Just Lovers

[sequel to "Just Friends"]

It only took the span of one weekend to become lovers, and, considering it had taken us years to admit to any sexual attraction, I considered that fairly impressive. It is, right? It was like there he was, sitting on the sofa, just a friend. And then, within hours, he was naked in my shower and I had his essence deep inside of me for the very first time. Ever. It was an amazing feeling of physical desire and sexual fulfillment, mixed with deep, victoriousness. I wanted to cheer, to clap, to jump up and down. Instead, I simply wrapped my legs around his waist and thanked the Goddess that he was naked, in my shower, deep inside me.

Seemed easier that way.

As I write this, Amberly is standing behind me laughing her ass off. Apparently, it's funny that Paul and I are now lovers. At least, Amberly seems to think so. I find it just as amusing that she and Chris nearly knocked the walls of our apartment straight to the ground with their grinding, gyrating, mad monkey love, and yet, she's barely spoken a word to him since the boys left for home after that weekend. I don't mean it harsh, because, let's face it, Chris has called her no less than a dozen times in the past month. He's called, sent flowers, sent cards, even sent messages to Amberly via Paul when he comes to visit me.

She's ignored it all.

I don't really understand this, or her, for that matter. When you meet someone in this crazy world, and you find your soul relating to their soul- no matter the level- why toss that away? Why toss it all out the door over useless, pathetic, petty ffpolkgf;klfl,dff

Amberly grabbed the keyboard away from her friend, and unplugged the device from the small computer. She smirked as Jennifer glared at her, sitting on the guest bed behind the computer and crossing her legs slowly. "I don't think it's appropriate to judge my situation, thank you very much. In fact, since when did I become the hot topic of interest in your online journal, Jen?"

Jennifer bit one of her jagged fingernails and sighed. "You're not, Am, I'm just updating the story of that weekend."

Her friend raised her eyebrows and continued her harsh stare. "The story of that weekend? Does that mean that anyone who reads that stupid journal of yours knows about...."

"No," Jennifer corrected. "It's set to Private. Only I can read the entry, only I know what I wrote and what happened."

Amberly nodded slowly. "So, none of our friends know about that weekend?"

"Not unless you or I, or Paul or Chris, told them," Jennifer winced. "Can I have my keyboard back, please?"

Amberly sighed and handed Jennifer back the black keyboard. She uncrossed her legs and placed her elbows onto her knees, exhaling slowly as she watched Jennifer reattach the instrument. "What does Paul say?" she inquired softly.

"About?" Jennifer raised an eyebrow and tested the keys to make sure she had plugged the equipment in properly.

"That weekend. Chris and I. Does he...feel the way you do?" Amberly tried to formulate her thoughts, slowly.

Jennifer inhaled, bit her lip and swiveled her chair around to face her best friend. "Amberly, I think it's safe to say that Paul and I feel exactly the same on the matter. You and Chris got along famously that weekend. I know you're attracted to Chris, I know he's attracted to you. He has done everything in his power to get in contact with you, but you've effectively avoided him for just over a month now. I do my best to stay out of it, Paul does his best, but the two of you are driving me- and Paul- nuts. Why is it that you suddenly don't want to talk to Christopher? What did he do?"

"It's silly, okay?" Amberly sighed, sitting up and crossing her legs again. She leaned back onto the bed and laughed nervously, focusing her gaze to the ceiling. "He asked me to marry him."

"What?" Jennifer stammered, her breath catching in her throat.

"He asked me to marry him," Amberly repeated softly. "We were laying in bed, Sunday morning. He got up and was collecting his stuff from around the room, standing there naked, playing with his duffel bag. He gazed up from that bag of stuff, and he just...asked me. Like that."

Jennifer felt her eyes grow wide. "Amberly, that's wonderful!"

Amberly shook her head. "Jen, I can't. I told him no. I adore Chris, I think he's wonderful. He will make some girl exceptionally happy one day. He's smart, he's hysterical, and he's handsome. He has a beautiful body..." her voice trailed off. "He knows how to use it, too, and that's a great thing." Jennifer did not laugh, and so Amberly sighed and continued. "I'm happy when I'm with Chris, but I'm not happy enough when I'm with him to want to marry him. Does that make sense?"

"No," Jennifer frowned. "It makes no sense whatsoever. You have the perfect man, you know he's the perfect man, and you're going to toss him away? Just like that?"

