Kicked Around

"Lara," Lara said quickly.

"But is that like short for Alara, or Elaine or something like that?" Erik asked.

"It's just... Lara," Lara responded.

"Where are you from originally?" Erik asked.

"Downstate," Lara said.

"Where downstate?"

"Jasper."

"I've never heard of it."

"Most people haven't. It's a small town."

"OK, what are your hobbies?" Erik asked.

"Fucking and jerking off," Lara said, treating the interview as if she was still in her Lola persona.

"Mixing business with pleasure?" Erik asked smiling.

"You know it," Lara said.

"Are you into any sports?"

"Not really, no."

"Have you ever played any sport or other activity?"

"Gymnastics and dance when I was younger."

"Tell me about that," Erik said nervously, trying to find something to keep Lara talking.

"I danced, and I jumped around."

"OK... Any brothers or sisters?"

"Nope, only child."

"What do your parents do?"

"Nothing. Not even each other."

Erik realized that Lara was fighting him to keep her answers very vague. So, Erik decided to try and switch the topic. "So... What are you majoring in?" Erik asked. He already knew the answer to this because it was available in the student directory. But, he was desperate to get her talking.

"Business," Lara answered.

"So, why business?" Erik probed further.

"Why not?" Lara responded.

"I don't know. I mean, why did you decide to get a degree in business?"

"What's your major?"

"Computer science."

"Figures," Lara said condescendingly. "All the nerds are into science and engineering."

"So what does that make you?" Erik asked defensively.

"What does that mean?"

"I mean if I'm a nerd for studying computer science, what are you for studying business?"

"Smart." She smiled at him. Erik smiled back. This finally cut some of the tension and Lara seemed to lower her defenses.

"So it's like this," she started. "Business is one of those degrees that no matter where you go or what you do, people assume you know what you're doing. Think about when someone says 'M.B.A.' That's a Master's of Business. No other degree has that. If you have a Master's in science, no one goes around saying they have M.S., right? Unless they're your old Great Aunt Delilah." They both giggle slightly at the comment. "But really, no one gives a shit. But you tell someone you have an M.B.A., and suddenly... they're impressed. They don't know shit else about you, but they think you're Mr. tricky, slick dick."

Lara continued talking. This was the first time Erik had the opportunity to speak with Lara with her guard down. She was a smart girl with a passion and drive for business, which Erik realized that she extended very well into her personal website venture. Erik learned that she had one year of school left and she had been thinking a lot about "what comes next" after college.

The two had a nice dinner, and the conversation was mostly about school and the future. Afterward, Lara told him that she needed to go. Erik asked if he could see her tomorrow. Lara said maybe and winked at him as she turned to walk back to her apartment. Erik watched her walk away and then he began his walk back to the dorm.

When Erik got back to his room, it was GAB Sunday tournament time. Everyone from "Prodigy" was logged in. Erik entered the room. "WAAAASSSSSSUUUPPPPPPPP!" Rats yelled obnoxiously. Erik smiled and greeted his friends. They talked in the lobby while waiting for game time. Roge explained that Drags was going to spectate during the game. The game started and again the teams followed Roge's directions, but the team was still failing again. They were 1-3. However, they managed to find a weak point in the other team's strategy and exploited it. Prodigy scored two consecutive round wins, tying the match at 3-3.

The final round started. Prodigy was on defense. Everyone muted their mics as they all started mumbling: "fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck..." Emotions were high, the tension was tight, and the stress was eating them all away. Erik watched as the details appeared on the screen of the firefights around him. Roge was out; Case took out one then was out; Rats took out 2 and then was out. It was now one v 1... again...

"The bomb has been planted" sounded. "Fuck," Erik said. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck..." The mumbling continued as Erik made his way to the other bombsite. Erik circled the entry points, trying to see if he could find where his opponent was hiding, all the while keeping his "fuck chant." for concentration. 15 seconds remained. Erik was running out of time. He had to make a move now. Erik chose an entryway and charged in. Erik quickly scanned the room, trying to see his opponent. As soon as he turned around, he was met with a headshot from an assault rifle. "FUCK!", Erik yelled. "FUCK!!!!"

There was no group chatter from his team through the final kill video. Erik watched the video in silence, shaking his head. He knew what this meant. Roge was going to be pissed. This was another first-round loss.

Overall, Erik did much better this week. He tied with Rat for the total number of kills. In overall points, Rat had more because of other actions made during the game, but Erik was in 2nd on the team this week. This still wasn't his "usual performance".

