Kasey's Confession Ch. 15

Dr. Duckworth, who looked just like the crazy shrink Gary I'd met while apparently imagining myself as a prostitute, had apparently been consulting with Dr. Bennett and others during my coma. He was very interested in the psychological effects that being in a comatose state for an extended period of time had on a person. When he informed me that he was willing to see me free of charge, as long as I agreed to allow myself to be part of his research on the subject, I began keeping regular appointments with him.

After ascertaining that my memory of my life before the coma was spotty at best, but that I was slowly regaining memories, he assured me that the best thing for memory recovery was time, as well as getting plenty of rest. He also recommended several brain exercises that were like games, which were generally based on remembering the names of things, what they were for, and using my recall of those things to be able to successfully complete the games.

Then he asked me, "What do you remember from the time you were in the coma, if anything?"

"Well," I said, trying to be honest without revealing too much about the life I'd led while away from the life I was now living, "I was in some kind of weird, parallel world where people I knew here acted very different and did things differently than they did here."

"Was it like an extended dream?"

"It felt very real," I confessed. "I felt like I was really there, living this other life and I had no reason to believe it wasn't real. You were there."

"I was there? That's intriguing, as we did not know each other before your coma. I consulted on your case and visited you several times as we monitored your brain activity. There was concern that if you came out of the coma you would be in a vegetative state, and your living will stated you did not want to be kept alive in such a case."

"Oh, I'm quite certain I wouldn't want to be kept alive as a vegetable," I told him. "The thing is, I definitely was fully functional in this 'other world' and I was able to walk and talk and... um, interact with other people there."

Dr. Duckworth recommended a therapist I could talk to about what he called my "re-entry issues" and told me he'd meet me for a follow-up appointment in three months. I left his office feeling more at peace with what I'd gone through, being able to think of it as a very vivid and powerful dream, but more frightened than ever about talking about the specifics of what had happened in that "dream."

I walked out into Dr. Duckworth's waiting room where a young man wearing jeans and a t-shirt with a cartoon duck on it looked up at me and said, "What if it wasn't a dream?"

He looked exactly like Derek, the mall pretzel vendor who had led me to meet Mr. Smith. I said nothing to him and rushed past him to the door to the office, got into my car and drove off quickly.

I'd gotten myself a one bedroom apartment that suited my needs, but I had been putting off getting my things from Lisa's place. Seeing her again filled me with feelings of dread, and I feared another round of her baby talk as much as I did another round of her pleading with me to stay with her. She'd sent me letters at work, rambling on about how much she loved me and how good we'd been together and could be again if I was willing to "work at it." I tended to laugh at the letters at first, then sigh and feel sorry for her, and then I'd throw them away.

I called ahead and told her I would be there on Wednesday night to pick up the rest of my things. I brought my friend Jeff from work, who had a pickup truck, and we drove up to her house.

There was another car in the driveway aside from Lisa's, so I knocked on the door and waited. No one answered and the door was unlocked and slightly ajar, so I pushed it open and called out to her.

Jeff sat in the truck as I walked into the house, calling out to Lisa and loudly saying, "Anyone home?"

There was no response, but I could hear sounds coming from behind the closed bedroom door. Lisa was moaning and I could hear the sound of a man grunting. I saw my things, boxed up in a corner of the living room with my name written on the boxes with a Sharpie.

"Come on!" I heard a man yelling in the bedroom. "Take us both, you fat fucking cow!"

I thought about whether or not I should invite Jeff in to help me with the boxes. Lisa had known I was coming and when I was coming. She also knew I was bringing along someone to help me. If she decided she wanted to put on a show by having a threesome with two guys in the bedroom while we were there, that was on her.

There were empty beer bottles all over the living room and an almost completely empty bottle of vodka on the coffee table along with three glasses. When I went to get Jeff, I told him with a disgusted sigh that Lisa was having some kind of sex party but that she'd taken it behind closed doors in the bedroom. He laughed and said, "I'm not surprised," and followed me into the house.

