It was just after ten on a Thursday night when I heard the light rap on the front door.
My trusty chocolate lab, Shane, who had been curled up by my feet on the couch, immediately jumped up, perhaps more surprised than I was. "Rrruuuufffff," he growled huskily, which as anyone knows, is the canine equivalency of "Who's there?" Shane can play along with knock, knock jokes with the best of them.
I lowered the volume of the pay-per-view porn movie that I had just ordered minutes ago, and looked down at my bare chest and burgeoning hard-on threatening to poke through my sweat pants. I wasn't exactly dressed for visitors, from either the waist up or the waist down. Well, I guess that would depend on the visitor.
I pondered whether or not to ignore the knocking, hoping against hope the person had a mistaken residence and would simply move on. The eighties song by the Australian reggae band Men at Work rattled in my head. "Who Could It Be Now.....?"
But there it was again.
Shane bounced on the balls of his four paws as his head swiveled from the door to me, then to the door again, in nervous confusion. A guard dog, he was not. "Yap," he uttered this time, much less ominously than before, but the meaning was the same thought as the one running through my own head. "Who the fuck IS that at this hour?"
I placed the remote on the coffee table next to my glass of chardonnay, pausing the action on the screen just as a promising FFM threesome was beginning to unfold and walked to the foyer, calling out obediently to the only proper response anyone can make when they hear 'knock, knock'. Yep, you guessed it.
"Who's there?" I asked through the door, peering through the eyehole which hadn't ever really worked, and seeing only blurred darkness. Gotta get that fixed someday, I thought.
I most certainly wasn't expecting the voice I heard, a woman's voice. "It's Andrea Price, your new neighbor."
My mind began to filter this information as she continued. "From 123, two doors down? Your son and my son met yesterday."
Oh, yes, THAT new neighbor, the one with the great tits who smiled at me from the side of the U-haul truck earlier in the week, moving into the vacant townhouse just down the street. At the time, I had made a mental note to find out if there was a husband who accompanied those two nice tits. Looks like I had my answer.
Knock, knock, indeed. Or was that knocker, knocker? My jokes are really getting worse, I thought, as I opened the door, forgetting that I was without a shirt.
The door swung open. She stared at my chest. I stared at hers, clad in a tight black turtleneck. If she was willing to give me the shirt off of her back, I'd willingly play right along. It'd be the neighborly thing to do, after all.
It wasn't until she began to speak that I noticed the bottle of wine she held in her right hand. Chardonnay, how did she know?
"Oh, my," she stammered, continuing to look at my bare pecs. "It's just that I wanted to say hello, to introduce myself, and I noticed your son being picked up by his mom earlier tonight, and my own son, Andrew, is with his dad, and....." She stopped, embarrassed, blushing, stepping back slightly. It was then that I noticed her mouth. Huge, wide, with big, full, ruby lips, a textbook mouth for cocksucking if ever there was one.
"I'm sorry," she murmured, looking as if she would cry suddenly. Her eyes were already slightly bloodshot and I could smell liquor on her breath. Not that there's anything wrong with that. "I shouldn't have come. I don't know what I was thinking about. It's just that I don't know anybody here yet, and..."
This broad used a lot of run-on sentences, I thought, realizing that I hadn't yet said a word. Shane took a tentative step out onto the porch and began to sniff inquisitively at her jean-covered crotch. Wouldn't it be nice if humans could get away with that as a greeting?
"Shane, stop that," I commanded, grabbing him by the collar and pulling him back inside. He continued to sniff from a distance, and his tail began to wag. He apparently liked dad's chances.
"No, no, please, how rude of me. I'm John. John McCullough. And yes, I do remember you, and my son Timmy told me he played catch with your son. Please, please, come in," I said, gesturing to her to enter. "But leave your shirt at the door, please," I thought. For some reason, I recalled a sign I once saw in the entrance of a tavern. "Men - no shirt, no drinks. Women - no shirt, free drinks."
I gripped her elbow lightly, escorting her into the vestibule. The smell of liquor became more noticeable. This gal had indeed been drinking, and seemed more than a little tipsy. My kinda woman.
"Andrea, did you say?" I asked, not really caring what the answer was. What's in a name, anyway? They're so overrated sometimes, especially when you have tits like that. A guy's auditory senses, things like hearing and listening, seem to be rendered useless when confronted by a pair of new 36 C's.