When everyone was pushed back into the game lobby, Roge was fuming. He yelled at Erik through the comms in front of the entire team. Roge was upset that for the 2nd week in a row, the team was knocked out of the tournament in the first round which was going to drop the team's division rank. After Roge was done with his rant, he left the lobby abruptly. Drags left too. Erik sat in in his chair on the other side of the screen and took the lashing. Roge was right about everything he pointed out, but "other mistakes" were made by the other teammates. It was almost if Roge had an unrealistic expectation of Erik and now that Erik wasn't meeting it, Roge couldn't handle this reality.

After Roge left, the rest of the team said their casual goodbyes and logged off. Erik kept staring at the empty lobby. The only username that remained was "Kire". Erik kept staring and reflecting on how Roge could expect this much from him. Erik didn't feel bad about his overall performance. Ultimately, he did better than Roge and Case this week. "If that's not good enough for him," Erik thought. "Then, fuck, him."

After finishing his post-game reflections, Erik shutdown the console and logged on to Lara's website. Erik opened his personal blowjob video uploaded by Lara early that day. He watched the full video and loved it. He loved it so much that he pulled his pants down and masturbated to it, twice. Afterward, he went to bed.

The next morning was the start of a new school week, and Erik started his same daily routine: Porn, jerk off, shower, food, walk to class. When Erik walked into his first class, Jessica was talking to the same guy that she always spoke to. As Erik passed her, he said hi. Jessica responded with a smile and said hi. Erik took his seat and noticed that Jessica quickly returned to the conversation with the other boy. Erik didn't mind it. Things were finally in a good place with Lara, and Erik was now totally infatuated with Lara instead of Jessica. During class, Erik's mind fantasized even further about being a porn star and all the sex they could have on camera. The two could live together as a pornstar couple, making good money by filming all their escapades.

In his mind, Erik and Lara worked regular jobs by day, but at night they were pornstars. They filmed all of their sex, and when they weren't fucking, they were editing their footage. Then they would get horny and fuck again. The cycle would continue until they passed out from exhaustion. The next morning, they would start anew in the same sequence: work, fuck, edit, fuck, sleep, fuck, sleep. Erik loved this fantasy and wanted it to be his reality.

After class, Erik rode the bus back to the dorms and decided to go see Lara. He walked to Lara's apartment and knocked on the door. There was no answer, but he thought he could hear noises on the inside of the apartment. He knocked again and again, but there was still no answer. Erik put his ear up to the door and could hear sounds. Erik put his hand on the doorknob and tried to turn it. The door was unlocked, and Erik slightly pushed open the door. He could hear Lara's voice screaming.

Erik's heart started to beat faster. He became worried that she was in trouble, so he pushed the door all the way open and rushed in. As soon as he stepped inside the apartment, he saw a very muscular guy having sex with a girl doggy style on the floor with cameras all around them. There was a large dark red blanket spread out on the floor underneath them. Erik stepped inside and saw the live closeup footage on the TV. He was having anal sex with her. Erik could see the penetration on Lara's big screen TV mounted on the wall. The girl was screaming, "Oh Tommy! Your dick is so big! It feels so good in my tight little ass! Oh, baby, I love your huge cock! Tommy, fuck me harder, Tommy. Oh Tommy, fill me up, baby! Tommy, cum in my ass! Oh yeah, fuck me, baby!"

Erik couldn't comprehend what he was seeing. He stood there watching the 2 have sex before he finally realized that it was Lola having sex with one of the guys he remembered seeing on her website. Lola was in full character with all her makeup on, just like in her website videos.

"Lara?" Erik said. The man and Lola froze in unison and looked backward. They saw Erik standing at the doorway, the man's dick still inside Lola's ass, clearly visible on the TV. Erik stared at the two of them who looked like they were part of a statue, cemented in place. They stared back.

"Hi Erik," Lola said. "I'm kinda in the middle of something right now. You wanna come back later, maybe?"

"Uh, yeah...," Erik said not sure what to think.

"Great!," Lola said. "Oh, this is Rocco."

"Hi," the guy with his dick balls deep in Lola's ass said, waving to Erik with his right hand.

"Hi," Erik said. They kept staring at each other.

"OK Erik," Lola said. "I'll talk to you later."

"Yeah," Erik said as he started to walk backward out the door. Rocco began fucking Lola again, and she resumed her screaming for "Tommy." Erik was confused and felt like someone had just punched him in the stomach, taking the wind out of him.

