another laughing fit. Jessica’s small body was rocked back and forth as he laughed. “Yeah Joey, this is funny isn’t it?” She started laughing too. They were both giggling hysterically, and then she said, “Do you know what would be even more funny?”

He shook his head no, laughter still coming full throttle out of his mouth. “If you SHUT UP.” Having said this, she leaned back and gave him a beautiful smile. Poor Joey was very confused now, and all of his laughter died down. Then SHE started laughing again, “Oh Joey, the look on your…" she was laughing so hard that she couldn’t finish the sentence, ‘face.’ And then Joey started to laugh.

Jessica traced her fingers across Joey’s hairless chest. “Joey, I want to...” Then she leaned toward him, looking around the room as if she thought that people were listening, and whispered into his ear, “I want to have sex with you.”

Joey got a serious look on his face as he reached for his belt buckle. “I want to have Jessica with you also sex.” He smiled at her proudly as he unbuckled his jeans, not even realizing the mistake he just made. “Have you ever had sex before Joey?” She looked at him with her head cocked to the side as he answered. “Yes, but she means nothing to me. I can send her back if you want me to.” He was waiting for her decision. Finally, they removed his pants, and she asked, “Where is she from?"

"Oh, well, some guys I know brought her for me from an adult store. Your supposed to put water in her to make her feel real, but I never had enough time so I always used air.” He trailed off as she put a finger to his lips. “Nevermind Joey.”

Slowly, she started to ride him. She didn’t even start with 4 play; she just began to do her thing. Joey didn’t care, he was having sex. Jessica started to moan as she worked her hips faster. The whole time that she was riding him, she pulled at her hair. She pulled it so much that it was standing straight up on her head, and sticking out to the sides. Joey opened his eyes and was frightened for a moment by what he saw. He gave an involuntary jump, and she got excited and began to ride him faster.

“OH YEAH COWBOY, GIDDYUP!!” Joey froze as Jessica began riding him like a jockey. Funny, but he didn’t remember her having a country accent. “YEEEE HAWWWWW!!” She madly swung his shirt in a circle above her head. Joey was scared. He never saw sex like this in the movies he watched. Jessica grabbed Joey’s head in one hand, and with each thrust, banged his head onto the headboard. “Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob. I LOVE YOU BOB!!.” Each knock against the headboard brought him closer to sobriety.

He thought to himself, Who the fuck is Bob? He voiced his concerns, “Who the fuck is Bob????.” This stopped their….lovemaking. Jessica got a far off look in her eyes and said, “You're Bob silly.” She smiled, and what small reserves of sanity she had took this precise moment to take a vacation from her brain. Rather than argue about his name, Joey pushed her off of him and got off of the bed. This was in no way going the way that he had hoped.

“Look, I hope you understand, but I don’t like this.” He was speaking to her while he was putting on his clothing. “I don’t know who you are, and I sure as hell don’t know who Bob is.” He didn’t notice that Jessica was standing next to a dresser. He looked up at her as he pulled his shirt over his head, and stopped breathing. She was masturbating with a candle. She was extremely wet, and the slimy mess was dripping all over the black candle. While he was staring, he noticed that the candle had something written on it. He peered closer, and could barely make out a B…and then an O. She started to work the candle faster, and was really getting into it. “BOB!!!! You’re the greatest!!!”

The fact that she was masturbating with a candle didn’t stop Joey from breathing. Not even the fact that she had taken the time to label the candle BOB frightened him. What made Joey piss in his pants was that the whole entire time that she was masturbating, she never blinked, and was staring right at HIM. SMILING AND STARING. She was even nodding her head, as if she wanted him to join in with her. “Oh Jesus….” He prayed, “help me.”

Fighting the need to faint, he told Jessica that he needed to leave. With the candle still in her, she ran over to him and grabbed his body. “NO, no Bob please, don’t leave me all alone. I need you.” Her hands found her candle, and she started to moan, “See what you do to me Bob?” She took the candle out of herself, and started to lick it. “Look, I didn’t come here for this exorcist bullshit. I’m leaving.” Well, he thought that he was leaving. Jessica hit Joey on the head with the candle. Reeling from being hit, Joey fought his way toward the door, and attempted to open it. “Ha!” Jessica screamed, “You won’t be able to get out of that window! I locked it.” She smiled at him smugly. Joey looked at her wide-eyed. There were no windows in her room.

“O.K. Jessica, when I open this…” he looked at the door, ”DOOR, I’m leaving.” She took a couple of steps back from Joey and stuffed the candled back into herself. She raised her arms high in the air, and widened her legs and said, “the last guy who jumped out of my window died!!! I don’t want you to die Bob. I love you..” And with that, she started to roll her head from side to side and began to laugh hysterically. When the candle started to slip out, Joey saw his chance and kicked open the door. He felt as if he were entering a completely different world when he stepped into the hallway.

Looking back at Jessica, he saw that she was trying to stuff the candle back into herself. He didn’t take any chances and ran for the stairs. Jessica jumped out of the room, looking for her Bob. Oh well, she thought. She went to the elevator, and rode it to the lobby, preparing to tell the attendants that a big man jumped out of her window. She was still naked. And that is how Joey Linus Carrington became a man.

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