Know Who Your Friends Are

The next day I wondered what had happened. Kate said she did not know. I got a phone call that morning from her, asking me to stay till the end of the week - she did not say why. I did so and rang you, feeling very foolish. I just blabbed on, I remember. As the week progressed, I became sure you had. I rang you and wondered if I'd interrupted you. Kate refused to tell me. She said that, if I wanted to know, I should ask you. I didn't dare.

ANGELA

We had both been seduced and with some finesse. Was I angry? Part of me was angry, more angry than I have ever been. Incandescent. Other parts of me just looked down at this anger with cool detachment -- with derision.

I have said that Brian and Kate had stood by us. They had done more than that. About three years ago, the neighbours from hell moved in next door to us. They were worse than that and seemed bent on making our lives a misery. Confrontations, excrement, threats, vandalism and more. We later learnt they were trying to drive us out and the house price down to pick up our house for a song. We soon realised that, given the neighbours and our mortgage, if we sold we would have no capital and be in serious debt. We decided to stay put. We dared not leave the house unoccupied for a single night.

It was Kate who stayed overnight with me when John was away and I was too terrified to be there alone. Some of the threats were of rape. It was Kate and Brian who house sat for us for a week while we had a desperately needed holiday. When it became apparent that the police were not going to do anything, it was Brian who set up the cameras and recorders -- including the ones that showed that the neighbours were doing something far worse than harassment in their own house. You probably saw it on the news -- yes, those were our neighbours. If we had realised, we probably would have cut our losses and moved but you just do not believe that kind of thing can happen in England

Our other friends stayed away or gave us useless advice.

We did not go to bed with Brian and Kate out of gratitude. But my reactions thereafter - our reactions - were definitely coloured by our past with Kate and Brian.

I read somewhere that the two greatest pleasures in life are seducing and being seduced. Being seduced is the greater pleasure and it is something that can truly happen to you only once or maybe twice. However, if you have the skill and desire, you can seduce many times. I think it was put more pithily than that but I guess you get the drift.

As John told me of his seduction, I became incredibly turned on -- and jealous of Kate. It was weird; it was like watching some hugely erotic film (not one of those ghastly men's porn films) and wanting to be each of the parties involved. I wanted to be John being seduced. I wanted to be Kate. I was so jealous of Kate because I wanted to be Kate seducing John in that way. I absolutely loved what John had told me.

It was my realising this that finally decided everything for me. Later, Kate told me that they had both felt sure that this would suit us. They had even discussed suggesting swapping to us but were at a loss how to broach the subject. They were afraid it would all blow up in their faces. John coming up to stay was just too good an opportunity for them to miss.

In truth I am not angry. I am happy. I have two men that I love. Their seed mingles within me, sending out tendrils of fire that warm my whole being. Perhaps it is a castle of sand that will come crashing down. Perhaps I am being a fool. It could easily have been pure nightmare, pure hell. It may still prove to be so. It is not easy. At times I get deep attacks of panic. It is a situation that requires really hard work on my part and by each of the others. But that is true of any form of relationship. We are who we are. I am content with what I have and who I am.

I adore that John and I have been corrupted. I adore the people who have corrupted us.

Things have not stayed static. Kate came and visited us one weekend. Brian was off with one of his other, recently somewhat neglected, lovers. Kate arrived early on Friday evening. I was nervous beforehand but within a few seconds, the two of us were right back together - with an added item of interest, two men in common. John turned up considerably later, I suspect deliberately. Tact or cowardice - who knows? He stood there with a look on his face like a puppy that is not quite sure whether he will be welcomed or scolded. Kate embraced him.

We talked together awkwardly for a few minutes. Kate turned to me, "It's been ages since I last saw John. Would you mind if I took him off to bed now?" I was a bit taken aback. But, what the hell. In for a penny. "Sure. Go ahead." She took his hand and led him upstairs. I sat there, trying not to listen for any noise. Unable to concentrate on anything, I put some of my favourite music on.

At last the two of them came downstairs. Kate looked radiant and just the slightest bit dishevelled. John looked sheepish - a look I was becoming familiar with. I smiled at Kate, "My turn, I think." I took John's hand and went on up. I was pleased to see that he had no problem in getting an erection. That night, John operated something of a shuttle service, both Kate and I sending him along to the other. Eventually, he pleaded exhaustion and went to sleep beside me.

The next evening, Kate and I took our clothes off, then we undressed John. While Kate was kissing him, I licked and sucked his penis, anointing him for his lover, my friend. I watched him as he entered her. I watched each of their faces as they became lost in their passion. Soon it was my turn.

I too have flitted between bedrooms and lovers in the night. It certainly adds interest to a trip to the loo. The downward spiral continues. I have been fucked by each of my lovers while the other fucked Kate lying beside me holding my hand. I have lain on the floor, like a bitch in heat, a cat in season and been taken in turn by two men, waiting patiently their turn. As each one finished, the other moved in and the cycle repeated, until I was unable to continue and I sucked and rubbed each of them to a final orgasm.

I love John. I love Brian. But I have no doubt as to who is my husband, whom I will stay with. Brian is my lover and my friend. Soon, as new lovers come for him, I will see less of him, though I suspect we will always continue, both as lovers and friends. I hope so.

The thing that has surprised me most is the depth of relationship that Kate and I now have. We are closer than sisters. I think this is the linchpin that keeps the whole thing working. We talk an enormous amount face to face and on the phone. Brian says that, when Kate and I are talking together, it is hard for him or John to get a prick in edgeways.

I don't think men realise just how important other women are to us. If you gave a woman the choice between sex with a man or talking to another woman, most of us would choose talking to the woman, most of the time. Most of the time.

