Lacks Charm But Wins the Girl

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"I was going to announce tonight that Art is coming to stay for the weekend," Lee sobbed. "I can't understand why he hates you Hunter when he's never met you and you refuse to say whether or not you like him. I'll even sleep between you both if you agree to stay."

"Well I can't tell you whether or not I like the guy until I meet him, can I Lee? I'll tell you what, if he has the balls to have sex in the fork of a high tree it's probable I'll like him."

"That's outrageous," Gus said while Hilda shouted no it wasn't, it was a code of romantic behavior formulated in New Zealand between Lee and Hunter. Have you ever had a fuck up a tree Gus, you unromantic man?"

"You damn well know I haven't?" Gus snarled.

"Well, start before we become too old," Hilda said.

To their horror everyone in nearby tables cheered.

The family and Hunter retreated with apologies to other dinners, an inebriated woman leading three cheers for 'our sexually dysfunctional fellow diners'.

After paying the bill Hunter apologized for allowing events to get out of hand.

"Nonsense, we'll look back on that and have a good laugh," Gus smiled. "Up a tree. Whatever will you young people think of next?"

Hunter asked Hilda would she drop him off at the bus station. His two bags were in the back of her car.

"Yes, certainly but why the bus station?"

"My travel warrant to Washington State is from Chicago by rail because I wanted to start off in daylight to see the countryside. The train leaves at 4 am."

"Come on, we'll all go down to the business station."

"No dad, I can't bear for this to drag out. I'm saying goodbye here." Her eyes moistened and she hurled the spear: " Hunter I wanted you to fight for me."

"Yeah, I knew that but no way was I going to influence your decision in that manner."

"Well it's goodbye then," Lee said sobbing.

"Perhaps. But in case I'm wrong have a happy wedding."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing."

"See what I mean mom? He's so fucking exasperating."

"Hush dear and be a lady. He means only you can truly make up your mind."

Lee said that was bullshit and held out her hand to be shaken. Hunter grabbed her and hugged her but she wouldn't kiss him, although no longer crying.

Lee pleaded, "Write me?"

"Yeah."

"When?"

Hunter shrugged, "When I feel like it."

"What's your address?"

"Dunno yet. When I get it and think about writing you'll get it."

"See mom. He lives within his head."

"If you were up a tree with him I would think not darling but run along, don't attempt to drive until you're settled."

Outside the bus station after Hunter retrieved his luggage, Gus shook Hunter's hand and then slapped his back hard, twice. "I really wish..."

"Can it Gus, don't even think about it. You other daughter is coming home from France in two weeks after completing her degree. Focus on her. Goodbye Hilda."

"Goodbye lovely boy. In some ways you're the most endearing young man I've met but then you spoil it. I now believe your approach is correct and I'll will not influence Lee in any way."

She kissed Hunter and at her car turned and called, "I was wondering what time of year New Zealanders would prefer to attend a wedding in America?"

"Mid fall."

"Jesus," Gus said, when he managed to close his mouth sufficiently.

"You'd be unwise to read too much into that Gus. Pay that attendant ten bucks to look after your illegally parked car and I'll buy you coffee. The emotion of this departure has rather gotten to me."

CHAPTER 4

After a two-day induction program learning about park activities, its boundaries and residents, the responsibilities of the park authority and personnel and safety and emergency procedures, admin assigned Hunter to a unit.

A little excitedly, Hunter watched Charlie Wright and Sandy Jones leave the ute and come toward him and then he groaned: Sandy was attractive, blonde with a sub nose and a cute smile -- a fucking woman! A guy was supposed to be able to work in the wild protected from women. The forest was a place where guys sweated by day, swapped yarns over playing cards at night and slept dreaming fondly of the babes they'd left behind. This equal opportunity employment law was eating into this country's underbelly -- couldn't America of all countries see that?

"Hi Kiwi said 50-something Charlie, extending a powerful mitt. "My dad was down your way during WW2 (World War 2) and hold-up in a military hospital in Wellington with Japanese shrapnel in both shoulders. He liked the smile on a trainee nurse and eventually she became my mom. Both have now passed on."

"Great story and must have been great experiences for your dad Charlie and your mom obviously got lucky."

"Yeah, I go down there every so often for some hunting and fishing."

"Hello Hunter, I'm Sandy," said his ranger buddy but was ignored.

"Come down my way next time you visit Charlie and I'll give you a week of adventure that'll knock your nuts off."