Erik continued to walk backward toward the entry door, his eyes still fixated on Rocco and Lola filming their intense anal sex scene. The whole picture was surreal, and Erik's brain couldn't process what he was seeing. He just kept walking backward until he finally reached the doorway. Erik shut the door as he backed out through it. Now, Erik was facing the doorway exactly as he had when he initially knocked. He kept trying to say something to himself, but no words could come to mind. Eventually, he turned around and walked back to the dorms.

Erik went up into his room and sat down on the foam couch in the middle of the room, still looking completely confused. "What the fuck just happened?" he finally said to himself. "What... the.. Fuck..." Erik stared at his wall for several hours trying to come to terms with what he just saw. Erik missed his second class of the day while sitting in his room. Time just moved by as he sat there and stared at the wall.

Finally, Bret knocked at his door and then opened it. "Dude!," he yelled running through the door with his tablet.

"Is this you!?" Bret asked Erik. The tablet was logged onto Lara's website with Erik's blowjob video open.

This sudden intrusion snapped Erik out of his hypnosis. Erik realized one of his worst nightmares was now occurring and he needed to react, now. "No," he said quickly. He could sense where this was going, so he tried to change the subject. "We aren't together anymore."

"I'm sorry to hear that man," Bret said. "She fucking someone else?"

"Yes, actually," Erik said matter of factly. "She is... right now."

"That sucks man," Bret said. "Dude, these totally look like your socks," Bret said. Erik looked down, and he was wearing the same type of socks (white with grey) that he wore in the video.

"It isn't," Erik said.

"Wow, I didn't think you had it in you," Bret said.

"What?" Erik asked.

"Letting her suck you off on the Internet like that," Bret said.

"It's not me," Erik said nervously. His fantasy now turned to his worst nightmare coming true.

"Looks like you," Bret said. "Dick hair color matches your head hair color..."

"It's not me," Erik responded, more sternly.

"Look, man," Bret said. "I'm just complimenting. You're a good size."

Erik looked at Bret disgusted. "Are you seriously trying to compliment my dick size?" Erik asked.

"No," Bret said. "I'm just trying to take your mind off of her. Did you really think she was just fucking you? She's in porn. You've watched videos with her blowing tons of other dudes."

"I don't know that," Erik said.

"Who did she do them with?" Bret asked.

"I dunno. Old boyfriends.," Erik said.

"How many old boyfriends?"

"I don't know," Erik said, getting upset. "I didn't ask. Probably 2. Maybe 3. No more than 4, I don't think..."

"Looks like more than two different types of dicks there," Bret said navigating the tablet to the blowjobs page of Lara's website. "Not that I'm an expert at this. I probably couldn't even pick my dick out of a lineup." Bret held up the tablet and started pointing to several images making comments on each one. "But, I'm not black, not overly tan, not insanely white, like you, I'm circumcised, and I have dark hair. That's at least five dicks right there that I know are not mine. You're just another dick on a wall to her. When are you going to get that?"

"So you think she doesn't care about me?" Erik asked.

"I have no fucking clue," Bret said. "Maybe she does, maybe not. But she's not the serious, girlfriend type, that's for damn sure."

"So you think we could make it work if I'm OK with her doing this?" Erik asked hopeful at another chance to salvage something with Lara.

"DUDE!," Bret yelled. "Seriously... Is that what you want? You want to be with a porn chick that fucks other guys for a living?"

"I just want to be with her," Erik said quietly.

"I think you just want a girlfriend," Bret said. "And this girl is not a girlfriend. I'm sure she's fucking great, and great at fucking, but she's not your girlfriend, and you've got to let it go."

Erik's mind strayed again to his fantasy that he had earlier that day. "What if I was the one she was always fucking on camera?" Erik asked.

"So you want to be in porn now?" Bret asked. "I don't know. Maybe."

"Kind of big fucking decision for 'I dunno, maybe,'" Bret said. "Maybe think about it. Like, longer than 5 seconds."

"Alright...," Erik said, feeling defeated again.

"So...," Bret continued. "Anyway, now that I've seen you like this, what size condoms do you wear?"

"What?" Erik asked nervously.

"You're packing," Bret said. "And I bet you have the same problem with condom sizes. They're always too small for me. What do you do?"

Erik stared directly at him. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Yeah, that's right," Bret responded. "Cause you bareback porn stars, I forgot. You better wrap that shit up next time."

