Johnny Lettuce

"Howso?"

"She's over twenty one and quite large."

"Figures."

"She came recommended."

"Who by?"

"Not sure, Dad was pissed about it at first, but she's okay, beds are always fresh and made properly."

"OK, that's our start, do the people live in or come in daily?"

"Irene comes in daily, I have her address on my phone, I carry everyone's in case of emergencies,"

"Let's start there then, come on I'll drive us over."

Putting the address in the Sat Nav, we drove across town in my old Skoda. I started to get suspicious when we left the housing behind and moved in to the older industrial area. Sure enough Irene's address was a clapped out, boarded up single storey, brick built , old retail unit. It displayed a logo for a long defunct cleaning business, a little joke on her ex-employer. We sat there looking stupid as a police car cruised round the corner, slowing and stopping behind us. I opened the door and stood up, as an officer got out on the passenger side.

"Hello officer, just looking at that unit. We're starting up and considering whether this is suitable."

"It's been derelict for about six years sir, are you sure you're in the right place?"

I had a sheaf of papers with me, adverts and crap left in the car. I pretended to study it and looked back at him.

"Well this is the address, and it's the only one here. The others are off Fosters Avenue over by the Bakeries."

"I think you'll find they'll be better value, this lot needs pulling down if you ask me."

"We were just sitting in the car wondering why they'd included this, although the rentals cheap, but with a short lease. Might explain it, oh well back to the drawing board."

I half turned awaiting the call back, but instead got,

"I'd go over to the Fosters Avenue sites sir, you'll find it much better and more secure. Lot of these places have been vandalised, bloody kids."

With that he strode back to his car and they drove off.

"Fuck that was close," said Shelly as I hopped back in and headed back to town.

"It also tells us I'm not at the head of their wanted queue."

Passing a chain hotel, low rates guaranteed, I pulled in and we registered, asking for two adjoining double rooms. Although we paid cash, they insisted I scan my Credit Card in case we ran off without paying any extra's. None of us had eaten so we booked into the pub/restaurant attached and went straight through. The low single storey building was anchored to the hotel by a covered awning.

After a reasonably low price cooked meal we sat nursing a glass of wine each.

"So what now?"

"Well, Cynth why don't you try phoning Irene, see if she answers?"

"Do you think she will?"

"No, but we have to try, use the payphone in the corridor by Reception, less chance of it being monitored."

After ten minutes, I started to worry about sending Cynthia on her own. Suddenly she slipped back and hastily sat down, grabbing her drink.

"Police in the Car Park, looking at your car, what do we do, run?"

"No, we'll sit this one out, if they are after me, we'll just gloss over staying here and say we came out for a meal, got it?"

They nodded and we sat at the table, I asked for the bill, paying cash again. The tip was awkward, too little or too much and they'd remember us, enough and we're just three napkins, anonymous and unmemorable. Hopefully fifteen percent was adequate for the job. We slid out of the booth and headed for the door. The Police car had moved down the car park and they seemed to be looking at cars in general. Probably checking for evidence of Road Fund or Insurance dodgers, Thankfully I was fully paid up for both.

We strolled back to the girls room, settling down in the comfy chairs. Suddenly it was daylight and we'd slept through, I sat up and felt the dryness in my throat. We used the mugs and kettle in the room to make teas and coffee. Then the girls took turns to use the facilities.

I took the opportunity to slip out to my room and shower. We had each brought an overnight bag, which we had filled at an out of town store, getting enough for a few days change of clothes. I put on a fresh shirt and underwear, pulling on my sturdy suit jacket and trousers. I never wore a tie, it always seemed an inconvenience and looked like a badly knotted rag, no matter how I tried. I had reached the 'whatever' stage now and just didn't bother.

I knocked on their door and it clicked open, I walked in and shut my eyes. My daughter and her lover were naked, wandering around talking to each other. Clothes were strewn on the bed and steam billowed out the bathroom. I turned to leave,

"Oh Dad! don't be such a prude, get over yourself."

"Johnny, morning, ready for breakfast?"

"I,, errm, Sure, full works, sausage.." I opened my eyes, they stood side by side, hands on hips staring at me, grinning, still naked.

"Mmm, I fancy a sausage too," Cynthia winked lewdly and Shelly laughed.

"Seriously father, when you can keep your eyes above tits level, tell us what's the game plan for today?"

