Julie Ch. 14

Julie suddenly remembered something from the very first night in Greg's hotel room. The way she knew she was powerless to resist him. She knew she should have run screaming from his room the minute he pulled out his cock. But she hadn't, had she? No, by then she was already a fly in the spider's web.

In a similar fashion, Julie already saw what would happen if she went to 'talk' to him. Julie wondered just how much talking he could expect her to do with her mouth full.

Like so many other things Greg had done or said, this also should have sparked some righteous indignation. Why wasn't Julie offended? He had already coaxed her into throwing away her whole life for a bunch of orgasms. And no matter how incredible they were, they were only the tiniest fraction of a person's life. Surely, Julie knew that now. Didn't she?

Then why wasn't she pissed off? Why hadn't she already hit the delete button and gotten rid of this offensive solicitation? She wasn't really going to go over there, was she? She wasn't stupid enough to think he actually wanted to talk.

Julie thought about what Ashlee had said. Was it possible that Julie had more of a hold on Greg than even she realized? Julie thought about the way Greg kissed her passionately during foreplay and the way he held her tenderly after sex. He always gave the illusion of being her lover, even though Julie knew better.

But could she have been wrong? Could she have, in her caution, assumed he was being a phony even when he wasn't? As a protective measure for herself? Even now, even if she wanted to believe it, Julie knew it would be foolhardy to do so.

She couldn't go see him. No, not if there was going to be any chance of mending the wounds she had inflicted on poor Gary.

But what if Greg... had genuine feelings for her? What if...

Julie slammed the door on that thought. Sure, Greg might have real feelings for her. But that wouldn't make him any more hers than he had ever been. He was not a one-woman man and he couldn't will himself to be one, even if he wanted to.

Julie left his email undeleted and unanswered in her in box and logged off. It was a decision that shouldn't be made at night, just before bed. It was a decision that had to hold up in the harsh light of day, not made in a moment of weakness.

The next morning Julie told Ashlee about it while they sat at the kitchen table and ate a sugary kids' cereal, the only thing Ashlee had.

"Told you so," Ashlee said with a smirk.

"Don't get too full of yourself. Maybe he just wants another quickie before leaving town."

"Yeah, but," Ashlee said, waggling her spoon at Julie, "you said he's a guy that could get anyone. Why would he take a chance on you? He doesn't know what Gary might do. Follow you over there, or something crazy like that. So," she shoveled more cereal into her mouth and chewed it as she continued. "He must know something about you that I don't!" She flashed Julie a wicked grin.

"Well, I am an incredible piece of ass," Julie said matter-of-factly, but couldn't keep a straight face. The two women laughed out loud for a moment before Julie continued in a more sober vein. "I don't know," she said with a shrug and a sigh. "There were times when... it seemed like... more than what it was. But," she shrugged again. "I don't think I was ever more than a notch on the bedpost, you know?"

"See, this is the part that confuses me," said Ashlee, waving her spoon again. "I'm the one who winds up falling for good looking guys even though I know they're not interested in anything real... long term." She looked at Julie, narrowing her eyes slightly. "How did you manage to fall for that?" Julie had no answer. "I mean, you're too self-confident, too... I don't know... but you aren't the type to get all ga-ga 'cause a good looking guy is talking to you."

Julie nodded, then shrugged. She knew what Ashlee meant. It wasn't like she hadn't asked herself the same thing.

"He is good looking, isn't he?" Ashlee asked.

"Oh, yeah," Julie nodded with a smile curling her lips. "He is. And he knows it."

"Well, good looking or not," again Ashlee trained a critical eye on Julie. "It still doesn't fit. That you, of all people, would be with a guy who... you know." Julie nodded in agreement. She didn't understand it any more than Ashlee. The two sat in silence for a moment before Ashlee pushed the issue.

"So?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

"So, what?"

"So how does a good looking bad boy get into Miss Perfect's pants?" Julie opened her mouth to protest, then closed it again. 'Miss Perfect?' Was that how Ashlee viewed her? Possibly. "You just aren't the type to, aah... let your emotions—or your hormones—make decisions for you."

"No, I'm not," Julie agreed, despite the evidence to the contrary. "And I still don't think I am, even after all this."

