Kros Voyeh Ch. 09

Lislora rubbed her face and sighed, the chance was already lost. The Duchess, who might've had a shorter life here, might also have had a more content one here. The early morning gossip had helped her feel more a part of things, however. Perhaps things would get better.

After early prayers, she, Herleesa, and Evenyla remained to pray as the others went to breakfast. They knelt in silence, ostensibly praying, but Lislora's mind wandered incessantly. Whether it was guilt at eating the bread or something else she felt fidgety and unsettled. It was a relief to rise and be permitted to drink the herbal water before receiving the day's duties.

As they scrubbed the tables and floors in the dining room, Evenyla began to look ill. After a short while, she stood and bolted out of the room. Lislora looked at Herleesa with a furrowed brow and saw that she too was looking unwell.

"What's wrong?" She whispered moving closer to the other woman.

"My stomach. I think the herbal water and the bread..." She closed her eyes and gripped her belly, breathing heavily before rising unsteadily and running after Evenyla.

Swallowing nervously and continuing her work, Lislora waited for her own belly to begin roiling. When it didn't happen she began to wonder if they'd eaten a great deal of bread. She'd only been given the one small piece, perhaps that made a difference.

Sister Soleighe came in some time later and watched her working as if waiting for something. Finally, she approached, "Herleesa and Evenyla seem to be ill, how are you feeling?"

"Tired, but well, Sister."

"It can be tempting to eat when one shouldn't on the penitent fast." She studied Lislora's face carefully.

Lislora inclined her head with a frown, "We've all been hungry. The milk with honey helped some."

"Did you have any this morning?"

"Yes, Sister."

"You rose with the others?"

"No, I-I rose by myself."

"Do not lie. They said you were in the kitchens this morning."

"I rose on my own, Sister. I was hungry and decided to have my milk early and found them in the kitchen drinking milk as well."

"With anyone else?" Her eyes were sharp.

"With Sister Brenula. I had," Lislora fidgeted and looked around the empty room before admitting part of the truth, "I had two glasses of milk with them."

Sister Soleighe relaxed and nodded, "You shouldn't have. Finish what you can and then clean up all of their things as well. Be prepared to speak to Sellac Gesosin as well."

"Yes, Sister."

Admitting to having the milk with them might get her punished but admitting the bread would be worse. She hadn't mentioned seeing them eat bread, if they'd been caught they couldn't blame her and if they'd given her up they'd undoubtedly given up Sister Brenula as well. Lislora frowned as she scrubbed, trying to be quick at her work.

It was possible they'd tried to give her up instead of Sister Brenula. If that were true she might have just made an enemy of her and of any who were her friends. The thought was daunting.

After a time, Sister Soleighe came back. "That's good enough, Lislora. Put the things away and go directly to speak to Sellac Gesosin."

"Yes, Sister."

Hurriedly, she obeyed. The dirty looks from the Sisters in the kitchens as she took the buckets and brushes back told her she might be right to worry. Wiping her hands on her skirt as she made her way to the Sellac's study she tried to keep them from trembling.

She knocked and after waiting a moment opened the door cautiously. "Sellac Gesosin? I was told-"

"Come in."

The Sellac was eying Sister Brenula coldly and the woman's eyes were glued to the floor.

"Sister Breula will be joining you all in your penance and your fasting. The crime of thievery is a grievous one and lying is a sin."

Lislora remained silent.

"Do you know what she stole?" The Sellac turned a measuring gaze on Lislora.

"No, Sellac Gesosin."

"Bread. From the mouths of children. She gave it to Herleesa and Evenyla and took a small loaf for herself. It was found hidden in her room."

Her mouth dropped open and Lislora couldn't help but look at the Sister in horror. To steal food here was unconscionable.

"They tried to claim you'd been the one to suggest it and the one to devour almost an entire loaf."

At the Sellac's words, Lislora's face flushed angrily, "That's a lie!"

"We know. Had you eaten the bread you'd be ill just as Herleesa and Evenyla are now. Why are they trying to have your punishment increased?" The Sellac arched an eyebrow.

"I..." Lislora sighed, "I think they blame me for the fast and for the duties we now have. Why Sister Brenula would dislike me so greatly I cannot guess."