Charlie grinned and nodded.

Exasperated Sandy thrust her hand forward and said, "Hi, I'm Sandy and I shake rather than kiss."

"Oh hi Sandy," Hunter said grandly to the young cadet and then frowned. "Shouldn't you be home with your mom?"

Sandy and Charlie looked shocked, making Hunter aware he'd committed probably the worst politically incorrect comment in the workplace for the entire month. He threw on a cheesy grin and without apology oozed, "That's an example of Kiwi humor -- trust you were flattered Sandy."

Looking more flattened than flattered, Sandy put her hands on her hips, pushing out her breasts and said, "That's okay." They heard Charlie sigh and mutter, "Thank Christ."

They crammed into the small ute (pickup), Sandy doing her best to rest up against Charlie to avoid touching the newcomer jerk. But during the next few days the Ice Maiden was thawed by the boyish charm of the New Zealander and soon she was leading against him in the cab although her advances were limited to working with a couple of upper buttons undone when working alone with Hunter.

An enjoyable seven rewarding weeks on his 'reciprocal' followed for Hunter. At the end of the second week Hunter wrote to Lee and to her mom and received a great reply from Hilda. She wrote vaguely that everyone was okay without elaborating and included a hilarious piece about her 'hot' sister clipping Hilda's bush and when Gus saw the result for the first time he accused Hilda of launching into an affair with someone.

She wrote: 'We had a fearsome row but Lee intervened and Gus accepted her argument that I had a right to try to modernize myself. It's a pity you didn't meet and get to know Janis and you'd been right up her alley (wink, wink). Anyway, the point of telling you this is it's worked just as you predicted. These days I'm walking around with my legs a little bowed while Gus is strutting around like a Hollywood male sex star'.

Hunter grinned and thought Hilda was really okay. Pity about her daughter. A postcard arrived from Lee three days later. She didn't say much that interested him. Well, that was unfair:

'Hi, thanks for the letter. Stupidly I'm missing you. We've just won a contract to supply 1370 hairdresser businesses in a buying chain to provide them exclusively with two new streaking colorfast preparations we've developed for blonde hair -- Transatlantic Green and Moscow Mauve that are creating rather a mini-sensation. We have a patent pending on the coloring format that allows maintenance of the streak with ease and accuracy. Cassie arrived home and Mom and I were out of our trees in excitement and as usual dad played it cool. Art and I are going to the movies tonight with some of our friends. Call me before you leave America. I know you leave soon. Lee.'

Hunter was surprised she'd only mentioned Art and had not waxed on about him. Where they just friends but with an inclination to get down to it, that is if Art did that sort of thing? Hunter's attention switched at the sight of Sandy walking towards him, smiling. Now she had a great ass although he was aware she was walking to him front on. And then she did an incredible thing: she turned and wriggled her ass at him. It was over in a blink and Hunter was pleased he'd not blinked.

What was this?

The 25-year-old with a masters in park administration had been looking at him intently recently and at times he felt as though he could feel her increased body heat. But Charlie continued to watch them like a hawk and overseeing Sandy on a short lead as if she were his 17-year-old daughter. This wasn't fair on Sandy -- yeah, right.

"Hi -- Charlie and his wife have made a late decision to go to a wedding, leaving within the hour, and we're posted for the weekend team to relieve Antonio and Linda each eight hours over 48 hours because Paul and Hans are down with heavy colds. The forecast is for heavy rain and a temp drop from early this afternoon. Charlie says he'll trust you and I to synch in the eight-hour shifts if you agree to obey my instructions."

Hunter looked at Sandy keenly. "Charlie definitely tacked on that last bit?"

Sandy colored, bit her lip and nodded.

"You lying bitch," he grinned and Sandy wailed that was no way to address a lady.

"Wear lipstick and pull out those breasts where I can see them and then I might think of you as a lady," Hunter goaded.

Sandy looked down at her shapeless twin mounds and said the problem was the shirt, her regulation shirt. "Steve my boyfriend has no problem with them, I assure you."

"Well I know nothing about your Steve's quality of judgment so your reply remains unconvincing."

"Stop it Hunter. I'd much rather you admire my brain."

Hunter ignored that and said he was willing to team tomorrow and Sunday with her as equal partners.

"Not good enough," Sandy said crossly. "I'm teaming with Vijay -- he said he'd work with me if you weren't available or I wanted someone with experience. So it's Vijay."

