Kasey's Confession Ch. 19

I woke up very early in the morning, having fallen asleep in my bathtub. The water had turned ice cold, which along with the discomfort of having my head planted in the corner of the tiled wall, had jolted me into an early awakening.

Tuesday was Lisa's funeral, and I had the day off for it. In the morning, after getting some more sleep back in my bed, I would go to an appointment with Dr. Duckworth the psychiatrist.

Dr. Duckworth seemed primarily concerned with my memory and overall brain function. When I reported that I'd gone back to my job and been able to pick up the duties and nuances of my former workplace without much trouble, he was very pleased. When I reported that my memory was coming back, that I was slowly remembering the details of my relationships with the people in my life, he was very pleased. When I reported there were certain things I had been told about or shown that I didn't remember at all, he gave me the business card of a therapist.

"I'd like you to see Karen," he said after handing me the card. "She is a very good therapist and can help you with your memory issues. In my opinion, your memory is coming back at a very respectable rate, but what I think you are now dealing with is repressed memories. These things you cannot remember, which you have been very vague about, are probably memories you have repressed. The fact that you are so vague about them while being very descriptive with me about the memories you now recall points in that direction."

I looked at the card and saw that this therapist, Karen Sonne, was a sex therapist.

"Sex therapist?" I questioned.

"Trust me," said Dr. Duckworth, "I am rather observant and have a better idea about your repressed memories than you think I do. I've been doing what I do for a long time."

When I got home, I changed into a jacket and tie for Lisa's funeral. At the service, her family, and many of her friends, gave me the cold shoulder. Marci and Erica were there together and I was thankful that Chris was absent. They came and sat with me through the service and stood with me at the burial.

"Are you going to be okay?" Marci asked. Erica was being rather silent, and I figured it was because she was still upset over my remark that Chris was an 'asshole.' She didn't seem upset at me, just quiet and much more reserved that she normally was.

"Yeah, I think so," I told them both.

As we walked back to our cars at the cemetery, I walked past a man I recognized as Lisa's brother. As I passed he glared at me and muttered "faggot" under his breath. I stopped for a moment, feeling very angry about his remark, but took a deep breath and kept walking.

I wondered how much about me Lisa had shared with family and friends. Seeing the way they avoided me, gave me the cold shoulder, and muttered remarks about me gave me the impression she had been very open about sharing intimate details about me. It didn't upset me as much as make me sad. She had wanted me to be the boyfriend she imagined me to be and I didn't meet those specifications, so naturally she had needed a few shoulders to cry on.

What really started to eat away at me was how all these people seemed to know about my activities as "Kasey" and yet Erica seemed to know very little. She knew that I shaved my legs, but she didn't know about my crossdressing until I told her about it, and as far as she knew my only involvement with men sexually had been in fantasies.

There was a get-together after the funeral, but I told those people who were speaking to me that I just wanted to go home. I didn't want to deal with the dirty looks and the cold shoulder treatment any longer than I had to.

"Would you mind if I tagged along?" Marci asked when I said I was going home.

"Sure, why not," I said.

Erica had already announced that she was going back to work, and when I said "goodbye" to her she responded with "goodbye, you guys," addressing myself and Marci along with anyone who was around us. The way she was acting towards me was more depressing to me than the funeral.

I made a drink for Marci and myself after we got to my apartment. I told her I wanted to change out of my jacket and tie and was about to go into my bedroom and change when she made an unexpected suggestion.

"Why don't you put on a skirt and heels," she said.

"What?"

"I just figured with it being only the two of us, and with you being more comfortable dressed as Kasey..."

"More comfortable?" I asked, feigning disbelief.

"You seemed pretty comfortable on Halloween, and on your birthday, and Tom told me you were very comfortable when you put on a skirt and heels for him last night."

I sighed; upset that Tom had told Marci about our evening together when he said it would be our little secret. I knew they had dated off and on at one point, but had not expected him to share details of our get together with her, especially not so quickly after it happened.

"Come on, let me see those legs," Marci pleaded through the closed door to my bedroom after I went in to change. "Let me see those hot cocksucker legs... or are you going to start denying you are a cocksucker? Well, whatever."