"So how did it..." Ashlee began, then her eyebrow arching, she switched questions. "Why did you keep going back?" Julie would have preferred it if Ashlee asked her how it first happened. That was something she could honestly say she didn't know. But the question Ashlee did ask... well, she knew the answer to that one. She just didn't want to say it out loud.

Greg made her feel a certain way that Gary never could. He made her want to do things, dirty, slutty things. But she wasn't about to admit that that to Ashlee.

Julie could feel the color rising in her cheeks. And damn if Ashlee didn't notice too.

"You're blushing," she teased, pointing toward Julie's cheek with her spoon. Julie tried unsuccessfully to suppress a guilty smile as the color continued to build in her face. "So there must be some embarrassing confession waiting to be made!"

"Don't hold your breath," Julie advised, still smiling and blushing.

"C'mon!" prodded Ashlee playfully. "You're probably dying to tell someone!" But Julie really wasn't. She had never been the kiss-and-tell type. And this... this would be far more mortifying to talk about. How could she tell someone that she loved being treated like a slut? That she got wet when Greg had held out his cock and told her to get down on her knees and suck it?

Of course, if anyone might really understand, Julie thought, Ashlee might. She had had her share of good looking jerk boyfriends. Maybe she would understand the attraction. She might even be able to explain it to Julie.

Julie looked at her friend. Ashlee was a few inches taller than Julie, with long, wavy straw blonde hair. She had soft brown eyes set in a narrow but pretty face. Her upper body was also thin, her shoulders narrow and her breasts small and perky. Her hips swelled in a very curvy, womanly fashion, but were not well-paired with her slender, less shapely upper body.

She was in her late twenties and kept herself in fairly good shape. She dressed nicely most of the time, but at times her clothes seemed a little trashy to Julie. Not that Julie was ever really critical. But hadn't Julie always derived a feeling of smug superiority concerning Ashlee's fashion and companionship choices?

But Julie had never really understood what a relationship with a dominant male was all about, had she? And now that she did, she looked at Ashlee with different eyes. Did Ashlee know what it was like to be ordered to her knees? Did Ashlee get as turned on as Julie did when she obediently did as she was told? Julie pushed the thought out of her head. She didn't want to think of Ashlee in such graphic terms.

And whatever understanding or insights Ashlee might have, Julie simply couldn't make herself talk about anything like that anyway. She didn't even want to listen to Ashlee talk about it, let alone talk about her own experiences.

"S'okay," Ashlee said, getting up and putting her bowl in the sink. "I'll make us some strong drinks tonight. That'll loosen that tongue of yours!" She gave a mocking maniacal cackle.

"Drinks would be nice," countered Julie. "But I'll warn you now, there isn't anything to tell, soo..."

"We'll see," Ashlee shot back.

After breakfast, Julie tried a couple times to call Gary, but he didn't answer. She returned to Greg's email and wondered what good could possibly come from her reluctance to delete it. She still didn't know how to reply. Or if she would. Or should. She closed her email, leaving his message in her in box.

It turned out that neither of the women had any pressing plans for the day, so they decided to go on a shopping excursion. Julie didn't really feel like doing anything or going anywhere, but she figured it would probably be better than sitting around. So she and Ashlee wandered off to a mall.

Julie had no desire to buy anything and Ashlee didn't seem to have anything particular in mind either. But it was a nice diversion for Julie and she was grateful to Ashlee for it.

By early afternoon, they were sitting in a chain restaurant drinking their lunch. They ordered food, but neither really ate. They both had a couple of belly-warming drinks though.

Soon after, they were back at Ashlee's, sitting in the living room with some concoction that Ashlee had whipped up in her blender. It smelled strongly of alcohol and Julie was only able to sip gingerly at it. But those sips, on top of the drinks from lunch, were enough to loosen her up. This time when Ashlee started prying and prodding, Julie still resisted, but she wasn't mortified the way she had been earlier.

Not that she was ready to volunteer any details, but she was at least able to talk about things in vague ways.

"So what is it about this guy?" Ashlee asked.

"I don't know," Julie answered truthfully enough. "But there is something." She admitted with a shrug. "It's like a... a physical reaction, or something. I just..." Julie didn't know how to say that she just got horny around him.

The more she thought about it, the more Julie believed that Ashlee would understand. Julie went back over the time she had known Ashlee and the kinds of boyfriends Ashlee had always had. They were often the sort of arrogant jerks that Julie had found difficult to tolerate. Pretty much the same way Greg had seemed to her at the very beginning.