"He's not perfect for me," Amberly corrected, a tear forming in her right eye. "I want you to understand me, Jennifer. I want you to understand how I feel. I hurt Chris by saying no, and I didn't want to hurt him. I do love Chris, I do. But I'm not in love with him, and I don't know that I'll ever be in love with him. Don't you understand that?"

Jennifer shook her head slowly, reaching her hand out and placing it comfortingly atop Amberly's thigh. "Amber, I love you, please don't cry. I want to understand how you feel, too, but I just don't. Most women wait their entire lives for what you have with Chris, for someone as wonderful as Chris. And you're telling me that you're going to throw that away- without even trying, without even dating him- and you're not even fully sure why?"

Amberly nodded, pushing Jennifer's hand off her thigh and standing. "I'm sorry, Jen. I don't want this to come between you and Paul, and what you two have. I'll...try to talk to Chris, okay? Try to explain something to him so he's not always calling, or sending stuff here. Okay?"

"I'm not worried about any of that, Amber," Jennifer sighed and followed her friend out into their kitchen. "I don't care if Chris calls every day, I don't care. I want to know what's....wrong? Something's wrong, Amberly, and I know you too well for you to hide it from me."

Amberly nodded, reached into the refrigerator and extracted the bottle of Diet Coke. "I'm sorry, Jen, but there's nothing wrong. I know you're worried, but I'm fine. I really am." She sniffled, wiped her face with the back of her hand, and poured herself a large glass of the liquid.

Jennifer nodded her head and turned to exit the room. "If you change your mind, I'll be inside writing, okay?"

"Jen?" Amberly called, her voice soft and pleading.

"Yeah?" Jennifer tried to smile reassuringly, as she turned to face her friend.

"Please don't, like....Please don't write about me in your thing, okay? It makes me uncomfortable," Amberly frowned and turned her gaze to the wooden panels of their kitchen flooring.

Jennifer nodded, offering a slow smile. "I won't, Amber, I won't." She exited the kitchen and returned to her office space, saving her document and shutting the monitor of the computer off before reaching for her cell phone and dialing the familiar number. The phone gave three rings before the individual on the other end picked up, and Jennifer could hear a menagerie of voices before she heard the familiar, comforting sound of her lover's deep greeting.

His voice conveyed his smile, and she heard the background noise dissipate as he spoke a simple, "What's up, babe?"

"Something's wrong with Amberly," Jennifer offered, opting not to beat around the bush and instead be blunt. She heard him swallow back his anxiety, and a calming wave came over his voice. "Something's wrong with Chris, too. He's been staring at the floor a lot. In practice, he's not hitting as hard as he used to. He's not into it the way he used to be, I dunno, Jen, I dunno," he trailed off. "The other guys are getting fed up with him, I think. I mean, I know, but....They're trying to be understanding."

Jennifer nodded and clutched her cell phone tightly. "She told me that he proposed that morning, but she turned him down outright." She began to bite her pinkie nervously, waiting for his response. He thought on the matter, before offering, "Chris told me that, too."

"And?" Jennifer sighed. "What did he say?" There was some rustling on the other end of the line, and then she heard Paul greet another male. "I have to get back to you on that," he offered, and Jennifer giggled. "Can't talk about it right now?" she smiled. "No," he laughed. "Maybe later."

"Paul?" Jennifer pleaded softly, curling up against the headboard of the extra bed, sighing into her cell and closing her eyes for the moment. His response was equally soft, and she heard the unmistakable exhalation of cigarette smoke. He was smoking. "Yeah, babe?" She took the moment to berate him for his unhealthy habit, and then proceeded. "I miss you," she sighed. "I miss you a lot."

"I miss you, too," he laughed, exhaling another large plume of smoke. "I miss you in the shower, I miss you in bed. I miss you when you wake me up at five in the morning with my cock already in your mouth." Jennifer laughed, but opened her eyes and shook her head disapprovingly. "Seriously," she sighed. "I miss you."

He laughed and she heard more rustling sounds. "I miss you too, Jennifer. Seriously. I'm sorry I can't be there right now, but we have to rehearse these songs before we go into the studio. This shit is important."

"I know," Jennifer sighed. "I know. I'm not questioning that, Paul. Your music is your-"

"Life," he interrupted. "It's my life."

Jennifer nodded into her phone. "Don't you ever miss being able to do what you want to do? Don't you miss being able to go out for the weekend, and not have to be back to work till Monday?"

"No," Paul frowned. "I don't. I have the best job in the world, and any sacrifices I make for it...I make willingly and happily."

