Justine Ch. 01

Justine Graves woke up sore and disoriented. She remembered going out with her friend against her better judgment. She knew that she had an early morning meeting with the partners of the law firm that she was a junior partner at but dinner and drinks with her best friend and fellow junior partner Pam was too hard to pass up.

"Come on Justine, we'll be home early." Pam begged.

Early turned out to be about midnight and both of them had way too much to drink. Justine rolled out of bed and headed toward the shower moving slowly because of the pounding in her head.

"What in the hell was I thinking?" she asked herself as she stripped.

The hot water felt good as it hit her aching head and neck and then ran down her back. As her sore muscles began to relax she promised herself that she wouldn't let Pam con her into going out on a weeknight again. As she finished her shower, she wondered why she was so sore; it wasn't the first time that she had too much to drink and woke up fully dressed.

She stayed in the shower for as long as she dared before hopping out and grabbing the bottle of aspirin from the medicine cabinet. She chewed three of the tablets usually enjoying the bitter taste but this morning they tasted more bitter than usual.

She looked at the expiration date on the bottle, "January 2013" she read aloud. She shrugged and decided that her taste buds were off and finished getting ready for the day. She sprayed some leave in conditioner in her shoulder length naturally curly hair and applied Shea butter to her walnut shell colored skin which was already beginning to dry out.

She brushed her teeth and applied just enough makeup to hide the dark circles under her eyes. She looked at her reflection in the mirror and decided to wear just a little lipstick. She really felt like crap and gave a very brief thought to calling in but it wouldn't have looked good especially since some of the others heard her and Pam talking about going out.

The good thing was that it was Friday, she only had to get through today and then on Saturday she was going to buy her first new car ever. She even had it picked out, she thought she did anyway. At this point it was going to be something sensible like a Prius or maybe a Honda. The one thing she did know was that she wasn't going out tonight and nothing Pam said was going to change her mind.

Justine dressed in a dove gray business suit, one of only two and slipped on her shoes. If she didn't want to miss the bus she had to hurry. "One more day of riding the bus." she told herself as she grabbed the briefcase that had been a gift from her grandfather. She put on her scarf and then her heavy winter coat thinking that she would be happy to see spring but it was a long way off, it was just mid January.

She made to the bus stop in enough time to buy a cup of coffee. She fixed it as she usually did with plenty of cream and sugar but when she tasted it, she almost spit it out. It tasted much too sweet and strong at the same time. She shook her head, took another sip spit it back into the cup and threw it away. She heard the bus approaching and gave the coffee no more thought.

As the bus headed downtown toward Center City where she would catch the subway, Justine closed her eyes as she usually did but she didn't fall asleep. She knew that she had four stops from the time she got on the bus until she reached her subway connection. Usually the ride was relaxing but this morning the engine of the bus seemed louder, the conversations going on around her seemed louder and her head was beginning to hurt again.

"I have to be getting sick." she thought to herself as she tried to block out some of the sounds going on around her. As soon as the bus stopped she got off as quickly as she could and headed toward the sub way, she couldn't wait to get to the office and to sit in her little cubicle for a few minutes peace before she started her day.

She found the subway ride to be just as unsettling as the bus ride and was grateful that she wouldn't be riding public transportation again.

She made her way to her cubby hole and reached into her drawer for the bottle of aspirin that she kept there. She poured three tablets in her hand and tossed them into her mouth and gagged at the bitterness of them.

"What in the hell is wrong with me today?" she mumbled.

Pam came in a few minutes later looking even worse than Justine felt.

"What did we drink last night?" she asked.

"I don't know but I feel like shit." Justine replied.

"Me too and everything taste awful, maybe we caught something." Pam said reaching for the bottle of aspirin. Like Justine, she gagged as soon as the aspirin touched her tongue.

"Damn Justine!" she exclaimed as she spit the offending pills into the trashcan.

********

The meeting seemed to drag on forever and everyone seemed to be talking with what Justine's mother used to call their outside voices. She was so intent on trying to mute the voices around her that she missed it when she was asked a question.

