Konrad's Memoirs Ch. 03

A whole week passed before I found my way back to Johann's house. And back to Lottie. It was not the lack of interest that kept me away from her, far from it. I thought about her everyday, it seemed like I was thinking of her all the time.

Farting about with guilty pleasures rather than devoting my time to some serious work finally caught up with me and I found myself buried in accounts, shipment schedules and catalogue reports for six days straight. By the end of it all, I was so exhausted from concentration, my children's insistent requests for papa to come and play, and most of all from my wife Sophia's suspicious glares, that I spent two days in bed, shivering with fever and fatigue.

The streak of beautiful summer weather had turned on us, too and it was on a miserably cold and rainy Monday when I had found myself slowly skipping over puddles, jumping in attempts to avoid the splashing caused by numerous horse drawn coaches and carts, which sped down the paved streets, completely oblivious to the hardship of pedestrians, who were trying to get from one place to another without being drowned in filth.

Uncharacteristic winds for this time of the year were wildly blowing under my umbrella and long coat, playfully pushing them up, making me shiver with cold, as I was still not completely recuperated from the bout of slight illness, which had me in bed for two days.

I could not resist pleadings of my youngest daughter Sabine, the apple of my eye when she asked that I let her come along and had foolishly allowed her to accompany me to uncle Johann's house after she had promised that she would quietly play in the study while I worked, fully aware that the house was empty of any company for her.

By the time we reached Johann's house, we were completely soaked, shivering with cold, giving an appearance of two stray dogs that got caught in the downpour. As I reached for the steel knocker to announce our arrival, I was hit by a sharp stab of jealousy; a vivid image of Lottie sitting on her boyfriend's lap made me change my mind and quietly push the front door open. I pressed my finger against Sabine's lips, motioning her to be quiet. She looked at me curiously, with a mischievous conspiracy of a child and I whispered that we didn't want to scare Lottie, did we?

How would we not scare the poor girl by simply showing up out of nowhere did not cross my 6-year old daughter's mind.

We entered quietly; pausing in the big hallway, while I listened intently for any hushed conversation, muffled yelps or anything else that I hoped would not be heard. The bang of the pan against the stove almost made me hit the ceiling; it was not loud but in my head it equaled the thunderbolt. I sighed in relief. She was alone, obviously going about her everyday business.

'Lottie!' I yelled out and the pan hitting the floor, bouncing twice before she managed to catch it – at least in my mind – told me that we achieved exactly what I wanted and told my daughter that we should not do. I would bet my life I spooked her just as much as I did when walking in on her and Sebastian a few days earlier.

For one long moment there was no response until my daughter echoed my call. 'Lottie?' she yelled and looked up at me, smiling worriedly. 'Lottie, it's us, Sabine and papa.'

Hurried steps approached the entrance to the kitchen and Lottie's soft body wobbled into view. 'Oh, oh.' She said, brushing strands of long hair that escaped her ribbon away from her face.

I was surprised to see my Lottie changed from the way I've known her for the past two years, since she had been serving in Johann's house. Tight braids were gone and her hair was softly pulled into the bun on the back of her head, streaks of it wildly waving around her face. At that moment, she equaled an image of an angel.

'Good afternoon, Lottie,' I said pleasantly, amused at her confusion. I could have been wrong, of course, but I swear that panic in her eyes gave way to satisfaction. She was glad to see me!

'Oh, my god!' Lottie exclaimed finally and ran from the kitchen door all the way down the hallway to where we stood. 'This child is soaking wet!' she put her hands on Sabine's hair and shot me an accusatory look. 'She'll catch her death with you dragging her around in this weather!' Obviously, she had enough of motherly instinct to show real interest even outside her employment.

'Come, Sabine,' she said and took my daughter's hand. 'Let's find you some dry clothes and a towel for your hair.' Sabine was utterly amused by this bout of attention. 'Come, come,' repeated Lottie and gently pulled the little girl away from me, hurrying towards the staircase that led to the children's bedrooms.

I was left standing in the cold hallway as they rushed upstairs, Sabine taking two stairs at the time in order to be able to keep up with Lottie. I took my raincoat off and carelessly threw it over the high chair that was standing by the wall next to the front door. A book that I brought as a present for Lottie was hidden in the inside pocket of the coat, heavily weighing it down, pulling it off the chair. Chill ran up and down my spine and I regretted my weakness in allowing Sabine to come with me. The weather was too harsh for her frail health, even if we were in the middle of the summer.