"I know," Jennifer sighed, knowing that tears were slipping slowly down her pale pink cheeks. "I know."

"Alright, look. I'm sorry to do this to you," he sighed, but she already heard him moving around, the background noise returning. "But I really have to get back in there. I'm rehearsing my pieces on this new track, and we're set to start recording tomorrow morning. I really have to get this down before I get in there, okay? I'm sorry, Jennifer."

She felt her heart sink, and simply offered "I love you" before she pulled the cell phone from her ear and ended their conversation. She curled up into a tight ball atop the guest bed, and fell deep into a sleep permeated with thoughts of all the memories she and Paul had accrued here in this room. From her finding him reading her e-mail, to their trysts atop this bed, to their times when they would cuddle underneath a blanket and read poetry together. She missed him when he wasn't near, and felt equally confused when he was in her arms.

She was damned, fully and totally.

She felt someone shaking her back into the day, and opened her eyelids enough to make out Amberly's figure standing above her. She blinked and stared up at her friend. "Jen?" Amberly whispered softly. "Jennifer, you fell asleep in here and...were you crying?"

Jennifer stretched slowly, wiping her hands slowly over her eyes and wincing at the overpowering sunlight leaking from the shades. She ran her hands through her hair, and moved her legs slowly over the top of the mattress. "No?"

"You looked like you were upset," Amberly sighed, tugging down the shades and blocking out the offensive sunset. "I didn't know if I should wake you, but then you started....You were talking in your sleep, and it sounded kind of like a nightmare."

Jennifer sat up and craned her neck slowly to each side, watching her friend with intrigue. "Oh?"

Amberly shrugged as she switched on the computer and took the seat at its desk. "You were having a conversation with Paul, in your sleep."

Jennifer smiled at the thought, and laughed softly. "Was I?"

"Didn't sound like a nice one, either," Amberly frowned, then patted her friend's leg. "So I decided to end it for you, before it got nasty."

Jennifer nodded and stood up to stretch. "Thankfully, I don't remember it."

"I won't remind you," Amberly laughed, clicking on the small duck icon that denoted her computer settings. "So, while you were asleep, I called Chris. We talked, yadda yadda, I think things are alright."

Jennifer sat back down on the bed, inching backward and tucking her legs underneath her small body. "What'd you say?"

Amberly continued clicking keys, and staring at the computer. She was opening her e-mail as she spoke. "Well, I tried to explain to him that I want to be...just lovers. I think he understands, although, I will tell you he doesn't agree. He wants more." She paused, and Jennifer nodded. "He says that he feels like he's cheating on me whenever he looks at another girl, so he doesn't look. I told him that, firstly, what girls are there in that studio where they are? I mean, let's be serious. The only girls in that studio or anywhere near that studio are Angelina and Linzi, and do you think Angelina or Linz are looking at Christopher?"

Jennifer snorted and scratched her right temple. "I doubt it, highly. In fact, if Linz ever looked at another man, I'd probably faint."

"Right," Amberly nodded, and clicked open an e-mail from her sister. "So, I told him it's okay to look and that it won't bother me if he does. Then I told him that I do love him, but just as a friend. I wanted him to understand that, but he, umm, he doesn't."

"Oh?" Jennifer raised an eyebrow.

Amberly spoke casually as she skimmed the contents of the e-mail, sighing loudly as she continued. "Well, he cried some. Umm, yeah, he cried."

"He did?" Jennifer raised her eyebrows further.

"Yeah," Amberly sighed. "He, umm, he wants to be a family, he says."

"A couple," Jennifer corrected, eyeing her friend curiously.

"Right, a couple," Amberly sighed, beginning to slowly type a response to her sister. "So, he cried and I tried to explain where I was coming from. I think we agreed to be friends and to drop the idea of a relationship. He said he'd like to come visit once his drum tracks are done, and I told him I'd pick his scrawny ass up at the airport if he did. So, yeah. That's...what happened."

"There's something you're not telling me," Jennifer stated flatly.

Amberly sat up straight in her chair and turned to face her friend. "Why do you say that?"

Jennifer shrugged. "Because you're very blasé about this, and you are never blasé, Amberly. Something is missing from this story."

Amberly wrinkled her nose. "I told you the story, Jen. He wants to get married, I want to be friends. We talked, it's figured out, end of story."

Jennifer sighed loudly and crossed her arms over her chest. "Then why do I feel like you just told me a very nice, very colorful tale that amounts to a large heap of-"

"Jen?" Amberly interrupted, gazing cruelly at her friend. "Stop that sentence right there. Why would I lie to you?"