We were almost done getting all of my things out of the house. The last to go was my television, and we were about to lift it and carry it to the truck together when the bedroom door opened. It banged hard against the wall and Lisa ran down the short hallway to the living room completely naked, sweating profusely, and crying.

"Why aren't you saving me, hunny bunny?" she sobbed. "These terrible bad men came and made me do nasty things with them! Help me!"

Looking at her I just felt disgusted. In that light I only saw her as Nancy, and I knew she'd invited these men over and gotten into bed with them just so she could try to get me to come in and "rescue" her. Shaking my head, I looked at Jeff and said, "Let's get the TV in the truck and get out of here."

Lisa stood there, crying and sucking her thumb. We moved past her without looking at her, but as I looked down the hallway towards the bedroom door I saw a very tall man standing there with a sheet wrapped around his waist looking annoyed. It was Mr. Smith, and just behind him standing in the bedroom doorway was Glenn, who had been Nancy's husband in my "other life."

"Is that everything?" Jeff asked once we had the television in the truck.

"I think so," I replied. "If we left anything behind, fuck it, she can have it."

Just as we were getting into the truck to leave, the man who looked just like Mr. Smith came out of the house wearing just a pair of sweatpants. He had something in his left hand, which he held up for me to see and then walked over to the truck. We were backed into the driveway to more easily load the truck, so he walked straight up to me and handed me a stack of three DVDs and a VHS tape.

"Lisa said these were yours," he said with a grin, "wouldn't want you to forget them, eh?"

I looked down at them as I took them from his hand. All three DVDs were commercially bought porno movies with titles like "Too Hot Shemales" and "Ladyboy Paradise." The VHS tape was the kind that was bought blank to record movies or television shows on. Written in my handwriting on the label was "Keith/Kasey."

Mr. Smith walked away chuckling and went back into the house. I clutched the DVDs and the tape against my chest and hid them from Jeff's view.

"What was that all about?" Jeff asked as he started the truck.

"Nothing important," I said and walked around back so I could stick the movies into one of the boxes in the back that wasn't completely full. "Let's get out of here."

After we'd been driving down the road for a few minutes in silence, just listening to the radio, Jeff turned the music down and said, "It was just weird the way that big lummox was looking all happy and shit when he gave you those tapes or whatever."

"I think it is probably tapes of Lisa and me having sex or something like that. I'm going to see what they are and then burn them."

"You should probably just burn them without looking at them," said Jeff, sounding suddenly nervous.

"Why? Watching myself having sex with Lisa isn't going to make we want to get back with her. I just want to make sure that's what it is. It could be something else, you know, like someone's wedding or whatever."

"Don't watch them," Jeff said. "Just burn them."

"What do you care, Jeff? It isn't like you're on them or anything."

Jeff pulled over to the side of the road and put the truck into "Park." He sat quietly for a moment, staring out through the windshield, looking like he was trying very hard to put a thought into words. I waited quietly, worried about what it was he was so concerned about but afraid to ask because I knew the tapes probably had me dressed up as a woman on them.

"Just don't watch them," he said finally, sounding frustrated and upset. "Just destroy them, okay?"

"Okay," I said quietly. "I'll just destroy them."

When we got to my new apartment and started unloading the boxes, Jeff asked me several times where I had stashed "the tape." I said I wasn't sure, even though I was, because even if I didn't know what was on the tape marked "Keith/Kasey" I didn't want him to see the "shemale" DVDs.

"I'll destroy the tape when I find it," I told him. "Don't worry about it, whatever it is, I'll take care of it."

"Okay, well, I've got to get going," he said, sounding tired and annoyed. "My wife is going to kill me for taking so long."

Once he left and I had set up my television along with my DVD player and VHS tape player, I stuck the tape that seemed to cause so much controversy into the tape player and sat down on the floor in front of it wearing just my short shorts and a t-shirt.

The tape opened with a party. Everyone was in some kind of costume, so I assumed it was a Halloween party. I recognized Jeff in some kind of pirate get-up with a sword and eye patch. Lisa was dressed in a princess gown with a tiara and magic wand with a star at the top of it. I also saw a number of my co-workers from my present job.

