Joseph Ch. 01

One of her rules was that there were to be no overnight male guests.

"Go to a hotel or to his place, but not here," Lainie told the girl, Amber Monroe.

"No problem!" Amber told her. "Thank you so much!"

Lainie had come home one night after spending the afternoon and evening in the library. She was beat and hungry. She walked into the two bedroom apartment, dropped her book bag and took in the appearance of the kitchen with a heavy sigh. Amber was home. She started cleaning up the mess- she couldn't eat in a dirty kitchen. She was at the sink when she heard someone behind her. Thinking it was Amber, she turned around to deliver the 'clean up your mess' speech. It wasn't Amber, but a man wearing nothing but the skin he was born with. Lainie screamed, the man covered his privates with his hands and backed away.

"Whoa! Hey, it's ok - I'm a friend of Amber's," he said. "She said that you wouldn't be home until later tonight."

Lainie was livid and did something she rarely did. She raised her voice and she cursed.

"Get the hell out of my kitchen! Amber! Get your ass out here now! And you," she said to the man, "get dressed and get the fuck out of my apartment!"

"La...."

"Get out," Lainie said when Amber tried to talk. "We agreed that there were to be no overnight guest..."

"He wasn't going to stay," Amber said, "and besides, you said that you wouldn't be home until ten and it's only eight-thirty."

Lainie stared at her in disbelief. Amber was blaming her that she had gotten caught?

"Amber, I'm asking you to leave tonight. While you pack, I'll write you a check for the two weeks that are left in this month."

"Lainie - come on, can't we talk about this?" Amber begged.

She actually thought about it, and then looked at the dirty kitchen.

"It isn't just the guy," Lainie said. "It's this," she said pointing at the dirty dishes and uneaten food. "We talked about this so many times that I feel like a broken record. I'm sorry, but you have to go."

"Come on baby," the guy whose name she had never found out said. "You can stay with me."

Amber started to argue, but the guy took her hand and led her back to the bedroom. While Amber was packing, Lainie wrote out the check and subtracted the amount from the balance. She had enough to cover, but it made things tight. When Amber came out with her bags, Lainie tried to hand her the check. Amber looked at her and walked out without taking it. Lainie held on to the check for two weeks thinking that Amber would cool off and come for her money. When it didn't happen, she voided the check and shredded it in the shredder that she kept in her room.

That had been three months ago and although she had to babysit every weekend to make ends meet; she was happier. She glanced at the clock to see how much time she had before the first child showed up. She had just enough time to get into the shower and try to make sense of the thick curly hair that she hated because it always looked like it was a mess.

"Thanks, mom," she grumbled as the wished that her hair was more like her father's. Her mother, Ellen, was black and her father, Trong, Vietnamese. They met as college students at Columbia University in nineteen eighty-four, got married in nineteen eighty-six, much to the displeasure of both families, and had her in September of nineteen eighty-eight. The difference between the families was that her mother's family got used to the idea and once she was born, doted on her and eventually accepted her father. Her father's parents accepted her to some slight degree, but the warmth wasn't there. The relatives that were in her age group had no problems with her and she was actually close to a few of them.

She stepped into the shower still debating about what to do with her hair. It wouldn't be long before she would be starting law school - provided she was accepted and her hair was going to be a problem. She thought about getting it cut in a pixie style cut but always chickened out. She had the face for it- small and fine boned like her mother's in fact all of her was small.

"Thanks mom and dad," she would mutter whenever she had to shop for clothes. Her father was as small as her mother was, and both of them barely topped five' five. She was the tallest of them at a whopping 5'6 - something that she teased them about.

She finished her shower, quickly oiled her caramel colored skin with baby oil and got dressed. She groaned as she ran a comb through her thick curly hair and then tried to pull it back into a pony tail. By the time she was done, she had decided that she was going to get that haircut. A friend of hers was in Beauty College and was always looking for someone to practice on. The trick was going to be finding a time when they both were free.

At two-thirty, Brenda was there with three year old Aaron, who was as cute as could be, but a handful. Lainie wondered if the boy suffered from attention deficit disorder, because he couldn't sit still for more than a minute or two before he was off and running.

