Julia

Cindy's anger and passion were destroying her mother, but somehow helped me return from the land of the Zombies. It was apparent that I hadn't over reacted and sulked off like some kid. If Cindy were any barometer, I was wronged big time. Julia was crying, but no tears were showing. I wondered if she had already shed all the tears her body could create.

The one thing that I had always held onto in my life, even when all else was in chaos, was my family. I had believed myself a good husband and father, Julia the best wife a man could have, a great mother, and my kids the best ever. Now my one irrefutable belief was crumbling around my ears.

I could see no advantage to Cindy hating her mother. I could never prosper from any pain my family experienced. Quite the opposite, any pain and turmoil in their lives was magnified in mine. That's what a father does. He absorbs and deflects, or at least diminishes, the pain of his wife and children. I realized I was right to feel betrayed. The question was; how would my reaction affect Julia and the kids?

The kids were adults and were embarking on lives of their own, but their lives would forever be entwined with mine, and with Julia's. Blood will tell.

"Cindy, you're understandably upset with your mother, but you will not speak to her like that! No one, not even you, Cindy, will call Julia such terrible names in front of me!" I stated firmly. "It would be kinder to force your hand through her chest and just rip her heart out!"

"Are any of us perfect? Not by a damn shot, but we're a family, one with a few problems. Insults aren't likely to solve those problems," I reasoned. "Julia! You will answer my questions and I want the truth! Is that perfectly clear?"

Julia raised her face and looked at me with a sadness I had never seen before. She just nodded.

"How many times in our marriage have you been unfaithful?" I asked.

"Once, Gary. It was once and that was too many!" she sobbed.

"Do you like, or perhaps love, Ted? Is there any affection there? Would you rather be with him?" I pressed.

Julia looked horrified at the question. She shook her head vigorously and sobbed.

"Do you want a divorce?" I asked.

"No, Gary, I don't. I want you. I want you to love me again. I want Cindy to love me again. I don't know if I can live without it," Julia cried.

"Are you beginning to feel the horror, the sickening disgust that I felt when I saw you with that miserable fuck?" I demanded. Cindy had set the stage for graphic language.

"You saw us?" Julia wailed. "Sweet Jesus, I am so damned! I won't fight any settlement you want, Gary. I don't even care if you wring my neck. Honestly, I wish you would. That would almost even the score!"

"You should beat her, Dad, if you don't want to just kill her!" interjected Cindy. "She needs it bad!"

I was stunned and turned to look at Cindy. How could she say anything so horrible? She threw her arms around me and hugged me.

"I can see your mind working, Dad! I know you could never lift a hand against Mom. You are too much of a man to strike a woman, or be unfaithful to your wife. I can also see that you realize Mom isn't quite as strong as you. I see you softening. What are you going to do with this unfaithful wife?" asked Cindy.

I hugged Cindy to me and considered her question. Can love be turned on and off in an instant? Trust could, that much was obvious. What about love? Did Julia love me? Was she able to love anyone if she couldn't remain faithful? Could I rediscover my love for her? Could those 23 years be dismissed so quickly? Should they be? Was there a correct answer to any of my questions?

I released Cindy and walked around to Julia. Her face was a mixture of hope and fear. I had never seen a more miserable human being than sat before me at that moment. That was the price of infidelity.

"Julia, stand up," I directed as I stood over her.

As she stood, Julia bowed her head and faced the floor.

"Look at me!" I growled.

Her eyes quickly rose and met mine.

"Do you honestly think that you love me, that you want to stay married to me and that you can be the totally faithful wife I demand? If you can't answer yes to those questions, and only you know what you truly feel, pack your shit and get out! Cindy is right about me leaving my home. I'm staying! My question is what are you going to do now?"

"I, I... want to stay, Gary. I'll do anything! I'll never let another man touch me. I wish with everything I ever held dear that I had never strayed. Not because I was caught, but because of what it cost in the respect of you and Cindy, and Steve, and what it cost in my self respect," whispered Julia.

"Cindy, you seem to have all the answers," I spoke to my daughter as I watched Julia. "What do we do now?"

"Dad! That isn't fair! I love you both and want you to be together, but not if Mom disrespects you. I haven't heard what you want and what you feel about Mom. Do you still love her, or has she killed that?" asked Cindy bluntly.

"There's the rub, Cindy. This woman has been everything to me for a long time. Can I get by without her? I think I can. Do I want to live without her, that's the question!" I mused. "If I stop loving her, will I ever care for anyone or anything again, or will I always be afraid of betrayal? I need your help, Cindy."

"Well, Dad, I have a suggestion. Try living with her and see how it goes. See if your love is still alive. Take her to counseling. You need to take her to a doctor and have her checked for disease, too," added Cindy.

Julia gasped at Cindy's last suggestion. It was something she apparently hadn't considered.

"Then, you have it to decide, Dad. I'll try to help but it's between you two. Mom has to prove herself every day, maybe forever. Can you do that, Mom? Will you do it?" asked Cindy.

"I will! I'll do anything your father wants, Cindy. I promise."

"Dad, take her and hug her," urged Cindy.

I took Julia into my arms and held her tight, but I felt a fear in my stomach. Would I be able to get past everything? I wanted to, but I was just so uncertain.

"By the power vested in me as your daughter, I pronounce you a fucked up married couple, just working to get back to where you were a few days ago," cried Cindy. "Good luck!"