John and Brian both have wondered if Kate and I will start 'girl on girl' -- and they are ambivalent about it. Neither I nor Kate is interested. I suppose that, if the two of us were stuck alone together on a desert island for six months, we would probably diddle each other but it seems pointless when we have the real thing -- in spades.

The men are both quite wary about physical contact between them when there are three or four in the bed. I can never understand why men are so worried about whether they might be 'gay'. It's as though they fear that, at one touch of another man's body, they will magically turn into mincing queens. Men. Oh well, they do have their good points.

I feel my marriage is sound. It has as good a chance of lasting as it did before. Perhaps better. I won't bore you with empty clichés of honesty and openness. But possibly I now accept all of it and not just the bits that I was willing to face. I think that perhaps all this should have been done differently -- agreed before the event. But we are here now and that is that. We have to make the best of it -- or give up. I do not want to give up.

I panic and think how much more John must want and love Kate with her charm and fantastic body and who she is. John similarly fears that Brian outshines him. We both fear losing one another.

Yet, knowing how much John wants and loves Kate, I would not want to deny him that or to deny her that.

Anger is always ready simmering there -- anger at everyone and anger at myself in particular. I have seen how often people retreat into their rage and indignation as a dirty comfort blanket. Because there are things they do not want to face. A form of moral cowardice. I do not want to go down that path.

We both succumbed to temptation. We betrayed each other though it did not feel like a betrayal to either of us at the time. We are flawed people. I will let you into a secret. So is everyone else. So are you.

We did what we did. We had our train crash. We decided to stay together. Those were our choices -- not yours.

You have your own flaws. Your own train crashes. Your own betrayals both by you and of you. It is your decision whether to face these. Alternatively you can run or hide. In anger, self righteousness or whatever you pick.

Those are your own choices.

John and I spend a lot of time reassuring one another. We need to.

Oddly, Kate and Brian are similarly afflicted. Brian sees himself as shallow compared to John and thinks John far more intelligent. Kate laughs and tells me how totally besotted Brian was and still is with me -- and how insecure that makes her feel. She says that the fact that he really likes me so much makes it five times harder for her - even though that is what she would want and would choose for him.

We have learnt that, when we had those neighbours, just how frightened Kate and Brian themselves were staying in our house. We learnt just how close they came to abandoning us. Do you think we think less of them for their frailty? They did not abandon us.

I have also learnt just how scared they both were while seducing us. They were afraid they had got it wrong -- their feelings and judgement -- concerning us. They were afraid that they would mess it up. They were desperately afraid they would destroy our marriage and their friendship with us.

It is strange but the two things that have moved me most about Kate and Brian have both been to do with their fears.

I reckon there is one important thing about adultery. It is the same as with marriage. They both must depend an awful lot on who you do it with.

Like in that film, I choose life. Also friendship and love. And, if you are really lost, kindness has to do.

We get by.

Before all this started, I told myself I trusted John. Nonetheless, I used to watch him like a hawk when we were in attractive company. I would monitor his reactions and those of the woman he was with. I was ever ready to move in, subtly and unnoticed by John. I still watch him and the women. The difference now is that afterwards I will tell him where I think the woman is interested. I advise him how to proceed. On two occasions I have assisted his passage into bed.

For a long time I felt satisfied, sated by my two men. Then I began to feel stirrings. I had not forgotten his reaction to thoughts of my friend Mary. I had always rather liked her husband Simon. Possibilities and ways and means ran through my head. It would all take careful planning.

SIMON

Angela finished her story and turned to her companion, her audience beside her in the bed, "Well, darling, so what do you think of me now?"

Simon did not know what to say, so he said nothing. He felt he had entered a different world. He was a quiet man. Solid. Steady. He was faithful to his wife. That is, he did not seek out opportunities and on the rare occasions when a woman had thrown herself at him, he had recoiled in alarm. This chance encounter, with the friend of his wife, had got through his defences. Events had unfolded. One thing had led to another, as they say. And here he was, in bed. He had regarded it as some windfall, standing apart from his real life, not changing anything.

He had always seen Angela as friendly but cool, outside what was possible. But her story had rocked him, affected him as a turning key, right up to that devastating dénouement.

"OK Simon. It is up to you. We can stop at tonight. Act as though nothing has ever happened. You have that choice. Or we can continue, if you want to keep me as your lover, that is." Simon felt the blood surging in his veins.

"Only, there are implications."

Yes, Simon was well aware of the implications.

He could sleep with Angela again. But, Mary. He had always been aware of some chemistry between his wife and John. Nothing was ever said. Nonetheless, whenever John was around he always found himself assertive and alert, like some herd male, protecting his female from a threatening rival. He wondered briefly if that was the flaw that had caused this fall from grace, brought him to this bed.

Yes he could have Angela - but the price. He could have her - but he would be accepting, working towards, helping the seduction of his wife by John. Or was it by Brian as well? He had grown giddy with the tale. Would that mean that Kate was also part of the offer? He had met her and remembered her as attractive -- very desirable.

Was Mary already John's lover? God, no.

He believed Angela. He could walk away -- even destroy her reputation, if he chose. Or he could accept what was being offered. He felt himself stirring again. He was appalled by what he had heard. He was appalled by what they had already done just an hour ago. That did not stop his desire from reawakening. Far from it. This evening was out of time. By giving in here, he was not choosing.

He moved against her. She responded. As their bodies locked and shifted, seeking conjunction, he realised that choices were being made, options closing. He felt himself submerging beneath heavy, scented liquid. Abandoning everything he had fought for and defended, he entered her that second decisive time. He knew that he was accepting the unthinkable, gloried in it. Then, as his seed left him, in sweet relief all last illusions swept away. He let go.