The downpour began next afternoon and at 6:00 Saturday evening a radio message came in to admin and was replayed to the men's dining hall. Big River was up six feet and rising.

Minutes later an urgent bulletin was replayed to the room. Antonio and Linda had attempted to wade across to Hope Island as two bears were on the roof of the camping hut messing with the roofing. Antonio was swept away and a search was going on for him. Linda was okay and had managed to make the island. By the time Vijay and Sandy arrived the island was covered in six inches of water so the bears stayed put. Vijay managed to toss a heavy weight on the end of a rope to Linda and she tied it to a tree. When both ends of the rope were tied Vijay began crossing to help Linda back as the channel was by then a torrent. A wall of water swept him off the rope and he was not seen again. Sandy came back from looking unsuccessfully for Vijay, filed the report and noticing the rope was still intact began going across when the rope broke on the tie behind her. She held on and was swept downstream against the island where Linda recovered the half-drowned Sandy. They both went into the hut and were ignored by the bears. The wind was now too strong for the two women to be lifted off by helicopter until the morning, or later possibly later if the wind kept up.

The men, who'd gathered grimly around the radio speaker jumped as the assistant admin manager raced in. "Okay guys, let's get down there and see if there's anything we can do -- no, not you Hunter. Sorry but you're a rookie, this operation is for trained men, real men."

Hunter swore but was ignored. After the guys ran out he looked at the map of the island area. "Mrs Mandrel," he yelled.

The woman came running. "Yes Hunter."

"Douglas your husband said the support of the marooned women was a job for real men. Well those guys don't appear to have a plan but this real man does. Load me two containers, one of food for three people for two days, one with stuff women would want if marooned unexpectedly and the third with a radio packed to be watertight. Oh, chuck in steaks for two hungry, probably very hungry, bears."

"There are only the two people on the island Hunter."

"I'll be the third because someone needs to land the supplies and feed the bears otherwise they may decide to rip right through the roof and dine on Linda and Sandy."

"Oh God!"

"Don't faint on me Mrs Mandrel and for fuck sake get my supplies on to the porch fast. This is an emergency."

Hunter came roaring back wearing a wetsuit, riding a cross-country motorcycle and towing a kayak sliding on the mud.

"Oh God you'll drown in that puny boat Hunter," Mrs Mandrel wailed and the two other women looked ready to cry.

"If anything has a chance of staying afloat in that raging torrent it's a kayak in experienced hands Mrs Mandrel. All I have to do is to go upstream, aim at the fucking island and close my eyes and hope Big River takes pity on me as I'm an alien."

A TV crew arrived but was initially ignored.

As Hunter stowed two containers in the front opening and was lashing the third to his back, Mrs Mandrel seized the moment to kiss Hunter and A TV news cameraman caught the moment. "Just you make sure you get back to your farewell dinner on Tuesday night you crazy alien," Mrs Mandrel said proudly, crossing herself heroically for the benefit of the camera and the news reporter. She'd taken the role of a woman sending her son off to war.

"Hi ho, off we fucking go," Hunter yelled as he set off.

"Come on, after him," the cameraman shouted.

"You won't get that lumbering ox through," Mrs Mandrel said looking at the fully featured Toyota 4WD workhorse. "He's gone through the trees. He's all alone now." She then told the boggled eyed young female reporter about the possibility of the women in the hut being eaten by two hungry bears if the mad Kiwi failed in his mission.

The reporter called her TV station news chief and asked for a helicopter to be sent in to pick her and the cameraman and to hover over the island. The answer was no and in fury she hit the vehicle with her fists. "They already have a status report," she fumed. "The trees are too high and so are the winds. If we crash we could start a forest fire. Who cares? It's the story that counts?"

Mrs Mandrel rushed away and returned with her coat and headscarf. "You're a little bitch being so irresponsible about forest fire prevention but wet trees are difficult to burn. Come on, jump in and I'll guide you to where the other men are including my husband Douglas Mandrel, the assistant admin manager who has taken charge. They'll have floodlights on now and you'll be about to see across the channel to the hut. And if Hunter manages to land they'll have a radio that works."

"Christ, the hut is surrounded by water," said the reporter. "Look at the bears on the roof -- camera, camera Zorro. Don't asshole about. This is world-class news. You can worry about lenses, filters, sound, camera shake and all that other crap when we get closer and stop."