I didn't put on a skirt and heels, but I did change into what I'd come to call "Kasey casual," which involved putting on a pair of short shorts made of sweatshirt type material, lace-topped ankle socks and a pink t-shirt. When I came out of the bedroom, acting as casual as possible, I found Marci in the living room sipping at her drink. Mine was on the coffee table.

"Damn, you have nice legs," she said as I walked into the living room. "I am jealous."

"Thanks," I said, smiling coyly as I picked up my drink and sat down on the couch.

"You know," said Marci, who was sitting across from me on my favorite chair, "Tom actually had the gall to tell me that you give better head than I do. What a dickhead. I guess I shouldn't be surprised since he keeps insisting he loves his little wife while still coming over to my place every other weekend. And then it wasn't difficult at all to convince him to let you blow him again. I needed to make sure you got a taste so you'd remember what you really love."

I coughed abruptly, as I was in the middle of swallowing a good amount of my beverage when she spoke and I hadn't been expecting her comment to be as direct as it was.

"Yeah," I said once I collected myself and my little choking episode was concluded, "I honestly thought he was going to keep his mouth shut, but there's no sense in me trying to deny it."

"The Halloween party was my fault, really," she said as she stirred the ice cubes in her drink with her finger.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I encouraged you to dress like that for the party, and to keep just the uniform on when we got back to your place. When Lisa, rest her soul, started trying to make out with everyone and you were getting upset and drunk, I kind of encouraged the guys and you. They started out joking about how you looked like you wanted dick more than Lisa did and, well, I've always been pretty good at manipulating people, especially when they are drunk or high or both."

"I'd really rather not talk about that," I sighed. "It wasn't exactly my finest moment, and whether or not you egged everyone on isn't what really matters. You didn't make anyone do what they did that night."

"Don't be so sure of that," she said as I finished my drink and got up to get another. "I might have slipped a little something in your drink that made you more, um, suggestible."

"Like what?" I asked after checking to see she didn't need another drink.

"It doesn't matter what, just that I did, so you weren't completely acting of your own free will."

"Are you apologizing?" I asked after returning with my fresh drink.

"You know I don't apologize very often," she told me. "I knew what you needed and I made it happen. Now that you know you love getting dick, don't you feel more liberated?"

"I don't know if I'd go that far."

I was starting to feel dizzy, and needed to hold onto the wall as I stumbled towards the couch and sat down. My head was spinning and everything started to look and feel very confusing to me.

"I have to confess," Marci said with a big grin, "I rather get off on seeing you push your limits. You are just so damned uptight, though, and in my opinion you need someone like me to help you push those limits."

I could barely process what she was saying. I closed my eyes, hoping it would stop the room from spinning, but had to open them again when I got spooked by the sudden darkness that came as a result of having my eyes shut.

"I invited a couple of friends over. I hope you don't mind." Then she laughed as she added, "Of course you don't mind, I mean, these friends have big cocks and that is what you really like."

"Wait, no, Marci, look..." I trailed off in mid-thought as I tried to stand up and my legs buckled underneath me.

The doorbell rang and Marci got up with a huge grin on her face. "It is so funny that you thought it was Chris who was behind the whole videotape and blackmail thing. It was just too perfect that he brought his camera and was filming the party, but I was the one who got you down on your knees that night. I was the one who told someone to get Chris and his camera out of the kitchen when it started going down, and I was the one who told him, after he wanted to destroy the tape, that he could use the threat of showing it to people to keep you away from Erica. And honestly, Keith, what the hell is a cocksucker like you going to do with Erica anyway? Go to the beauty parlor together?"

Marci was laughing heartily when she opened the door. Two men came into my apartment while I struggled to try to get up and pull myself together. I couldn't focus and couldn't find my balance. Every time I tried to stand, I would stumble. Every time I tried to figure out how to shake the confusion out of my mind it would get more intense.

"Keith, or Kasey, or whatever your name is," Marci said while laughing at me, "these are a couple of friends of mine. This tall handsome fellow is Mr. Smith and his friend's name is Glenn."

"No, please," I muttered as I climbed up on the couch, "I need you all to go. I can't..."