Then I saw myself. I was wearing a cheerleader outfit with thigh-high leather boots and a rubber demon mask that covered my entire head. I only realized it was myself because I recognized the outfit and the mask as being things I'd owned, and the mask was amongst the things I'd packed.

The party was at some kind of rented hall, and I assumed it was a work-related party. Then the tape stopped, went to snow for several seconds, and then resumed. When it started again the party had moved to the living room of the house I'd shared with Lisa. There were fewer people at the party and some had abandoned parts of their costumes. Jeff had taken off his eye patch, Lisa was no longer wearing her tiara, and I had taken off the demon mask and the thigh high boots.

I counted five of my male co-workers aside from Jeff, three of my female co-workers, Lisa and myself. The only person I couldn't account for was the person who was holding the video camera. People were talking to the camera, and kept saying the name "Chris" as they did, as in "Join the party, Chris" and "What are you doing, making a documentary, Chris? Drink up!"

It seemed like just a normal home movie of a drunken Halloween party, but the more I watched myself walking around drunk wearing just a cheerleader outfit with a much shorter than normal skirt, the more nervous I got.

For almost twenty minutes, the camera was focused on the three female co-workers who were in the kitchen telling rambling stories about their supposed first time sexual experiences while "Chris" asked them provocative questions from behind the camera.

Then one of my male co-workers came rushing into the frame, yelling to Chris, "Dude, you have to see this! Bring the camera!"

The camera picture jumped around wildly as Chris carried it while rushing out to the living room. Then I heard Chris said, "Oh fuck" before the camera turned and focused on what was going on in the middle of the living room.

Still wearing my cheerleader outfit, I was on my knees in the middle of the living room. The coffee table had been pulled away and standing in front of me was a man I recognized from work.

His pants were down around his ankles and I was very eagerly sucking on his cock.

Another male co-worker got up off the couch and walked over to where I was kneeling and pulled his cock out through the fly in his pants. The three women were now walking into the room and laughing and joining in with the rest of the group who were all saying things like "Come on Kasey, you can do it!"

"Come on, give me some of that," said the man who had just pulled out his cock. "Suck on mine for a while, cheer girl."

I started going back and forth on the two men's cocks. After a couple of minutes, and with the camera setting up for a better angle that clearly showed my face, Jeff got up and pulled his cock out. It was completely hard and he joined the other two men in forming a circle around me. The camera showed me smiling and giggling as I went back and forth between the cocks, sucking them each in turn.

I pressed the stop button on the VCR and sat on floor staring at the blank screen.

After taking a half hour to process what I'd seen, I picked up the phone and called Jeff.

"You watched the tape, didn't you?" he asked.

"I had to know what it was. I had no idea..."

"Well, everyone was drunk and high and fucked up at that party after we got back to your place. Lisa was trying to make out with everyone and you kept telling everyone you were a cheerleader from State named Kasey and you were 'boy crazy' or whatever. Shit got out of hand and everyone agreed to act like nothing ever happened, like it was just one of those crazy ass things no one would believe anyway."

"So, why did I have a tape?"

"You didn't, Lisa did. Chris was filming and afterwards she begged him for a copy. He claimed he destroyed the tape, but he didn't and made her a copy. They were both blackmailing you because of whatever you have going on with Chris' girlfriend Erica."

"The cameraman was... THAT Chris?" I gasped.

"You didn't watch the whole thing, did you?"

"No, I turned it off after the guys started, um, circling around me..."

Jeff sighed, "Just get rid of it. Destroy it. Unless she made another copy, Lisa gave you her copy. Chris still has a copy. I mean, it's been more than a year and after your accident and the coma and everything, most people figured the whole thing would die out. I figure Chris wouldn't want it to get out either, unless, of course, you're screwing around with his girlfriend again."

"Uh, I mean, just wow. I don't remember any of this shit and I can't believe this ever happened."

"Dude, no one wants to remember that night, it was just fucking crazy and shit. If it wasn't for the tape, no one would ever bring it up again. Burn that shit and forget about it."

