Junky Chronicles Ch. 02

"A scrapbook Megan made for me. She mentioned it in her letter. It's supposed to be in a box here somewhere." Natalie felt tears well up in her eyes as she handled Megan's things.

"Can I help?" Devon knelt down beside her and touched her arm lightly. Natalie burrowed her face in her available hand and broke down. Devon sat down and pulled her into his arms.

Right there between Megan's clothes, Megan's soft jasmine smell hung in the air. Natalie sobbed as Devon held on to a shaking Natalie. Kaz and Alice appeared in the doorway, without saying a word they joined Devon and formed a circle around Natalie.

"We are going to work through this," Kaz said rubbing her back.

"And we love you, no matter what," Alice added, her hand on Natalie's leg.

"And we will always have your back, no matter what." Devon hugged her tighter.

"Besides, a day will come where you will laugh again and you won't stop. We will be there laughing with you." Kaz said very convincingly.

Natalie spoke between sobs in a muffled voice from her face in Devon's chest, "Anyone have a joint?"

Kaz wanted to laugh, "Do you still even have to ask?"

"That sounds like a good idea. we'll come for the box later," Devon said, desperate to get his friend out of this very intense reminder.

They walked to the lapa and Devon rolled the joint, while Alice pulled Natalie in between her legs and wrapped her arms around her friend. The smell immediately tickled Natalie's senses and she felt a large need for this relief. As usual the joint passed around in circles and when it reached Natalie she felt her mouth watering. She took one large drag, held it in and started coughing when she let it out, when the coughing subsided she took another large drag and held it in even longer as she passed it back to Devon. She felt the familiar tingling in her muscles as her entire body began to relax and she rested even harder into Alice's body. When Alice put her arms tighter around Natalie she suddenly felt safe. Natalie found it impossible to laugh at the usual banter when they were stoned out of their minds. Instead Natalie found herself looking for Megan, waiting for her to come walking past the pool, fighting with them that they didn't wait for her smoke the joint. As Natalie stared at that part next to pool, she could have sworn the outlines of Megan appeared. Only Devon noticed this as he looked to the same spot. He also could have sworn that he saw those same outlines and figured that it was Megan's way of saying that they were doing a good job so far. At that moment simultaneous tears ran down Devon and Natalie's cheeks as he they looked at each other in understanding.

Devon looked at Natalie and realized that he still loved her more than anything in this world and that if it wasn't for her sexual orientation he would have been the happiest man alive with her by his side. Suddenly he dwelt in his own world. He understood why Megan loved her so much. Everyday in Natalie's presence was a gift even when she was as broken as she was at this moment in her life. He missed Megan dearly, her presence was always felt and the way she looked at Natalie was enough to melt any person's heart and then there was the way Natalie was around her and the way her eyes lit up. He wished he could find love like that, even though he and Michelle have been together for seven years, he never felt that way about her, and lately he'd been doubting his love for Michelle even more. Adding to that factor was that Michelle hated Devon spending so much time with his friend that was going through hell. Apparently Michelle didn't understand what Natalie meant to him and that he would choose her over anyone and anything any day of the week.

Kaz's mind was dwelling in a complete different direction. She had this amazing news that she was dying to share with her friends. None of them even noticed that she had passed on smoking, but she understood considering the emotions going around. The one person she wanted to share it with was Natalie, but considering that Natalie had just lost her own child along with her wife, Kaz felt insensitive simply considering sharing the news of her pregnancy. She only found out yesterday, but if things were different now, she knew that Natalie would have sat by her while she took the test.

Natalie sat there in Alice's arms, all she could think about was Megan. How that shape had appeared before her eyes, Megan was smiling at her and knew that Devon saw it too. That only meant that it was real, unless Devon and Natalie had the exact same hallucination, which was highly improbable. That hole in her heart only seemed to grow bigger by the day, she didn't know how she would ever work through those five stages of grief; denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and finally, acceptance. Natalie doubted that she would move past stage four. She will forever be stuck in lost time with Megan.

"Since I am now more relaxed than I have been a while, tell me what's been going in your lives?" Natalie desperately needed the distraction from the vision she just had.

"Not much," Devon said, still distracted by his own thoughts.