As Mr. Smith and Glenn gathered around me, laughing as they watched me struggling, Marci kept talking.

"Well, Lisa wanted to be together with you forever, and Erica wanted to win your heart so you'd love her above all others, but all I wanted was to watch you become what you truly are and what you were always destined to be, a pathetic cock loving sissy slut. I watched you suck off a room full of guys. I watched you get fucked. Now I want to see how you handle a cock in both ends."

"I can't... do this..."

"Oh, don't worry, I gave you just enough special sauce so you won't be able to resist your true desires. I didn't give you enough so you'd pass out or stop being functional," she told me before leaning in and making a squeaking sound while saying, "You lean back into the cock in your ass, SQUEAK, then lean forward so the cock in your mouth slides deep down your throat, SQUEEEEEEEAK, then back against the one in your ass, SQUEEEEEEAAAAAK, and everyone has a good time."

I tried to protest, but Mr. Smith, who was now completely naked, spoke over my pathetic attempts to stop what they had planned for me by saying, "Shut up, sissy. You know you want it."

Glenn was handing a video camera to Marci and pointing out something on it. As I saw them with the camera, I again tried to verbalize a protest but all I could do was quietly make incoherent noises.

While Glenn stripped, Marci walked towards me with the camera, which she had not yet turned on.

"You see, now that Lisa is gone the only thing standing in my way is Erica. Now, I could always show her the tape of you at the party, but then she's going to be mad at Chris as well and we want to make sure they get married and live happily ever after. I could show her just the birthday party with the stripper, but, as it turns out, he was her cousin. So, the problem there is that she could talk to him and find out I was the one who pushed him into it, and pushed you into it as well. I need a clean tape of you just loving it up with two men at the same time so I can show her what a total faggot you are."

Glenn and Mr. Smith came closer and circled around me. I realized I was already on my knees after having stumbled. Marci turned on the camera and they held their big, hard cocks out in front of my face and started taunting me by saying "You know you want it" and "Suck it."

I turned towards the camera and managed to shout out, in a hoarse voice, "Marci drugged me and is forcing me to do this!"

She lowered the camera and sighed. "I can just have that edited out, you know."

"Go to Hell," I told her with my voice cracking.

She walked towards me, shaking her head, and then tousled my hair before saying, "I never wanted you to be my boyfriend. I'm not pathetic like Lisa and I'm not trying to play at being Little Miss Perfect like Erica. That shit makes me want to throw up. The two of them make me sick, and between needy Lisa and fake Erica, I don't know which is worse. I got rid of Lisa because she was just too disgusting and was always just in the way, but I needed to keep Erica around. Do you know why?"

I just stared at her as Mr. Smith and Glenn stood waving their cocks around on either side of my head.

"Well, sissy faggot, I wanted Erica to see you for what you really are and watch you become a complete cock slut. I also wanted you to have to watch her marry Chris and have kids with him and live happily ever after, all while you are on your knees in an alley sucking some guy for ten bucks trying to score enough to get your next fix. Ah, such a beautiful and tragic ending to a sickening love story."

I weakly shoved her away and started crawling across the floor. The room kept spinning, but her words were starting to make sense to me. They didn't make sense because they sounded like the ideas of a sane and rational person. They made sense in that I could understand what she was saying and talking about.

I remembered my experiences in the place I had been during my coma and I was not about to have a repeat of that life. I wasn't crazy. Marci was the crazy one, and not only did she want to turn me into some kind of depraved junkie hooker, she had all but admitted she was behind Lisa's death.

"I am not doing this," I struggled to say. "Get the fuck out of my apartment, all of you."

Marci let out a huge sigh. "Well, sweet cheeks, no one is going to force you to do anything. That would just make you look like a victim and your beloved Erica will probably swoop in on her angel wings and take you in her arms."

"So... get... out..." I said as the spinning room got more blurry and I fell, face first onto the floor.

Mr. Smith and Glenn grabbed my arms on either side and pulled me up so that I was on my knees. The room kept spinning, but they came closer so their big, hard, veiny cocks were right in my face.

"Come on, you know you want it," I heard Marci's voice say, surrounded by the sound of laughter, both hers and the two men.

