Know Thyself Ch. 09

"To Ashley and Wendy," everyone repeats and then takes a drink.

"Okay," my mom calls out. "Dinner is ready. Let's set the table."

********

The ring looks so perfect on her finger. I still can't believe she said yes. I'm an engaged person now.

I'm an engaged person!

It's late. Wendy is spending the night at my place. Maybe it was the adrenaline rush of the proposal combined with how many bottles of wine we all finished off, but both of our parents agreed to let us spend the night together. (With a little bit of convincing of my mom from Wendy's.) She's laying right next to me in my bed, wrapped under my arm. I'm holding her hand and spinning the ring on her finger. I can't believe how perfectly everything worked out. Our parents got along well, but then I shouldn't be too surprised. They've known each other a long time. I still don't have that familiarity with them being familiar. I also forgot how much I like Alana's roommates. They're a lot of fun and I think I'm going to become good friends with them too.

And then there's Alana. What a good friend she turned out to be. She's been a better friend to me in the last three months than any of the friends in Ben's life were, and I knew them for years.

And then Greg. My dad. I found myself stealing glances at him throughout dinner. I'm glad he was here. I'm glad that the Greg in this life was here. I kind of feel a pang of regret that this Greg wasn't my father in Ben's life. He's much happier here. Maybe it's all an act. In Ben's life I knew him very well but in this life he's just my brother's boss. For all I know he has a messed up life, but I'd like to think that's not the case.

My dad got to see me get engaged.

"So how are we going to do this?" Wendy asks me.

"What?" I say, breaking my stream of thoughts.

"Please don't tell me you have more planned? It makes sense now why you were so distracted before. Is there more?"

I give her a kiss. "No, that's it. It's just us now."

"Good," she says after the kiss. "So how are we going to do this 'long-distance relationship' thing?"

"We live in the age of technology, I don't think it'll be a problem," I say with a smirk.

"But I don't want to leave you," she says, trying to sound like a disappointed child.

"You have to. You can't leave school."

"I know."

"Trust me, college is short. It doesn't seem like it now but it is. In the grand scheme of things, it's a blip on the radar."

"You sound like an old lady," she teases.

"Maybe I am."

"I can't believe you did that today." She looks up at me, her face buried behind my right boob. Her eyes give her smile away.

"I can't believe you said 'yes'."

"How long have you had that planned?"

"A week or so."

"What made you decide to do it?"

I think about that for a moment. How do I answer that without lying?

"I want to make sure we will always be together. And I know how much you admire your parents' marriage. I know you want the same thing."

"How do you know that?" She says, unable to hide the suspicion in her voice. "I've never told you that before."

"Yeah you have. In another life."

She crinkles her face, trying to make sense of what I said. "In another life?"

"Yeah. You told me in another existence. I was a man named Ben but on the inside I was a woman. I met you at a gay bar while I was crossdressing and you told me how much you wanted marriage while we were having drinks."

There's silence for a moment. She doesn't say anything and I can't see her face since she's resting her head on my stomach now, only her hair facing me.

"You're crazy," she finally says.

I chuckle. "That is for sure."

Her hand goes to my shorts and she starts to rub the mound underneath.

"Have I ever told you I love your smell when you start to get wet?" She asks me.

"No," I say, a little embarrassed.

She takes a deep breath in through her nose. "Mmm mmm mmm," she teases.

"I don't smell!" I protest.

She slides my shorts down and I don't try to stop her. I take a whiff in myself, but I don't smell anything. She must be making it up. She puts her face into my crotch and takes a whiff in herself.

"You smell so good," she says. "You smell like my wife." She steals a glance back at me with a big smile. I smile back.

She lifts my leg over her head so she can put her face closer to my pussy. I feel the tip of her tongue lightly touch my lips. I take a deep breath in and tense my legs from the sensation.

"Does this mean I can call you 'wifey' now?" I ask.

She flicks my clit with her tongue and my stomach spasms.

"You can call me anything you want now. I'm yours forever." And with that, she buries her face into my pussy. Her tongue licks me from the bottom to the top, and then goes to work on my clit.

"Oh Wendy," I exhale as I put my hand on the back of her head. "I love you."

"Mm Mlv Mu Mu," she says with her face buried in my pussy, purposely muffling her voice.

"I've never had anyone tell me they love me into me before," I say.

She lifts her head up. "We're going to have a lot of firsts together," she says.

That's when I get an idea. I inch away from her.

"Take all your clothes off, lay on your back, and close your eyes," I say.

She looks at me suspiciously. "I thought there weren't anymore surprises?"

"I just thought of this one," I say enthusiastically.

I put my hand to my clit because I still feel the vibration she started. She smiles when she sees me do it.

"Have I fully corrupted you now?" She asks.

"Clothes. Off. Now. And assume the position."

"What position?"

"Eyes closed, legs spread."