As I settled myself in Johann's study, flipping through the papers on his desk, completely lacking concentration needed to perform the task that I should have been undertaking, Lottie and Sabine appeared at the door, again holding hands, presenting an image of an odd couple of playmates.

I was able to take a good look at Lottie, wrapped up in a warm cardigan, which to my utter disappointment hid the generous cleavage that had excited me so much the first time I took the liberty of touching her body a few days ago. The cardigan was stained with white powdery streaks where she had brushed the flour off her hands while obviously baking just before Sabine and I came. Her face was pale with dark bags under her eyes, which nervously flickered between my daughter and me.

'I will warm up some soup, Herr Konrad.' She said as if expecting my consent. I simply nodded and she gently caressed the top of Sabine's head. 'Would you like to come with me?' she asked and Sabine shot me a pleading look. I nodded again and without another word, they turned on their heels in unison and disappeared into the hallway.

The wet clothes on my body, which Lottie obviously chose to ignore, were making me shiver and I was certain that I would be the one catching death if I did not change soon. Satisfied with decision that I was wasting my time trembling at the desk covered in papers that I could not stand to devote another minute of my time to, I walked to the kitchen and popped my head through the entrance. Sabine was sitting on the kitchen counter next to the stove, according to my wife Sophia, a very unladylike behavior, happily chatting with Lottie, while carefully observing her every move. Lottie was stirring the pot on the stove, filling the kitchen with divine smells of fresh vegetables and spices.

'I'll just run upstairs and change into something dry.' I said and Sabine turned around, smiling and waving at me like a little princess sitting on a throne. At the sound of my voice, Lottie jumped up as if I had just screamed in her ear, spinning around so quickly that for a moment I was afraid the pot of steaming liquid would follow. I had seen her be clumsy more than once, never mind that it was always caused by my words and actions. Her eyes would have easily reached the size of teacup saucers.

'Papa,' called Sabine just as I retrieved into the hallway and I popped my head back into the warmth of the kitchen. 'Lottie is making us some soup!' she declared satisfyingly, as if I was oblivious to the fact.

'Yes,' I said and smiled at both of them. 'That's very nice of Lottie!' I winked at my daughter and she giggled loudly. As I climbed the stairs to Johann's bedroom, I winked to myself, expecting Lottie to be even much nicer later on.

It was late in the afternoon when Lottie finished cooking dinner, which was a far cry from a simple soup. Large serving plates held deliciously looking and smelling pieces of chicken and pork, colorful vegetables overflowed the white porcelain bowl in the middle of the table, two gravy cups steamed with aroma of sweet and sour thickness which was to cover little mounds of yellowish mashed potatoes, slapped on our plates with Lottie's experienced hand. She might be clumsy, but food she knew. Cooking and serving was mastered to perfection.

A cup of rich black coffee stood by my plate while Sabine carefully sipped on chamomile tea, adding another teaspoon of sugar each time her tiny lips left the rim of the mug. Finally satisfied with the outcome she nodded and grabbed her fork, ready to dig into the pile of mash potatoes.

I knew I was risking my wife's wrath if Sabine ever told on me, but I could not stop myself from inviting Lottie to join us. After all, the dinner was her work and she had every right to enjoy it. 'Come, Lottie,' I said and pushed the chair at my side away from the table with my foot. 'Have dinner with us.'

Lottie shook her head and thanked me. It would not be appropriate for a servant to share the dining room table with us, even though we were not her employers, we were both well aware of that.

'This is too much food for the two of us,' I tried to reason with her. 'It would be a shame for it to go to waste.' Lottie stole a careful look at Sabine, obviously wanting to eat with us, but fearful of possible consequences.

'Yes, Lottie!' exclaimed Sabine with a mouthful. 'Eat with us!' A small blob of mashed potatoes shot out of her mouth and landed on the table, next to my plate.

'Sabine!' I exclaimed warningly. The girl bowed her head and whispered her apologies. Being playful was all good and dandy, but there was no need for rudeness.