I'd been thinking about that, in the shower. I sat down, now not even pretending not to gawp at these two incredibly sexy young women.They laughed and carried on dressing. I noted that they looked fabulous even without makeup. Both had flawless skin and even tans, all over.

"Look this is out of line and I hope you take it as a compliment, but you don't need makeup, either of you, you're both gorgeous. Ok, that over, does Mum know about that tattoo on your thigh Shelly, never mind."

Shelly looked down, opening her leg and glancing at the small dolphin high up on her inner thigh, she raised an eyebrow as she looked at me, I blushed.

"No and don't tell her, you know she still thinks I'm twelve?" she said in exasperation.

"We always do, every parent has an image of their child at a certain age, with you for me it's seven, hands on hips at the seaside, arguing about an ice cream." I smiled at the memory. Shelly grinned and blew a kiss.

"That's probably the last holiday we had together," I risked a sniff, as I dabbed a tear away.

Shelly gulped and turned her head away. Meanwhile Cynthia had managed to put a top on, no bra I noted, not that those two, perfect, precious tiny orbs needed containing, but she still had a bare ass and shaven pussy on show. I looked back at Shelly, she stood and pulled a sweater over her head, still nude below the waist. I sighed and shook my head, they both looked at me, I shrugged and they grinned.

"You still haven't managed to articulate the days schedule, Mr Big Eyes."

Cynthia wagged a finger at me, smiling and pulling on a pair of brief high cut knickers. I shrugged again.

"Too many distractions old fruit. Now I had some thoughts in the shower this morning."

"Porn alert, Porn alert, waah, waah!"

Shouted Shelly jumping up and down as they giggled and tumbled on to the bed. As noted Cynth had a pair of knickers on, but Shelly hadn't, so bouncing slightly on the bed she spread her legs to balance, affording me a view of my daughter no father should ever see. I closed my eyes but the vision was there still. I was bound for hell for sure.

I opened an eye to see Shelly about to burst, she had realised what I'd seen and had her legs firmly crossed.

"What? what?" Cynth looked from her to me and back, I was beetroot red and speechless. Shelly burst out laughing and grabbed Cynth, whispering in her ear. Cynth sat back and went the same colour as me.

"Shelly, your poor Dad."

Shelly collapsed laughing, legs everywhere, I looked away, now she was just taking the piss.

Eventually we all calmed down and Shelly and Cynthia finished dressing, finally I could marshal my thoughts.

"Irene is the key here, if we can find her, we can get a handle on who's behind this, how we get to her though, that's the difficult bit."

"If I phone her and she answers can we trace the call?"

"If I was a tv detective yes, I'd have a friend in telecoms who could trace it for me, but I'm not so I can't."

"Well I'll just phone anyway, see if she answers."

"OK, nothing to lose."

Cynthia pulled her phone out and dialed, we left the room to go to breakfast. As we walked down the corridor, Shelly stopped, Cynthia stopped and said hello was that Irene. We all heard the voice in the room where we stopped say yes. I knocked on the door. She asked Cynth to excuse her and opened the door. Her face was a picture. We pushed into the room. She was dressed in just a thin robe, which just about wrapped round her. The room was like ours, laid out exactly the same way. I saw her case, open on the floor, which was messily filled to overflowing, so she was not a naturally tidy person.

"Well good morning Irene, how's your day?" I asked, as I pushed her onto the bed. she sat back and looked at her feet.

"Irene, what in the hell are you playing at?"

Cynthia shouted as Shelly put her hands out to hold her back.

"Leave it to Dad hun, he's the expert."

She nodded at me to carry on. I knelt next to Irene and rested my hand on her chin, gently lifting her face up. I smiled and winked at her.

"Why don't we let Irene tell us all about it."

I sat beside her on the bed and put an arm round her broad shoulders. In a fair fight, I'd lose as she had about sixty pounds on me and she was twenty years younger. But she was spent, she knew when she was beaten I thought. Her fist came crashing down into my gonads and I screamed and doubled up. She stood, but Cynthia was quicker, she slapped her face and punched her twice, then a foot sank into her stomach and Irene collapsed back on the bed sobbing.

My beautiful daughter found an ice machine in the hallway and taking a plant out of its container, filled it. Coming back she undid my trousers, pulled them down, then pulling my pants wide of my belly jammed a handful of ice onto my family jewels. I screamed again. She did this twice more, I sat my pants soaked, my prospects ruined as they manhandled Irene flat on the bed.