She laughs and starts undressing. I go to my dresser and wait for her to close her eyes. When she does, I open the bottom drawer and reach into the back and pull out the dildo I bought a couple weeks ago. I almost forgot I had this. I walk back over to her, the dildo behind my back incase her eyes are still open.

"Can I open them yet?" She asks.

"No."

I put the dildo in my mouth to get it wet. The rubbery taste fills my mouth but the idea of it brings me back to earlier this morning. Wendy is laying on my wet spot from earlier, dry now. I put my hand on her stomach and run my finger along her naked body down to her bush. Unlike me, Wendy doesn't shave, which is really sexy. I don't know why, but a pussy with hair is much better. I would know, Alana shaves hers. I run my finger in circles around her clit. She smiles and squirms, looking like she's figured out what I'm going to do. I put the dildo to the lips of her pussy and lightly run it up and down the slit. She immediately opens her eyes and looks at what's touching her.

"Oh my God! Where did you get that?" She yells out through laughter.

"I bought it!"

"How long have you had it?"

"A couple weeks."

"You fucking horn-ball," she teases.

"Oh please, you love it!" I say as I put my hand out to lay her back down.

"Oh my God," she says, now flat on her back again.

I put the dildo in my mouth again to get it wet and return it to her pussy. I lightly rub it up and down as my finger circles her clit. I hear her moan slightly as her body begins to wiggle.

"You want it inside you?" I ask, wanting to hear her say it.

She nods.

"Tell me you want it."

I don't know what's coming over me. I seem to be running on instinct.

"I want it inside me," she breathes out through a moan.

I stick the dildo slowly into her opening.

"Oh," she calls out.

"You like it?" I ask.

"Yes!" She says through air again.

I slowly start to jerk the dildo in and out of her and I lean down and lick her clit. As my tongue massages her, the dildo starts to fuck her very slowly.

"Ashley," she says, her eyes closed.

I start to move the dildo faster along with my tongue. She squirms with so much force, I have to use the weight of my body to hold her down.

"I love you," she calls out.

I would answer but my lips are preoccupied with her clit. I start to jerk to the dildo faster, so much so it reminds me of jerking off as Ben. I'm jerking Wendy off. I leave her clit and move up her body to her face. I grab the back of her head and she opens her eyes and looks into mine. I'm on my knees next to the bed, one hand fucking her with a dildo, the other behind her head holding her gaze to mine.

"I love you," I say.

"I love you," she breathes.

"I want you to look at me when you cum."

"I'm close," she pants, her eyes wide with the impending pleasure.

As my hand bounces off her pussy with each thrust, I can feel more and more of her juices flying out of her. She's drenched.

"I fucking love you," she yells out.

"I fucking love you too. Cum for me Wendy. I want to taste your cum."

"Oh!" She calls out, all she can muster.

Her legs snap shut and her body contorts as the orgasm takes over. I feel one last wave of juices fall out of her and I take the dildo out so she can convulse the pleasure out of her. She opens her eyes to look at me and I put the dildo in my mouth so I can taste my wife. I put the dildo deep so that the juices go to the back of my throat, and then I take it out and lick it up and down. I rub the dildo across my lips and look her in the eye.

"I want to taste you every night for the rest of time," I say.

She's panting, out of breath, and she grabs the back of my head and pulls me in for a deep and hard kiss. Our tongues dance together and I share the taste of her pussy with her. I feel her body shaking underneath me and I realize we cum the same way.

"I fucking love you," she says again.

"I fucking love you too Wendy," I say back.

I stay on my knees next to the bed as we stare into each other's eyes.

God, she's beautiful.

As I stare into her I realize this is the rest of my life. How did I get so lucky?

That's easy, I think. And just as I'm about to formulate the answer, I realize I don't really know it. I just feel it. I deserve her, and she deserves me.

I get on the bed and lay next to her, the dildo resting on her stomach. She catches her breath and then turns to me.

"You're turn," she says with a smile.

********

When I wake up it's late. It's still dark outside. Wendy is still asleep, her back turned to me as she's laying on her side. I reach for the nightstand and look at my phone.

Three-seventeen a.m.

It's the middle of the night. For some reason I'm fully awake. Wendy went to town on my pussy and made me cum just as much as I had earlier in the day. It's almost impossible to imagine it happening that hard for a second time in one day but it did. Maybe it's something about your wife fucking you with a dildo for the first time, but she made me cum so hard I felt like I was hallucinating.

We both fell asleep laying in the wet spots our passion created. I notice the silver half-dollar coin on my night stand and realize I still need to make my final decision.

I might as well go now.

I can go and come back before she's even awake. I quietly slip off the bed and start to put my clothes on. I put the silver half dollar coin in my pocket and sneak out of the apartment. The trains and busses will still be running, albeit on a much more limited schedule.

That's the good thing about living in the city that never sleeps.

It's funny they call it that. Walking around Inwood at three-thirty in the morning, it certainly looks like the city is sleeping up here. Although the busses and trains are still running, so that's something.