"Justine!" Mr. Mathers said sharply, "I asked if you're feeling alright."

"I.... no, I don't feel well." She replied.

"Perhaps you shouldn't go drinking on a weeknight." he said sternly.

Justine wondered how he knew that she had gone out after work. He wasn't there when she and Pam were talking. She looked around the room to see if she could pinpoint the snitch, her eyes landed on.....Malcolm Payne. It was him, she knew it, it was more than the fact that he didn't like her and she disliked him as well. He was a brownnosing bastard who had managed to get another junior partner fired and she was next on her list. Justine also knew something else; he had a thing for Pam. That was a fact that Pam refused to believe.

"It's your imagination." she said when Justine told her how Malcolm was staring at her.

"I'm telling you the man's got it bad for you."

'I think it's you he wants." Pam shot back.

Justine heard a hint of jealousy in her voice and tried to tell Pam that she wasn't interested in Malcolm in any way shape or form but Pam didn't believe her.

Justine stared at Malcolm until feeling her eyes on him he looked up at her and grinned at her. She didn't return the grin but continued to stare at him until he abruptly stopped grinning and looked away

********

Justine spent the rest of the day working on briefs and wishing the day was over. Every so often she would feel eyes on her and would look up to see Mr. Mathers looking at her. She swore under her breath as she realized that he had watched Zoë Carter the same way and by the end of the next week she was gone. She wondered if she shouldn't confront him and get it over with but decided against it. It was Malcolm that she needed to confront. She took three more aspirin and was relieved to find that they tasted as they usually did but the relief didn't last long. When she opened her soda and took a drink, she gagged. She recapped the soda and put her head between her knees until she felt better. She put off the idea of confronting Malcolm for the moment, she really didn't feel well.

The end of the day finally arrived and she couldn't wait to get out of the building that had become increasingly stuffy throughout the day. Pam met her at her desk looking even worse than she had at lunch.

"I would ask if you wanted to go grab a drink but I feel like crap."

She looked up to see that they were being watched not only by Mr. Mathers but by Malcolm. She plastered a fake smile on her face and waved at them somewhat surprised when they waved back. She grabbed her briefcase and hurried out with Pam close behind her.

The first blast of fresh air felt wonderful and then began to smell.

"What is that smell?" Justine asked Pam.

"I don't know but it sure smells bad!" Pam replied, "Hey why don't I take you home?"

Justine gratefully accepted, she didn't think that she could stand to be closed in on the bus with so many people. The odd thing was the closer to evening it got the better she felt, the air still stunk and sounds seemed louder but she felt better.

She looked over at Pam and noticed that she seemed better to and asked her about it.

"Yeah, I do feel better isn't that weird?"

*********

It was after six-thirty when Pam dropped Justine off. Justine ran up the stairs foregoing the elevator. It wouldn't occur to her until much later that she never took the stairs even though it was always her intent to do so. It also wouldn't occur to her until later that she walked up three flights of stairs and she wasn't even winded.

She changed her clothes putting on as pair of shorts and a tee shirt instead of her usual flannel pajamas that she wore in the winter. For some reason she was warm... more than warm she was hot, so hot that she turned off the heat and opened the windows in all of the rooms in her apartment. When she realized what she had done, she went around and closed the windows only to open them again.

Her plan was to go to bed early so that she could get to the car dealership as soon as it opened but when ten o'clock came and she was still awake she decided to watch television, then midnight came and went and she was still wide awake.

Her eyes started to get heavy around five am, by five thirty her body was heavy as well. She barely made it to her bed before she was in a deep sleep.

*********

Quinn O'Dell was an early riser, he always had been and it didn't matter how little sleep he got which these days wasn't a lot. He really couldn't remember the last dreamless and restful sleep he had; he knew it was around the time when his wife Amanda left him taking their daughter Lana who was two at the time with her. That had been five years ago, he hadn't seen or heard from them except for the one time that he went to see them.