Using her clothes they tied her to the bed. I moved gingerly and found that the pain was subsiding although I still felt sick.

"OK pop?" Shelly said, a comforting arm around my waist, I nodded, still unable to speak.

"You better tell us everything now," said Cynthia, inches from Irene's face.

Shelly reached over and pinched her breast, causing Irene to scream before Cynth covered her face with a pillow.

Waiting til the muffled cry stopped, Cynth lifted the cushion.

"You going to co-operate, or do we start lower down?" Her finger lifted the edge of her robe.

"Wait, wait, no more, no more. Okay, listen I'll talk but you have to let me go, they're picking me up at ten to take me home, only I expect it's not about me going home really."

"Who's they?" I managed.

"Sorry mister, I wanted to get away, didn't mean no harm."

I nodded okay, she continued.

"Ted Dacre's boys are coming, they set me up with the job, I do this they cancel my debt."

"Debt?"

"I had a bit of trouble repaying a loan, they doubled the interest, I lost my job, they offered a way out. Except I think it's a one way ticket."

"Where's Ted Dacre from?"

I held up a hand, I signaled for them to release Irene, she sat up rubbing her wrists,

"Get dressed, no here where we can see you, I really don't trust you," I raised my eyebrows and cupped my prospects, they still hurt.

She slipped the robe off, her nightdress clung to her frame, she was generously proportioned I'll give her that. She stared me in the eyes as she pulled that nightie off. Her slack breasts hung down onto her large belly, which itself almost concealed the bulge of her hairy pussy. Turning she bent to the suitcase showing off her large backside and extracted clean underwear. She dressed insolently, enjoying the voyeuristic exhibition. Finally dressed she sat on the bed. I left to change. Arriving back ten minutes later, I saw she was still on the bed.

The girls were in the corner crying however, that's when I noticed the small round hole above her eyes. The wound was so new the blood hadn't started. I saw the hole in the window and immediately hit the ground, a tinkle and a puff as the bullet passed through the bed. I crawled to the girls and got them to flatten themselves, seconds later, the tinkle again and a round smacked into the wall where they had been.

"We have to try to leave, we're like rats in a barrel if we stay," I said, we crawled back towards the door.

Tinkle, more glass and the door took a hit by the handle. I reached immediately and pulled rolling backwards onto Shelly, she moaned as another round hit the opening door. I rolled sideways and threw my jacket high in the air, as I hauled Shelly past me, tinkle, tinkle, my jacket danced and fell on the floor by my head. I threw again, but he had my measure and I felt the sting as the bullet zipped across the arm of my shirt and grazed the skin, even before I heard the tinkle. I pushed Cynthia past me and Shelly hauled her out of range. I grabbed my jacket and jackknifed through the doorway, as another round hit it. In the corridor a crowd had gathered. A lot of sirens announced the posse's arrival and I guess the bad guys moved out.

Later we sat in the Police Station awaiting interview, I'd asked for the girls to have some warmer clothing as they were both in shock. Each now wore a very large and unflattering man size woolly jumper with Police emblazoned on it. I had a patch on the graze from the bullet, the Police Doctor unimpressed with the wound. He'd seen far worse he said. Snapping his case shut he left me sitting on the bench awaiting interview. Detectives, Ardly and Robinson were awaiting Cromwell. I had dragged him out of a case conference, grumbling to the phone. But he laughed and said he'd be right over.

Later, well eight hours later, the four of us sat in the bar opposite the Police Station. Ardly and Robinson were getting the beers, although Cynthia insisted on paying. If only they knew where the money came from. The two detectives were running the murder case and we were now very material witnesses. Cromwell had earned his retainer today and insisted we would be welcome at his place, phoning Lilith who was quick to say yes. I think, lesbian lovers and bad old school friends in trouble had raised her excitement level several hundred percent.

Anyway we had a drink with the boys and went over everything again. They were pretty sure it was a vendetta or revenge attack, if Dacre was involved. The Police had been after Cynthia's father for five years and were close to raiding the house anyway. Cynthia had gladly given then written permission to tear the place apart, much against Cromwell's advice, so they were happy. The sniper was an unexpected addition to the mix, they thought it was likely that they were planning to kill Irene anyway and our interruption had added to the plan, since killing us would help muddy the waters anyway. He was a professional though, not leaving a single shell case behind, even though he'd obviously left in a hurry when he heard the sirens.