"Here he is," Brenda said handing Lainie a book bag filled with toys, snacks a change of clothes and Pajamas. "If all goes well, I'll be here by eleven-thirty to pick him up."

"No problem," Lainie said. "Have a good shift."

Brenda kissed Aaron, told him to be good and rushed off. At one point, Lainie had thought about being a nurse or a doctor, but soon figured out that she enjoyed research and debate much more, and decided to go into law.

By three, the other two children had arrived with one of those - Dennis having to stay overnight. Amber's eviction had turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Lainie turned the room into a play room complete with a small television and DVD player that she bought from the good will store. In the closet, there were mats that the kids could sleep on, as well as toys and games. The room did another thing; it kept the other part of the apartment in order. She could live with one room being messy especially since it was temporary. By Sunday night, it would be back in order.

After giving them snacks, changing the two-year olds pants and taking the other two to the bathroom, Lainie popped a movie into the DVD player and tried to study while the kids watched a movie. She had just gotten started when her cell phone rang - it was her mother.

"Hi mom."

"Hi honey, I was just wondering if you were going to make it to your dad's award ceremony."

"I wouldn't miss it," Lainie replied remembering that she had to tell the mothers of the kids that they would have to make other arrangements for a few days.

"Good, we can't wait to see you! We miss you."

"I miss you too," Lainie said softly. They had a wonderful relationship but it hadn't always been that way. "Are Grandma and Grandpa Nguyen coming?"

"They say they are, but neither of them is in the best of health. They'd love to see you too."

Lainie disagreed but didn't say so. Her Vietnamese grandparents had learned to tolerate their son's wife and the two families didn't interact socially except for events such as the awards ceremony. Lainie didn't understand it. Her parents were both tenured English and Literature professors at Cambridge and still her Vietnamese grandparents held to their prejudices.

"Let us know when you want to come so that we can purchase the tickets and don't tell me that we don't have to; we want to."

"Thanks mom, I'll call you next week. Is dad home?"

"He's here and waiting to talk to you," her mother replied. "I love you; I'll talk to you soon."

"Love you, too," Lainie replied her throat tight.

"How is my lawyer daughter?" her father asked in his softly accented voice. Lainie tried to remember if she had ever heard him raise it and she couldn't. Not even when...

"I'm fine papa and very proud. Professor of the year! That's great and well deserved."

"It is only special because you will be here," he replied. "Have you heard from UCLA?"

"Not yet, but it's early. But I really think that I'll get in."

"Of course you will," Trong replied. "You are as brilliant and as beautiful as your mother."

Lainie laughed. Her father in his quiet way always made her feel good not matter what she had done. And the love that he had for her mother was amazing.

"I'm babysitting so I have to go, but papa-anh yeu em- I love you."

"Anh yeu em - I love you Lainie," he said and hung up.

Lainie put in another DVD and tried to study. Thoughts of her parents kept interfering. They had married in spite of what their families thought, graduated from Columbia with honors and had her long before they had planned to have children. Even so they still managed to get their masters degrees and were now both PhDs and doctorates in their fields. And not once was she neglected. If she closed her eyes she could still hear her father singing to her in Vietnamese as he rocked her to sleep with her mother humming softly along with him. They never missed a program, a game or anything that she was involved in so how could she have done what she did? She quickly wiped away her tears when Denny was saying "potty".

After they were all pottied, Lainie sat on the floor with them and read stories. Brenda was on time in picking Aaron up much to Lainie's relief. Now that he was gone the other two would begin to settle down. Alicia's mother Lynn was next.

"I just changed her so she should be good to go," she said as she handed a sleepy two year old to her mother.

That left Dennis who was the quietest of the three who was already asleep. There were times that Lainie wondered if he wasn't too quiet but she never saw any signs that he was abused or neglected in any way. She took another peek at him, rushed to her room and changed into her pajamas. She grabbed her pillow and blanket, dropped them on the sofa and went back to the bedroom where Dennis was still sleeping. She picked up her books and cell phone and went the couch leaving the bedroom door open in case Dennis needed her.