It was his fault that they left, it wasn't as if Amanda hadn't warned him that she would leave if the gambling and drug use didn't stop, he just hadn't believed her choosing to believe that she loved him too much to leave. The night he came home and they were gone was forever burned in his memory. He sat on the couch for hours holding the money that he had won on the horse races; there was enough money to pay the rent several months in advance and to stock the cupboards with food. The bag from Target that was filled with books, crayons, coloring books and a pair of pink footie Pajamas sat on the floor by his feet; he held the jewelry box containing the diamond necklace for Amanda in his hand as he waited for them to come home.

"They'll be back soon." he murmured as he settled in to wait, it was midnight before he realized that they had really gone. He found the goodbye letter on his pillow in the bedroom; he reread the letter over and over again as he cried.

He looked at the bag of gifts and the jewelry box and walked out of the apartment and never went back. He walked the streets for the rest of the night looking for who or what he didn't know. When he finally stopped walking, he was at a coffee shop. He went in and spent the morning drinking coffee and reevaluating his life.

He wanted his family back and knew what he needed to do to make it happen. He asked for a telephone book and found the numbers for gamblers anonymous and a drug rehab program. He went to the meeting first and then to the address of the drug rehab.

It had been hell kicking the coke habit and he did it cold turkey. It had to have been the longest week of his life; he refused any medication that would have made withdrawal easier not wanting to exchange one addiction for another even though he was assured that it would make him more comfortable.

Ever since then he never took anything stronger than Tylenol no matter what the pain was, he didn't want to do anything that could send him back to that place in his life. He hadn't even bought as much as a lottery ticket since that time even though he was invited to join in on the group lottery. He was too afraid of what would happen if they won. Whenever the urge to backslide hit he called his sponsor of which ever addiction was rearing it's ugly head., on occasion he called both of them although it had been months since the last phone call because of an urge.

Quinn saw Lana once in the last five years; he had managed to track them down to show Amanda that he had changed. His hope was that she would see that he had changed and that she would give him another chance, he went armed with three years worth of pay stubs and his bank statements for the past four years. He wasn't rich by any stretch of the imagination but if anything ever happened that he lost his job he would be alright for a while.

When he found them, Amanda was happy to see that he was doing do well but refused to look at his pay stubs and bank accounts.

"You look great." she told him, "and I'm really proud of you."

"I did it for us; I want you and Lana back."

The sound of a crying baby was like a splash of ice water, he gave Amanda a questioning look.

"I.... I remarried three years ago." she said softly, "I'm sorry."

Quinn swallowed hard and tried to smile as he wondered what he had been thinking.

"Congratulations.... Could I see Lana before I go?"

Amanda took him to Lana's room where she was reading a book. His eyes filled with tears when Lana didn't recognize him. She gave him a sunny smile and said hello.

"Hello sweetheart." he said as tears rolled down his cheeks. She was the image of Amanda, petite with dark curly brown hair and eyes.

"Who are you?" she asked.

"Lana this is your....."

"A friend of your mom's" he interrupted.

Amanda looked at him in surprise.

"Oh, are you a friend of my dad's too?"

"No, just your mom's, you're beautiful just like she is."

Lana smiled at him and went back to her reading.

"Why did you do that?" Amanda asked when they left the room.

He really didn't know at the time but later he realized that it was because he had given up. He got clean and did everything that he did for them and it was better that Lana not know who he was.

He left shortly afterwards with the intent of hunting up his dealer and when he found him, he couldn't do it. He walked away and never looked back. The only thing he did was to have his will drawn up; everything which wasn't much would go to Lana.

Since that night, he slept poorly and began taking online courses for photography, when he was through with those he took actual classes. In addition to his regular job as a landscaper, he worked freelance as a photographer and was actually making decent money at it.

Sometimes when he wasn't working and he was up early like now he would go for a walk taking his camera with him. The weather didn't matter, it could be snowing or raining and he would go out and take pictures of whatever caught his eye. Some of his pictures had actually won awards and there was someone after him to sign on with his gallery. But his real dream was to move somewhere where the weather was always warm, someplace like Arizona, Florida or California. Every time he thought that he was going to make the move, something happened that he changed his mind.