'Now,' I turned to Lottie after being satisfied that I had dealt with Sabine's liberties in a proper manner. 'Sit down, Lottie! I will not hear of it,' I added as she shook her head again. 'Sit down and eat with us.' She was still uncertain, although her hand slowly crept towards the offered chair. 'Please.' I added and Lottie carefully sat down, offering Sabine a smile.

We enjoyed the rich taste of the food, warmth of the house lulling us into lazy silence. By the time Sabine's plate was almost empty, I could see that she struggled to keep her eyes open. She must have been exhausted after our walk in the windy and cold weather, her body whipped with uncomfortable rain and finally having her belly filled with delicious food.

As I finished my coffee and Sabine's head dangerously bobbed towards the plate as if seeking a pillow, I got up and carried her to Johann's study, gently placing her on the ottoman and wrapping her in a warm blanket. 'Take a nap, sweetheart.' I said and before I finished tucking her in, she closed her eyes and her breathing slowed. I felt guilty for allowing myself to be persuaded into this madness of bringing her with me in this horrible weather.

I returned to the kitchen, where Lottie was now warming the water in a huge pot on the stove, getting ready to wash the dishes. I stood at the door for a moment, taking in the view of a beautiful girl, busying herself with pots and pans, still more than half full with food. Even more streaks of blond hair escaped the pins, which were to hold them in place, giving her a look of softness and familiarity. Most of the employers would frown at such sloppiness, but I found it very attractive.

'Lottie,' I said gently and she spun around just as she did before, her sky-blue eyes wide with uncertainty. 'Sabine is sleeping now.' I announced and she simply nodded, turning her back on me, stealing occasional glances over her shoulder.

I walked up to her and hugged her from behind. Her body shivered in my embrace and I heard a gasp leave her lips. 'Lottie!' I whispered passionately, pressing my body against hers.

'Please don't, Herr Konrad!' she whispered with a shaky voice. 'Please, not today.'

'Oh, Lottie,' I said and gently kissed her neck, making her shiver all over again. 'I thought about you every day.' Another kiss followed, this time on the edge of the hairline.

She tried to elbow me away, but her resistance was very weak.

'Did you think about me, Lottie?' I asked and my lips pressed against her white neck, my tongue stroking the flesh that was caught in my mouth.

'No,' she whispered slowly. 'I didn't.' It was more than obvious that she was lying and did not try to conceal it.

'Did you think of how I kissed you?' Her head shook in denial. 'Did you think of how you kissed me, Lottie?' I asked again, and another soft moan escaped her.

I turned her towards me and cupped her face in my hands, kissing her softly on the lips, my tongue slipping inside her mouth and exploring her sweet taste. She responded, not passionately, but still with greater intensity than the last time when we were together. My absence was clearly more of an advantage than a setback that I feared it might be.

She obviously thought about me; she thought about the afternoon we spent in Johann's bedroom a week ago, reliving the moments of fear, confusion, disgust and ultimately the passion which at first, she resisted kicking and screaming, but had later succumbed to with weak protests.

I pulled away and hooked my fingers under her cardigan, slowly pushing it off her shoulders and down the arms that limply hung at her sides. 'Please don't,' she tried again but I would not be deferred. The cleavage that her dress, so tight in the torso revealed made me take a deep breath. She shivered, whether it was due to the cold or my advances I could not say. Her nipples were hard and clearly visible through her dress. I wanted to bury my face in her breasts and smell her soft skin, rich with cleanliness of herbal soap. Instead, I let the cardigan drop to the floor, my hands finding their way to her breasts, squeezing them gently through the cheap cloth that covered her voluptuous body, rubbing my thumbs against her hard nipples.

I noticed her looking over my shoulder, her eyes drooping slightly as if she was daydreaming with thoughts of something beautiful. At that moment, something beautiful was stirring in my pants, and I almost chuckled.

'Come,' I said and put my hand in hers. She did not resist at all, obediently following my gentle pulls towards the staircase.

We reached Johann's bedroom and as I pushed the door open, I turned around and looked at Lottie. Color had returned into her face, which appeared so pale when I first laid my eyes on her that afternoon. As we entered the room, I noticed that the rich velvet was still covering the bed, however, it appeared clean and fresh, free of stains, which I am certain Lottie and I left as evidence of our encounter a few days ago.