"Yes, Andrea. But friends call me Andi." Naturally. Andi's mountains, how appropriate. At least now I had a word association that was conveniently geographical and anatomical enough to remember.
I rubbed my hands self-consciously over my own naked chest. "Um, I'm sorry. Uh, I didn't even have time to get a shirt on. Let me go upstairs and get one."
It was her turn to grab my elbow, stopping me in mid-turn. "No!" she nearly shouted. I stopped in my tracks, surprised by the volume of her command. "Um, I mean, you don't have to, I don't mind." Her voice was much softer this time. One might say, husky. "Besides, you have a nice chest. I don't mind at all." Her gray-green eyes sparkled with mischief, and she twirled a manicured nail around her frosted blonde, short spiky hair.
With those words and that sultry look, the sexual tension rose exponentially, in tandem with my dick, tenting in my sweat pants, my only clothing. Shane lay down on the carpet, propping his head on his front paws, probably thinking with Labrador intuition, "This is going to get good."
I decided to test the waters early and see what her intentions were, though I already had an inclination. I returned her gaze. "Thank you. And if I do say so myself, strictly as a neighborly compliment, of course, that I couldn't help but notice you have a very nice chest of your own, Andi." All along, even when I first saw her next to the U-Haul, I'd been trying to place who she reminded me of, and it finally hit me. Jennifer Tilly, especially two very prominent and similar attributes.
I guess I was expecting her to blush, but instead, she proudly arched her back and huffed out her globes for apparent closer examination. No bra was visible, and these things defied gravity. "Thank you yourself, kind sir. It's a wise investment I made from my divorce settlement last year. I figured in the middle of a recession that these are two things that wouldn't lose value in the short-term."
I couldn't help but laugh at her bold and brazen self-evaluation. "You've chosen wisely," I told her, sincerely meaning every word. "Yes," she nodded in reply, smiling a conspiratorial grin. "I'm glad we can get things off of our chest so easily." Now that sounded suspiciously like an invitation. But I didn't nibble at the bait, not yet, anyway.
Instead, perhaps foolishly, and only serving to prolong what seemed to be the inevitable, I tried to take the conversation in a different direction. Reaching for the wine to chill, which she willingly offered, I asked over my shoulder while walking to the refrigerator, "So, to what do I owe this honor? A lovely neighbor bringing me gifts at such an hour?"
Now, this was a question to which I was looking for an answer. The ball was thrown in her court, purposely. I always take my cues from women before making any move, and although I was fairly certain that circumstantial evidence thus far pointed towards a neighborly slumber party, I figured it wouldn't hurt to have that reinforced by Andi.
I had the cue I needed when I turned with two wine glasses in my hands to see Andi lifting her arms above her head and peeling her seemingly painted-on turtleneck off and over her head, leaving me to admire an enhanced set of 36C's (D's?) with huge brown areolas the approximate size of a putting green. Somehow, I also noticed a belly button ring dangling from her taut navel.
She smiled a devilish grin at me as I gripped the empty wine glassed tightly, and did that thing with her finger twirling around in her hair again. "Well, let's just say it's your lucky night, neighbor," she said, cupping her breasts in her palms and pressing them together. "Call me a horny divorcee who is looking for a slightly less lonely night."
Andi walked towards me, reached for the wine glasses, placed them on the kitchen counter, and took my own hands and placed each one directly on her impressive mounds. They were the texture of silly putty left out overnight. I knew what to do from here, and began to roughly play with each as her long tongue snaked into my mouth.
She groaned lustily into my mouth as I tugged and pulled on her puffy nipples, and I reluctantly had to release my grip on her tits and began to massage her smooth back and denim-covered asscheeks as our naked upper bodies mashed into each others, hot skin on hot skin. There is something so wonderfully erotic about being naked with a woman only from the waist up. Such a coupling has only one direction to go, and that's more naked.
Andi began to trail hungry yet wonderfully soft kisses down the nape of my neck, my collarbone, then swirling her tongue around my nipples while her one hand eased southward teasingly.
Finally, I felt her begin to tug at my bulge over my tented sweat pants, and as she did so, my own mouth lowered to her orbs and I started to suck and lightly bite on one engorged nipple. She moaned and lifted her head back as she snaked her hand beneath the waistline of my sweats until I felt her palm on my twitching hard-on.