This was her normal practice whenever Dennis or any of the children spent the night. She was too afraid that she wouldn't hear them from her bedroom even with both doors open. She got as comfortable as she could and began to study. She didn't get very far before she was asleep.

****

Just as Joseph had anticipated, he got a call from Nathan.

"What's up? Why aren't you coming over?"

"I'm still reading these briefs for Monday and..."

"Liar," Nathan interrupted. "You read even faster than I do and you probably finished those briefs last night, so tell me the real reason why you're not coming over."

"I don't want to intrude..."

"Again, you're lying," Nathan said. "Look, I've been meaning to talk to you for some time, but things kept popping up."

Joseph silently groaned. He knew exactly what Nathan wanted to talk about and he wanted no part of it.

"We've both been busy," Joseph said.

"But you're not busy now are you?" Nathan pressed. "Louise is making dinner and I would really like for you to get to know her. She won't read you if that's what you're worried about."

"It isn't that..."

"Then come on over," Nathan said. "Is six still good?"

"Yeah, sure," Joseph replied.

"Good, we'll see you then."

Joseph hung up and resigned himself to hearing about how he needed help in dealing with his anger. He didn't want to hear it, but he had no real choice. The issue was going to be not blowing up as he had at his mother and Mason.

He turned on his television and went to his list of shows that he had recorded for the past week. Most of them were comedies, although he very rarely laughed at any of them. There were also a few documentaries, and a couple of movies that he thought looked interesting on the list. He had just hit the play button to start a movie when his phone rang. He looked at the caller ID and saw his parent's number.

"Shit," he grumbled as he answered the phone. "Hey Dad."

After returning the greeting, Martin said what was on his mind.

"I know about the conversation that you had with your mother..."

"Dad..."

"Be quiet and listen!" Martin snapped. "The only reason that I didn't show up at your home that night was because your mother begged me not to. I didn't call you before the wedding because your mother asked me not to. The way that you spoke to her was unconscionable! She spoke to you as she does because she loves you as do I and you do need help. Do you remember telling me that my anger was no excuse for what I did?"

"I remember," Joseph said quietly.

"Well it's no excuse for you either! You also called me a coward - do you recall doing that?"

"Yes," Joseph replied not liking where the conversation was heading.

"I admitted then and I admit now that I was a coward," Martin said. "But I also submit to you that you are as well. It is far easier for you to lash out at your mother and distance yourself from your family, than it is for you to go get help. No one is saying that it will be easy, but it needs to be done. If I can't get you to look at that way, let's talk about the mate that you aren't going to look for..."

"I get it, alright?" Joseph snapped. He didn't but he wanted to get off of the phone.

"I don't think that you do," Martin continued. "You also accused me and rightfully so of selfishness. So tell me Joseph, how is not seeking your mate not selfish? She is out there somewhere unconsciously looking for you but you choose to hide behind your anger. You are choosing to leave her in the world alone, unloved and unprotected. You are choosing a life of loneliness and fear for her. Is that not selfish? I know what we are and were and I know that it's not an easy thing to come to grips with, but you have to do it if only for your own peace of mind and the wellbeing of your mate whoever she is. Now, get some help and I don't care who you talk to."

The words about the selfishness affected him more than anything else. In his mind he wasn't being selfish - he was looking after his mate whoever she was. He was protecting her from the ugliness of his family. He had to ask himself who he was really protecting. But his father had made a very valid point. What if something happened to her because he was busy protecting himself? Could he live with that?

"I'm only going to say one more thing and I'm only going to say it once," Martin continued his voice had taken on an ominous note. "I had better not ever come home again and find your mother in tears caused by you unless they are tears of happiness. Do you understand me?"

"Yes sir," Joseph replied. "Is mom there? I want to apologize to her."

A moment later, Rachel was on the phone.

"Mom- I'm sorry," Joseph said his throat tight. "I was wrong to talk to you like that when all you were trying to do was help."

"I know honey, but surely you see that this can't continue," Rachel said gently. "Whether you look for your mate or not is immaterial at this point. The important thing right now is your mental wellbeing. Do you promise to talk to someone?"

"I-I'm going over to Nathan's today," he replied. "I'll start there."