"The Sister has been shuffled from one convent to another. They all say the same. She chooses someone to torment and turns others against her. It is not permissible. I will have a word with all of the Sisters. This will go no further." Sellac Gesosin rose and opened the door to the small room. "You may go prepare for Hodrim's lessons."

"Yes, Sellac Gesosin."

Turing, she hurried from the room. Her mind on preparing the Aran lesson, she nearly collided with Sister Soleighe as she rounded the corner of the hall.

"Did the Sellac request me?"

"I-I don't think so. She's taking Sister Breunla into the purification room." Lislora paused, "She did say she would need to speak with all of the Sisters..."

"She'll need me to arrange it. I'll ask her as Sister Brenula disrobes." Soleighe inclined her head, purposefully moving toward the study.

Lislora went to gather the papers and pencils that had been lent to her for Hodrim's use, as well as the small Aran book of poetry that had belonged to her late husband. Not all of the poetry was appropriate for a child, but some were innocent enough.

The boy had marveled when he'd seen the graceful curves of Aran writing. It had made her recall doing the same. Trying to understand it had taken most of the enjoyment of looking at the language away. He'd even asked the same question she had when the vowels hovering over the word had been pointed out, 'How do you know where they belong if they're up there and not in the word?'

Everything was laid out as it should be in the small room used for their lessons. As she waited for Hodrim she heard a stirring in the hall. As she peered out one of the Sisters grabbed her by the arm and nearly dragged her along.

"We're all to gather, all of us and the children." The woman whispered nervously.

All crammed together at the foot of the grand stair, Lislora waited as baffled as the rest. The Sellac appeared at the top of the stairs looking shaken and her lip had been split. Sister Soleighe followed behind, half dragging a dazed and battered looking Brenula.

"I have..." The Sellac stopped and closed her eyes taking a deep breath. "I have made the decision that Sister Brenula requires more purification and guidance than I can provide. I will be sending to Gogmenos to have priests fetch her and take her there."

A murmur went up and the Sellac raised her hand to quiet them. "Sister Brenula stole bread from the kitchens for herself and coaxed some of the young women here in need of purification into breaking their fasts. She has also been trying to harden hearts and create hostility here in this holy place. When I bade her express contrition and accept penance and purification she attacked me."

The Sellac had to stop as the Sisters and the children all began talking at once. Lislora, however, felt stunned to silence. After a few long moments, they quieted and the Sellac continued, "She will be confined and no one is to speak with her or go near her door. Whatever sickness of spirit she suffers from, I would not have it spread. Anyone caught trying to speak with her will accompany her to Gogmenos and not return until they have been fully purified."

Hodrim found his way to her as the gathering dispersed and Sister Brenula was dragged away by Sister Soleighe. Lislora ushered him to the prepared room and tried to focus on the Aran lesson but it was clear he was too distracted to do well with copying the words from the book. Reading the poetry and allowing him to hear it might be the best they could do for today. She read him some of the more innocent poems and then they worked on simple questions and common words. One of the younger Sisters came to fetch them to prepare for the meal.

Before he parted ways with her, Hodrim frowned slightly, "Don't forget your milk, Lady Lislora."

"I had mine this morning, but I thank you for your concern." She gave him a warm smile and watched as he walked away down the hall.

"Lislora?" Sister Soleighe had come up behind her with a curious look.

"He's a very sweet child. I understand why the Duchess took to him immediately."

The Sister smiled a genuine smile, "He is. We're not supposed to have favorites but at times we can't help ourselves." Her smile faded. "Some of us are worried that the Black Prince will mistreat him. The Duchess wouldn't be able to do much to stop him."

"She'd put herself in his path. I've seen her step in front of him when he was in a rage to protect Brother Odgar. Halloc Aurim said she did the same for him as well, that the Prince's hand was drawn back to strike and she-"

"That tiny woman?" The Sister looked both horrified and impressed.

"Yes. Even here, when he'd yanked her out of bed and terrified her, she held Hodrim close and told him that Prince Draeseth would have to harm her before he could lay a hand on the boy. From the look on her face, I believed her."

"May Ganas protect her. If she continues putting herself in front of him when he's in a rage he'll strike her eventually. She's so small and delicate..." Soleighe took a breath and nodded, "I'll say a prayer for her later. She shouldn't be with a beast like that."