"Ummmm, big, thick," she purred lustfully. Her thumb began to flick over the drop of pre-cum now oozing from my slit, and my own hand casually unsnapped the button on her tight jeans. My fingers disappeared under the hem and we masturbated each other, still standing. Her pussy literally radiated with humidity, and her swollen pussy lips seemed to suck my fingers into her slit. She peeked down at the object of her desire, like a curious child in a "Please Touch" museum, needing to see what she was unraveling. My purple head peered up at her, curling northward. She smiled as she saw her prize. "Heinz 57 thick, wow," she gushed.
She then asked one of the silliest questions of all time. "Can I suck it?" I didn't dignify the inquiry with a response. Instead, I guided her head down as she traced kisses over my chest and navel, tracing the hairs with her tongue, until she yanked the pants as I parted my legs, my cock spilling out inches from her face.
She licked all the way down my stomach. Finally, Andi wrapped her left hand around my shaft, while she gently cupped my scrotum in her supple right hand. Andi was gazing into my eyes with her tongue stuck out. I kept my eyes on hers as she drew her tongue closer to the head of my cock ever so slowly. I could hear the infamous Heinz 57 commercial resounding in my brain, the husky voice of Carly Simon singing, "Anticipation". It was killing me. She was finally about a millimeter from making contact, when she drew her tongue back into her mouth and grinned devilishly. Instead of licking it, she whisked her face across the head, which made me shiver.
"Please..." I pleaded, which made Andi lick her smiling, luscious lips and made her genuinely look sympathetic.
She tossed her head back and grasped my cock once more. Holding the shaft, she gently slid her hot tongue up the entire underside of my penis. When she reached the head and I felt the warmth of her tongue travel slowly up over my semen opening, I could have come right then and there, but I would have never forgiven myself if I did. Continuing her tease, Andi moved her head back a few inches to admire the picture in front of her, knowing full well she was prolonging my agony. I made a mental note to get her back at the appropriate setting.
Andi took my cock back, this time pulling my foreskin over the head and pulling it down. This caused some more pre-cum to form. Andi blew it on it lightly then took the drop onto her pinky. She looked at it almost in wonder, hesitated momentarily, and then sucked on her finger, swallowing my pre-cum at the same time. Andi had the most seductive eyes. It seemed they were constantly flirting, if you can categorize a woman being down on her knees and toying with your cock in the first ten minutes of meeting as 'flirting'.
While my cock was pressed against my stomach now, she tongued the head. She picked up the shaft and slowly circled the extremely sensitive head. The sensations were so strong that I automatically pulled my hips backward. The heat and wetness that came from her tongue was glorious. Andi used the tip of her tongue to flick it over the exposed head. Each flick of her tongue sent a pulse of pleasure all the way through my body. She made imaginary circles with her tongue on one side of my cock, and then began to slowly lick the other side, causing two contrasting feelings that ultimately became enveloped by the warmth of their her hot little tongue.
I watched in awe as Andi stuck out her tongue and rubbed my cock all over it. She next began to kiss all the way up my shaft, stopping at the raised groove at the base of the head. Her moist lips were focused on the ultra sensitive area as each kiss pushed me one step closer to ecstasy. Sensing my pending release, but not wanting yet to extricate my fluids, Andi then nibbled her way up and down my shaft, while she used her saliva and thumb to massage the head again.
Andi then pulled my shaft towards her. She put my cock deep into her mouth and wrapped her lips around the base of the head. She used her lips as foreskin, sliding them up and down just the head. Her hot mouth kept on sliding up and down, while her tongue lashed at my entire length inside her mouth.
Suddenly, she grabbed the shaft and removed it from her mouth, smiling up at me in an evil, "I'm totally in control" grin, reveling in the power like a true cocksucking-lover woman does. I knew the species of ravenous feline well, and was fortunate that one had just moved in near my own lair.
Just as suddenly, she wrapped her lips around the head and began to suck earnestly, sliding her lips down over my cock as far as she could. It felt so good deep in her throat that I wanted to stay there permanently. She sucked and licked enthusiastically, then changed her focus to my balls. She took my scrotum into her mouth almost roughly. Andi began to masturbate me with her hand, while she licked desperately at my semen slit. She must have felt something brewing in my testicles because she brought her head up from my balls and grabbed the shaft, and reached up for the wine glass on the counter next to us.