"I have no idea," Jennifer sighed, standing up and walking toward the door. "But you just did. I'm sure of it."

"Where are you going?" Amberly objected, watching her roommate's body slowly trail down the hallway.

"To read," Jennifer called back. "It's more enlightening than watching you answer your e-mail."

Amberly laughed at this, and clicked "Send" on her response. She felt bad that Jennifer didn't believe her; felt like a bad friend, in fact, for leaving out details. Everything about the Chris saga seemed to lend itself to a Lifetime Movie of the Week. In fact, she was starting to wonder if she, too, should open up a journal and start writing about her life. It might release some of the pent up tension she felt, some of the....pain. Carrying the burden of secrets had never been easy, and she wanted to cry on Jennifer's shoulder but had thought better of that idea many a night. Telling Jennifer would mean telling Paul. Which would, ultimately, mean telling Chris.

"Am?" she heard Jennifer call, and she quickly wiped the tears from her eyes. "Yeah?" she called back.

"I'm thinking of flying to L.A. next weekend. Surprising Paul, you know?" Jennifer offered, her voice growing closer and closer until she appeared in the small doorway. "What do you think?"

Amberly forced a smile. "I'm sure he'd like that a lot. Have you run the idea past him?"

"Well," Jennifer paused, biting her bottom lip in contemplation. "No, I haven't. But he says he misses me, and I miss him. So I thought it'd be fun, you know, go out there, see Paul, see Linz and the boys."

Amberly shrugged with a playful smile. "That should be a blast, Jen. Go for it."

Jennifer nodded happily. "Good, cause I already booked the flight."

The two girls erupted into laughter, and Amberly sighed with great amusement. "When?"

"It's been booked for a week," Jennifer smiled. "I planned ahead."

Amberly erupted into more laughter, and, for the first time in weeks, she was genuinely happy.

* * *

How do I fairly depict what I witnessed? There is a blatant description to what my eyes saw, the physical conjoining of two bodies in a nondescript hotel bed. A penis entering slowly into a saturated vagina, legs wrapped around hips, hands placed on sweaty skin. Two bodies moving together as one. Then there is the obvious, emotional reaction to my viewing: and with that, comes a mix of emotions.

I prefer to think of the physics of the situation, the interlocked anatomies. I wince at the thought, get hot at the thought. Is that wrong of me? Afterall, I cannot speak of what I saw or I will destroy my friend. If I utter an ounce, I will break one of my best friend's hearts. I will destroy his relationship, and crush the lives of four of the people I love most.

What do I do?

What do I do?

"Are you done?" he grumbled, tapping an impatient finger on the back of his laptop.

Jennifer increased the speed of her typing, and sighed at his lack of patience. "Almost. I just want to finish this."

"You realize," he sighed, flopping onto the hotel bed beside her. "That if anyone ever reads that journal entry you're writing, that you will make a lot of people very unhappy?"

Jennifer nodded slowly and saved the document. "Paul, do you realize what we just witnessed? Do you even understand the ramifications of what was going on in that room?"

Paul nodded and grinned. "Joel was fucking one of the hottest chicks I ever did see."

"She's your band mate's fiancée, Paul," Jennifer objected, snapping the laptop shut and placing it on their bedside table. "What we saw, if anyone ever found out, it would destroy Benji's life. It would crush everything Angelina has ever known for the past three years, and-"

"She shouldn't have been fucking Joel then," Paul objected.

"True," Jennifer agreed. "But the consequences of this infidelity are far reaching."

"You talk like a college professor," Paul laughed, sliding down onto the bed and resting his head on her hip. "It's quite a turn on, you know?"

"I'm serious," Jennifer laughed, swatting at his dark hair playfully. "Come on."

"Oh, I intend to come," he snickered, wrinkling his nose and placing his hand on her abdomen. "I fully intend to come. The question is, on what? Your breasts, maybe? Maybe on your..." his voice trailed off and Jennifer sighed loudly. "Paul, stop!"

Paul raised his head away from her body and frowned. "What's wrong, Jen? Why are you always so serious lately? Huh? I'm just trying to have fun with you, while you're here."

Jennifer nodded. "I know, Paul, I know. Can we, maybe, have fun outside this room for a while?"

Paul cocked an eyebrow and sat up. "Oh?"

"I'm just...." Jennifer's voice trailed off. "I'd really like...."