Is that why Ashlee had dated guys like that? Julie had always chalked it up to self-esteem issues or some other flaw. But Julie saw things a little differently now, didn't she?

"Haven't you been around guys that... I don't know, brought out something in you?" Julie asked, turning the questions back toward Ashlee.

"Well, duh!" Ashlee laughed, sounding a little buzzed. "But that's me, and, well, I'm like that. But you..." she shook an accusing finger at Julie. "You're above all that, right?"

"Apparently not," Julie admitted with a wry grin. "But for what it's worth, it's a surprise to me too." She took a long sip of her drink. It was starting to taste a little less like turpentine. Or maybe it was starting to take effect.

"So what does he, uh... bring out in you?" Ashlee asked. The way she asked reminded Julie of the way people slowed down to shamelessly gawk at a traffic accident. Julie's life was analogous to a car wreck, wasn't it? And here was Ashlee, craning her neck to see all the blood and guts.

"I don't know," Julie said, trying to find a way to give some sort of answer. "It's just something... ah, more intense, you know? Different."

"First time a guy ever really rocked your world?"

Julie blinked. She started to shake her head, then stopped and thought about it a little more. Was that it? No, it was more than that. Greg rocked her world alright. But it wasn't that simple. He tapped into something in her. A slut. A submissive. Something.

"It's not quite like that," Julie said, still not sure how to convey the feelings with words. "But it's close."

"First time a guy didn't, ah... treat you like a princess?" Ashlee guessed. That was probably closer to the mark. Julie pursed her lips thoughtfully for a moment, then nodded. "And you liked it, didn't you?" There was a conspiratorial grin on Ashlee's face.

"Look, this guy was just different, okay?" Julie shot back, painfully aware of how defensive she sounded. "I guess I wasn't prepared for that."

"Hey, it's okay," Ashlee replied quickly. "I'm not judging. Hell, I'm not in any position to. What you just discovered is pretty much how every relationship has been for me."

Julie looked at Ashlee, then away. How much could Ashlee read in her face? Ashlee was all but confirming what Julie had been thinking earlier, that Ashlee loved the dominance of arrogant bad boy types. And presumably for the same reason Julie responded to Greg. There was a submissive slut in Ashlee that fed off of men like that. Just like in Julie.

Julie's thoughts flashed back to one of the last morning blow jobs she had given Greg. Julie had been dressed in her work clothes, a smart navy blue skirt and blazer outfit with a tight white blouse. She and Greg had kissed each other passionately in front of her full length mirror for a minute or two and then Julie had slid down to her knees.

The combination of factors that went into that act all added up to near perfection for Julie. She loved that she was wearing her work clothes, that she would be walking into her office in this very outfit. She loved the way Greg stood over her, towering powerfully, enhancing the feeling of being on her knees in a most obsequious manner. She loved how those two things, her clothes, a symbol of her power in the office, and kneeling, a symbol of her powerlessness before him, combined.

Then there was the dirty thrill of being a cocksucker. Of delighting in being a cocksucker. That wasn't something a nice girl was supposed to do, was it? And she wasn't a woman giving a gift to a man she loved, no. She was a slut sucking a cock. A long, thick cock.

And of course, Greg himself intensified all of those elements with his arrogance. The way he told her to do it as if there was no question that she would. The way he assumed that Julie would gratefully kneel before him. The way he watched expectantly as Julie accepted his cum in her mouth and swallowed it. Just that air about him that said he took her for granted. Knew she would never hesitate to please him in any way she could. And the most arousing thing about that was how true it all was.

She glanced up at Ashlee. It was quite possible that Ashlee had had similar experiences. Julie didn't want to think about it in too much detail, but she couldn't help wondering. She could even picture a couple of Ashlee's boyfriends and to the best of Julie's recollection, they fit the mold.

"So what do those guys bring out in you?" Julie asked, partly because she was curious, but more so to deflect more prying questions.

"Oh no," Ashlee replied with a smile. "This is my interrogation!" She laughed and took another sip of her potent drink. "I know what they bring out in me. The question is, did this guy have the same effect on you?"

"How can I answer that," responded Julie coyly, "without knowing what effect they have on you?"