Rachel didn't think that it would be enough, but it was a start.

"Thank you honey - we love you."

"I love all of you too - and mom? I really am sorry."

Joseph hung up and turned off the television. The movie no longer interested him. He got up, went to his room and changed into his gym shorts and running shoes. A short while later, he was on his treadmill with headphones on listening to 'Santana', running as fast as the treadmill would allow him to go.

****

"Well," Martin said as he hugged Rachel and rubbed her stomach, "we'll see what happens."

"I hope that we got through to him," Rachel said placing her hands on top of Martin's. "You know, I think it's a girl this time."

"I would like that, but I'll take whatever comes," Martin replied. "You look tired, why don't you lie down for a while?"

"Only if you come with me," Rachel replied.

"I see," Martin said with a chuckle. "You want a back rub."

"I want whatever you're dishing out," Rachel replied as she placed her hands on his chest.

Martin loved these moments with her. It always reminded him that she had truly forgiven him, even if he hadn't forgiven himself and never would. These times when she would be so open with him had increased over the years, and had become a normal part of their lives. Ironically, it was during these times that he felt the guiltiest. She knew, but never said anything. She had finally accepted that Martin didn't want his guilt eased.

"I love you Rachel," Martin said as he held her close and kissed her.

"I love you too, now about that backrub..."

Martin picked her up, carried her to their room and laid her on the bed. He began to slowly undress her - something that he enjoyed as much as she did. He always undressed her in a certain order, starting with her shoes. He always talked in soft tones about whatever came to mind. Lately, it was about the baby. He was thrilled beyond belief. He loved being a father and was ready to tackle the role again. He loved seeing Rachel pregnant and hoped that there were many more children.

"That feels good," Rachel said, as she wiggled her toes in Martin's hands.

Martin worked his way up her legs, stopping at her calves that sometimes cramped and ached when she was pregnant.

"You, Mr. Martin Sinclaire are hired," Rachel said sleepily.

"There's no charge for you," he replied, as he massaged one calf and then the calf.

By the time he reached her knees, she was asleep. Martin pulled up a chair and put it next to the bed. While Rachel napped, he thought about Joseph. He was worried. Like Rachel, he didn't believe that Joseph would rape anyone. He was worried about his psychological wellbeing. The memory of his youngest brother, Jesse's, suicide, and then his father's suicide crossed his mind. He didn't think that Joseph was to the point of suicide, but he could see it happening. That was the worst case scenario. The other possibility was that he would just disappear, as he himself had done. His hope was that if enough people confronted him, he would be forced to talk to someone.

****

"He says he's coming," Nathan told Louise, when he hung up.

"You didn't give him a whole lot of choice," Louise commented.

"No, I didn't," Nathan replied, "but it's time to force the issue. I know that I've been busy and that other things have been going on, but we always used to find time to talk. He's been avoiding me and everyone else for years and it's getting worse. We should have done this a long time ago but we thought that he would come to me or someone of his own volition"

"You don't think..."

"No, I know that he won't hurt anyone," Nathan said. "The only person that he's going to hurt is himself. Sweetheart I have a couple of favors to ask."

"I already know what they are," Louise replied. "I'll keep my shields up and after dinner I'll make myself scarce. There's a new show on the cooking channel that I've wanted to see anyway."

"You're not hurt?" Nathan asked.

"Not at all," Louise replied. "I understand the need to take care of family and before you say anything, I know that I'm family too."

Nathan hugged her and kissed the top of her head. She was slowly but surely coming out of her shell.

****

Joseph brooded. He didn't want to go to Nathan's house. Louise made him nervous. He knew that she was in control of her gifts-supposedly, but she was still new. He didn't want her to accidentally see the bundle of anger and confusion that he was. But there was no way out of it. If he didn't go, Nathan would be at his doorstep with his mate in tow. His father would be on the phone and either Mason or Eustace would join the party.

Cursing under his breath, Joseph jumped off of the treadmill and headed toward the shower. He saw the visit with Nathan and his new mate as a double edged sword. He didn't want to talk about what their family but on the other hand, it might get people off his back. He was doing the bare minimum, but in his mind, it was better than nothing.