While holding the glass next to my cock, Andi inserted my rock-hard cock into her mouth as fast as she could. She skimmed her mouth up and down the shaft and head. I felt my cock against her warm tongue and the roof of her mouth as she engulfed me with her hot lips. That was too much for me. This was it, I was finally about to ejaculate. She held the glass right up next to my cockhead and vigorously rubbed my balls and shaft.
"I'm coming!" I cried, as much as a warning to Andi as it was out of curiosity, wondering where Andi intended for my seed to land.
She took my cock and held it upright while she began to twirl her tongue around the head. My cock was now absolutely dripping with saliva. The feeling of slickness was amazing, as she began to furiously lick the under side of my cock while placing the wine glass directly over my cock. As she swirled her tongue over my balls, she masturbated me frantically with her hand. I felt the surge coming, the unmistakeable powerful throb in my testicles.
My body shook as I felt the wad shoot up from my balls, sending a powerful feeling of bliss up through my penis – which caused pleasure shock waves to spread throughout my entire body. Finally, the come erupted from my penis in wave after wave of elation. Andi had put my cock in the glass just before the torrents of come gushed out of my thankful penis and it flooded the goblet with gobs and gobs of my hot, sticky, runny white semen.
I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, completely relaxed and satisfied. My first-ever blowjob from a neighbor completely surpassed expectations. I opened my eyes and looked at Andi, who leered up at me, swishing the contents of my ejaculate in the glass. I assumed that she was now seeking a place to dump it out, but instead, while her eyes never left mine, she raised the glass to her still saliva-coated lips and gulped my cum in one big swallow, as if she were doing an oyster shooter.
This unexpected but thoroughly erotic gesture caused my cock to remain in the locked and upright position. She rose from her knees and brought her mouth to mine, and I was shocked when she shared the warm cum still bubbling between her lips, her tongue easing deeply into my mouth, and dabbing my inner cheeks and tongue with the salty, tangy flavor of my own seed. All in all, I would have preferred the Clos Du Bois chardonnay, but hey, it was just another nectar of the gods.
She peeled off her jeans, which were already dangling around her taut thighs, a baby blue thong barely covering her pussy. She bent over the kitchen counter, sticking her delectable ass out towards me, pushed the sheer material away from her ass, and implored, "Your turn. Eat me. Stick your cum back in my cunt. Lick me."
Now, this...this was a welcome wagon. Every community should have such a tradition.
I followed instructions from my slutty drill sergeant and fell to my knees on the tile floor, my own cum now burning against the inside of my cheeks, and I made one of those rash split-second decisions. As delicious as her pussy looked, poking out from the rear between her legs, I plunged my cum-coated tongue directly into her tight pink-brown asshole, and spit the residue of my semen into her asshole as she squealed in surprised delight.
This had become a contest of shock value, a World Wrestling Federation event of sorts that had turned sexual, destined to entertain the combatants. If my new neighbor Andi had wanted a freaky and uninhibited opponent, well, she had come to the right ring.
I tongue-fucked Andi's ass with vigor while my fingers parted and speared her cunt, finger-fucking her as she moaned into the formica, her head and tits mashed into the counter. Her pussy squished and her anus gaped, and then I picked her up and flipped her onto the kitchen counter on her back. Truth be told, I could have gone on licking her in this position for hours. I only did this because my knees were fucking killing me, aching from the hard tile floor.
Propping herself up with her elbows so she could be a spectator for her own oral pleasure, Andi let her long, elegant left leg drape over the side, the other bent at the knee, with the foot flat on the counter presumably to keep her body in place. She smiled sexily, with half-closed eyes, as she swung her right knee slowly from side to side, making her outer labia open sufficiently to show the inner lips, nestled in the pink valley of her exquisite vulva.
When it comes to women's private parts, I have always been something of an aesthetic. I see great beauty in them. Large or small, floppy or tight, I find them all fascinating pieces of female anatomy. I love to study my various girlfriends' vulvas in detail, always marveling at the variation in them. No two are alike - thank goodness. But all are a delightful collection of soft tissue, delicate moist lips, flaps and tiny lobes, encased in a fine fleecy frame.