"Young lady, no blasphemy in this park."

"Okay Mrs Mandrel. I have my voice recorder on. Tell me about this guy from New Zealand you think is stacked with old fashion heroism and has found his perfect girl but she has spurned him."

Mrs Mandrel began talking her head off, keeping an eye upriver for the tiny beam of light from Hunter's headlamp that would identify his position; that is if he remained upright. She told Milly the reporter about that as well.

"For fuck sake Zorro, move your ass. Get out and set up your biggest camera on the bank, pointing upstream."

"But the bears?" Zorro said.

"They're not eating anyone. They are clowning in the spotlights to the people over here."

"Please Milly, language. How is it your man with the unlikely name of Zorro is so obedient and doesn't smack you one?"

"Jo is my husband Mrs Mandrel."

"Oh no wonder you two work so beautifully as a team."

Mrs Mandrel saw it first. "There's the light, Hunter lives," she screamed.

Downstream her husband, leader of the inert team from forest HQ said, scratching his head, "That's the voice of my wife and what's Hunter got to do with our dramatic rescue?"

"We are not actually engaged in effecting a rescue boss."

A blast came from Douglas Mandrel. "Shut up James, you're only the lowest form of life in this forest, a park ranger.

CHAPTER 5

Hunter's radio call was replayed to Douglas's 'command' vehicle. "Hunter Macdonald to base. I have managed to crash on to the island, with only bruises and scratches. Sorry but kayak is wrecked. All supplies are intact. Will lug them down to unpack half of the meat and throw it to the bears. Then will provide relief to the two stranded women. This is Hunter. Over and out."

"This is base. Thank you Hunter. Job well done."

Hunter tossed up the meat in the direction of the bears -- he couldn't see them -- and then went inside, finding the two women clutched together on the top bunk and almost asleep. They shrieked and leapt to the floor when they saw him sloshing through a foot of water.

Linda called out with restraint, "Welcome, have you brought food?" whereas Sandy launched herself at Hunter, rubbing her crotch up and down his leg and she rained his face with kisses and lavish licks. She was on fire.

"I want you, I want you. I've been so scared," she whispered.

Linda pulled out the radio from a sealed box with the things that had arrived with Hunter and called Park HQ and asked for the administrator in charge. She was switched through to the acting head of rescue.

"Douglas, get those lights off."

"This is Douglas Mandrel, acting head of search and rescue. No Linda. We'll need to keep an eye on you. Over."

"Like hell you will. Do you want me to come over and smack you one? The lights are agitating the bears. Hunter has fed them and they'll go to sleep soon if you turn the lights out, you idiot. Go back to Park HQ for the remainder of the night. The water level is dropped a couple of inches inside the hut. If someone is awake we'll call in on the hour every hour with a status report. The wind has not I repeat not abated. "

"This is Douglas Mandrel, acting head of search and rescue. I think not Linda. We must maintain a watching brief. Over."

"Turn out the lights asshole and then stay wet and shivering if you wish. You can't do anything for us. Hunter has done that. What is the status of Vijay and Antonio?"

"This is Douglas Mandrel, acting head of search and rescue. Vijay is still missing. He was washed away by that wall of water. He's a powerful swimmer and may be up a tree on one of the mid-river islands. Downstream residents found Antonio on the riverbank, barely conscious and with a broken arm. He's okay. Well, there's nothing more we can do here. I'll leave a couple of rangers here with rifles with spotlights in case the bears began really ripping off the roof. We're returning to base until coming back to supervise the chopper lift-off around dawn. Over."

"What, to lift off the bears?"

Douglas cackled with laughter but did not answer.

"This is Linda Mitchell, Park Ranger, over and out."

Linda walked over to the top double bunk where Hunter and Sandy lay nude under the bedding and cuddling.

"Well you two have gotten yourself comfortable," she said frostily.

"Come and join us Linda, you need to be up here for your own safety," Hunter smirked, taking a breast into his mouth.

"I'm married," snapped Linda.

"We won't tell and if you don't tell, who'll ever know?" Sandy said and added convincingly, "We won't feel embarrassed doing this if you join us."

Linda took all of five seconds to think about the offer before ripping open her shirt and then shedding all clothing.

At dawn they awoke to the sound of a chopper arriving. Hunter dressed and ran outside and tossed the last of the meat to the bears. Media people covered the bank opposite. Someone yelled "Hunter the Alien" and he waved.