One of the windows that looked onto the back garden was wide open, letting the coolness of a rainy day in, chilling the room beyond comfort. I did not bother closing it, however. Each step that I took towards the room seemed to warm me up more in anticipation of what was to come.

I walked to the bed, dragging Lottie behind me, as the sight of the room itself seemed to make her reluctant again. I sat down, spread my legs just as I hoped she would do for me soon and pulled her towards me. She was not very tall and her face barely reached above the level of my own.

My hands found their way onto her heavy breasts again, which I thought very beautiful and arousing even though I had not been awarded a full view of their nakedness yet. I kneaded them as if they were two mounds of dough that needed to be worked vigorously. Lottie bowed her head as if she was being scolded, and with nowhere to hide her face she kept her eyes shut tight as if she was in a great deal of pain, her body slightly swaying with each movement of my hands. Her shame worked wonders for my cock. It was hard already, trying to stand out straight, prevented to do so by the restrains of my tight pants.

'Take off your dress,' I whispered and found my voice full of passion. Lottie looked towards the window and I quickly added: 'I'll close it if you're cold.'

That escape route cut off, she shook her head, trying to push my hands off her body. 'Sabine might wake up.'

'Don't worry,' I said satisfyingly. 'Her afternoon naps are always long.' Was it really disappointment that I saw in Lottie's face? I don't think so. 'Besides,' I added, 'the poor child is exhausted.'

I leaned forward and kissed Lottie's soft skin just above the rim of the dress, bulging with the heaviness of breasts that I yearned to see exposed completely. It became obvious that Lottie would not be willing to indulge my every request the first time I voiced it, and I too was afraid that Sabine might surprise me by waking up much sooner than she normally would have.

I straightened up and grabbed the rim of the dress, which cut deep into Lottie's breasts, trying to look deep into her eyes. She would not return my stare.

'Look at me!' I whispered and as her eyes caught mine, she realized what I was about to do. Her mouth opened in a big O to voice her protest, her hands flew towards mine to stop me exactly at the same moment as I roughly pulled on the soft cloth I was holding onto. It took one forceful tug and I ripped the front of her dress in two, exposing my eyes to a view of a beautiful, rich pair of breasts, gently bobbing in front of me. Just like her neck, they were milky white and soft, slightly sagging due to the heaviness, making me moan with desire.

Lottie's reaction to my intrusion was quite unusual, however. Her hands flew up and I thought she would try to hide herself from me, instead they reached her face and with a loud yelp, she covered her eyes. A woman with a mind of a little girl. If I cannot see you, you cannot see me!

All I wanted to do was to grab onto her breasts, squeeze them tight, suck and bite down on the hard brown nipples, but I felt that I had to calm Lottie down a bit first, as her entire body shivered uncontrollably now, and I was almost certain the cold breeze that rushed in through the open window was not to blame for that alone.

I reached up and pushed her hands off her face, placing them at the sides of her voluptuous body. I grabbed behind her neck and pulled her towards me, kissing her deeply, my tongue sliding inside her mouth as far as it would go. The other hand found its way to her hair still caught in a bun, pulling out as many pins as it would find blindly, letting the long blond streaks freely fall down Lottie's back.

Lottie pressed the palms of her hands against my chest trying to pry herself free, at the same time passionately responding to my kiss, her tongue caressing mine, her lips sucking onto my breath. Finally, she forcefully pushed away from me and at the last moment I managed to catch her wrist before she turned around and ran out of the room.

'You ruined my dress!' she exclaimed, as so many times before ready to burst in tears, trying to pull the ripped edges together with her free hand.

'Oh, Lottie,' I whispered pulling her back to me. 'I'll buy you another one.' I kissed her neck and heard her gasp. 'A beautiful one, Lottie. Anything you want,' I managed to mumble through the avalanche of kisses. 'Anything you want,' I repeated and meant it. I would have done anything at this moment to be able to make love to her and have her respond as passionately as I believed she was capable of doing.

I slid off the bed and let her go in attempt to undo my pants and free myself for her. She took the advantage of a short moment when I paid attention to the buttons and bolted for the door. I caught her just in time or she would have gotten away. I grabbed her by the forearm, pulling her back into the room and carefully closing the door, mindful not to wake my daughter downstairs.