Kyle and Will Ch. 03

William's POV

I had a great year. I threw myself into the experience of an education abroad. I stopped sending e-mails to Kyle after a while, because it hurt too much to keep checking for a reply and getting none. Skype requests also went unanswered. My dad subtly tried to let me know how Kyle was but I changed the subject and eventually he stopped trying. I dated other guys too, and for the most part I was successful, opening myself up to the gay experience. The only caveat was that I never gave myself completely as hand jobs were as far as I would get. Somewhere in the back of my mind no matter who I was with, I still wanted to be with Kyle. Standing back in my room, the memory of what had happened felt like it took place only yesterday.

This was the room where I left my heart shattered in pieces. Now one year later, when I thought I had pieced it back together I never imagined that it would still hurt so much.

I needed a plan. Kyle and I were neighbors, we were bound to run into each other and we would be starting our sophomore year at the same local college, playing baseball for the same team. I just had to figure out what to say to him.

As it happened I did not need to plan too much. My brother Kevin and I were sitting in the diner when Kyle and a couple of our friends walked in. They were laughing and paling around so I had a good look at Kyle before they saw me.

"Williaam! My man when the fuck did you get back" I hated the way Justice dragged out my name but I have to say I missed hearing it.

"Yesterday." I said, succumbing to the fist pumps and bear hugs. Kyle hung back.

"Oh man. It's good to have you back kid." Justice threw his arm around my neck. "Irish is throwing a party tomorrow aand you have got to come man. It promises to be wiild."

"Does Irish ever throw a lame party dude?" I laughed and pushed him off me.

I looked at Kyle then. "Hey"

"Hey." He shuffled his feet. "It's good to see you."

"Yeah?" I asked nervously.

"Hey Kyle! What you eating man?" We both turned to where Justice and Shane stood at the counter.

"I got to go. I'll see you at the party tomorrow." And he walked away.

I turned around to my seat not sure what had just happened and even less sure that my legs would hold me up.

"You okay?" Kevin asked

I shrugged. "I'll meet you outside." I made my way outside and let out a breath that I did not know I was holding. I swallowed in big gulps of air. I felt sick, my stomach lurched and I doubled over the side of the diner and emptied the contents of my stomach into the street. I started when I felt a hand on my back, but it was Kevin. He rubbed my back until there was nothing left to bring up, and held me up all the way to the car.

Once we got home I closed myself in my room and the tears came. They were a whole years' worth of heartache and then some. I fell asleep, and when I woke up my dad was sitting at my desk.

"Hi Dad." He got up and walked to my bed and pulled me into his arms.

"William, are you okay." My Dad never called me William unless he was mad or worried.

"I will be." That was all I could promise. "I didn't think it could hurt so much just to see him. I thought," I choked on a sob. "I don't know what I thought, just not this. It's been so long I was sure I could handle it better. "

"First love sucks Will, but I promise you it gets better. You won't always feel like this, and there is nothing wrong with crying your heart out when it hurts. I've done my fair share of that. You're not alone son. Promise me you will find your brother or me to talk to when it gets bad."

"I promise Dad. But Dad, you married your first love and it was great."

"It wasn't always Will. Your mom and I had to fight for our love, fight our parents and then Kevin came. We worked at our marriage and it looked easy because we loved each other and we loved our boys and then she was gone."

I looked at my dad and saw his sadness. "I miss mom too dad, every day."

"She would tell you the same thing I'm telling you now, only she would know how to say it better." He pulled me in for a hug. "I love you, now clean up and come down for dinner."

"I love you too."

I felt better, but I definitely needed a plan.

The next day found me registering for classes and visiting the baseball athletic director. I would be allowed to practice with the team and Coach made it clear that as good as I was, I would still have to earn my place.

Driving back, I recognized Kyle walking up the turn to our houses. He had about a half mile to go. I briefly considered driving past then I thought better of it. No plan is a plan it would seem. I pulled up alongside him and watched as he debated getting in. No one spoke for the first few minutes.

"How come you're walking" I asked, trying to be casual.

"Dad took my car to drop mom off. Their car is at the shop."

That was it until I pulled into my driveway. We both sat there in silence not wanting to be the first to speak, until I again dared.

"You never wrote me back" I accused.

"I know." His reply was a whisper 'I'm sorry."

I slammed my palm on the steering wheel. "That's it. You're sorry. That's all you have to say."

He turned to me. "I didn't know what to say Will. I'm sorry I did that to you. I- I." He shrugged his shoulders. "I missed you."

I spun around to look at him. "You missed me! You missed me!" I shrieked. "You could have started there. You could have told me that in one little email." I took a breath but I was shaking. "You left Kyle. I opened up to you, we shared something intimate, and you walked out without a word." I put my hand up to stop whatever it was he was about to say. "I emailed you, tried to get you on skype and you ignored me. Now you missed me, and you're sorry. Well, fuck you Kyle. Fuck you!"

I opened the car door and sprinted to my house leaving Kyle sitting there. I barely flopped myself on the bed, when I heard my bedroom door open. I didn't have to look to know it was Kyle. The bed sagged when he sat.

"Will, I am sorry. I know I hurt you and there is no excuse. Just hear me out please" He paused but I said nothing. "Did you ever stop to think why I so willingly let that happen between us? Why I didn't stop or push you away?" He looked at me for effect, and while I realized that I never gave it a thought, I still said nothing. Kyle sighed and continued.

"I thought I had it all worked out. Grow up, get married, house, kids. That was the plan. I thought the attraction I had for boys was wrong. I pushed them so far away and I was successful too and I dated girls. Even when it didn't feel right I dated girls. I thought I would out grow the feelings that always seemed to pull at me. Feelings I had for my best friend that I was sure he would never feel for me." He took a deep breath. "I ran away not because of you telling me you were gay because I knew I was too. But because in that moment after you sucked me off and the hand job, it was real. I couldn't hide anymore. Then when you told me you loved me, I wanted to tell you too. I wanted to tell you how long I had wanted you, and that moment was a dream come true for me." Kyle put his hand on my shoulder and I let him turn me around to face him.

"When you wanted to be with me in that way I was beyond excited, I had dreamt about it even when I didn't want to, and when it was over...Will, I was happy, shocked, and confused. I was scared of what it meant so I ran, I panicked. By the time I figured it out, I wasn't really mad at you for keeping the same secret. I told my parents so we wouldn't have to hide. I didn't want to hide anymore. But it got really bad telling them Really bad Will. Then you were gone."

I looked into his eyes and saw the hidden pain there. I ran a hand through his hair and down the side of his cheek. He held my hand there.

"I'm not sorry about what happened, Will. I acted stupidly. I should have told you that I loved you too and that I was also gay. When I told my parents, we could have been scared together. You made me feel amazing and I messed that all up." Kyle held my face in his hands. "Even though I don't deserve it Will, can you forgive me?"

I looked at the boy I had loved my entire life and damn it he was cute.. He was here now, saying everything I wanted to hear. "Kyle." I whispered, bringing my face closer to his. I savored the hopeful loving look in his eyes and then kissed him. We kissed with all the passion and longing we could muster, trying to make up for lost time.