"Please just indulge me. Take my mind off of everything," Natalie pleaded.

Devon looked at everyone as they remained silent, "Well I'm growing more and more uncertain about my relationship with Michelle. She is so jealous about the fact that I spend so much time with all of you. It's like she actually believes that Natalie and I would get back together," Natalie suddenly burst out laughing at that insanity.

Everyone looked at her. They knew it was probably the weed but just to hear that sweet laugh again was like music to their ears.

"Oh my God, she really thinks that? I guess my obvious sexual orientation never tipped her off that I am not attracted to you anymore," Natalie tried desperately to have a few laughs with her friends, if she didn't the fun part of her die would die completely.

The rest joined in the laughter, savoring this moment because they didn't know when it might happen again.

"She's just being anal if you ask me." Devon said dryly.

"Oh thinking about it, there's something I've wanted to ask you for a long time and now that I actually don't care about the answer is," Natalie gave an evil smile to Devon.

"Something tells me I'm to regret this, but ask away," Devon braced himself.

"Dev, I always wondered, how kinky does Michelle get? I mean Kaz and I spent nights arguing about it. She says that Michelle probably initiates all the sex stuff, but I think you do all the kinky shit," Natalie blushed as she said the words aloud and Kaz burst out laughing. Even Alice was shaking with laughter behind her.

"I knew I was going to regret it, okay how to answer this. Well Kaz is partly correct and so are you Nat, but I kind of love being taken control of." He blushed severely.

"That settles that then," Kaz said, although she absolutely loved her friends, she hated the sex talk.

"You're still not comfortable with the sex topic hey?" Alice asked with a bout of sympathy.

"Not at all. I've known those two for almost sixteen years, twelve years of them being gay, and I can't get used to it," Kaz said in all honesty.

"I still don't understand how the very conservative and private you became with loud and insane people like us, but I love it. You keep us in check," Natalie smiled at her friend.

"I ask myself that everyday, but you are great friends when you put the sex talk aside."

Devon rolled another joint and lit it, he passed it to Kaz who declined the offer. Natalie looked at her quizzically while she took the joint and dragged it deeply before passing it to Alice.

"Why are you not smoking?" Natalie asked Kaz, seemingly worried.

"Someone needs to keep you in check," Kaz smiled.

"And now for the real reason? Come on, Kaz. We've known each other for more than half our lives, you know you can tell us anything." Natalie reassured.

Kaz took a deep breath and prepared to drop the bomb, "I don't want to seem insensitive, but I am dying to share it with you," She hesitated for a moment but pressed on, "I'm, well, I'm pregnant!" Much to Kaz's surprise Natalie jumped up and ran to her friend.

"Oh my God! Congratulations! I am so happy for you, really I am. Just promise me one thing?" Kaz hugged her friend, tears in her eyes at her friend's true happiness.

"Anything," She responded.

"I get to be the crazy, loving godmother." Natalie still held her friend close.

"Naturally! Did you honestly think that I would have anyone else do that?"

Devon and Alice waited until the moment was over before saying their own congratulations to Kaz. The rest of the afternoon went in a similar way. Natalie kept her high up to keep the emotions at bay and shared in her friends' lives for the rest of the day. When Kaz and Alice returned home Devon and Natalie returned to Megan's closet to continue their search for that box.

Chapter Eighteen July 2006

Natalie and Devon spent a long time looking for the box, but failed to find it. Natalie wondered if Megan hadn't moved after she had written the letter and Natalie didn't know where to start looking. She figured that she'd find it when the time was right. Natalie had nothing to occupy her time and she became seemingly more depressed, when she felt down she rolled a joint, poured a stiff drink and simply sat back, allowing her mind to become numb and slow. Natalie had found that it helped, so the week had passed in a blurry drunken-high.

Alice had spent the night at Natalie's place while Kaz and Devon attempted to reconcile with their loved ones. Natalie made coffee, cursed at the sling for the hundredth time and when she prepared to roll a joint she realized that they were out of marijuana. "We need to get to a dealer," Natalie stated as Alice entered the kitchen. "Let's eat first. Then we can go," Alice yawned and grabbed her coffee. Alice proceeded to make breakfast. She loved having her days off and when that was done they both ate and drove to their dealer. Natalie bought about 10 grams of marijuana to last her the week and Alice bought some cocaine and rocks. Everyone knew that she used it recreationally sometimes and apparently today her need had arisen.