Lislora bit her tongue. "How are Herleesa and Evenyla? Are they still ill?"

"They're feeling better but a bit weak. They'll rest and drink water with herbs for the next day or two. Sellac Gesosin wishes to speak with you." She gestured and began to walk with Lislora. "Your things arrived."

"Good. I wanted to offer my compensation."

"The Black Prince gave us a horse." Sister Soleighe glanced at her to judge her reaction. "That could be considered compensation."

"That would be compensation for his own poor behavior. I wouldn't be surprised if the Duchess suggested it."

The Sister snorted a laugh. "She seems to be a very generous woman."

"She is, but she doesn't always understand the works she asks of others. Perhaps it balances out?"

"Perhaps. She is of the upper nobility, they seldom understand the labor involved in anything until they have to do it themselves. The Duchess didn't shy away from helping. She looked in on the bees we were given and gave Sister Brishia advice on what to do with them."

Lislora couldn't stifle a small laugh, "She was begging my cousin for a hive. He's terrified of them. Her family keeps them and makes honey wine, they're famous for it in Ara."

"If we struggle too greatly with this one perhaps we can give it to her. It would give her a place to go to escape her husband. You said she doesn't weave?"

"It isn't something they're taught in Ara." Lislora smiled sadly remembering the conversation earlier and wondering what the woman had been taught instead. Nothing useful it would seem.

Sister Soleighe knocked on the Sellac's study door and entered promptly, beckoning for Lislora to follow.

"Lislora," the Sellac looked almost cheerful despite her split lip and some darkening bruises on her face, "your things have arrived. Prince Draeseth gave us a fine horse to go with the carriage and a generous allotment of food for it. We can expect him to send more regularly." She held up a letter she was reading.

"That's good to hear. I wanted to give you my jewelry as compensation."

"What will you do with the gowns that were sent?" The Sellac rose from her seat. "If you stay you'll have no further use for them. Do you intend to remain and become a postulant?"

Thinking carefully she slowly inclined her head. It wasn't as if she had an abundance of options. "I believe I do."

"You may enter the period of contemplation once your penance has ended and the things that were sent will be sold." Sellac Gesosin looked around the room as if pleased by everything she saw. "We may have enough to do all of the things the Duchess suggested. I'll send the carriage to Neregos tomorrow. Having a carriage and horse will help us immensely."

°°°°°°°°°°

Lislora woke from the horrible dream of riding in the carriage with Draeseth and Isonei again. Lying in bed she tried to get the image of the Aran woman holding the boy who looked so much like her own father out of her mind. She'd always been told that when dreams come back, again and again, they had a purpose and a meaning.

The way it felt to see Isonei holding the little boy felt as if the Aran were stealing her life somehow. A small part of her was becoming convinced that the dream was heralding a child that the Aran would take from her. Her women's blood should be starting today and she hadn't felt any of the usual symptoms that preceded it.

What would happen if... If Ganas willed for her to have a child? She rolled onto her side and stared at the wall. Perhaps her cousin could be persuaded to put his Aran wife aside. She knew how important it was to him to have his sons be legitimate and Isonei might be infertile. Rolling onto her back again she began to wonder how long she should wait to ask the Sellac to allow her the wheat and barley test if her bleeding didn't start today.

The Sellac had been in a cheerful mood since the preparations had begun on the looms and some of the older girls had begun traveling to the village of Neregos to learn to gather the fur and make the thread they would need.

Brenula had been sent away. Two of Halloc Aurim's priests hadn't gone far and, instead of carrying the message to Gogmenos, had attempted to escort her on their way... the woman had struck one and fled into the night. Where she might go and what she might do had been discussed in hushed tones at length among the Sisters.

Sighing, Lislora tried to curl and pull her knees toward her chest to help quiet her empty belly. She didn't dare go to the kitchen looking for milk. Herleesa and Evenyla hadn't forgiven her for not confessing to eating the slice of bread. They were being punished for lying as well as for breaking their fast. That they hadn't been believed when they'd finally told the truth didn't help matters.

Confessing now would be foolish, it wouldn't earn her any goodwill from the Sisters and would cost her a great deal from the Sellac. A tiny hope reared its head. If she were with child, she could send to Draeseth and perhaps be brought out of the convent.