"I'm going to do that right now," I lied. "Thanks for being cool about this."

"No problem dude, have a good night."

After I hung up the phone, I took a deep breath and pressed play again. I sat down on a chair in front of the television and pulled down my shorts and tossed them onto my pile of dirty laundry. I got a bottle of baby oil and lubricated my dick and began stroking myself as I watched myself on my knees as first one, then two, then three, then four, and then five guys all joined in and formed a circle around me while I excitedly sucked on each of their cocks in turn.

After a while they started climaxing and in turn each of my friends shot a big load of cum onto my face, where I begged them to shoot it when they pulled out of my mouth and started jerking off to get themselves off. Once the last of the five guys had shot his load onto my face, Chris' camera went in for a close-up of my cum covered, smiling face.

"That was so good," I squealed into the camera.

At the same time as the camera closed in on my face and I saw all the semen dripping off it and the big smile I had, I felt myself getting very close to orgasm. I was jerking myself fast now and when I said "That was so good" into the camera, I reached a staggering, body shaking orgasm. I moaned and cried out "Oh yes!" as I shot my cum straight at the television screen and my own face.

I was about to turn the tape off and save anything else that might be on it for later, but in the afterglow of my orgasm I was moving slowly.

I looked back at the screen and saw the camera getting jittery and out of focus. Chris was handing it off to one of the other guys and giving him instructions on how to properly use it. Then the camera turned back on me. I was still kneeling on the floor as the camera found me, and aside from wiping some of the cum away from my eyes, I had done nothing to clean myself up.

"My turn," said Chris as he walked towards me and dropped his pants.

I quickly stopped the tape and recoiled in horror. Watching myself sucking five men who stood in a circle around me had been a huge turn on. Other than Jeff, the others were guys I knew from work that I seemed to be friendly with but not at all close to. Chris was a different story. He was Erica's boyfriend. He was the one thing standing between me being with Erica, and that wasn't a delusion. She'd been waiting for me to break up with Lisa for years and now that I did she was with Chris and couldn't just break up with him because I was available.

She was, or at least seemed, very understanding and open minded about my crossdressing and about the idea of my being with men.

I doubted her seeing me giving her boyfriend head was something she would be open minded about. And my being very willingly in a submissive position with her boyfriend submissively was something else I couldn't imagine possibly working in my favor.

Still, I figured he wouldn't ever show her the tape. She would have asked why he didn't stop what was happening instead of just filming it and encouraging it, even if he managed to edit out the footage where I went down on him.

With what I felt after meeting her again after my months of being in a coma, and what I could remember and piece together, Erica was the real deal. I knew I'd never loved any woman the way I loved her, and after she had been so understanding and open-minded about my crossdressing and sexual fantasies, I knew it was more than just some passionate affair.

We'd never slept together, or even kissed on the mouth, but when I saw her, my heart started beating faster and I felt the urge to impress her and make her laugh. I had thought it was a joke when people said I'd been driving down the road and saw her on a bicycle wearing tight pink shorts when I lost control of my car and got into the accident that left me in the hospital for months.

I wondered how much that had to do with my "other life" experience where I was constantly wanting to show off my legs to men in short shorts, long before I started giving men head.

The story of the video and Chris' part in it gave me a new perspective on his relationship with Erica, and on what she'd told me about him wanting to get married. This was a cruel and manipulative man and she was too good for that. If he'd use a tape like the one I'd just seen to blackmail me into staying away from her, then what was he capable of doing if she ever tried to leave him?

On Friday I met Erica at the usual table at the mall food court. She was already there when I arrived, and I sat down with a cup of coffee I'd just bought and handed her another.

"You want anything to eat?" I asked.

"No," she said with a forced smile. After a long pause she said, "Chris formally proposed last night."

She paused and we sat in silence for a couple of minutes.

"So, um, did you accept?"

"I told him I needed to think about it. We've talked about it a lot the past couple of months, but I really don't know. We've split up a couple times over things I'd rather not get into, and I just don't know if this is him trying to prove he can make a commitment or try to hold onto me or if he really wants to marry me."