Quinn looked outside, there would be no work today, the ground was covered with snow and more was falling. He ate a quick breakfast of oatmeal and a piece of fruit and dressed to go out. He grabbed his camera and did a quick battery and film check and headed out into the cold January morning. Once outside he adjusted his stocking cap hat so that it covered his auburn hair and headed in the direction of downtown, on the way back he would treat himself to a Philadelphia Cheese steak, one of his few guilty pleasures and have it for lunch and the leftovers if there were any for dinner.

**********

Justine started to rouse just as dusk came; she initially felt lethargic and then gradually became fully awake. The room was cold but she didn't feel it as she got up from the bed and stretched, she felt..... Wonderful and better than she could ever remember feeling but she was hungry for something that she couldn't identify.

Her phone rang as she walked into the kitchen, it was a hysterical Pam.

"Jussie! What's wrong with me?"

"Pam.... Pam slow down! What's the matter?"

"I.... I don't know! I got home last night and I thought that I was going to burn up, I had to open all of my windows and then I slept all day!"

"I know me too." Justine replied.

"Maybe we should go to the hospital or something." Pam said.

"No!" Justine exclaimed not understanding the reason for her alarm.

"Why not?" Pam asked, "Maybe we have some weird disease that could kill us."

"I don't know why but we shouldn't go to the hospital." Justine said, "Why don't you come over here?"

Pam hung up after saying that she would be over in an hour.

**********

As she began to dress Pam felt someone behind her. She turned around to see Malcolm Payne standing behind her.

"Don't be frightened." He said softly, "I can help you."

Pam backed away as she tried to figure out how Malcolm had gotten in.

"You really shouldn't leave your windows open, anything can get in."

"How did you get in here?" Pam asked.

"You're not listening, I told you that you shouldn't leave your windows open." Malcolm replied.

"The window? But I'm five floors up!"

"I know you are." Malcolm said with a smile.

"I want you to leave." Pam said.

"I can't do that, we have things to discuss and things to do." he said as he looked at her from head to toe his dark eyes glittering.

"I.... I have to go, Justine is waiting for me."

"Justine can wait." Malcolm said saying Justine's name as though it conjured up a disgusting thought.

"She was right, you don't like her." Pam said.

"That's putting it mildly." Malcolm said as he took a step toward Pam, "But you on the other hand are an entirely different story."

"Why are you here?" Pam asked and then she looked at the window. "You got in through the window?" she whispered.

"Give the lady a kewpie doll!" Malcolm exclaimed as he took another step closer. "Tell me, did you feel like shit yesterday and then better in the evening? Did you feel like your body was on fire? Don't answer that I already know the answer, that's why the windows are open and it's all of twenty degrees outside but you aren't cold are you? Flavors are more intense and you're hungry but not for food, you want something different."

Pam stopped moving away, "how do you know this?'

"I have experienced the same thing but a long time ago." he replied.

"What's wrong with us?"

"Who says that anything is wrong with you?" Malcolm asked, "Who says that you aren't as you were meant to be?"

"I don't understand."

"I know you don't, that's why I'm here." Malcolm said taking another step closer to Pam, Don't move."

*********

Justine searched her cabinets for something to satisfy the unidentified craving. The kitchen counter was covered with the various snack foods that she had tried and spit out. Her stomach was beginning to cramp with what she knew to be hunger pains. She hadn't felt that particular pain in years but in some ways this was worse only because she had food, it just didn't taste good. She was beginning to wonder if Pam hadn't been right in suggesting that they go to the hospital but everything in her was telling her that it would be a mistake.

The cramps increased as the minutes passed, she was holding her stomach and bent over in pain. She made her way to the refrigerator, flung it open and reached in for the first thing she saw, leftovers from a few nights ago. She opened the container and then threw it, the smell was repulsive, she grabbed something else opened it and it joined the container on the floor. Tears ran down her face as she frantically searched for something to take away the hunger and the pain.