For a moment, she indulged herself in the fantasy of becoming his wife and Duchess. He would go back to the way he was before, kind and stern, a better man than the Aran had encouraged him to be. Isonei would come to the convent and spend a few blissful years tending to the children before the hard life ruined her delicate health completely. Everything would be as it should.

If she didn't begin bleeding today she would ask to take the test tomorrow. Lislora drew a steadying breath, hoping it wouldn't come.

The day passed in a blur of what was becoming a wretchedly familiar routine. Herbal water, milk and honey, backbreaking work, and time with Hodrim speaking Aran. The boy learned surprisingly quickly.

There was no bleeding at all.

In the morning, she sought out the Sellac to ask for the test but Sister Soleighe intercepted her with a frown. "Do you need something, Lislora?"

"I want to be permitted to take the wheat and barley test. My women's blood hasn't-"

"The fast can disturb its routine. You should wait another month." The Sister looked almost amused.

"I've never missed one, not since I began bleeding. They're as reliable as the course of the moon." Lislora clasped her hands.

"Wait. What harm will a month more do if you're right? Rely on Ganas' will."

Lislora tried to keep her anger from her face as the Sister walked away from her. She needed to take the test. She needed to know. And if Draeseth were still bedding his wife... another month might mean the Aran could be with child as well, or the hard life here might be too much to allow a child to be carried...

She had to take the test. Finding wheat and barley couldn't be so difficult...

The last day of the fast, the third day that she had been quietly seeking a way to find wheat and barley, she was in the kitchen helping to boil dried beef and slightly unsightly vegetables into something that would pass as a filling stew. A few handfuls of prepared barley had been thrown in and the Sister next to her, Sister Brishia, lamented that the horse eats better than they do.

There would be wheat and barley in its feed! She nearly said the words aloud.

That night, she couldn't sleep for excitement. Waiting for everyone else to fall asleep was torment. When she could wait no longer, she stole out of her room and made her way to the stable being careful not to make much sound. There was an open sack of feed but looking in it, it would take far too long to sort out enough wheat and barley while standing here. She scooped out as large a portion as she could manage and made her way back to her room holding it all in her skirt.

Safely inside her room once more, she set to sorting the grains. By the time for early prayers, she had a small bowl of wheat and barley and a large heap of oats and some other bits she couldn't identify. Before anyone came, she quickly urinated in the bowl and hid it under her bed. The rest she stuffed into her pillowcase, uncertain what she should do with it. It would be risky to take it all back out and wasteful to throw it in the midden.

She was preoccupied during the prayers, but once seated at the table, the smug looks from Evenyla made her begin to pay better attention. Sister Soleighe was absent.

In the middle of the meal, the Sister returned with the bowl Lislora had hidden away and her pillowcase full of horse feed.

The Sellac frowned as the Sister spoke into her ear for a few moments. "Lislora, come here and explain yourself."

Lislora obediently rounded the table and stood before the Sellac. "I beg your forgiveness but I couldn't wait any longer. I need to know-"

"You stole food from the horse?"

"Borrowed. I intended-"

"It can't eat," she waved her hand at the bowl of grain and urine, "this any longer."

"No, but it can still eat the oats. It won't harm it-"

"That is theft."

Frustrated, she shook her head, "I asked to be allowed to take the test! It needs to be done! If I'm carrying Prince Draeseth's child he'll replace anything I borrowed, if I'm not I'll accept any punishment. I need to know." She paused, "He needs to know. The priests were concerned that the Duchess was unable to bear children, she hadn't had her women's blood for more than a month."

There was a murmur from the Sisters and the Sellac frowned sternly. "I will not throw out this," she jerked her hand at the bowl again, "if only because it would be wasteful to do so. Compose a letter to the Prince informing him of your suspicions and it will be sent with the request to have the feed replaced." Sellac Gesosin glanced at Soleighe, "Have that placed in my private washing room to be kept away from any who might tamper with it."

"As it pleases, Sellac Gesosin."

Lislora finished her breakfast with her head down, feeling the judgemental stares of the other women in the room. Afterward, she went to join the others for her duties and Sister Soleighe directed her to fetch paper and ink to write the letter instead. Herleesa and Evenyla gave her cutting looks.