Kane Ch. 03

Kane paused to give Carla a chance to ask questions, when she didn't speak; he continued.

"Somewhere along the line I decided that if I had to live forever, I was going to do it on my terms and if someone got hurt; too bad. Unfortunately, it was you. When I saw you that night, I was so conflicted; I wanted you but I didn't, when you walked up on that stage I remember thinking that you were so beautiful and I wanted to go to you. I sat in my chair arguing with myself that I didn't want or need you and then I decided that if I fucked you I would be done with you and I could move on but afterwards you resisted the compulsion. In all of my years that had never happened before I knew who and what you were and I still walked away, no; I ran away as fast as I could and didn't look back. It took me five years to acknowledge what I should have acknowledged then; I loved you then as I love you now."

"You what?" Carla asked, "You don't fall in love with someone you see on a stage, you didn't know me then and you don't know me now."

"I know all that I need to know," Kane replied.

"That night was the first night that I had been out in weeks. I was only there because my friends made me go. All they wanted was for me to have a good time, but you know what? Part of this is my fault, the whole time I let you lead me out of the bar I was asking myself what I was doing. I knew better! But let me ask you a question, did you do that compulsion thing on me?"

"At first, yes or least I tried, I know it worked on your friends that's why they don't remember anything between the time I sang and the time you went back to the bar-as far as they knew you never left. Afterwards, when I tried to make you forget it didn't work."

Carla was stunned.

"I willingly went with you? I knew better and I allowed you to use me like a whore in the back seat of your car? Oh god! When you told me that you were a vampire, I thought that maybe I didn't have a choice but you're telling me that I did... unless you're lying." she added.

Kane realized that he was right; she had been taking most of the blame herself.

"Carla, there's another reason why you came with me."

She appeared not to have heard him as she spoke.

"All of this time, I've been so angry at you, at me for what happened that night..."

"Carla, listen to me; what happened wasn't your fault. Even if I hadn't been a jackass, you still would have come with me. There was something else at work that night, something that I was able to fight off for five years."

Carla ignored him.

"Do you know what really galls me? For the past five years I've wondered about you, where you were, if you were married with children and how many other women you had been with in the backseat of your car. Every time I looked at Ian, I wondered about you and now suddenly; you're back and wanting to be a father, why now? You found me and I've been here for the past eight years so why did you look for me now?"

Kane thought about his answer carefully.

"It took my last friend walking out on me to wake me up, the last five years have been hell for me and I imagine they were for you as well but I never forgot you, I was miserable but I still denied what I knew to be true."

Carla lost patience.

"Just spit it out already!"

Kane refused to be rushed.

"During that time, I slept with many women but if they even resembled you I couldn't touch them. The only explanation that I could come up with was that I couldn't treat them the same way I did you. Anyway, I don't know how much you know about vampire lore, some of it is correct and some of it is just myth. We vary as much as humans do, but that's for another time. The one thing that is true for all of us is that we each have a mate, I mentioned a little while ago that I didn't want to find mine and that I knew who and what you were the moment I saw you. I also mentioned that you would have come with me anyway-Carla, you are my mate.

Carla started to laugh.

"Sure I am." she said the laughter stopping when she saw the expression on his face. That thing that she was trying to remember came to her, vampires had mates. But that didn't mean it was her.

"Carla, you are my mate, what you felt that night was the pull of mates so what happened wasn't your fault. What happened after I saw you was totally my fault, I was supposed to help you through what was happening but I left."

"What if I don't want to be your mate?" she asked.

"You will still be my mate even if we don't live together as such; I will still love, care for and protect you and Ian." Kane replied.

"How do we unmate?"

"We can't unless our bond is broken somehow." Kane replied calmly.

"Then break it, you do know how to do that don't you?" Carla asked

Kane watched as Carla stood up and began to pace, looking for signs that she was going to faint. Seeing none he relaxed slightly.

"Carla, the breaking of a bond is no easy thing. It can take centuries and even then it may not be broken."

"Centuries? I'll be dead long before then." Carla replied relieved.

"No you won't." Kane said softly.

"What do you mean? Of course I will."

"Carla, sit down." Kane said, if she was going to faint, it would be at this piece of news.

"I don't want to sit down, why I won't be dead?" she asked.

"Carla..."

"Why?" she asked again more insistently.

Kane sighed and got ready to move if she started to go down.

"You won't die because you are immortal as I am. It happened as soon as you conceived."

"I'm a vampire?" Carla asked feeling woozy.

"No, but you will always be as you are. You are no longer susceptible to diseases and killing you will be very difficult."

"I don't have a say in this? What if I don't want to live forever?" she asked angrily. She swiped away angry tears, "I didn't choose this!"

"No you didn't and that is my fault too."

"I want you to leave now." Carla said softly, "I can't talk about this anymore."

"Carla..."

"Kane, I want you to go. Ian will see you tomorrow night."

Kane stood up, took a card from his jacket pocket and laid it on her laptop.

"I've given you a lot to process, here's my card; don't hesitate to call me for anything."

Carla didn't say anything when Kane left. She sat in the same spot for hours thinking about everything from the past five years until now. Now that she had calmed down she could think more rationally, she went back to the night that she met Kane, she would always have a problem with the ease that she went with him but once she was in the car with him, she sensed his self-loathing and even remembered wondering about it. She also felt a connection to him that she never understood. Not once in the five years had she gotten sick, prior that she always got sick once a year requiring her to have someone else teach her online classes and Ian; he hadn't been sick since the blood issue when he was born.

There was something else that she hadn't even admitted to herself, as angry as she was when Kane showed up on her doorstep, she had felt a sense of relief and she knew that Ian felt the same relief and that had to mean something. She didn't know about the whole mate thing and how she felt about living forever but she felt a headache coming, she couldn't think anymore. Taking advantage of having the house to herself, Carla took a long hot shower and went to bed not waking until after ten.

She lay in bed thinking about everything that she had learned over the past two days, one of her strengths was the ability to look at a situation and then make reasonable decisions and then prioritizing. One thing was for certain, she couldn't ask Kane to stay away, there was Ian to consider and he needed Kane to teach him whatever it was that he needed to survive in the world as a vampire. The second thing which also related to Ian was that she and Kane had to have some kind of working relationship meaning that she had damned well better get used to him being around. As far as the issues between her and Kane, they would wait, she saw no need to rush into any decisions regarding him and his declarations of love, she had no doubt that that he loved Ian and that was the most important thing. While still pissed about the immortality thing, there was nothing that she could do about it; she placed that under the "put on your big girl panties and deal with it" category.

She finally got up and went downstairs deciding to get as much work done as she could. Whenever Ian came home from an overnight at Dina's she got a blow by blow play of everything he did. Thinking of Dina, she planned to have a word with her about telling Josie that she had a date.

Kane went home after talking with Carla; it had gone better than he thought it would. She was angry of that he had no doubt but he sensed that she was an analytical personality; she just needed to work through it. Kane was nothing if not an optimist, it might take time but Carla and Ian would be where they belonged; with him.