The dealer was a middle aged, balding white man. His house always filled with a variety of people doing different drugs. The place gave both Natalie and Alice the chills. He sold good weed though, so they kept returning.

When they returned from the dealer Natalie started rolling a joint as fat as a gorilla finger. Alice was cutting some rocks, "Put some of this on," Alice suggested, desperate for a proper high. Natalie held the joint out to Alice and she added about a 1/4 of a gram to the joint. Natalie sealed it and sat back preparing to light it. Under any other circumstances Natalie would never do anything like this, but she was desperate to feel something other than emptiness and the temporary calm marijuana gave her seemed like a viable alternative. Her eyes focused on the flame of the lighter bringing it closer to the tip of the joint hanging from her lips. When she heard the soft crackling sound she inhaled deeply to take in the first hit. She immediately felt the effects starting, not knowing what to expect but it tasted just like regular marijuana. She took three deep pulls and passed it to Alice who was sitting next to her. Natalie sunk deeper into the couch, feeling all of her senses liven and numb at the same time. She felt one with the couch and her surroundings.

Natalie's eyes traveled to the ceiling, feeling her inhibitions flee from her slowly. Her heart rate increased and her body temperature immediately rose while her pupils became dilated. She reverted her eyes to Alice and watched her experience the same feelings of euphoria. Alice slumped down in the couch next to Natalie, breathing deeply while Natalie took another couple of pulls. They sat in silence for what they thought to an eternity but was only a few minutes. Natalie closed her eyes while she experienced this new found euphoria. Familiar feelings of excitement and thrills were amplified, her mind opened to new possibilities. The tingling started in the pit of her stomach and traveled down to her crotch. Suddenly Natalie was so turned she would fuck anything on two legs. Her eyes flew open when she felt the sudden burst of energy flowing through her nerves. She felt revved-up, in control and completely buzzed.

Alice smiled while she watched Natalie rock through the waves of her high, how she was experiencing every feeling, every moment and every effect with a wonder that could only possess a new born baby experiencing the world for the first time. Alice knew what to expect, but somehow doing this with Natalie was making it different. Her hormones kicked into high gear every time she looked at the beautiful woman next to her. She knew that soon all of their inhibitions would be stripped away, the high would control them body, mind and soul. But what Natalie did next Alice could never have dreamed. Alice was still in awe of the beautiful creature next to her when suddenly and unexpectedly she found Natalie's lips on her own. 'God this is so much better than I ever fantasized,' was the only thought crossing her mind. The logical side of Alice's mind tried to break through and tell her that this was simply the drugs and not Natalie, but she silenced it quickly when she felt Natalie's tongue enter her mouth with a feverish passion. Alice threw her arms around Natalie's neck and kissed her back hard, trying very hard not to hurt Natalie's injured shoulder. Natalie started opening her sling and once all of the catches were undone she flung it away without breaking the kiss. Her shirt followed soon after and then Alice's flew through the air.

They undressed each other fast and rough, never denying the urgency they both felt. Natalie pushed Alice down on her back, her injury long forgotten. She worked her mouth down Alice's neck, biting her hard, thinking that she will only do the foreplay that's necessary. Megan was the only one with whom she took her time, 'no, now is not the time to think about your wife.' Natalie suppressed the thoughts while she quickly kissed down Alice's body. Spending the minimal time on her perfectly light and puffy pink nipples, working her way down to what she wanted to taste at this moment. There was no teasing, no beating around the bush. She immediately started working Alice's clit while working three fingers deep inside her.

"Oh God," Alice moaned loudly, digging her nails deeply into Natalie's back.

Natalie used brutal force, her anger and depression being let out. She had a rhythm, her knuckles slamming into Alice's labia with each forceful thrust. Alice loved the pain and it drove her over the edge completely. Natalie added another finger, curling her thumb and forming a fist, she thrust hard and her fist went into Alice up to her wrist. Without giving Alice time to adjust she thrust harder and harder until Alice drew blood by digging her nails deep into Natalie's back. Every time Alice would experience an orgasm bright colors would explode in front of her, causing everything to appear in technicolor.