"Shut up," Erik said.

"Cause you're going to wake up one morning and your dick is going to fall off," Bret continued. "Like your going to stand up, and your dick is just going to go 'boop,' and fall on the floor. It's just going to be laying there going, 'How could you let your dick fall off? Why didn't you protect me? Get the glue!'"

Just then, Steve walked through the door. "Whose dick fell off?"

The three went downstairs to the cafeteria for dinner. Erik went through the line first and found a seat at the table. Steve and Bret sat down next to him shortly after.

"So, you got a blowjob from a chick for a porn site?" Steve asked Erik.

Erik looked at Bret. "Asshole," he said.

"What?" Bret asked. "You sticking with the story that it's not your pale dick cumming all over that chick's face?"

"It's not me," Erik said slowly staring down at his tray.

"You gotta show me this thing after dinner," Steve said to Bret.

"Oh, I got it right here," Bret said pulling out his phone.

"Stop!," Erik raised his voice. "Put that shit away!" Everyone in the cafeteria looked over at them. Steve smiled and put his head down. Bret looked around and started nodding at everyone that was looking at them asking questions such as: "How are you doing? How's dinner?"

After everyone turned away, Lexi and Jessica exited the cafeteria line and sat down at a table nearby with two other guys.

Jessica looked over at Erik and waved. Erik waved back.

"Is that her?" Steve asked.

"Yeah," Bret said. "That's the one he's obsessed with."

"I'm not obsessed," Erik said.

"So that's the one that sucked your dick on the Internet?" Steve asked.

"No!," Erik said.

"That's the one with the boyfriend," Bret said.

"And no one sucked my dick on the Internet," Erik followed up.

"Oh yeah they did," Bret said. "I've got that shit right here." Bret held up his cell phone again.

"No!," Erik yelled out, and the entire cafeteria looked at them again for the 2nd time, just as Lexi was walking up to the table.

"Bad time?" she asked.

Bret smiled. "Nope," he responded. "What's up little lady?"

"Well, I was wondering what you had going on tonight?" Lexi asked.

"Well, that depends," Bret responded.

"On what?" Lexi asked.

"On what you want to do tonight?" Bret said.

"How about I come by around 8?" Lexi said.

"Sounds great," Bret said.

"See you then!" Lexi said walking back to her table.

"Nice," Steve said. "You and her?"

"Kinda," Bret said.

"Oh, yeah?" Steve asked.

"It's nothing serious," Bret said.

"What the fuck!" Erik said. "I've been pouring my heart out for two weeks, and you go out for a smoke one time, and this girl is all over you? What the fuck am I doing wrong?"

"Everything," Bret said.

"Yeah," Steve said. "You act like a little bitch. Chicks hate that shit."

Erik didn't know what to say. He ate his dinner in silence. On occasion, Erik would glance over at Jessica and see her with the other guys at their table. She was talking and laughing. This made Erik crack a slight smile as he continued eating.

After dinner, the three went outside to accompany Bret while he smoked a cigarette. Erik wasn't much in the mood for one of the typical video game nights with Bret and Steve that he had grown accustomed to. Bret was going to be busy soon anyway, so Erik decided to skip the after-dinner video games. Instead, he told them he wasn't feeling well and went back to his room. Erik sat at his computer on Lara's website. The new clip with her and Rocco had been uploaded. Erik started watching it and his heart continued to sink.

"I can't do this," he thought. "I can't just keep watching her fuck whoever. Maybe... Maybe I can be that guy for her. What if I started doing all this with her on camera?" Erik continued to watch the clip and compare himself with Rocco. "That dude looks like a roided out freak. His muscles are fucking enormous and I don't even know if I could get that way if I tried. I'd need to hit the gym, like tomorrow. He's also really tanned, and I'm basically an enemy of the sun."

The more he kept comparing himself to Rocco, the worse he felt about this idea. "But, what if I can get close?" he continued to think. "What if I can get a base tan so I don't look like a ghost and I can bulk up enough, so I don't look like a stick figure? Tomorrow, I'll go to the student Rec building. They said there was a large fitness center inside and it was free for students."

Erik was confident in his new plan and went to bed knowing that tomorrow was going to be difficult. Erik woke up on Tuesday and performed his same daily routine. After his first class, he changed into an older shirt and a pair of black gym shorts. Then he walked to the student recreation building. Erik found the fitness center and reviewed the equipment. The center had free weights and strength training machines. Erik decided that the machines were the way to go.