It takes me a while but I finally get off the crosstown bus at the park entrance closest to the fountain. It's probably not the best idea to be walking around Central Park this late at night, but this isn't the eighties. You can always tell who actually lives in the city and who doesn't based on their opinion of Central Park. It used to have a reputation for being a place to either get murdered or raped back in the eighties, but now in twenty-fifteen it's really safe. It's true it's probably not as safe at three-thirty in the morning, but I'll take my chances.

The instincts of a thirty year-old man are still strong in this one.

I finally get to the fountain and I realize it's striking at this time of night. It's illuminated by moon light and it's barely visible yet still visible enough. I slowly walk up to it, the coin in my hand. This is it. I'm going to make my final decision as to what life I want to lead.

As if at this point there's any question to it.

I stand in front of the pool of water and look down. The moon light shines off of it in a way that makes you think anything is possible. If something so simple as a pool of water can look this beautiful, anything can be done. I hold the coin up in my hand and look up at the angel atop the fountain. There's no one around me, so I decide to speak aloud.

"Thank you for giving me this gift. I don't know what I did to deserve it, but I'm thankful you gave it to me."

I stop because I don't know what to say beyond that. I feel like the occasion deserves more of a speech. I'm choosing one life over another. Certainly there should be something of insight said, right?

After thinking for a moment, I decide the truth is best.

"Thank you for giving me a choice. I choose this life. I choose Ashley, and I plan to make the best of it. More than I ever did as Ben."

I think about the experience this morning and realize there's more I need to say.

"Thank you for helping me find the value in myself as Ben. I was a worthwhile person as Ben. I was a beautiful person. I shouldn't have judged myself so harshly. Thank you for helping me see that."

Tears start to swell in my eyes.

"I choose Ashley."

And with that I toss the coin into the fountain, my final decision being made. I stand there, looking up at the fountain waiting for some kind of sign.

"I think you made the right decision," I hear a familiar voice say behind me.

I spin around and see a face I wasn't expecting.

Ashley.

Standing in front of me is Ashley. Or at least, the Fountain Man looking like Ashley. So the Fountain Woman?

"How many times do I have to tell you? I'm you," she says.

"Yes I know. Sorry," I apologize.

"You're sure about this?" She asks me.

"Yes. I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

She smiles. "Good. I'm glad. Thank you, Ashley. Thank you for going through this. I know it was difficult."

"It was weird, to say the least," I joke.

She laughs at that. "No doubt. That's exactly what I thought when I went through it."

"You went through the same thing I did?"

"Yes."

"Who are you?" I ask.

"I'm you," she says.

"Yes I know-"

"I'm you at the end of your life," she says, cutting me off.

I stop and think about that, not fully comprehending.

"When your life is over, you'll be given an opportunity," she explains.

"What kind of opportunity?"

"One to fix all the things that were wrong in your life."

"I don't understand," I say.

"I'm you. Your spirit, your life force, your ghost. I don't know, however you want to put it. I'm you once your life is over."

As I stare back at the face that looks exactly like mine, exactly like my age, I feel a pang of fear. She picks up on it and puts a hand on my shoulder.

"You're going to live a long life. A long and happy life, Ashley. Thank you for that."

I relax after hearing her words. She's me at the end of my life. How is this even possible?

"I don't know," she says. "I was given an opportunity and I took it. Which means you're going to be given the same opportunity at the end of your life. You're going to come back, just as I did, and you'll have to guide yourself to the life you deserve. You won't be able to explain until a final decision is made."

"So you were waiting for me to do this?" I ask.

She nods.

"You're a beautiful person," she says. "I'm so glad you finally see that too. So many people go their whole life without finding out who they really are. Cherish this. It's rare. I don't know why this was given to us, but it was. Cherish it."

"What happens to you now? Will I still see you?" I ask.

She shakes her head. "I finally get to rest. It's all on you now," she says.

I look down for a moment, the gravity of what she's saying sinking in. I know it's all true. How else was all this possible?

"Promise me one thing though," she says.

I look up. "What?"

"Don't judge him too harshly. Don't judge her too harshly. Sometimes you're going to want to just shake them!" She laughs at that. "Give her time. She's doing her best."

I nod.

"Thank you," I say.

"Thank you!"

For the first time, she fades away in front of me, a smile on her face and a look of peace. I'm now alone in front of the fountain. I look down into the fountain and maybe it's just because it's hard to see with the moon light but I can't see my coin anymore. Maybe all this was in my head. Maybe I was going crazy. Or maybe it's exactly as it appeared. All I know is I have a life ahead of me with the woman I love. And who knows? Maybe what she said is true and at the end of my life I'm going to have to be the Fountain Man, or maybe I'm just a functional crazy person. Either way, I'm happy. For the first time in my life I'm happy and I'm actually looking forward to the next day.

I look up to the top of the fountain and even though I know she can't hear me anymore, I say it anyway.

"Thank you."

It's time to go home. It's time to return to my wife.

My wife.

My name is Ashley Montgomery, and for the first time in my life, I'm happy.

THE END.