We went back to Cromwell's. Now, we meet every now and when, but I've never seen his place nor he mine. Chez Cromwell was a massive brick built monster, with three storeys, a Palladian style portico (look it up) and eight bedrooms. It stood in seven acres of ground, had a driveway and a massive wall around it. The entrance gates were electrically controlled and tonight a Police Car and two constables were outside. They saluted as we entered, the girls waved, bringing big smiles to their faces.

Lilith stood at the entrance, my God what a beautiful woman she was, tall willowy, grey hair tied loosely in a ponytail, her face was blemish free and her smile an invite to kiss those glorious lips, so I did. She hugged me and said hello. She kissed everyone in turn, saving the best for Cromwell, she ate him up. We grinned and slapped his back. Inside, the house had a grand central stairway leading to the upstairs from the hall, and two doors led off to rooms either side, two smaller doors under the stairs led to the back. We were turned left, and asked to leave our bags in the hallway.

In the lounge Rosa their eldest daughter was sitting on a chaise talking into her phone, she raised a hand and acknowledged us without a pause in her chat. We sat and Cromwell took our drinks order. Cynthia asked why he was called Cromwell, when the detectives called him Mr Sternberg. I looked down and was surprised to hear Lilith fill her in. Her musical voice making the rudest story sound ladylike. Cromwell smiled as he handed out drinks.

"Course your fathers a turtleneck," he said as he handed Shelly her wine.

"What's..." Cynthia winced as Shelly's foot landed on hers.

"Ooops sorry lover," she said, touching her arm. I blushed, saved by my daughter.

I lifted the glass and felt the warm liquid flow down into my body. That felt good. This was no cheap supermarket plonk. This was rich, full and ruby red, really tasting of summer fruits with a great depth and a lingering mellow aftertaste, reminiscent of blackberries I think.

"Ohh! good plonk maestro, nice drop of the red stuff."

"Up your bum you snob, you know this is a decent bottle, and even I wince at the cost when I buy it."

"Seriously Cromwell this is very, very palatable."

"Fucking ought to be at ninety quid a bottle."

"Christ, ladies put those glasses down carefully that's about nineteen quids worth of wine you're gargling."

"Prat!"

We giggled, evenings with Cromwell always went like this. We were still just seven when we met up. Lilith grinned.

"Will you two ever stop playing who's got the biggest prick. Why don't you just whop them out on the table for God's sake."

"He'd win," I said," He's had two inches cut off, and he's still bigger than me."

We dissolved at an old joke we always managed to squeeze in at some point in the evening.

"Children," Lilith grinned.

Shelly and Cynth relaxed and I watched the tension ease out of them. Later we ate, drank and then Lilith showed us to our rooms. Shelly and Cynth, disappeared and I walked into my room and sat on the bed. I rolled back onto the duvet and shut my eyes. Later I woke, undressed and climbed between crisp white sheets and dropped off again.

I heard a knock and the door open, Lilith came in wearing a silk kimono that clung invitingly to here lithe body. Walking slowly she came across the room with a small tray in her hand. She placed it on a stand by the bed, smiled and sat on the bed.

"It's been a long time, but I am so glad to finally meet you, although I had hoped for better circumstances."

"Likewise Lilith, you're even more beautiful than Cromwell says."

"And you are a silver tongued devil, just like Cromwell says."

She stood and left, the impression of that kimono, clinging seductively to her body, with the tiny imprints of her nipples high on her chest, haunts me still. Pulling on a robe I took my tea and walked across to the girl's room. Knocking I entered. They were sitting on the bed, naked obviously, I waved and sat on the bed by Cynth.

"Haven't you seen enough of us?" Cynth asked, a smile playing over her lips.

"Never, you're both incredibly beautiful, now what do you suppose today brings?"

"After the last few days I'm hoping for nothing worse than a hangnail or a spot." Shelly said and grinned.

"Well were off the hook as far as your Father's death's concerned, but I have a feeling there's a lot more going on."

They nodded, I sipped my tea, staring at their tiny perfect breasts unashamedly. Cynth giggled and Shelly laughed.

"Dad, couldn't you at least pretend not to stare,"

"You're blushing,"

"You're embarrassing."

"You're very beautiful, never forget that, both of you."

"Thank you, I appreciate that, now go, I need to go to the bathroom, and you're not having a gander at my pussy or butt again."