She stopped counting how many times she came, even forgetting who it was between her legs, until Natalie moved up from between her legs and rested her body weight on top of her. Natalie kissed Alice while she started grinding her hips into Alice, hard and rough, desperate for release. Alice easily picked up Natalie's rhythm and Natalie exploded the moment Alice's pubic bone came onto contacted with her clit. They fucked for hours until they felt the effects of the drug subside.

"Wow," Alice said breathlessly.

"I swear I saw stars," Natalie responded.

"The rush is gone, but what a rush it was," Alice smiled.

"I can't believe this just happened," Natalie said avoiding eye contact.

"Oh God, we totally screwed up," Alice replied shocked.

"Jesus, we did yes. Let's just forget it happened," Natalie said fighting tears.

"Probably the best," Alice said swiping a tear from her eye.

"What time is it?" Natalie asked with a yawn.

"It's half past six," Alice said, not realizing how much time had gone by.

"Shit, Kaz and Dev are going to be here soon," Natalie rushed to shower and Alice did the same, knowing that Devon and Kaz would be over at any moment. Natalie couldn't decide whether or not she regretted what had happened, but realized that she did need it. She was still feeling the effects of the rocks and weed but at a lower intensity. She stood in the shower, water running over her body. She got out and dried off, she barely got into her sweatpants and shirt and refastened her sling before Kaz came into her room.

Chapter Nineteen August 2006

The night resumed as normal with idle chat and food. Alice had disappeared before Natalie came out of her room. Natalie wondered what damage had been done to their friendship by this sudden drug infused act. Those thoughts soon disappeared when she got into her bed lying next to Megan's photo. Regret coursed through her, yet she knew that she had to take the necessary steps to overcome her agony. Megan was gone, she could not deny it anymore. There she was in her bed alone again. Natalie was a hollow shell, one filled by ghosts that haunted her entire being. Soon Natalie fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

The following morning Natalie awoke to the sound of the alarm. She pressed the button and turned to go back to sleep. Not long after Kaz entered the room and placed a steaming cup of coffee on the pedestal.

"Your appointment is in an hour, come on, let's get those staples and stitches removed," Kaz said.

"Sleep," was all Natalie mumbled in return. Her back was throbbing where Alice had dug her nails into Natalie's skin, her abdomen muscles ached from the excursion and her head felt like I would easily split in two.

"Come on, Nat," Kaz said shaking her friend.

Reluctantly Natalie sat up, her eyes burning and her head heavy. She sipped her coffee, showered, got dressed and they were on their way to the hospital again. Dr. Simons walked toward them and Natalie once again marveled at her beauty.

"Hey Nat, how are you doing today?" she asked, smiling sincerely.

"Surviving I suppose," Natalie said in response.

Natalie followed the doctor to a room and sat on the bed. Dr. Simons helped her remove her shirt and gently made her lie back so she could get to work. They made small talk during the procedure and Natalie felt each staple and stitch leave her body.

"These are going to be ugly scars," Dr. Simon's said, looking at the toned body before her.

"Shit happens," was all Natalie said.

Dr. Simons felt a sudden urge to comfort and protect the woman lying before her. She wanted to kiss the pain away and hold this broken woman close while wiping away her tears. Dr. Simons had to shake her head to return her thoughts to present. Natalie dressed and they left the room together.

"Thank you, Dr. Simons," Kaz said hugging the doctor.

"It's a pleasure and call me Ashley," she responded with a soft smile.

They made some more small talk and soon they left. Once home Kaz had to go to work and Alice came over. At first things were awkward, but soon they returned to their usual routines. Soon they went to the dealer again, this time however Natalie needed something stronger and bought heroin, much to Alice's dismay.

The heroin had been cleaned and all they had to do was heat it and inject. They put about 2 grams of powder on a teaspoon, holding a lighter beneath it to warm it and turn it to liquid. Once it bubbled Natalie took a syringe and sucked half of it into the syringe. She attached the needle, tied a strap around her arm to get a vein and injected the brown liquid into her veins. Alice did the same and soon they were both lost in their high.