"Oh wow," I gasped as I reached out and took Mr. Smith's huge cock in my hand. "This is a beautiful cock."

"That's it, now suck on it," said Mr. Smith.

The room was still spinning, but more slowly, and I was able to regain some composure. Feeling Mr. Smith's big cock in my hand I felt the urge to let it go and again demand they get out of my apartment and leave me alone. Yet, I wanted to suck him, and Glenn, so badly that it became a dilemma, a battle raging in my mind that became more intense as I looked at Marci, who was pointing the camera at me and grinning from ear to ear.

"Come on," she said. "Are you going to deny yourself what you really want just because you hope Erica will leave Chris and marry you instead of him? How are you going to be happy with her? She doesn't have a cock."

I heard her words but had trouble processing them. What I heard was "Erica doesn't love you" and "Erica is marrying Chris" and then realized I was on my knees between two men and holding their hard cocks in each of my hands.

"What are you waiting for, Kasey?" Marci asked from behind the camera. "This is what you really want. Look at those two big, thick, juicy, yummy cocks... waiting for you to suck them."

I slowly slid my lips over the head of Mr. Smith's cock and then pulled away suddenly. A flash of memory, scenes from my experience with Mr. Smith in the "other world" ran through my mind. My confusion subsided and the room stopped spinning. A shock of realization jolted me back to a position where I had self-control and full knowledge of what I was doing.

I got up, pushing Mr. Smith and Glenn away, and walked towards Marci. I ripped the camera out of her hand and broke the door to the slot where the tape was and pulled it out. She took several steps back, a look of shock on her face, and took several minutes to recover her wits.

"I told you all to get the fuck out of my apartment," I said angrily, holding onto the tape and throwing the camera on the floor. "Now, get OUT!"

I expected an argument from Marci or even some kind of effort from the two men to force me to have sex with them. I anticipated the possibility of being raped and was relieved when it didn't happen. Marci quietly took the camera and walked towards the door, leaving the tape on the floor. Mr. Smith and Glenn got dressed quickly and, without saying a word, followed after her.

"I'm going to let people know what you did," I told Marci. "You're a psycho."

"And who, exactly, is going to believe you? Your little mall rat friend? Like anyone would believe anything he said. I can act really innocent when I want to. You bought it for twenty years."

After I closed the door and locked it, I stumbled over to the couch and fell onto it. I'd snapped out of the fog brought on by whatever Marci had drugged me with in order to deal with a crisis, but after that passed, I was dizzy and confused again and had trouble keeping my balance.

"Why didn't she have them just force me?" I asked myself. Then I realized it wouldn't fit with Marci's plan. She wanted me to willingly have sex with Mr. Smith and Glenn while she videotaped it all. If I wasn't going along with it willingly and demonstrating that it was what I wanted, through my body language and verbalization, then it would looked like I was forced into it. That would make Mr. Smith and Glenn look like rapists and her like a willing participant for taping it.

Eventually I got up, and when I did the first thing I did was to smash the tape she had started making. Then I got the other tape, with the stripper and Halloween party, and smashed it as well.

Looking up, I saw Derek out on my balcony dancing around like an uncoordinated version of Michael Jackson.

"What do you want?" I asked as I opened the sliding glass door.

"A box of chocolates and a long-stemmed rose would be nice."

"I'm a little unsteady and a bit confused, so can we cut the whole 'I'm a freak' act for the time being?"

"Oh, sure, you don't need to pretend you aren't a freak on my account," he said, bounding past me and into my apartment. "Did you get any dick today?"

"I'd rather not get into that. What do you know about Marci and what she has to do with the whole sex tape?"

"Marci, you say?" Derek crouched down, picked up the smashed videotapes and sniffed at them. "Is she connected to the tapes? I know she was there on both occasions, but other than that..."

"She says she was behind the whole thing and that Chris was basically just following her lead."

"Well, THAT is a whole different ballgame, isn't it? Or it would be, if it were ACTUALLY TRUE!"

"I believe her," I said, very seriously. "She was here with Mr. Smith and his goon and told me she was the one who masterminded the whole sex tape blackmail scheme and that she was the one who was behind Lisa getting killed."