"Oh just come clean!" laughed Ashlee. "You're so used to guys falling all over you! The kind that can't do enough to make you happy, right? And everyone who knows you knows how together you are, too. How in control you are." Ashlee gave Julie a look that was like a challenge, daring Julie to argue. "But this guy, he was different, wasn't he?"

Julie looked into Ashlee's eyes and saw something there. Comprehension? Understanding? Whatever it was, it made Julie feel naked and she quickly looked away.

"So?" Ashlee asked, her smile morphing into a knowing grin.

"So what?" Julie asked, feigning ignorance.

"So tell me how it felt."

"How what felt?"

"You know," Ashlee replied, her voice both sultry and accusing. "How did it feel? To let go, let him take charge?"

It was a rather insightful question, Julie thought. It reinforced her suspicion that Ashlee had far more experience in this type of relationship than Julie did. Julie felt the heat in her cheeks again, but not as pronounced this time. It was still embarrassing that Ashlee could see through her so easily, but it was a little more obvious now why she could. And Julie had been sipping at her potent drink for a while now too.

"It was... different," Julie answered, chickening out. She had been about to try to explain, and then resorted to a bland description. Ashlee waited, looking at her expectantly, but Julie couldn't bring herself to elaborate.

"Oh, I'm sure it was different," Ashlee pressed when it became obvious that Julie wasn't going to volunteer more information. "You're used to guys who hold doors for you, bring you flowers and take your mind as seriously as your body. If not more so," she added with a slight laugh.

All of that was true, Julie conceded with a nod. Not that Gary didn't think she was good looking, sexy even. But Ashlee was right... Gary was always took Julie seriously and was very respectful.

And Greg? How much respect was involved in telling Julie to suck his cock? Wasn't that what really turned her on? That he didn't show her the kind of respect Gary did?

"So this guy," Ashlee persisted, "he, uh... he's not the type to hold doors or bring flowers, is he?"

"No," Julie answered, shaking her head, a nervous smile on her lips.

"And in the bedroom?"

"I'm sure you already know the answer to that," Julie countered, trying not to sound as defensive as she felt.

"No, but if you're done with him," Ashlee shot back with a devilish grin, "I wouldn't mind finding out!"

They lapsed into silence for a moment, sipping their drinks and thinking their own thoughts. Then Ashlee looked up.

"So you really aren't going to tell me?"

"Jesus!" Julie replied, effecting more indignation than she really felt. "I'm a little more worried about Gary and how to fix things up with him. You want to be helpful, maybe we could talk about that!"

Ashlee looked at her thoughtfully for a moment. Then she scooted to the edge of her seat and looked at Julie earnestly.

"Look, if you want to patch things up with Gary, I think that's great," she said in a tone that left Julie wondering just how 'great' Ashlee really thought it would be. "But consider a couple things. First, what you had, uh... have, with Gary, well... that's all about, you know... trust, and all. Even if you two stay together, well... you're not going to have that anymore." She paused, letting Julie absorb the words.

Ashlee was dead on about trust. Trust was like a ceramic vase. It was strong and sturdy until you shattered it into a million pieces. And once it was broken, you might be able to glue it back together again, but it would never be whole.

"And second," Ashlee continued, giving Julie a meaningful look. "You know something about yourself that you didn't know before." Ashlee looked like she wanted to elaborate on that last point, but she didn't.

Not that she needed to. It was something Julie had already recognized. She had passed a threshold, and she could never fully return to being who she was.

Ashlee's comment also seemed to reveal something that Julie had suspected at times: that Ashlee didn't really have much respect for Gary. It was almost subliminal, perhaps, confined largely to body language and jokes—jokes that might not have been entirely jokes. It was a phenomenon to which Julie had hardly ever given conscious consideration.

Either Julie just wanted her husband and her friend to get along, so in her mind she glossed over the symptoms. Or Ashlee's well-hidden contempt for Gary was something that Julie only understood now, after having been with the sort of man that Ashlee did respect. Didn't Julie herself feel a little bit of contempt toward Gary's overly-considerate nature? Hadn't she found his wishy-washiness chafing?

Yes. But only after having been with Greg.

Having reached an impasse on Julie's sex life, their conversation turned to more mundane things. But even as they chatted about more comfortable subjects, Julie's mind was still on Greg. And Ashlee's astute assessments of how he affected Julie.